THE THOUGHTS AND WOES OF US

I wish I could say I was brave enough to stop you.

To grab your hand.

To fall to my knees.

To say all the things I kept swallowing, every time you asked, “Please, talk to me".

But I didn’t.

I just stood there

silent.

Frozen.

And you left.

That was the day I realized silence could break a heart louder than any scream.

They all say I should move on.

That you were just a chapter, not the whole book.

But what they don’t understand is that you were the first time I ever  wanted to be read.

Really read.

To be seen beyond the polite smiles, the nods, the carefully edited answers.

I was never quiet because I didn’t care.

I was quiet because no one ever waited long enough to hear me.

Because I was taught to hold in pain like it was a debt I owed the world.

And then you came.

With eyes that searched me like you were looking for something you’d lost.

With a voice that shook something loose in me, something I didn’t know was still alive.

And I panicked.

Because what do you do when someone wants to love the parts of you you’ve spent your whole life hiding?

I didn’t know how to give you what you deserved.

Not because I didn’t have it,but because I had never been taught how to offer it.

I grew up walking on eggshells.

Smiling through storms.

Saying “I’m fine” when my whole body was screaming for someone to notice the cracks.

So when you asked me to open up, to let you in,I didn’t know how.

And I hated myself for it.

You wanted warmth.

I gave you walls.

You wanted words.

I gave you silence.

You wanted a door.

I gave you a maze I hadn’t even learned how to escape from myself.

And the hardest part?

You didn’t leave in anger.

You left in sorrow.

Like I was someone who could’ve been almost enough, if only I had tried sooner.

But God knows I did.

You just couldn’t see it.

Every shaky breath.

Every time I reached for your hand and pulled away.

Every night I laid beside you, wide awake, trying to gather the courage to whisper,

"Please don’t give up on me."

But I waited too long.

You left before I could say that I was never cold,I was terrified.

That every silence was filled with love I didn’t know how to say out loud.

That I wasn’t easy but I was real.

That I would've given you everything if you had just waited a little longer.

Now the words echo in me.

Unspoken.

Unheard.

And sometimes I still write texts I’ll never send.

I still replay that last moment, thinking maybe just maybe if I had just said one thing, anything...you would’ve stayed.

But I didn't

But you didn’t.

And I get it now.

You were tired of trying to love someone who couldn’t meet you halfway.

Tired of knocking on a door that never opened.

Tired of reaching for someone who was always one step behind.

But please… if you ever think of me,if my name ever crosses your mind in the quiet moments,I hope you remember this:

I was never silent because I didn’t care.

I was silent because I didn’t believe I was allowed to take up space.

To be broken.

To be loved anyway.

So no, I wasn’t easy.

But I was soft.

I was honest, even in the silence.

And I loved you so deeply it scared me.

If you only knew how loud it was inside me,

maybe then

you wouldn’t have walked away

thinking I felt nothing at all.