The privilege of hating him

‘How are you feeling, honey?’ My mum’s arm wrapped a little too tightly around my shoulders. It was her attempt to remain supportive even when she was struggling to be. I was only going to be forty minutes away, but we had never been apart before, and this was a big change for us both. The difference, though, was that I was going to be surrounded by people on campus and she would be alone in the house. At this point, I was pretty sure she needed more comforting than I did.

We stared up at the huge iron gate, which the security guard opened for us. Ashfield High Private Academy was the most prestigious school in the area, and the price of admission certainly reflected that. Had it not been for my swimming scholarship, there was no way in hell that my mum could have afforded to send me here, especially not as a single mum on minimum wage.

‘I’m good, Mum, honestly. I’m just eager to get in there.’ I forced a big grin onto my face. I was doing my very best to hide the anxiety I was really feeling. She wavered for a moment before forcing one back at me.

‘Just remember, there is still the option to go back to Ashfield if you want to.’ She commented. She was beyond wrong, though. There was no way on this earth that I could go back to my old school. At least by coming here I could reinvent myself and leave the past behind. Nobody here knew me, and that was just what I needed. I could only imagine what my final year would look like in that hell hole, with those insufferable arseholes.

Nope.

Absolutely no way in hell could I go back.

‘Come on, let’s find the reception.’ She released me and strolled forward. Sucking in a deep breath, I followed.

Inside the school grounds was more incredible than I had imagined. Of course, I had caught glimpses going past, but it just looked beautiful and elegant, whereas inside the courtyard it was nothing short of magnificent. Huge stone buildings surrounded an expansive and immaculate courtyard. Students were scattered around, reading textbooks or chatting with friends. It was hard to believe that I was going to spend the next year here in this paradise. Hopefully it wasn't too good to be true.

‘Excuse me, could you point us in the direction of the reception, please?’ My mum stopped a studious-looking girl with red, wild, curly hair, who was sitting under a tree reading. She looked confused momentarily.

‘Yes, of course.’ She stumbled to her feet and stuffed her book back into her bag.

‘I’m Selina.’ I offered with an awkward half-wave. She considered me for a moment before answering.

‘Megan. Follow me this way,’ she began moving quickly towards the largest of the three buildings, and we hurried to keep up. Megan was clearly not the sociable type and was definitely a little odd. Mum gave a raised eyebrow look to share my sentiment. Megan delivered us to the large desk, helpfully labelled ‘reception’, and disappeared off without a word.

Susan, behind the reception desk, was the complete opposite. She sat with an over the top smile and an annoyingly high-pitched voice. This lady was dressed to impress with her burgandy pristine nails, and immaculate make-up.

‘Welcome! You must be our new transfer, Selina Williams. Mrs Williams, you are welcome to leave Selina here with me. I will show her around the campus and to her dorm room.’ The tone was friendly, but there was an underlying order there. I got the distince impression that Susan felt mighty powerful being in charge of the reception desk. She exuded a confidence that could easily be taken as arrogance.

‘Well, I had intended to...’ My mum stuttered over her words, seemingly taken aback. She had been very keen to help me and ultimately stay by my side for as long as possible. My heart tugged a little at seeing my mum genuinely disappointed by this unexpected turn of events.

‘She is in perfectly safe hands, Mrs Williams. You needn’t worry. Between you and me, it won’t do much for Selina’s reputation to have her mother wandering around with her and helping her set up her room. This school teaches more than just academics; it also teaches independence and resilience.’ She spoke unnervingly proudly. I felt my mum shrink a little at the thought of embarrassing me. We turned to each other, and I was sure there were tears brimming in her eyes as she wrapped me in a tight hug and kissed my forehead.

‘Ring me later tonight, okay? I want to hear how you have settled in.’ With that, my mum walked away. Whilst nervous about it, and sad for my mum, there was an element of excitement interlaced into the concoction of emotions too.

It felt like a maze, and Susan’s voice was more like a ringing in my ears rather than anything else. I would definitely need to explore it all again in my own time, and preferably with a lower-pitched tour guide. Susan walked me over to the building to the right of the courtyard.

‘This is the accommodation building. Scholarship students reside in the right wing on the ground floor. You will be in room 108.’ She flicked her hand around as she spoke. The rustic appearance continued inside the building, with wooden panelling on white walls and a deep red carpet throughout. Susan led me down the hallway until we stopped outside a white door with 108 marked on it.

‘This is your room, well, your half of the room.’ She pointed to the left-hand side of the room. My side was furnished with a simple pine desk, a wardrobe, chest of drawers. The bed had plain cream sheets and covers, and the bedside table was empty save for a small touch lamp. The other side, by contrast, had an un-made orange bed set, and the desk was overflowing with textbooks and paper. Clearly, my new roommate had either left in a rush, or was naturally a messy person. Susan left pretty sharpish, leaving me alone with my suitcase and empty room. I hadn’t packed much, figuring I could always catch a train back home on the weekend to collect things if I needed them, and so the whole unpacking process was incredibly quick and easy.

Within about thirty minutes, I had my uniform hung in the wardrobe, my normal clothes packed in the chest of drawers, and my books stacked neatly on the desk next to my laptop. It wasn’t quite homely, but it would do for now.

I jumped as the door opened, and I turned to face my new roommate.

‘Megan?’ I failed to hide the edge of disappointment in my surprise. I would have felt guilty if she hadn’t worn a similar expression at seeing me.

‘They didn’t tell me I was getting a roommate.’ She moved to her bed, throwing her bag down onto it. This was going to be a long year if she intended to be this miserable the whole time. ‘You’re a scholarship student, right?’ The question made it sound almost sound like my status was something dirty or shameful.

‘Yeah, swimming. Why?’ I raised an eyebrow at her, wondering what on earth her problem could be.

‘I’m a maths one.’ She looked to the floor, nodding her head. It was odd. She sounded as if it were some sort of devastating problem, that we should be here on scholarships.

‘I’m sorry, Megan, am I missing something here? Why do you sound as if it’s a problem?’

Megan stared at me for a moment, with what appeared like sympathy across her face. Seriously, what was the problem? I raised an eyebrow, beckoning her to just tell me.

‘We are at the bottom of the pile here. In fact, we are below the bottom. The rich arseholes here will chew you up and spit you out. You can sit with me and the other scholarships, but I would recommend being as invisible as you possibly can.’ It was my turn to stare at her now. Was she mad? Wonderful. Of course I would be paired up sharing a room with the school’s crazy girl.

‘Okay.’ I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. She might be mad, but I still had to share a room with her for the year.

‘Believe me or don’t believe me, you will find out for yourself. Most people like us end up leaving within the first month.’ With that, she stuffed some more books into her bag and disappeared.

There were no lessons starting until tomorrow, so I had no idea what she was up to, but I also had no intention of asking her. If Megan thought that her little warning was enough to worry me, then she was severely mistaken. Nothing could be worse than what I had come away from. These rich people would more than likely be far too wrapped up in their vapid lives to even acknowledge my existence, and that was just what I wanted.

Megan would probably be pleased to know that I fully intended to keep my head well and truly down without her weird little threat. The room was ridiculously quiet. I contemplated reading my book or going on my laptop, but in the end decided I should face my fears and explore the campus and find my bearings. I could only hope that if I bumped into anyone, they would be less weird than Megan.