Book of Judith

Judith Stewart’s shift at Sutter Hospital began at seven that evening. At five, she was still at home, sitting on the edge of the bed and trying to put on her shoes.

She had called in sick the day before. Parker had lost his temper again the previous night, and now walking hurt. The swelling on one side of her face had gone down enough that makeup might hide it from someone passing her in a hallway. It would not hide it from anyone who stopped to look.

Judith was a registered nurse. She had spent the morning tending to herself with the supplies she kept at home. She knew which injuries needed more than that. She also knew how many questions she would have to answer if she asked for help.

She had been planning to leave Parker for months. There was money she still needed to set aside, a place she had not found. Every time she thought she had chosen a day, something happened that made her put it off again.

She went in early to find Dr. Meredith White. The pain was getting worse, and Meredith had written her a prescription before.

Judith found her in an empty examination room. Meredith closed the door behind them. In the bright light, there was no mistaking Judith’s face.

For a moment Meredith said nothing. Her ash-blonde hair had slipped free of its tie, and exhaustion showed beneath her eyes. Then she stepped closer.

“Is it your leg?”

“Mostly.”

“Sit down.”

Judith sat. Meredith examined her carefully, asking where it hurt and waiting for answers Judith did not want to give. Her hands were steady. They always were.

Judith had loved her from a distance for years. Meredith was married, and Judith knew she did not return those feelings. Even so, it was difficult to sit this close to her without noticing the blue of her eyes, or the way she took care not to touch a tender place twice.

When Meredith finished, she moved back and folded her arms.

“Judith. Why did you go home to him?”

Her voice was louder than Judith expected. Judith glanced at the closed door.

“Parker’s still seeing his therapist,” she said.

“Did he do this?”

Judith looked at the floor. “I cheated on him. He found out.”

Meredith’s expression changed, but not in the way Judith had hoped. “That doesn’t make it your fault.”

“He said he wouldn’t do it again.”

“He’s said that before.”

“I’m leaving him.” Judith had come prepared to say it. “I just need a little more money. I’m almost there.”

Meredith looked at her for a long moment. Judith could see that she did not believe almost. She was right. Judith had no idea how much longer it would take.

“You need to be examined properly,” Meredith said. “And I’m not sending you onto a twelve-hour shift without knowing what’s wrong with your leg.”

“Can you give me something for the pain?”

“After someone evaluates you.” Meredith’s voice softened. “I’ll go with you.”

Judith shook her head. If she became a patient here, people she worked beside would see her name, her face, the injuries she had tried to cover.

“Judith,” Meredith said, “I can’t keep treating you in private and pretending this isn’t happening.”

Judith remembered hearing some version of that before. She remembered, too, leaving with a prescription and going back to Parker. Meredith must have remembered it as well. This time she pulled up a chair beside Judith instead of reaching for her prescription pad.

“Let’s start with your leg,” she said. “Then we can talk about where you’ll go tonight.”

Judith kept her eyes on the door. For the first time that day, she let herself wonder if she might not go home.