Intro
Taylor
It’s been three days since the wreck.
I’m in so much pain. Several bones were broken. I can hardly move without immense pain coursing through my entire body. It’s enough to bring me to tears.
On top of that I have no idea what happened to Aiden. I don’t even know if he’s alive.
Please be alive.
“Good morning, Taylor,” my nurse spoke softly, coming into the room. “How are you feeling?” She asked.
“Hurts,” I responded softly, fighting to not cry. “Where’s...where’s my husband?” I asked.
“What’s his name sweetheart, I’ll see if I can find him in the records, okay?”
“Aiden,” I winced as I tried to adjust myself. “S-Sanders,”
“Okay Taylor. I’ll check as soon I’m done in here,” she smiled at me sweetly.
Aiden was okay. Sort of.
He’s in a coma. His brain has activity and he’s breathing on his own. He doesn’t seem to be responsive to any stimuli though according to what Claire told me.
I want to go home. So bad.
I want to go to sleep, wake up and be in the car on the way home from the wedding.
I’d give anything to wake up and for everything to be okay.
I started to cry from the physical pain and from the way I felt about the whole situation.
All I could picture was Aiden slumped against the practically crushed steering wheel, bleeding.
Glass was everywhere.
“Aiden?” I mumbled, fighting to focus.
What happened?
The glass. It's everywhere, it almost looks pretty...
In my hair. In my lap. Sparking in the headlights of the vehicle that hit us.
Scattered like glitter on a child's art project.
Aiden was just...laying there.
Blood. There was blood.
“Aiden?” I panicked.
“Tay...” I heard a noise and I looked over at him.
I frantically searched for my phone, or Aiden’s.
I found Aiden’s phone. On the floor at my feet.
The impact was on his side.
He’s still alive.
Frantically I dialed for help.
I sobbed into the phone, begging for help.
Aiden was moving a little, looking around obviously disoriented.
“Aiden,” I sobbed, jerking awake.
When I did I was immediately met with intense pain everywhere.
"Fuck!” I sobbed in frustration.
A nurse came rushing in frantically.
She fired off a jumbled mess of questions I couldn’t comprehend.
I couldn’t help but to just cry.
It hurts. Everything hurts. I want Aiden. I want to go home.
“I want to go home,” I cried, causing myself more pain as my body wracked with each sob.
“Taylor, sweetheart, you have to calm down, please,” the nurse pleaded with me. “You’re just going to hurt yourself more, come on,”
I only continued to sob, I was trying to stop myself. I tried so hard to stop, but I couldn't.
When I was finally calmed down the nurse had to check me over to make sure nothing had started bleeding again.
A few days turned into a few months. Finally I was released. I was still spending every moment I could in the hospital though.
Aiden still hasn’t gotten any better.
Today is no different. I came in to visit him and he just did what he has been. He just laid there.
“Aiden, I don’t know if you can hear me, but...but you need to get better. Please,” I pleaded, laying my head on the bed by his hand.
I closed my eyes as the tears started to fall again.
Every visit this is how it went. I’d sit around, read, listen to music from his phone that was fairly busted up from being thrown around during the wreck, and cry.
You say you want to chase the moon like fire
Well, together we can fake our own deaths here
Just wanna be alone and watch as you all just disappear
I cried as the song played softly from Aiden’s phone.
What was, for a time the best song to ever exist to me, now only made me remember that wreck.
“Aiden, please,” I whispered. “I need you,” I whimpered.
Tears rolled down my cheeks.
I was laying in our bed, hugging one of Aiden’s pillows against my chest. It smells like him vaguely.
I miss him so much.
I want him here with me.
I need him here.
The tears started again. I couldn’t stop my crying as I clutched onto Aiden’s pillow desperately.
I sniffled a little when there was a knock on the door. I dragged myself out of our bed, trudging to the door.
“Oh, Taylor,” Claire smiled sadly at me when I opened the door.
I forced a fake half smile. “Hey, Claire,”
“I brought some food,” she spoke, holding up a covered dish.
“Thanks,” I responded, stepping aside, an invitation for her to come in.
“How are you doing sweetheart?” She asked as he came inside.
“Numb mentally, physically it still hurts.” I shrugged, closing the door behind her.
“I’m sorry dear,”
I shrugged a little. “Not your fault.”
She nodded bringing the food to the kitchen. “Do you want some now?”
“Not really,” I answered.
“Have you been eating?”
I shrugged.
Have I?
“Yeah,” I lied.
She came over and wrapped her arms around me tightly. “I know it hurts, Tay. It’ll get better though. He’ll wake up and you two can start your life together,”
I just stood there blankly.
What if he doesn’t?
“I know,” I hugged her back after a moment.
She kissed my head the way Aiden used to. “It’ll be okay. Call me if you need me, okay? I’ll answer any time you need me Taylor,”
I nodded. “Thank you,”
She smiled. “We’re all here for you,”
I was at the hospital again. It’s been...three months? I think. Days have started to blur together.
What if I can’t forget you?
I’ll burn your name into my throat.
I’ll be the fire that’ll catch you.
What’s so good about picking up the pieces?
None of the colors ever light up anymore in this hole.
If he can hear anything going on at least he has his music.
“Aiden,” I spoke, resting my hand over his. “I don’t...I don’t know if you can hear me, or anything going on around you.” I sniffled. “But...I just...I really miss you. Please wake up soon,” I spoke, tears rolling down my cheeks again.
I’d talk to him every time I visited.
I was trying so hard to not cry again. I can’t even count how many times I’ve cried lately. At this point I was probably dehydrated, or getting there with how often I've been crying.
“Please...” I whispered.
“Hey, Taylor,” one of the nurses smiled. I had no clue who she was, just that she’d been the one to check on Aiden a lot.
“Hey,”
“How are you doing?” She asked.
“Same as always,” I shrugged, playing with Aiden’s fingertips absentmindedly.
“You know,” she started, writing something on the whiteboard. “The hospital has counseling services for people who have family in the hospital, and for patients. You could try to work through some of the trauma,”
I shrugged. “I’m already seeing someone,”
It was a blatant lie. I don’t want to talk to anyone.
I don’t have time between visiting Aiden and doing a shoot occasionally. The shoots were rare, and most of the time I’d opt out. I was lucky my boss understood. He knew about the wreck and told me to take whatever time I needed.
My boss in France was less understanding but he wouldn’t fire me and go over my American boss’s head because he knew the American boss could buy the entire American branch and cut the French branch out. The American branch had become much more popular recently, so it’d stay successful, and flourish more on its own.
“Well, it’s just something to consider,” she smiled at me.
I nodded.
I sat back and turned off the music so she could do what she needed to get his vitals and everything.
I laid my head on the bed by Aiden’s hand when she left. I listened to the sound of Aiden’s soft breaths.
Why isn’t he awake?
“Please...” I pleaded with him.
I fell asleep there with my head on the bed beside him. It wasn’t comfortable but I didn’t care, I was by him. In case he woke up.
I’d have done anything to wake up to his fingers running through my hair, him staring at me the way he always does...
Glass everywhere.
Sparkly glass. All over my lap and in my hair.
Shiny glass all over Aiden as he slumped against the steering wheel.
The blood on his face.
“Tay...” All he managed to whisper before falling unconscious again.
Shattered glass. Shattered happiness.
Glass everywhere.
Sharp pain in my ribs when I turned to look at him.
“Aiden?” I sobbed, causing more pain in my ribs.
Wake up.
Wake up.
Wake up.
Please...
“I’m sorry, did I disturb you?” A nurse asked when I jerked awake suddenly.
“N-No...”
He gave me an apologetic smile.
“Would you like me to bring you a pillow and a blanket?” He asked.
“I uhh...don’t know that I’ll stay,” I answered honestly.
“You can if you want to,” he nodded. “just say the word,” he smiled.
I nodded.
“Oh, I’m Fredrick, by the way. Are you his brother or?”
“Husband,” I answered. “The...the night of the accident is when we...” I trailed.
“Oh god, in so sorry.” He spoke.
“It’s...not your fault.” I responded. “I’m Taylor,” I spoke.
“Well, it’s nice to meet you. It would be better under different circumstances, but...”
I smiled at him, it was fake. I’m sure he would understand if I didn’t smile at all though.
He went about his work while I sat back and pulled Aiden’s phone out.
I wanted to cry every time I saw his lock screen. It was a picture of me, smiling and laughing at something. I didn’t know he had even taken it.
I miss being happy like that.
I miss him.
He’s not dead.
Yeah but he’s not here either. I argued with myself.
The nurse left and came back a few minutes later with a blanket and pillow.
“I know you said no, but I figured just in case. And if you don’t stay tonight you can always put it in the closet for a day if you do.”
“Thanks,”
He nodded. “Any time,”
With that he left.
I went to sleep there in the room.
Instead of in the chair though I had crawled into bed with him the way I did when he was in the hospital for being shot.
I curled up against Aiden’s side, laying his arm around me as best I could.
It was the best I’d slept in a long time.
I didn’t have the nightmare I’d been plagued with. Replaying that night over and over and over.
The next morning when I woke up I got up to stretch out. I leaned over and placed a little kiss on Aiden’s cheek.
“I love you,” I whispered to him.
I hope he can hear me at least.
I hope he knows that I'm here...
I squeezed his hand a little. “I’ll be back tonight,” I spoke. “Promise,”
Nothing.
I was at dinner with Mom and dad, pushing my food around absentmindedly.
“Taylor,” mom spoke softly.
It’s been another two months. Nothing has changed. Aiden is still comatose. I’m still struggling to sleep at the apartment. I miss him.
“Huh?” I looked up at mom.
“Are you okay?”
I shrugged. “Miss him,” I mumbled.
“I’m sorry sweetheart,”
I glanced at the clock on the wall.
This is the first day I haven’t visited.
Claire had asked if she could come in so I could get some actual rest and have some time to try to cope.
I was practically vibrating. I don’t like not seeing him.
I want to be there.
I need to be there.
What if he wakes up when I’m not around?
I sniffled, not realizing I had started to cry.
Taylor stop crying.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled.
“Taylor, you’re only human. It’s okay to have emotions. You miss your husband,” dad spoke.
I nodded.
“I want to be there...”
“Sweetheart, it’s best if you don’t spend all that time there. It’s not doing you any good to mope around in his room every day.”
“I don’t care!” I hissed, getting defensive. “What if he wakes up and...and I’m not there? What if-”
“Taylor, the hospital will call you if anything changes. It’s okay.” Dad cut me off.
"It isn’t okay. None of this is okay!"
Aiden isn’t here. It’s not okay.
“It isn’t,” I sobbed, the emotions overwhelming me.
I ended up sleeping at mom and Dad’s for a while. Another month has passed. And still nothing.
Claire has been going in more often. She had promised to call me as soon as anything happened, if anything happened.
I was forced into therapy by my parents.
It didn’t help.
I wasn’t crying as much at least. I was still hurting and had the same recurring nightmare most nights.
God I miss him.
Today I had a shoot. It’s the first one I’ve gone to in...weeks? My boss brought the entire team out for dinner afterwards.
“Where have you been all this time?” Collin, a photographer on the team, asked.
“Uhh, well...” I trailed. “I got married, as you all know, and...”
I was floundering.
“We got into a wreck. He’s been...comatose since.”
“Oh my god, you were in the car that got completely smashed?” One of the other models asked.
I nodded.
It had been all over the news for close to a week after. The driver of the other car had died. It was found that she was drunk and had intended to go off the cliff somewhere to end her own life, but we got in the way. Her speed and lack of seatbelt sent her flying out of the windshield. I don’t know where.
I didn’t care really.
Some small, extremely bitter part of me was glad she’d died that night...
“It’s a miracle you two survived. The survival statistics of a head-on like that are like a twenty-five percent chance.”
“We didn’t get out unscathed,” I trailed.
The image of Aiden slumped against the wheel flashed in my head. The blood running down his face. The gentle dripping sound as it fell onto the shattered glass all around us.
“Broken bones, he’s in a coma, the other driver died.”
“Well, we’re all glad you survived. And your husband, Taylor.” Our boss spoke genuinely.
I flashed a half smile. “Me too,”
After dinner I was getting ready to start my walk home.
Tonight is going to be my first night back at the apartment in over a week.
“Oh, hey Tay,” Collin smiled, falling into step beside me.
“Hey,”
“You walking home?” He asked.
I nodded. “It’s not too far,” I shrugged. “I don’t really want to be in a car much anymore either,” I added.
“That’s understandable.” He nodded. “Can I walk with you?”
I shrugged and nodded. “Sure,”
The company would be nice.
I’ve been so lonely since that night. Sure I have my parents, and Beck, and Joey, and Zac, and Claire, but I don’t have Aiden.
I don’t have my husband.
“How is..?” Collin trailed.
I knew what he was asking. I almost cringed at how uncomfortable he sounded.
Just fucking ask, stop acting like I’ll break! I wanted to scream it at him, at everyone who danced around the subject like I’d shatter if they asked how Aiden is, if they mentioned the wreck.
“He’s okay. Nothing has changed for the better or worse,”
Collin nodded. “My brother works there,”
“Huh,”
“Freddy, he’s a nurse,”
I nodded. “I met him twice, I’m pretty sure. He brought me a pillow and blanket so I could spend the night once.”
He nodded, smiling. “Sounds like him,”
“He’s really good with Aiden. He doesn’t treat him like he’ll break, but he also isn’t rough. All the other nurses act like Aiden is either going to wake up and complain at them, or that he’s just a doll.” I scoffed.
“Fred is good at what he does,” Collin nodded.
We talked mindlessly the entire time we walked. He was good company to keep my mind occupied for the time being.
“Well,” Collin started when I unlocked the front door. “I should be on my way,” he smiled.
“Thank you,” I spoke. “it was nice to have company.”
It was the first time in months that it wasn’t a lie.
He smiled more. “Of course, Tay,”
I smiled.
It was forced, but it was still something.
“Do you want to come in for a drink or anything?” I asked impulsively, the people-pleaser part of my brain momentarily flickering back to life. “It looks like rain, and you’ll get drenched.”
He shrugged. “I’ll be alright, thank you though. I’ll probably call my cousin,”
I nodded. “Okay, good luck then,”
He nodded in response, smiling at me. “I’ll see you around then?”
“Yeah, see you around,” I responded.
Once he turned and I left I closed my door and double checked that it was locked before going to get a drink.
Once I had some water I took a seat on the couch.
Aiden and I spent so many nights on this couch. We’d spend hours here, him massaging my scalp while we watched TV, me laying on him for a nap after a shoot.
I sighed and laid down, closing my eyes.
Please wake up...
I need you.
