Hollow

Lies, all lies, she lied to me, she said she would always be there for me and that it would get better soon, but where did she go? I'm all alone now. Where am I? Where are you? Please. Mum, where are you?

I sobbed, clutching my teddy to my chest as I cried in the darkness. I couldn't see, hear or smell anything and the only thing I could feel was the floor underneath me and the wall at my back. "Mum, where are you? Mum?" I sniffled 'no need to cry, show me that smile' I remember her words and forced myself to smile. I stood up and began to follow the wall, it was the only thing I could do now "I have to find my mum" I held onto my teddy's arm with an iron grip, not wanting to lose him too.

I walked and walked through the darkness, my only guide was the wall at my side but even then it just kept going straight. I don't know when but I started feeling breaths of air that turned into a sharp gusts that lifted up my hair "I must be close now" a real smile appeared. I glanced down at my teddy then began to run, I ran through the darkness, eager to get out and finally be reunited with my mother.

I saw light, it was dim but compared to the pitch black I was in it looked like a blazing sun. I ran towards the light and when I came out of the darkness I was still alone but this time I had a choice, up or down. There was a great spiral staircase that lined the circular room, either way seemed to be endless but I couldn't stop now. "I don't know where you are mum, but I will find you" I said then began down the stairs. I walked and walked, at least this time I could see where I was going but as I went further down I started to think that wasn't such a good thing. It felt like weeks had passed, maybe even months but I had no way of knowing, the light never faded or brightened and the wind had taken up a pattern. When I first noticed the pattern I decided to sit and talk to my teddy but he left me too, falling off the stairs into the abyss below. I was completely alone now, I began crying. I cried until I had no more tears to shed.

I remember a voice saying something to me, something about not crying and to smile, who said that to me? What did they look like? I can't remember "I was searching for my teddy, no, I was searching for something before teddy left. But. What?" I sat on the stairs, my back against the wall as I looked at my hands "how long have I been here? What was I doing before I came here?" I asked myself, a sigh left my lips "I don't care anymore" I got back up and began to continue down the steps. With each step a sense of numbness overcame me. With each step I could feel a part of myself shut down. Who was I? Who am I? Does it even matter? I'm all alone. I continued down the steps.

I saw a picture on the ground, it was the first item I've seen in a long while and when I picked it up, my chest tightened, it felt like my heart was about to burst out of my chest while my ribs crushed my lungs. This reaction scared me, my breathing got heavier, my legs grew weak and I collapsed on the ground, falling down a few steps before stopping completely. The world was pitch black once more.

"**** here, *** ** see that ****** smile ** *****" a voice said through the darkness. Who was that? Why do I know that voice? What were they saying? I sat up as the blackness faded, giving way to the dim light in the staircase. I looked at the picture and began to cry "mum, I'm sorry I forgot about you" I sobbed, clutching the picture "I'm such an idiot, how could I have ever forgotten about you?" The numbness gave way to let me feel the tightness in my chest once again "I've been looking for you for so long, you said you would always be here for me but where are you? What did I do wrong? Tell me! Please!" I screamed, my body was shaking as I sobbed and by the time I was ready to keep walking down the stairs again, the numbness was back, stronger than ever. I felt no sadness, no happiness, no anger, just nothing, and yet, I continued to walk down.

Down I went, each step getting harder and harder to take. I found no pictures, no mother, no teddy. Although at some point I forgot about teddy, only being reminded of him occasionally when I fell asleep and mum? She haunts my dreams, damning me for forgetting about her but even those dreams became more obscure as her voice changed and her face began to blur, I could only remember her hair but even that was beginning to change. "What's wrong with me?" I asked after waking up from another haunted sleep, I never got my answer though as I continued down those steps, the steps that had now become a part of my life. I only continued partly out of curiosity, partly out of boredom, but mostly because I wanted to leave the staircase. I felt like a bird trapped in a cage, never being able to escape the reality that was now my life, the moment I get a chance to leave the stairs I will take it but nothing has come up and so, on I go, down the stairs. Down and down and down I go with no sign of an exit. I was trapped. Forever.