AETHER'S BURDEN

I’d been sitting at my desk for thirty-seven minutes and hadn’t done a single useful thing except replay Val’s voice in my head on a loop: “She’s just so smart, Ru. You’d love her! She’s really transformed the way we work. I don’t know how she does it…”

Yeah? Well, probably nothing special, just that she’s new, I couldn’t help thinking.

Val had been singing this new boss’s praises day and night like she was practicing for a musical. At first, I smiled, nodded, made a few supportive noises. But somewhere around hour two of her giddy monologue last night, something snapped.

She was even glowing, and not the regular one I was used to, this was more radiant, almost reverent. Like she’d been touched by a god with a corner office and a tailored blazer.

Every word out of her mouth since the previous week had been about that woman, Tana. She even said her name like it had a taste to it. Tana said this, Tana fixed that, Tana’s vision, Tana’s leadership, Tana, Tana... It was like her dreams were manifesting through this woman, and I was just furniture in the background.

I tried my best to keep calm, but this was something new entirely. I wouldn’t let some perfectly ironed corporate bimbo who probably inherited her fortune replace me.

And that was the first time Papa’s watch beeped ever since I left Pidia. I glanced at it.

11.57750°N 92.24444°E.

Those coordinates again, this time followed by a countdown timer.

10811:13:31:12… 11… 10…

From experience, that beep always signaled bad luck. No matter what choice I made, however safe it seemed, something terrible would inevitably happen. Now, here I was in Marra State, Azala Kingdom, thousands of miles from Pidia, and they were back to torment me.

I couldn’t ask anyone about them. It was as if I was the only one who could see them, and whenever I tried to describe them, the words stuck in my throat. Those moments were terrifying, and escaping Pidia had brought me some relief, at least for a while. Until then.

It should have been my warning to stop. I should have told myself to mind my business, quite literally. But I didn’t. Instead, I took it as a sign to act faster. There was something about the way I was feeling that rewired my whole sense of reason. It made me think in caveman logic. Made me believe I had to fight for what was mine. Some part of me was convinced Val was being lured away by a superior female and my only defence was to show up and assert my dominance… or presence.

I decided to show up with something, probably lunch. Food is where I shone, and the only thing I’d heard Val praise me about to others. So I drove back home amidst the surprised stares of my team. It took me almost an hour to whip up her favourite, then left for Marra Health Centre.

There was a lot of traffic, letting me stew in my envy, my heart thumping faster with every mile covered. I noticed a liquor store, so I pulled over and bought a bottle of whiskey. “Just a little to take the edge off,” I told myself.

It helped that little. But the closer I got to her office, the tighter my chest felt. My legs were bouncing so hard I thought the seat would crack in half. Val’s praises about her boss kept replaying in my mind. Describing her as things I knew I would never be. So I drank more.

By the time I arrived, I was sweating like I’d run a marathon and gritting my teeth so hard I might’ve fractured a molar.

I walked in like I owned the place. I’d visited a dozen times so I knew most of those people. I gave a fake smile to the receptionist I’d shared a smoke with during the last staff BBQ.

“Hey, Ruhi, it’s been a while,” she said. “Val’s in a meeting with the boss; they should be done in a few.”

“Yeah,” I replied. “The new boss, right? Tana?”

She nodded. “Been in there a while, they should be done soon.”

A while? The words sent the creativity in me into a frenzy. My stomach flipped like I’d swallowed a ferret.

Suddenly I pictured my Val on the desk, her shirt - the one she asked me to iron that morning while she went on and on about her meeting with Tana - halfway off, laughing at something stupid Tana whispered in her ear… It was horrible, and I couldn’t stop. Every scene pulled my intestines into tighter knots.

“Is she okay?” I asked, unsure of what to say so I could go in there.

The receptionist looked confused. “I mean, yeah. They’re just…”

“I need to see her, it’s urgent,” I said. My voice had a kind of twitch in it.

“Ru, she’s busy. Like, really…”

I was already walking, my boots thumping like threats down the hallway. I could feel my blood boiling and my bladder doing nervous gymnastics. It was madness, I knew that. But I kept walking.

I didn’t knock; I just opened the door. The receptionist followed behind me, trying to explain that she unsuccessfully tried to stop me. Val waved for her to leave, and that’s when the absurdity of it hit me.

The room went quiet. Val sat at the head of the table, mid-sentence, her eyes locking on mine in shock like I’d just walked in holding a gun.

“Ruhi?” Her voice hit the octave usually reserved for calling the police.

The other woman, Tana, looked up at me with a calm, smug look, as if she had been expecting me to crash the meeting.

She had the polished appearance of someone fresh out of a leadership seminar - crisp suit, perfect hair, with a smile that sized me up as a small, pathetic bundle of existence. She set the pad she was holding on the chair beside her, then crossed her legs and folded her arms, settling in like she was ready to enjoy the show.

I belched. It came out before I could even sense it coming. It was so loud I thought I heard an echo. I knew I smelled like whiskey and my eyes were probably twitching. I had no reason, no explanation, completely nothing to offer. And from the look Val gave me, I knew I’d possibly destroyed something beyond repair.

I’d never seen her eyes so cold and furious. She didn’t speak at first, probably still recovering from the shock. They seemed to be waiting for me to make it worse, so I did.

I hadn’t thought it through. The lunch was still in the car, the excuse that hadn’t fully formed in my head died before it reached my mouth. All I could think to say was:

“Hey love... surprise?”

Val’s eyes widened with panic. “Ruhi, what are you doing here?”

“I brought lunch.” I beamed too wide, and too bright. I stepped in further and waved like I was greeting old friends. “Thought I’d treat the brains behind this wonderful operation, maybe meet the new boss.”

Val opened her mouth to say something, probably to save me from myself, but I was already walking toward Tana with my hand stretched out. “You must be the famous Tana I keep hearing about. Wow, you really are real... You have been a song in my house, I must say. I’ve heard nothing else from my wife since you showed up. Great to finally meet you. Though not as impressive as I’d expected…”

The woman smiled, like nothing about my words fazed her. She was so sure of herself and it made me hate her more. “I’m sorry I didn’t meet your expectations,” she said calmly, clearly amused.

She was taller than I expected. Elegant in an almost threatening way. Eyes with that deep look that seemed to dig through me. I didn’t even try to hide the way I sized her up. The alcohol in my system didn’t let me.

Just as my fingers brushed hers, I felt a wave of nausea. My ankle twisted awkwardly and I stumbled forward. She quickly stood up and reached out to hold me before I aggravated my already shameful moment. But as soon as her hand touched my arm, it was like a cold wind crawled up my spine.

Something about her skin on mine, the way her touch settled wrong in my shoulder brought my brain to a standstill, sobering my mind up for a quick second. It felt too familiar.

I pulled away fast. “Don’t touch me,” I snapped, more due to the panic in my gut than to her. “Sorry. I… I’m just clumsy. Long week. You know how it is,” I said when I saw the look on Val’s face. It was Tuesday.

That’s when she stood up and walked to me, as if just recovering from her bout of shock. Her voice was controlled, but her face was something else entirely. She looked concerned for a moment, then I noticed the slight anger, or sneer?

“Ruhi, are you okay? Where’s the food?”

The food. Right. The whole reason I said I was there.

“In the car,” I mumbled. “I’ll get it.”

“Let’s talk outside,” she said then turned to her boss. “I’m so sorry about this. I’ll be right back.”

She hadn’t rushed even when I almost fell. But I noticed in her tight jaw and clipped stride that she was holding back.

“It’s okay, handle your business, I’ll be waiting,” Tana said, catching my eye once again with that annoying conceited look.

How I wanted to choke the life out of her. What does she mean by handle your business?

As soon as we stepped out and the office door closed behind us, Val hissed under her breath, “What the hell was that? Are you drunk?”

I laughed nervously, trying to act like this was still a romantic surprise. “What? No. I thought we could eat together… You know, bond, team spirit. I’m trying to support the wifey.”

“Ruhila, it’s ten in the morning, for heaven’s sake, and you know I don’t do lunch,” she said, pulling me by the arm toward the parking lot.

When we got to the car, I opened the door for the lunch bag. The nearly empty whiskey bottle sitting on the passenger seat announced the truth with a drumroll. I’d placed the food in the back.

She stared at it, then at me, but remained silent. Not the worried silence I knew from our fights or when collecting herself before she forgave me. This one had disgust in it, or maybe disappointment. That bone-deep kind that said I just embarrassed her in front of the boss she worshiped and she didn’t even have the energy to be mad. I wasn’t that much that day.

“I just can’t with you,” she said.

“I just had a little,” I admitted. “To calm my nerves.”

She nodded, took the lunch bag and my keys, then pulled out her phone.

“Wait… Val, I’m sorry. I just… I felt weird about her, about this whole thing, and I…”

She turned her back to me. “I’m calling someone to take you home. You’re not driving. I don’t have the time or patience for this right now.”

I sat on the curb while she called for a driver. I felt like a problem she needed to log so she could get back to more important things like Tana.

When the driver arrived, she handed him the keys, gave him some quick instructions, then turned to me: “Don’t ever come back here like that again.”

That was all. And it stung.

We hadn’t made it out of the parking lot before my head slumped against the window. The world blurred, and my brain shut off like it couldn’t handle being me anymore.