Chapter 1

Part 1

“I love you” , I whispered barely audible even to myself .

“And it hurts”, my voice cracked

“But I'm gonna hate you “, I said in a firm tone though my eyes fought back unshed tears .

The cold floor of my bedroom numbing my butt

“Because hating you is the only way it doesn't hurt” ,I whispered to myself.

As I slid down, allowing the cold floor to kiss my warm skin.

“I wish you were here so I could tell it to your face… , but all I get is haunting memories of the times we shared”, I croaked my eyes burning from the sting of the tear I finally allowed to roll down my cheeks as they stained the tiles.

I sobbed quietly , Like the sheer weight of my own emotions could crush me

“It hurts”

“why does it hurts… someone pls make this pain stop “, I cried out clutching unto my oversized T-shirt as I began to choke on my tears the position making it harder for me to breathe

Gasping for air I pulled on my own hair trying so hard to quiet the havoc brewing inside me.

To no avail

As I began to claw at my own skin

The peaceful interlude music broke me out of my panic attack,

I stared quietly , my fingers still deep into my skin

The music continued

Until I finally reached out and grabbed my phone .

“Hello Zizi “, I picked up the call , my voice feeling hoarse .

“Babes , I'm almost at your apartment I hope you didn't forget girls night “

Seriously, it's today? I mentally groaned

“Oh m…gosh like I knew you'd forget”

“I'm sorry”, I whispered apologetically

“Sigh… girl I hope you're not still hung up on you know who?”,

I took a deep breath

“No..”, I lied.

“Mhmmmhmmm”

“So what dress are you wearing? Maybe we can compliment each other's outfit tonight”, I changed the topic.

The black sequin mini dress, Zizi answered , though her tone was still very skeptical.

“Fabulous, I think I have something that'll compliment that nicely” .

“Mhm…yh okay girl see you in a few minutes”

“Okay bye Zizi”,I said finally ending the call letting out a breath I didn't realize I was holding in.

******

Loud music blasted through the club, a few crowds were on the dance floor moving to the beat

Zizi and I sat on the bar stools sipping on some cocktails,as we laughed at something the bartender had said.

The booze slowly calmed my anxious nerves.

Abby let's go dance , Zizi giggled as she pulled me to the dance floor , feeling the music we began to sway our hips to the rhythm of the beat laughing at each other's tipsy state.

We danced till we were out of breath going back to the barstool to take a break , we were busy enjoying each other's company, and suddenly a guy approached us.

“Wassup beautiful ladies , mind if I buy you a drink ?”, he asked with a gentle smile

Zizi and I gave him a smile, though it wasn't real, at least for me it wasn't.

“Sure , why not “, Zizi answered.

The guy slid his card to the bartender as he took a seat next to me

“So are you guys friends?”The guy started a conversation.

“Yes we are besties?” Zizi replied though she was typing on her phone not even giving him a glance .

“Wow I see , well can I get your names ?” He continued.

“I'm Zizi” Zizi spoke first without giving the guy her attention.

“I'm Abby, “ I said with a tight smile.

“Such lovely names , I'm Toby by the way”,

The bartender slid the drinks to the three of us .

Only then did Zizi finally put her phone down.

The guy seemed to entertain Zizi and I for a while until the conversation began to feel weirdly personal and uncomfortable.

Excuse me but I don't like where this conversation is going. I finally voiced out as I shifted in my seat, obviously uncomfortable.

“What exactly is wrong ?” , Toby responded Dryly

“Uhm everything”, i muttered inaudibly

“Okay Listen boy , she's obviously not interested, and I have a man , if your plan was to get laid tonight sorry to burst your bubble but you picked the wrong girls ,so save yourself the embarrassment and walk away”, Zizi snapped, giving the guy a weird stink eye.

“And what if I decide not to?” he countered.

“Oh God…, look we appreciate you getting us a drink but you're starting to act like an ass and I don't like that , " Zizi rolled her eyes as she slung her purse onto her shoulder and stood up a bit too harshly .

Come on Abby Nick's waiting in the car outside and with that she pulled me along to the exit as we squeezed through bodies dancing and grinding on one another.

Leaving the guy pissed off, he smashed his glass on the ground breaking it into pieces.

As we stepped out into the chilling night breeze Zizi spotted Nick lazily leaning on his black SUV across the street.

Excited, she ran to him , while I absentmindedly trailed behind her.

******

We drove in silence , as I stared out the window the night was still bustling

until Zizi finally broke the silence.

“I'm sorry about tonight Abby, that jackass totally ruined our time. Good thing I texted Nick a while back to come pick us up .

They finally dropped me off at my apartment and Zizi escorted me to my front door giving me a hug before leaving.

A sudden wave of depression struck me the moment I walked into my apartment. I don't know if it was the incident at the club or seeing Zizi and Nick together.

I'm not jealous!

No I can't be jealous of her , but a part of me aches seeing those two together

It brings back memories I try so hard to forget.

Urghhhh, my head spun the intoxication finally getting to me

I walked to the bathroom cleaning off my makeup.

My eyes were watery , and my head was spinning like crazy and yet the ache in my heart wouldn't stop

I stepped into my room taking the hangover medication before collapsing on my bed ,

I clutched my phone to my chest

“Should I call him ?’ I contemplated.

He won't pick up , and you know it , I said to myself.

Yet my fingers still found their way to his call log

It rang