Chapter 1
How terrible a person I must have been.
How could I ever call myself a lover?
How could I claim to love you
when I cared so little about what you felt?
When I barely listened to you,
when I couldn't recognise the pain behind your silence,
when I failed to notice the slightest change in your mood,
when I barely made an effort to communicate with you.
When I constantly found excuses for my actions,
when I spoke without thinking of the consequences,
when I placed my feelings above yours,
when I let my insecurities dictate how I treated you.
When I became toxic,
when my words and actions hurt you,
when I entertained affection from others
while claiming that my heart belonged to you.
When I failed to give you the intimacy,
the affection, and the tenderness you deserved.
When, when, when...
How many times must I say it?
How many ways must I recount my failures
before I finally understand the weight of what I've done?
All I seem to remember
is how terribly I failed you.
And now I find myself questioning
how someone who claimed to love you
could have made you feel so unloved.
