Chapter 1
I grew up in a split home.
My mom dated, then she got married.
He was a drunk.
The fighting.
Leave my mom alone. Stop. You’re hurting her.
911.
We ran.
I was lost on the merry-go-round.
Schools.
Friends.
They never lasted.
Education was a joke. I couldn't retain when schools changed .
She took him back.
The screaming.
911.
Baby, I'm sorry. We’re leaving this time.
Mom met another guy.
Drugs came.
Insanity came.
Lies came.
I visited my alcoholic drug Dad.
Do you see me?
Am I enough?
Do you love me?
His girlfriend is nice.
Dad, are you awake? I'm hungry.
No answer.
Crackers dry my mouth, but they will do.
Dad is awake. Never mind, he just turned over.
What’s that on his arms?
Are those holes?
I want my mom.
Mom. I missed you.
I love you.
Mom, let’s talk.
Take interest in me.
Do you not see me?
Mom.
Fine.
Whatever.
Kids in the neighborhood.
Wow. Their home is cool. They have toys and TVs in their room.
Their Mom smiles. Their Dad plays with them.
Meet your Brother.
Family.
He doesn't like me very much. He hates me.
He destroys my toys. He eats my cereal.
Mom loves him more.
He moves back to Dad's house. I stay. I always stay.
New school.
New friends.
New Grade.
Why are you shy?
Oh please don't call me up to introduce myself.
She has pretty hair.
My hair is dry.
Mom doesn't know how to care for it.
Mom, can I get my hair done?
Notes pass in class. Who is Pretty and Hot?
What's that number?
Are they rating us?
Oh, did I make the list?
Oh, of course she got hot. Her eyes are the bluest.
Mine are brown, like dirt.
Their shoes are cool. Mine are too tight.
Award assembly. Will I get one?
So many parents. Is my mom here?
I am good. Kids call me teacher's pet.
Mom isn't here.
Please don't call my name. Please.
It’s over. They didn't call my name.
Mom, are you home?
He found us.
No. Mom??
Police are here.
Ambulance. They took her.
Grandparents are coming. Mom will be okay.
New home.
New school.
Again.
Mom.
I love you.
Do you see me?
No one wants me.
Rebel.
I talk too much at school. I won't stay seated.
I'm failing.
They hold me back a grade.
What? No.
My new friends.
My friends ignore me. Okay. I'll make new ones.
I'm on Yellow card.
Red card.
Note sent home.
You’re grounded. Go to your room.
Mom, can we talk?
Mom is asleep.
I'm on Green card.
Stay seated.
Don't move.
Don't talk. I can do it.
I don't understand the work.
Sharpen pencil.
Bathroom.
Pass notes.
Red card.
Black card.
Mom's here. I'm being shadowed.
Does she see me?
I'm sitting up straight.
My desk is organized.
I can see her behind that board.
Mom met a guy. I don't like him.
Mom, why are you crying?
Mom, where did he go?
Mom, what's that white stuff boiling into circles on the stove?
Mom? Why are you acting crazy?
There is no one under there.
Mom.
Mom.
I want my Dad.
Dad. I missed you.
Smiles.
Hugs.
Long drive.
Dad? Where is he?
He’ll be back.
Morning. Dad is asleep.
Lunch. Dad is asleep. I sleep.
Dinner. Dad is gone.
I want my Mom.
The cycle never ends.
Sleepovers turn into sneaking out.
I don’t want to sneak out.
Can’t we just do nails and makeup?
Okay. I’m following you.
Why are we here?
Do you know these guys?
I want to go home.
Mom. I missed you.
It’s safe here in my bed.
Mom, can I call him Dad?
He is kind to us.
Dad.
New school.
New friends.
That’s my Dad.
No, that’s my Uncle.
She hit me. What did I do?
My new Dad is mad at me.
He is married already.
Then why is he here with us?
He has kids?
Mom? Where did he go?
Mom. Do you see me?
Fine.
He's back. But he's married.
Rebel.
Kicked out of school.
New school for troubled kids.
The instructors are mean.
Why do I have to stand with my hands this way?
About face.
They see me. I like it here.
Sleep.
911.
Mom. What’s going on?
Why are they covering him up?
He’s dead.
Go to school. You’re okay.
Just breathe.
School is safe.
Why am I shaking?
He's dead.
Mom will be okay. Me too.
It hurts. Why does it hurt?
He's gone
Instructors and Friends.
They care.
They are hugging me.
They care.
They called my mom.
I’m being sent home.
We're moving.
No. No.
I want to stay at this school.
No.
New school.
New friends.
Mom is sad.
Mom. Do you see me?
Mom is crying again.
Bio Dad? Can I see you?
Bio Dad has new kids.
I have baby brothers and an older Sister.
Hi.
She is beautiful.
I like her nails.
She did my nails and my hair.
I love her.
Dad. Who are all these guys here?
That guy is staring at me.
I want to leave.
The music is loud.
Everyone's drinking.
I’m going to bed.
I can’t sleep.
My doorknob is turning.
Play sleep. Play sleep.
There is a guy standing over me.
He is breathing hard.
Please. Please leave me alone.
Don’t move a muscle.
I hear my Sister telling him to go. I'm sleeping.
She saved me. I love her.
My Sister is leaving.
Take me with you. Don't leave.
My heart hurts.
Mom. Come get me.
Mom looks better.
Mom is dating someone.
Did she miss me?
We argue.
Nothing I do is right.
Why doesn’t she love me?
Mom. Do you see me?
I’m right here.
Why can't we get along?
Slap.
I’m done.
Sister. Can I come stay?
It's nice here.
Ooh my Sister has kids.
She is fun.
Everyone loves her.
She is loved.
I want to be just like you.
I'll help you around the house.
I'll take care of the kids.
Do you love me?
Why are those girls here?
Everyone comes here.
They all love you.
They seem nice.
Whispering. Giggling.
Are they talking about me?
Why are they here then?
They can leave. She's my Sister.
My Sister is talking about me too.
Why am I weird? Why don’t I fit in?
Why am I not enough?
I’ll do better.
Be better.
Did you see what I did?
I fed the kids and bathed them.
Washed the dishes.
Do you see me now?
Let’s take a trip.
I have more family.
Will they like me?
Will I fit in?
My Sister is the life of the party.
All the guys like her.
She lets me wear her clothes.
She always smells good.
I will be like her one day.
She takes me with her to her friend's house.
She introduces me.
Everyone gushes on me because I'm HER little Sister.
This is fun.
People are always smiling.
Cooking out.
Why am I so quiet?
Why can’t I be more like her?
She takes me to meet some guys.
She knows them from younger days.
It's so dark inside.
Why do we have to whisper?
Oh. They live with their mom.
How long will we be here?
I’m ready to go.
Oh you are kissing him.
Awkward.
I'll just stare at my phone.
What do you mean his friend likes me?
I don’t know him.
My Sister says go with him.
Okay.
Umm. Why are we in a bathroom?
Oh. He is kissing my neck.
Okay. This is nice I guess.
Wait. What is he doing?
I don’t want to be here.
Where is my Sister?
Please. Please let this be a nightmare that I will wake from.
I want my Mom.
It's not supposed to go in that hole.
Don’t kiss my neck.
Where is my Sister?
I hate my life.
It’s over. It’s done.
My Sister is smiling at me.
And the guy next to her too.
I hate her.
I never want to be like her.
I want my Mom.
Mom moved to Grandma's
New school.
Small town.
These kids drive nice cars.
I wish I was talented enough for dance or cheer.
Or even play an instrument.
I have friends. But they party too much.
I want to fit in. So I do too.
Mom. I’m home.
She's always in her room.
On the computer.
Mom. Do you see me?
I'm right here.
I want a car.
Buy here. Pay here.
This car is sporty.
I'll take it.
Okay. I'll sign there.
My Grandparents are mad.
This car goes fast.
School day.
See my new car.
Everyone is staring.
Will they accept me now?
Payments are high.
Two jobs.
More money.
I can buy my friends lunch.
Nicer clothes.
I'm failing.
School is hard.
I don't understand.
Insurance due.
Car payment due.
I'm struggling.
When will it ever get better?
I hate my life.
Mom. Are you in there?
Mom. What are you wearing?
Is that camera recording you?
Mom is moving away to get married to someone new.
I can’t take it anymore.
I get in my car.
Drive.
Music and tears.
The sun is setting.
I hate my life, it never changes.
That's Mom's car heading my way.
Screw her.
Screw them all.
Speed.
Adrenaline.
Jerk left.
Tree.
Blackness.
I love you, Mom
Do you see me now?
