Before the Sirens Faded

The streets of Shinjuku were illuminated with bright lights, despite it being almost four in the morning. Rain was pouring down, leaving large puddles everywhere.

I had been sitting in the back of the car for almost an hour now, on my way to Ren, my boyfriend’s apartment. He was supposed to pick me up from the airport, but after an hour of waiting and being sent to voicemail endlessly, I lost hope and called a car.

It had been around nine months since I had seen him last, my job in London didn’t pay well and I could barely pay my rent, let alone afford plane tickets to Tokyo often. 

The driver pulled in front of the apartment, getting out of the car and grabbing my bags from the trunk as I got out of the backseat. 

I quickly thanked him for the ride and he handed me my bags, driving away hurriedly. I wondered if he had someone to go home to tonight. A wife waiting up tiredly for him after getting their kids to bed. Or maybe his only company was a cat that made his days feel lighter when he got home. 

It wasn’t until I was standing on the sidewalk staring up at the apartment that I realized that I was nervous. I had reassured myself at the airport that maybe he had just fallen asleep, but deep down I was terrified that something had happened. The chain of the heart necklace around my neck had become painful after fidgeting with it the whole ride here.

I hauled my suitcase up the stairs until I stood face to face with the door separating me from him, but when I knocked, it wasn’t Ren that opened the door, but Kaito, his best friend. The same friend that I had hated ever since I started dating Ren, but the feeling was mutual…somewhat. He had been nice to me at first, but for a little while before me and Ren started dating he became cold.

“What took you so long?” he asks, rubbing his face.

“Hello to you too.” I ducked under his arm and into the apartment. “Where’s Ren?” I asked, placing my shoes by the door. 

“He went to pick you up, idiot. How do you not know where he is?” He trudged over to the fridge, grabbing a glass of water and quickly downing it. “He never showed,” I explained. “I thought he was with you.” 

“Nope, he went to pick you up hours ago.” I spun around, eyes wide. 

“I waited there for an hour and kept calling him, but he didn't pick up.” 

“I’m sure he’s fine.” Kaito reassured me, but I could hear the doubt in his voice. “Your neck is red, stop scratching it or it’s going to bleed.”

I hadn’t realized I had been until he said something. ‘It’s fine,” I said, but unzipped my coat and hung it up to stop myself from picking at the skin. 

My suitcase was heavy, but I wasn’t going to let Kaito think I was struggling as I rolled it into Ren’s bedroom. I turned the light on but didn’t bother unpacking, instead I wheeled it next to his desk and smiled as I took in the familiar room. 

It smelt like his cologne, the one he would secretly spray on his hoodies before letting me wear them whenever I would visit. The bed was made, but I could tell it had been rushed, the comforter was full of wrinkles and his pillows were crooked and out of place. 

I slid under the blankets, hoping that when I woke up I’d be in Ren’s arm, his breathing steady against my back, the longer I waited the more I spiraled. Even after returning to the bed after I changed and did my skincare, which would normally calm me down, I still couldn’t sleep. After staring at the bare ceiling for what felt like hours I left the room, quietly shutting the door behind me and tip-toed to Kaito’s room. I knocked quietly, hoping he was still awake.

“Come in.” His room was much different from Ren’s. While Ren’s was clean and minimalistic, Kaito’s walls were covered in paintings, his floor littered with shoes and jackets, the bed unmade. He was sitting on the floor at the foot of the bed, a canvas on a short easel in front of him.

“Do you have sleeping pills? I forgot mine at home.” 

“How do you forget those Silver?” Silver was the nickname he had given me from day one. My full name was Ella Sterling, so he called me Silver, which I actually didn’t hate, but I pretended to be annoyed by it. 

“Do you have them or not?” 

“Nightstand drawer. Only take one, they’re strong,” he answered, not looking up from the painting once.

“Thanks.” I shook one out of the bottle and popped it into my mouth, swallowing it with ease. 

“Please don’t tell me you just swallowed that without water.” He had finally looked up from the canvas and was staring at me like I was crazy. 

“It’s not hard,” I shrugged, moving towards the end of his bed and sitting on the edge. 

“You psycho,” he muttered, returning his focus to the painting. 

“You’re not half bad Kai.” As much as I hated praising him, I had to give it to him, he was a great artist. The painting in front of him was one of my favorites out of the ones I had seen on past visits. It was of a forest, with bright orange flames dancing across the trees. He had painted it in such a way where the viewer could tell that the fire was overtaking the foliage, rather than have all of it be lit at once. 

“Thanks.” I can see the smile he attempts but fails to suppress. He rarely reacts to praise, doesn’t matter who it’s coming from, so to see the slight upward curve of his lips feels like a win I didn’t know I would care about.

I stand up from his bed, stepping over a pair of jeans to get to the door. “If Ren comes home before you sleep, have him wake me please,” I tell him before reaching for the door. 

“Mhm,” he mumbles, and I’m unsure if he even heard me, but I leave the room anyway, closing the door behind, seeking the comfort of Ren’s bed. 

It doesn’t take long from there to fall asleep, the pill kicking in quickly. My eyes fluttered shut as I curled onto my side, the framed photo of me and Ren on his desk being the last thing I see before I fall asleep.

<—---------------------------------->

The shrill ring of my phone on the nightstand next to me woke me. It was a little past five a.m. and I answered the phone drowsily.

“Hello this is Tokyo Medical University Hospital, is this Ella Sterling?”

I shot up quickly, switching the phone to my other ear. “Yes I’m Ella,” I answered.”Is it Ren? Is he okay? What happened?” I asked hurriedly. 

“I’m calling on behalf of Ren Sato, there was a car accident last night and he’s in critical condition. You are listed as one of his emergency contacts, we suggest you get here as soon as possible.” 

I immediately hung up the phone, too scared to hear anymore.

“Kaito!” I screamed, throwing off the covers. I heard footsteps approaching quickly as I tripped over my clothes from the airport and fell to my knees. 

Kaito threw open the door, turning the light on and rushing to the floor by the bed where I was quickly getting up, tears streaming down my face. 

“Ren’s in the hospital,” I started. But Kaito didn’t need any other information. He sped to the door, grabbing two motorcycle helmets and his shoes. I slid my shoes behind him and hurried down the stairs through the front door. 

“Get on,” Kaito ordered, tossing me one of the helmets.

“Are you crazy??” I demanded. “Ren just got into a damn car accident, and you want me to get on a motorcycle??” 

“Fine Silver, but you know you’ll regret it if he dies and you weren’t there.” 

That’s all the convincing I need. “Fine.” I slip on the helmet and get onto the back of his bike, barely holding onto his shoulders. Once he pulls away from the apartment I grip his shoulders hard. 

He’s swerving in between cars and running red lights, but somehow, we don’t crash. The noise of the wind and cars we pass is almost deafening, and I had to squeeze my eyes shut to stop myself from getting sick. 

My brain was flooded with what ifs. What if he needed surgery? What if he was in a coma…what if…he was already dead? The thought made me sob into the back of Kaito’s shoulder. I felt him tense up at the contact but he didn’t say anything. 

He kept driving until we pulled into the hospital, where he hopped off of the bike and pulled me off, putting both of our helmets on the seat before we ran into the hospital. 

Kaito sped to the front desk, saying something I couldn’t hear before following the lady down a hall. I followed behind them, silently praying that Ren was okay. 

Without Ren, I’d have no one. My parents died when I was four, and I had lived with my grandmother until she died while I was away for college. I had spent years regretting not being there with her. If Ren was going to die, which I refused to believe, I had to be there.

Ren was on the hospital bed, eyes barely open as he looked at me and Kaito. I knelt by the bed and Ren’s cold hand grabbed mine. 

“You’re okay,” I sobbed, “right?” The doctor was sitting on the other side of the bed and I lifted my head to look at her. “He’s gonna be okay right?”

“I’m sorry ma’am, but he doesn’t have much time left.” She turned to Kaito, talking to him in Japanese, which I could barely hear over my sobs, let alone understand.

“Ren you can’t go,” I pleaded. “Don’t leave me.” I hadn’t cried this much since my grandmother died, I couldn’t lose him too.

“Ella,” he managed, “I love you so much, okay? Remember that.” 

“No.” I shook my head quickly. “You’re gonna be okay, and then you can tell me you love me every day.”

“Kaito, take care of her.” I hadn’t realized that Kaito was behind us. “Promise me you’ll take care of her.”

“I promise,” Kaito agreed.

“Look for me in the stars El.” Whenever I would visit, we would sit on the front steps of his apartment, admiring the stars that filled the night sky. “Wherever you are, just look at the stars. Think of me when you admire them, I’ll be there watching over you.”

I couldn’t say anything. It felt like I was drowning, slowly suffocating as I watched him die. 

I heard the heart monitor flatline and I screamed. “REN NO!” Kaito crouched down next to me. “REN WAKE UP!!” 

“He’s gone Ella.” I knew he was right but I couldn’t accept it. Kaito grabbed my wrist, not painfully, but firm. “He’s not going to wake up.”

After kneeling there sobbing, hoping he’d wake up and it’d be some cruel prank, Kaito grabbed my arms, getting me to stand up. 

The doctor handed me a small velvet box, and my heart dropped. Inside of it, was a stunning amethyst ring, the one I had always talked about. He was going to propose.

“He wanted me to give this to you.”

Kaito thanked the doctor quickly and had to carry me out of the room as I screamed for Ren to wake up. He couldn’t leave like this. 

It was my fault he died. He was coming to the airport, to pick me up, to propose to me. And now…he’s gone, forever.

Goodbye Ren. I loved you more than you know.