Chapter 1: Breanna
Today is my last day of summer break and I spent it in my room. I never had a reason to go out so I just wrote in my journal. My room was too quiet for this time of day. I was too busy writing in my journal at my desk to even hear my parents telling me to make sure I had all my stuff packed for my third year at Nova Horizon Sterling Institute. That’s how focused I was with that entry but I only had three words written down in 3 hours,
“Till the End,” I wrote, then lifted my pencil, contemplating and then put it back down and wrote “Till the End and Past.”
5 years ago I promised that to two certain friends, and now, I guess I was the only one that truly meant it. A couple of minutes passed and I finally put my pencil down but I didn’t close the journal yet. I looked at the words, reading them over and over again until it hurt.
5 years ago… I blamed myself for what happened
5 years ago … all I wanted was to make amends
5 years ago… all I wanted was them back in my life
5 years ago… I finally made peace with it.
I realize my hand is shaking before I can stop it so I take a deep breath and I close my journal. I leaned back against my chair, closing my eyes hoping to slow the pounding of my heart. Minutes pass when I finally have the ability to calm myself down. I look at the closed journal with my half-opened eyes and let out a sigh. I slowly got up, took the journal and slowly walked to my backpack placing it in the front pocket. My hands froze on the zipper when my eyes lost focus for a split second before shaking my head and closing it completely. When I slung the backpack on my shoulder, a photograph slipped from an open pocket that I forgot to close onto the floor.
It fell face first and I looked at it blinking a couple of times to clear my vision. I slowly knelt down and looked at it. It was a picture of an old friend and I on a rooftop just laughing. Back then, it was just us, me and an old friend, laughing at something stupid. I remember the day when we stopped being friends, the pain, the heartbreak, the misunderstanding, the distance was real enough to nearly break me, again.
“Hope you’re doing okay,” I mutter faintly before turning the photo.
I pause though when I see a small message on the back of the photo in her handwriting.
It read “ ‘You deserve to be loved, Bree. I love you, Aaron loves you, your friends love you.’
-signed your friend”
I stared at the message for a long time when my breathing started to hitch.
“You said that then…then why….” I whisper faintly, my voice cracking slightly at the word ‘why’.
Tears suddenly blurred my vision to the point I couldn’t see but I wiped them away when I heard footsteps coming. I stuffed the photograph back into my backpack quickly when my mom walked in.
“Breanna, where’s your luggage?” my mom asks.
“It’s in my closet mom,” I reply almost sheepishly.
“Well get it out, you’re leaving in less than an hour,” my mom looks around quickly, her eyes narrowing and her arms crossed.
“By the way congrats on getting into Sterling Honors Constellation,” mom looks at me up and down her eyes filled with disdain “Your brother would’ve made it in too if he was still alive.”
I clench my jaw slightly and look away “I know he would’ve.”
“Sometimes I wish he was the one that survived.” She sighs and then heads out the door muttering “the house will be quieter, without you.”
I swallow and watch her go as my eyes blur.
“She doesn’t mean it, ” I mutter to myself as I gather myself up and head to the closet “Right?”
I walk to my closet, the floor creaking here and there but I could barely hear it with the silence in my head. When I opened the closet door, I couldn’t find my suitcase anywhere.
“I thought I put it in here,” I convinced myself “where is it?”
I turn clothes over, I look behind the mirror, I look everywhere and I couldn’t find it.
“I swear I packed it,” I was certain I packed it.
I stopped myself after 15 minutes of looking through my closet, which turned out to be a big mess but that’s for another period of time. I walk out and I slowly close the door almost reluctantly. I pause though with my hand on the knob and I look to my right to see a mirror. I slowly let go of the knob before walking towards it, pausing a couple of feet in front of it.
I stare at it for a good 5 minutes. I look at my features, the still wet hair from my shower that I took earlier, the bags under my ice blue eyes, and the dryness of my skin. My eyes started to blur when a reflection of my deceased brother and his warm Hazel eyes staring back at me. I quickly blinked and he disappeared in an instant
“It’s okay, You’re okay, You’re okay” I reassure myself while pulling out some makeup.
I applied some concealer to cover the bags, used moisturizer on my skin and I put everything back into the bag. I looked at myself again and again and smiled but I thought to myself, Is this truly me or an image of myself that I couldn’t accept.
I slowly back away from the mirror and I look under the bed and find my suitcase.
“Finally” I explained with relief in my eyes.
I pull out the suitcase from under the bed and I just stare at it like it was going to somehow grow legs and walk out. I pick up the suitcase and I head out the bedroom door. While walking down the hallway, I looked around and everything was filled with ghosts, expectation and grief. I managed to get to the staircase when I heard both of my parents arguing. I crept downstairs, turned the corner fast and walked out the back door.
***
The engine started on the second try, the scent of the freshener in my car finally brought me to my senses and I slowly pulled out. Just before I got out of the driveway, my phone buzzed in my pocket and stopped the car. I pulled out my phone and I looked at the lock screen. A moment frozen in time with Aaron, my boyfriend of 2 years, dancing in the moonlight. I smiled at that faintly, unlocked my phone and opened the messages app. I saw a message from Alex who asked if I could pick her up and I responded with a thumbs up emoji.
I got to Alex’s house in 10 minutes, we didn’t really live that far away from each other. Alex was waiting at the curb with her stuff. I pulled up alongside it and put down the window.
“Are you getting in or are you waiting for something dramatic to happen?” I call out from the driver seat.
“Hey bree,” Alex says enthusiastically, her eyes shining with joy.
“Hey to you too Queen.” I said back to her that my eyes softened for the first time that day. “Put your stuff in the trunk and then get in here.”
Alex walks to the trunk, opens it and places her suitcase next to mine. I look at her through the rearview mirror and then I look away when she looks up.
“You doing okay Bree?” Alex asks as she closes the trunk and opens the passenger door and gets in.
“Yeah I’m okay,” I respond with a small smile that doesn’t quite reach my eyes but I look forward instead of meeting Alex’s gaze. “Yourself?”
“Yeah, I’m okay.” Alex smirks as I start pulling away from her house.
A couple of hours passed in the car, we drove past farmlands, suburbs, cities and we just made it to the halfway point.
“Even though today’s the last day of summer break, because we’re upperclassmen, our classes don’t start for 2 more days,” I say over the radio that is playing Renegades by X Ambassadors. “Can you text the group chat that we’ll meet them at the park?”
“You sure about it?” Alex asks, not because she doubts but because she cares.
“Yes I’m sure” I reassure Alex with a firm nod “I mean only the junior class please.”
Alex rolls her eyes at that “Yeah duh what else am I going to invite?”
I pick up a small stress ball and gently throw it at Alex who has her gaze in her phone that she doesn’t even notice.
“You really had to do that, didn’t you?” Alex’s voice is filled with mock annoyance.
“Yes I did…go cry about it,” I mutter faintly with humor in my voice and gaze.
“Done.” Alex sends the message and then turns off her phone.
I smile at that faintly side glancing at her before returning my gaze back to the road.
20 minutes later, I pull into the parking lot and people from school are already there. Nora with her blonde hair that seems to flow in the wind is laughing with Henry who is leaning against his car, Mila and Nora are talking in a hushed tone, glancing at Anna who is on her phone and Leo is just sitting in his car listening to music. I park the car a couple of spaces down from the group when Valarie parks next to the passenger side and gets out. I unlock the car and Valarie gets in the rear passenger.
“Are you ready for junior year at NHS?” Valarie asks with enthusiasm
“I am,you?” Alex responds before I can even open my mouth
“I am,” I responded a couple of seconds later with a smile “YOU GOT INTO SHC?!”
Valarie nods excitedly and she’s practically smiling “Yes, I got in!”
“CONGRATS!” I exclaim “Proud of you!”
I fist bump valarie who returns it and I smile when Alex starts speaking.
“Who nominated you?” Alex asks intrigued.
Valarie’s brown eyes brightened with pride and softness “Professor Thorn did. He thought I did great on the Lab Report I gave him.”
Valarie eagerly shows the acceptance letter that she happened to bring with her. The navy envelope with the silver embossed seal of the Harpy Eagle caught the light perfectly. Valarie opened the envelope and at the top was a metallic sterling silver of a compass pointing north.
“May I read it?” I ask faintly, knowing that she’ll probably say no but she just wanted to ask.
“Yeah, of course, you’re my friend.” Valarie responds warmly as she hands me the letter
I look at the message and read it with Alex reading over my shoulder:
Dear Valarie,
With great pride and great honor it is a pleasure to welcome you to Sterling Honors Constellation. After
careful consideration and review of your academic record, leadership, service, and character the council
unanimously agreed that you embody the four pillars of NHS: Wisdom,Service, Perseverance, and
Unity. Your commitment to the university have been extraordinary and you demonstrate parts of the
foundation of what the constellation was built upon.
As a member of SHC, you will join a select community of students committed to academic excellence,
collaborative leadership and service beyond the classroom. You will be expected to uphold these standards and contribute to the legacy of those that came before you.
Your place with Sterling Honors Constellation has been reserved pending your acceptance of this invitation.
Few are invited
Fewer still leave a lasting mark
We believe you will
Welcome to the Sterling Honors Constellation.
Sincerely,
Dr. Alistair Sterling
Director, Sterling Honors Constellation
Ad Astra Per Aspera
To the Stars through difficulties
“Okay I see you.” Alex congrats Valarie.
“Congraulations once again,” I say to Valarie as I hand the letter to Valarie “You deserve it.”
“Thank you girls,” Valarie exclaims “Really couldn’t have done it without your support.”
I smile faintly as Valarie gets out and Alex follows but she pauses with her hand on the door “You coming Bree?”
“In a bit” I respond back and gesture to the other juniors having fun “tell them I’ll be there in a bit.”
Alex nods and then walks with Valarie to go see the others, who are immediately congratulating her.
I stay in the car with my hands on the steering wheel and I just look forward into the clear blue sky. In a minute, I’ll greet my fellow classmates, in a minute I can finally start on a new platter, and in a minute I’ll finally get out of my car and start the next chapter.
