Fishing
Tonight, I get to see Kylen again. Well, when I say ’see him’ I mean spend time with him in virtual reality. I’ll see his avatar at least and get to hear his voice, which is enough for me. We’ve been playing together for several weeks now, since Christmas when my uncle gave me the headset. He bought it as a gift to himself for his fortieth birthday. He says he got bored of it, but I think he grew tired of meeting players half his age who called him ‘old’. People can be cruel in the online world, especially kids who don’t know any better. I suppose, technically, I’m still a kid, but I’ll be eighteen in a week, so I pretty much already think of myself as an adult; I’m right on the cusp in a legal sense but like to think I’m more grown up than most people my age.
Kylen is three years older than me, but he doesn’t know that. He thinks I’m twenty-one. It’s embarrassing to admit it, but I figure I’ll probably never meet him in real life and there’s no harm in it. If he knew how old I really am he’d probably not talk to me any more. I like him too much to admit to my lies now. I also told him I’m an undergrad Chemistry student. The truth is, I would have liked to have been, but I won’t be able to now I’ve dropped out of school.
Both online and in real life, my friends call me Breaker. In game, my handle is Breaker Shaw and I am highly skilled in nearly everything I do. In reality, my name is Brea Kershaw.
Kylen lives in London and is studying Fashion at Goldsmith’s university. I live not far from London. What does that matter though? As I said, I doubt we will ever meet in real life.
I have four other close friends in VR. We usually play together as a kind of team in a variety of different games. Our favourite is Spectrascape Worlds where we meet up in different environments and chat or play shooter games against other people, hang out in bars or cafes, and sometimes even sing karaoke. There are loads of platforms like this, but Spectra is the best because it has some of the best graphics and creative worlds to explore.
I’m setting up my headset and my heart is pounding. As the game loads, I take a deep breath. I stand in front of the mirror in my home world—a modern and stylish mansion overlooking the ocean—preparing myself for a few hours of fun. I can see in my friends list three of my four besties are already online: Syukuhenso, PantherKing69, x-HotLuvLucy-x and ArchieNomad. Syukuhenso is Kylen, Panther is really called Theo and the other two I know as Lucy and Archie. GoldDiggaDan is not online yet, but he will be soon. His real name is Danish; not pronounced like the language but like the word Banish.
Kylen, I love his name. In fact, I think I love everything about him. I’ve never actually been in love before, but this feels like the real deal. Shame it’s doomed to nothingness. He doesn’t know how much I like him, or at least, I don’t think he does. We flirt and he’s sent me pictures of himself. He’s gorgeous with blonde hair and a strong jaw, big hazel eyes and really kissable lips. I sent him a picture of myself I took in front of the mirror. I think I look pretty mature in it; I was blessed with boobs in my early teens, though I wish my hips and backside weren’t as big.
The four of them are in a game world: fishing. The game doesn’t excite me much but still I hold my breath as I load into the instance. I zoom over to where the four of them are sitting on a small clifftop, their customised rods dangling in the water.
“Ha,” exclaims Theo, “Snapper! Get in.”
“No way,” moans Lucy. “That’s legendary.”
“Yep,” Theo replies and does a little dance.
“Breaker, hey,” Archie says, and I see Kylen turn his head in my direction.
“Hi guys,” I say, edging forward into the empty space besides Kylen. “What’s up.”
“Theo just got a big fucking fish,” says Kylen in his dry way. I grin to myself, which they can’t see of course, and get out my rod. It’s metallic purple and decorated with spikes around the middle. In real life, I’d be liable to have someone’s eye out probably, or sink a hook in someone’s body or my own. In here though, you can’t hurt anyone. I pull back the rod, aim and throw it into the water with a plop. Then I turn to Kylen.
“How was your day?” I say, trying to sound as casual as possible. Should I have asked that? I immediately worry. Kylen raises both hands out in front of himself, in a shrug.
“It was okay, I guess,” he says in a flat tone. “I just went out and picked up some groceries before a lecture. How was your day?”
“Boring. Lectures all day,” I say, when really all I’ve done is lay in bed, scrolling on my phone, looking at job ads. I turn to Theo next; Lucy is bantering with Archie. “How’s it going, Theo?”
“Damn good, girl,” he says, waving his rod around. “Check out the leader board.”
I do and see he’s at the top for the instance.
“Nice,” I say, not sure what else to add.
“It was huge. Just like my d—” he laughs, “dog,”he adds.
“You don’t have a dog,” Lucy says.
“How do you know, girl?” Theo shoots at her, with his free hand pointing in her direction.
“Because you told me you live alone. If you had a dog, you would have mentioned it.”
“What like he mentions the actual thing he was referring to ten times a day?” Archie says and we all laugh.
“You just jealous,” Theo says, busily reeling in a new catch. It’s a welly boot and this makes everyone laugh again. “Damn, Archie, you just racist.”
“Racist?” Archie says, whipping his whole avatar around to face Theo. Lucy falls down dead briefly then her avatar springs back up and she does a laugh and point emote. “How is that racist?”
“Because I’m black, you make assumptions about what I was referring to. Maybe I was going to say my big diamond ring.”
“Shut up, Theo,” says Lucy. “Everyone knows you were talking about your dick, all you boys are obsessed with dick, even those who claim to be straight.”
“As if you ain’t obsessed too,” says Theo.
“At least I don’t deny it,” Lucy retorts. I hold back a giggle and take a glance over at Kylen, who has moved several paces away from me and is fishing quietly, facing away from the group. Lucy is activating her action menu again, her avatar is now dancing provocatively, and Archie is groaning while Kylen reels in a catch. His avatar is male, dressed in a black crop top and black miniskirt, his legs are clad in white thigh high stockings. From behind, a fluffy tail sways slowly, rhythmically, enchantingly. I watch it for a few seconds before I hear Archie mutter something to Lucy. Theo has bounded off to customise his rod again at the swag machine. Lucy giggles. Those two have been a thing for a while, before I met them during a game of virtual mini-golf with Theo and Dan. Kylen I met alone in a VR arcade, he impressed me immediately because he had full trackers and it really felt like I was standing next to him at the machines. He was more animated that day, more talkative and would jump up and down and pump his fist in the air when he won something. Today, he’s his more usual quiet self amongst the group, but I don’t mind, I hold every occasion we’ve been alone together really close to my heart. He’s often livelier when it’s just us. I wish it was just us now.
I smile though as I turn to look away from Kylen towards the couple standing close by. Just then a notification pops up to let us know Dan has joined the instance. Dan is a fox, and by that I don’t mean in the attractive sense—I don’t know what he looks like in real life—his avatar is a fox. Some might call him a ‘furry’, but I don’t think he is. Furry, usually means a person who wears an animal avatar because they are attracted to other furries in a sexual way. Dan isn’t like that, unlike Theo and Lucy, he isn’t crude. Archie can be suggestive sometimes, (I’ve heard him call Lucy a ‘good girl’ and we all know what that means) but he’s rarely particularly vulgar. Kylen has said the odd few dirty things in passing but Dan, I’ve never heard any kind of smutty talk from him.
Dan is a banker with a first class degree in finance and proud of it. He says he’s looking for a sugar-mommy, but I can never understand why. He’s rich, as are both his parents. When I asked him about this, he said he doesn’t like to spend his own money, which I thought was fair enough. Archie said he thinks it really means ‘GoldDiggaDan’ likes older women.
As Dan comes sauntering down the slope from the spawn spot towards us, he pauses to say hi to Theo who’s still at the swag machine. Lucy has wondered over to the edge of the cliff with Archie behind her. I use the opportunity to sidle closer to Kylen again.
“Caught anything good?” I say.
“Nah,” he replies. He doesn’t say anything else, but I see him reach down and scratch his belly. It makes my heart flutter. He casts his rod again and I hear the ‘plop’ as it lands in the water. My face is itching beneath the headset and as he isn’t looking I quickly raise a hand and lift up the device. For a few fleeting moments, I’m staring at my bedroom wall, transported instantly into a reality that feels less colourful and comforting than the unreal place I was in just seconds ago. It is a strange experience because I hear Kylen’s voice through the headset, as if he’s there in the room with me, asking if I have something in my eye.
“No,” I say, slightly flustered. “No, I just had an itch.” I’d really hoped he wouldn’t notice but can’t say why. It was only an itch. I suppose it’s because I feel so much awkwardness in my real physical body but so relaxed in the presence of his avatar next to mine. I suddenly wonder if this is what it’s like to be next to a boy you like in person—always awkward. I wouldn’t know, I don’t have many male friends in real life; I have no male siblings and attended an all-girls school and sixth form.
“You should get that insert I told you about. It’s more comfortable,” he says.
I nod. “Yeah, I’m planning on it. Gotta save first. You know how it is being a broke student. Need money to live and socialise. Everything else has to wait.”
“You still not found a job?” Kylen says, but not unkindly. I’ve been telling him for weeks I have interviews for this role or that. All lies but I am starting to think he may either see through them or is thinking I’m just useless and unemployable.
“Oh, well, I’m waiting to hear back from two of them. There’s a lot of competition for jobs where I live,” I say.
“In Swindon? I would have thought there’s plenty of jobs there. It’s a big city, right?”
“Actually, it’s not a city but a town. Although the population is big compared to some other cities. And I live on the outskirts anyway.” I turn away to cast my rod. My face is burning, the headset feels heavier than normal. “Remind me, where do you work?”
“In a pizza place. I do the weekend shifts because they’re busy and go by faster,” he says, also casting his rod again. I shift my body to a more comfortable position. My back rests against the headboard of my bed; my legs are outstretched. I curl my toes, mute my mic and clear my throat, mentally grappling for a change in subject.
“So… I never asked you before, do you have siblings?” I say with a tiny nervous shake in my voice that I hope he can’t detect. His own voice is always so smooth and unwavering.
“No,” he murmurs, almost sadly, I think. “I always wanted a brother though.”
“Not a sister?”
“No, other girls are annoying,” he says.
“Other girls?” I reply, confused.
“Other than you. You’re not annoying,” Kylen says and something inside me floods my insides and seeps down into some hollow space in my lower belly. I’m filled with euphoria that I can almost taste. Honey, cheese, chocolate, sausage, cinnamon: no flavour is as lovely as the words he just said. He doesn’t look in my direction when he speaks but continues to watch his bobber in the water. I feel a buzz in my hand where the controller sits in real life, and the rod is gripped in VR. The day we met, we talked for hours, about all the games we liked to play, conspiracy theories we were into, dystopian films—a favourite genre for us both. I knew I liked Kylen right away, but I’m still not really sure how he feels about me.
My heart does a back flip when he sidles over to me and his avatar touches my arm. I don’t look at his face but down at where our pixels meet. Tonight could be the beginning of something.
