The Lonely Psychogist

In the buzzing city of Kuala Lumpur, Adelia had a daily routine. Wake up, get ready, skip breakfast and go to work. Adelia arrives to work early in the morning to get a head start.

"Already here?"

"Up and early, ready to go. Good morning Dr. Sarah!". Adelia heads straight to her office and revised her schedule for the day. "Jane... it would be nice if you don't push yourself everyday, everyone can have a tough day". Adelia looked around and saw Dr. Sarah standing in the corner of her office. "What are you talking about? I rely on you so much as my superior and senior at work, you couldn't count!". Dr. Sarah chuckled and headed back to the main office.

The door clicked shut, and the quiet rushed back in.

Adelia sat down slowly and pulled her schedule closer, but her eyes burned. She had not slept again. She opened her desk drawer, took out a small packet of biscuits she kept for days like this, and forced herself to eat one. Her phone buzzed. A message from her mother: Adik is sick again. Umi punya salary tak sampai lagi. I'm sorry kakak...

She stared at it for a long second, locked that tight feeling back in her chest, and typed back with a smile she did not feel: Okay umi, kakak will settle it. Don't worry.

Just then, her first patient knocked. A teenage girl, eyes red, shoulders shaking. Adelia stood up, straightened her white coat, and put her warmest psychologist smile on.

"Come in. I'm here. Tell me everything".

The girl whimpered and hugged her bag tight. She stared at the floor, too scared to look up at the quiet office. Adelia softened her voice. "Take your time. This room is safe".

Slowly, the girl started to talk. About her parents fighting, about feeling invisible in school, about crying alone at night.

Adelia listened, nodded and gave her the best advice she could. Advice that felt right at the moment. But while the girl felt lighter, Adelia felt the weight settle deeper in her own chest.

The girl finally looked up, eyes red.

"My parents fight every night," she whispered. "My mom says I am too much. My friends all left me. I just feel... invisible."

Adelia leaned forward. "Thank you for telling me that. That took a lot of courage."

"Does it ever get easier?" the girl asked.

Adelia smiled gently, the same smile she gives everyone. "It does, but you don't have to get through it alone. Let's figure this out together, one step at a time. What is one small thing that made you feel a little safe this week?"

The girl thought for a moment. "Sleeping. When I sleep, no one yells." Adelia nodded and wrote it down, her voice steady. "Okay. Then we start there."

Inside, Adelia's own sleepless nights pressed against her heart, but she pushed them down and stayed focused on the girl in front of her. The last patient left at 8pm. Dr. Sarah and the other doctors had already gone home, the office was dark, and Adelia was finally alone.

She locked her office door, slipped her bag over her shoulder, and walked out into the buzzing Kuala Lumpur night. The streets were still loud with cars, food stalls, and people laughing with their friends. Everyone seemed to have somewhere to go, someone to go home to.

Adelia pulled her shawl tighter and waited for the LRT alone. Her phone buzzed again. Her mother: Dah makan?

She typed back quickly: Dah umi, stop worrying.

It was a lie. She had skipped dinner again.

When she reached her small rented room, she kicked off her shoes, changed into a loose t-shirt, and sat on the edge of her bed. The fan buzzed above her. She was exhausted, but her mind would not stop replaying the girl's crying face, her mother's message about rent, and her own thoughts she had locked away all day.

She stared at the ceiling, eyes burning, sleep nowhere in sight.

That is how her nights always ended. Alone.

It was the next morning. Adelia woke up and went to work.

It was 7am and the office was quiet. Adelia sat at her desk, staring at the file of the teenage girl she had seen yesterday. Her eyes were heavy. She had not slept properly in days, and the messages about rent and her sibling kept buzzing in her mind.

She tried to take a deep breath and get up, but her hands started to shake. Tears welled up before she could stop them. She pressed her face into her hands, just for a second.

Then a knock on the door.

"Jane? You here?" Dr. Sarah opened the door and stopped when she saw her.

Jane quickly wiped her eyes and forced her usual smile. "Oh, yeah. Just organizing some things. I'm fine."

Dr. Sarah did not sit down. She just looked at her. "You don't look fine. You look exhausted. When was the last time you actually rested?"

Adelia opened her mouth to say she was okay, but her voice cracked. For a second, Dr. Jane almost broke and Adelia almost showed. Sarah closed the door behind her and sat down in the chair across from Adelia. She did not push papers or look at files. She just looked at Adelia.

"Jane, you have been the strongest person in this office for months," Sarah said softly. "You help everyone. But you never let anyone help you. That is not fair to you."

Jane tried to laugh a little. "I am okay, Sarah. Really. There are people with bigger problems than mine."

Sarah shook her head. "That is what you always say. But you look tired, not just in your body. In your heart."

Jane felt her throat tighten. All the sleepless nights, the rent worries, the feeling of being invisible outside of work, all of it rose up at once. She wanted to keep the smile, but she could not.

"I am just... tired," Jane whispered, and a tear finally fell. "Tired of pretending I am fine."

Sarah reached across the desk and placed a hand over hers. "Then you don't have to pretend here. Not with me. You are allowed to express your emotions here".For the first time in a long time, Adelia did not pull her hand away.

After that night with Sarah, Adelia went home as Adelia.

She was lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling again, phone beside her. She had ignored messages all week. Then her phone lit up.

It was an old group chat she had left on mute for months. *College Friends.*

Aina: Has anyone talked to Adelia lately?

Rayyan: I tried last week. She said she was busy.

Aina: I saw her status. She looks tired. I am worried.

Imani : Same. She always says she is fine but we know her. Adelia never asks for help.

Adelia stared at the screen, her chest tight. They were talking about her. Not as Dr. Jane, the perfect psychologist, but as Adelia, their old friend who never wanted to be a burden.

She typed something, then deleted it. Typed again, then deleted it.

Then a new message popped up from Aina, directly to her: Adelia, we miss you. You don't have to carry everything alone. Can we meet this weekend? Just us. No work talk. We just want you back.

Adelia held her phone close, tears falling silently. For the first time, someone was not asking Dr. Jane for advice. They were asking Adelia how she was.

She finally whispered to the empty room, "Maybe I need that."