I Got a Father System

Chapter 1 — Peaceful Slumber, Catastrophic Arrival

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The Kalyug Primeval Forest was not a place where sane people came to relax.

It was the kind of place where trees could eat you, flowers could poison you, and something hiding beneath the ground might decide that an entire village looked like a decent snack.

The forest stretched for thousands of miles, filled with ancient trees whose twisted branches blocked most of the sunlight. Some trunks were so enormous that they looked like mountains. Strange vines crawled across them, their beautiful flowers hiding rows of tiny, needle-like teeth.

And the beasts?

They were worse.

Deep in the valleys wandered the All-Seeing Abominations—mountain-sized creatures made almost entirely of gray flesh and thousands of blinking eyes.

High above the ground lived Simian-Lions, creatures possessing the claws and fangs of predators with the agility of monkeys.

Above the treetops drifted Sky-Krakens, enormous winged beasts whose long tentacles brushed against the ancient redwood canopies.

And somewhere beneath the earth, ancient leviathans slept.

Fortunately, they usually stayed asleep.

For ordinary cultivators, entering the Kalyug Primeval Forest was practically a death sentence.

For Jiang?

It was home.

Not because he was powerful.

Not because he enjoyed danger.

And certainly not because he liked cultivating.

He simply liked the fact that nobody here expected anything from him.

Jiang was lying on his back outside a small, crooked wooden hut.

A large palm leaf covered his face.

A piece of dried grass hung from the corner of his mouth.

He was asleep.

Not meditating.

Not cultivating.

Not pretending to sleep.

Actually sleeping.

His breathing was slow and peaceful, and the only important question in his mind was whether his afternoon nap would last two hours or three.

Jiang had lived in the forest for an entire year.

During those twelve months, he had developed a very simple philosophy.

If something could be done while lying down, there was absolutely no reason to stand.

If it could be done while sitting, lying down was even better.

And if something required too much effort?

It probably wasn't important.

This philosophy had served him surprisingly well.

At least, until his first week.

During that week, Jiang had accidentally fallen asleep inside the mouth of a Corpse-Devouring Maw-Flower.

The plant was infamous throughout the forest.

Its fleshy petals could dissolve steel armor.

Its digestive juices could melt bones.

It had swallowed cultivators far stronger than Jiang without the slightest difficulty.

So naturally, when the plant swallowed Jiang, it expected him to panic.

Jiang did not.

He opened one eye.

Looked around.

Then turned onto his side.

"Warm."

He closed his eye again.

"Nice."

And went back to sleep.

The Maw-Flower didn't know what to do.

It squeezed him.

Nothing happened.

It released more digestive acid.

Still nothing.

It shook him violently.

Jiang merely scratched his nose.

After two hours of completely pointless effort, the Maw-Flower finally gave up.

With a violent cough, it spat Jiang onto the ground.

Jiang rolled twice, landed face-first in the dirt, opened his eyes for half a second, and mumbled,

"Five more minutes..."

Then he went back to sleep.

After that incident, the creatures of the forest developed an unusual opinion of Jiang.

He wasn't dangerous.

He wasn't aggressive.

He wasn't interested in territory.

He wasn't even interested in fighting.

He was simply...

There.

Eventually, the forest accepted him.

A three-eyed saber-wolf mother even started bringing her cubs near his hut.

She would point toward the sleeping human with her snout and growl,

"Look carefully."

The cubs stared at Jiang.

"If you become lazy like that creature, I will personally throw you off a cliff."

One of the cubs tilted its head.

"Mother, what is he doing?"

"Nothing."

"How long has he been doing it?"

The mother glanced at Jiang.

"Three hours."

The cub stared at him with admiration.

"That's amazing."

The mother immediately smacked it with her tail.

"Do not admire him!"

Meanwhile, two young Simian-Lions had discovered a new game.

They sat on the roof of Jiang's hut, hanging upside down by their tails.

One picked up an empty seed shell.

"Ten points if it hits his stomach."

The other grinned.

"Twenty if he wakes up."

The shell flew through the air.

Plop.

It landed directly on Jiang's stomach.

Jiang didn't move.

Another shell.

Plop.

Still nothing.

A third.

Plop.

Jiang finally spoke without opening his eyes.

"If you're going to throw things at me, at least throw something edible."

The monkeys froze.

They slowly looked at each other.

One whispered,

"He can hear us."

The other nodded.

"He's pretending to sleep."

Jiang opened one eye.

"No."

Both monkeys screamed and jumped from the roof.

Jiang smiled.

"Idiots."

He closed his eye again.

"Peace at last."

His life was simple.

Sleep.

Eat.

Sleep again.

Occasionally collect some fruit.

Then sleep.

He had even built a bamboo water pipe from the nearby spring so he wouldn't have to walk ten whole steps whenever he became thirsty.

It had taken him three weeks.

Three entire weeks.

But Jiang considered it one of the greatest achievements of his life.

"Why walk ten steps," he had once said, "when bamboo can do the walking for you?"

It was a beautiful system.

Unfortunately, the universe hated beautiful things.

Especially when Jiang was enjoying them.

CRACK!

The sky suddenly split open.

Jiang's eyes opened.

The peaceful blue sky was gone.

Dark clouds twisted across the heavens as golden light exploded between them.

A terrifying pressure descended upon the forest.

Trees bent.

Mountains trembled.

The Sky-Krakens dropped from the sky.

The underground leviathans stopped moving.

Even the All-Seeing Abominations closed thousands of eyes at once.

For several seconds, the entire forest became silent.

Jiang slowly sat up.

He looked toward the sky.

"...What now?"

BOOOOOOM!

A blazing object tore through the clouds and crashed into the ground less than twenty yards from his hut.

The shockwave blasted dirt and leaves into the air.

Jiang's palm leaf flew away.

The two Simian-Lions disappeared into the bushes.

Jiang stared at the smoking crater.

Then he looked at the empty space where his palm leaf had been.

His expression became extremely serious.

"Who does that?"

He stood up.

"Who has the audacity to interrupt someone's nap?"

He rubbed his eyes.

A strange golden light was coming from the crater.

Jiang sighed.

He really didn't want to investigate.

Curiosity was dangerous.

Curiosity required walking.

Walking was exhausting.

Unfortunately, whatever had crashed nearby wasn't going to investigate itself.

Jiang dragged his slippers through the dirt.

Step.

Step.

Step.

It took him nearly a minute to cover twenty yards.

He looked into the crater.

His expression changed.

"Huh?"

There was no treasure.

No heavenly weapon.

No rare spirit herb.

No ancient inheritance.

There was a baby.

A tiny baby was lying in the center of the crater, wrapped in golden silk.

The infant's skin was almost unnaturally pale, and faint golden mist surrounded his body.

But what really caught Jiang's attention were the baby's eyes.

They were far too calm.

Far too intelligent.

The baby looked directly at him.

Jiang stared back.

The baby stared harder.

Jiang scratched his head.

"...Where did you come from?"

The baby said nothing.

Obviously.

He was a baby.

But inside that tiny body was a soul that had once stood at the absolute peak of the heavens.

His name was Lin Tian.

The Heavenly Emperor.

For countless years, Lin Tian had ruled the highest heavens.

He had fought ancient gods, destroyed countless demons, and stood at the center of battles that could shake entire realms.

But when a catastrophe capable of devouring reality itself appeared, Lin Tian sacrificed his immortal body and chose reincarnation.

His plan was simple.

Reincarnate.

Recover his strength.

Return to the heavens.

Reclaim his throne.

It was supposed to be flawless.

Until he landed in this forest.

And met Jiang.

Lin Tian studied the young man standing above him.

His divine consciousness slowly spread outward.

Nothing.

No killing intent.

No obvious spiritual pressure.

No visible cultivation aura.

Yet this man had survived in the middle of the Kalyug Primeval Forest for an entire year.

Lin Tian's eyes narrowed.

Interesting.

He must be a hidden expert.

A powerful hermit who had deliberately concealed his cultivation.

Perhaps even stronger than the ancient sovereigns.

A powerful protector had practically fallen into his lap.

Lin Tian almost smiled.

Excellent.

If I can convince him to protect me, my return to the heavens will be much easier.

Jiang looked at the baby.

Then looked at the crater.

Then looked at the baby again.

"...Just a kid."

His shoulders relaxed.

"I thought a treasure had fallen."

He turned around.

Lin Tian's divine soul froze.

Wait.

Jiang started walking away.

WAIT.

Jiang continued walking.

Lin Tian stared at his back in disbelief.

He's leaving?

Jiang scratched his head.

"Someone will probably find him."

He yawned.

"Maybe the wolves."

He took another step.

"Actually, the wolves probably have better parenting skills than me."

Another step.

"Babies cry."

He shuddered.

"Babies are loud."

Another step.

"And they need to be fed."

Jiang's face became pale.

"Terrible."

He looked toward his hut.

"My nap is more important."

Inside the baby's mind, the former Heavenly Emperor experienced something he hadn't felt in thousands of years.

Panic.

He's leaving?!

He found me in the middle of the most dangerous forest in the world and he's going back to sleep?!

Lin Tian tried to move.

His tiny arms barely twitched.

Nothing happened.

His current body was too weak.

He couldn't even crawl.

Calm down.

I am the Heavenly Emperor.

I have survived wars against primordial gods.

I have ruled the Nine Heavens.

I will not be abandoned by some lazy mortal.

Jiang reached his hut.

He lifted the curtain.

Then stopped.

Something felt wrong.

He slowly turned around.

The baby was still lying in the crater.

Jiang sighed.

"...Why do I have a bad feeling about this?"

Golden light suddenly erupted from the baby's body.

DING!

A metallic voice rang inside Jiang's head.

Jiang froze.

"...What?"

[CELESTIAL PATRIARCH SYSTEM ACTIVATED.]

Jiang slowly looked around.

"Who said that?"

[PRIMARY HOST: JIANG.]

"Show yourself."

[DESIGNATED RELATIONSHIP: FATHER AND SON.]

Jiang's face went blank.

"...Father?"

He pointed at himself.

"Me?"

[CONFIRMED.]

Jiang stared at the baby.

The baby stared back.

For several seconds, neither moved.

Then Jiang slowly shook his head.

"No."

[WARNING.]

"No."

[HOST HAS BEEN REGISTERED AS THE SOLE GUARDIAN OF THE REINCARNATED HEAVENLY SOVEREIGN.]

"No."

[RULE ONE: IF THE SON DIES, THE FATHER WILL BE OBLITERATED.]

Jiang's eye twitched.

"Absolutely not."

[RULE TWO: IF THE SON SUFFERS FROM MALNUTRITION OR NEGLECT, THE FATHER WILL EXPERIENCE TEN THOUSAND AGONIES OF TRIBULATION LIGHTNING.]

Jiang's face turned white.

"Hold on."

He raised both hands.

"I think there has been a misunderstanding."

Silence.

"I am not his father."

[RELATIONSHIP LOCKED.]

"I don't even know his mother!"

[IRRELEVANT.]

"I've never held a baby before!"

[IRRELEVANT.]

"I don't want children!"

[IRRELEVANT.]

"I don't even want responsibilities!"

[IRRELEVANT.]

Jiang's face twitched.

"...I hate this system."

DING!

[URGENT QUEST: RETRIEVE THE SON FROM THE IMPACT CRATER.]

[TIME LIMIT: 60 SECONDS.]

[FAILURE PENALTY: STAGE-1 DIVINE SHOCK.]

[WARNING: SHOCK WILL TARGET THE LOWER BODY.]

Jiang's eyes widened.

"Lower body?"

The system remained silent.

Jiang understood.

His entire body shook.

"HOLY ANCESTORS!"

He sprinted.

For the first time in an entire year, Jiang ran as if his life depended on it.

Because it did.

He jumped down the crater, scrambled across the hot earth, and grabbed the baby.

CLICK.

The countdown stopped.

[QUEST COMPLETE.]

[REWARD: +1 STRENGTH.]

[BONUS REWARD: ONE FLASK OF PURIFIED MOON-BEAST MILK.]

Jiang collapsed onto his knees.

He was breathing like he had just fought a hundred enemies.

Sweat covered his forehead.

His chest rose and fell rapidly.

He looked at the baby in his arms.

The baby looked back.

For a moment, neither said anything.

Then Lin Tian's tiny lips curved upward.

It was a very small smile.

But somehow, Jiang understood exactly what it meant.

Try leaving me again.

Jiang's expression darkened.

"You..."

The baby continued smiling.

Jiang looked toward the heavens.

Then toward the forest.

Then back at the baby.

Around them, dozens of monsters had slowly emerged from the bushes.

The saber-wolves were watching.

The Simian-Lions were watching.

Even one terrified Sky-Kraken had lowered itself between the trees to see what was happening.

They had all witnessed something unbelievable.

The man who had ignored deadly monsters for an entire year had just run twenty yards at full speed because of a baby.

One Simian-Lion whispered,

"He's a father now."

Another nodded solemnly.

"His life is over."

The saber-wolf mother gave a sympathetic growl.

"Poor fool."

Jiang heard them.

His face became even darker.

"None of you are helping."

He looked down at Lin Tian.

The baby stared back innocently.

Jiang narrowed his eyes.

"You better not be trouble."

Lin Tian smiled.

Jiang sighed.

"...You're definitely trouble."

He slowly stood up, holding the baby against his chest.

His peaceful life was gone.

His afternoon nap was gone.

His freedom was gone.

And somewhere deep inside his soul, Jiang already knew one terrible truth.

He had spent an entire year avoiding responsibility.

And somehow...

Responsibility had fallen directly from the sky.

Jiang looked at the golden-swaddled baby.

"My peaceful life..."

He looked up at the heavens.

"Where did I go wrong?"

The forest offered no answer.

The baby merely yawned.

Then, without warning, he grabbed Jiang's shirt.

Jiang froze.

"...You're not letting go, are you?"

The baby closed his eyes.

Jiang sighed.

"Fine."

He carried him toward the hut.

"But we're discussing the sleeping arrangements."

Behind them, the monsters watched in silence.

The most dangerous forest in the world had just gained a new family.

And none of them had any idea how much trouble that family was about to cause.

The peaceful life of the world's laziest man was officially over.

And Jiang hadn't realized it yet—

but raising a Heavenly Emperor was going to be far more exhausting than fighting one.