Chapter 1 Evil Princess Emma

Evil Princess Emma stood in front of her full-length gilded mirror, striking three distinct poses in rapid succession: Regal, Fabulous, and Fierce.

She admired her immaculate short blond hair, her piercing blue eyes, and her absolute showstopper of a princess dress—the one covered in glittering golden stars that swished out with maximum drama whenever she twirled. To top it all off, a pointy silver crown sat tilted just right on her head.

She was, without a single shadow of a doubt, sooo pretty. In fact, she was about to make the glass acknowledge it for the forty-seventh time today.

“Mirror, mirror on the wall,” Emma chanted, executing a tight pirouette that sent her skirt flaring outward like a starry galaxy. “Who is the prettiest, most flawless, ridiculously gorgeous princess of them all?”

She paused, fluffing a blond curl that had the nerve to drift half a millimeter out of place. Who wouldn’t think she was the Prettiest Princess in the entire universe? No one! That’s who.

Slowly, the glass rippled like pond water, and a rounded, deeply exhausted old face emerged. His jowls drooped, his eyelids hovered at half-mast, and he looked like he’d been dragged out of a nap he’d been waiting three centuries to take.

Emma didn’t care about his bad mood. Telling her how fabulous she was happened to be his entire job description! Besides, she often wondered what he’d even do if she didn’t call on him every ten minutes. He’d probably fall asleep, get lonely, or fade into non-existence from sheer boredom. She was practically doing him a charitable favor by existing.

“Hate to break it to you, oh Evil Princess Emma...” the Magic Mirror drawled, rubbing the bridge of his stone-grey nose. “But my daily magical scan detected a minor aesthetic disturbance.”

Emma’s twirling ground to a screeching halt. “A what?”

“Two chicks,” the Mirror said, checking his spectral fingernails. “Princess Aurora over in the Briar Kingdom and Ashley the Warrior Princess over in the Midas Kingdom. Technically speaking, they’ve currently got you beat by half a shade of gloss and three points of natural symmetry. But hey, they live in neighboring realms! I wouldn’t lose sleep over—”

"WHAT?!"

The shriek hit a frequency capable of shattering delicate crystal.

“There are two other princesses?!” Emma ranted, her hands flying to her cheeks in theatrical horror. “And they dare to walk around existing with prettier vibes than me?! I don’t believe it! This is treason! This is an insult to fashion! I won’t allow it!”

She began stomping back and forth across the plush velvet rug, her pointy crown wobbling wildly.

“PUCK! Get your pointy-eared rear in here right now!”

POP!

A cloud of glittering red dust exploded near the curtains. Puck strolled out of the cloud, casually dusting sparkles off his shoulders. He was a tall fairy with shoulder-length blond hair, a crooked smirk, and a gleam of pure, unadulterated mischief in his bright green eyes.

He gave Emma a theatrical, swept-wing mock bow, dropping low enough to graze the rug before popping up like a jack-in-the-box. Spying on Emma was already his favorite pastime, but watching her get this worked up was better than live theater. It meant he was about to get sent off to cause absolute chaos.

Honestly, sitting around the castle listening to a miniature tyrant boast about her hair was mind-numbing. He needed action. And if he had anything to do with it, whatever mission she gave him was going to turn into a hilarious catastrophe.

“Yes, oh mighty, ultra-pretty, terrifyingly loud one?” Puck smirked, shoving his hands into his pockets and leaning casually against the wall. He wasn’t the least bit intimidated by her tiny rage-stomp.

His stomach gave a loud, treacherous rumble. Great, Puck thought. Now I want pizza. Or maybe popcorn. Depends on how off-the-rails this evil villain monologue gets.

“I have an emergency of regional proportions,” Emma declared, puffing out her chest and crossing her arms. “I need you to march into those neighboring kingdoms and make sure both of those so-called ‘pretty’ princesses fall asleep forever! Then the crown of ultimate prettiness defaults back to me. It is a solid, ironclad, fool-proof plan!”

She nodded sharply to herself, thoroughly convinced of her own tactical genius. I mean, it had to work, right? Right! What else was she supposed to do—let two other girls walk around thinking they were hotter than her? Absurd.

Puck blinked, leaning forward slightly. “Right... sound logic. One tiny question: which neighboring kingdoms are we talking about here?”

He crossed his arms, more than ready to haul tail out of the castle. Harassing two completely unsuspecting princesses sounded way more fun than sitting here. He didn’t even need to tell them Emma sent him—or why he was doing it. He wasn’t actually going to hurt them, of course. A little magical prank, a minor snooze button, and a whole lot of dramatic flair.

Granted, Puck wasn’t entirely clear on how putting two random teenagers to sleep would magically transfer their beauty points to Emma... but hey. An excuse for trouble was an excuse for trouble.

“Good question!” Emma pivoted sharply toward the glass, rearranging her blond curls for the fifth time. All that stomping had ruined her volume. Why didn’t her hair stay immaculate during tantrums like it did for princesses in storybooks? Life was so unfair. “Mirror! Where are these usurpers hiding?”

“Well... let me see,” the Mirror grumbled, his heavy face floating closer to the surface. “You’ll find Princess Aurora over in the Briar Kingdom, currently eating a massive birthday cake with her family. And Ashley the Warrior Princess is over in the Midas Kingdom, trapped in a high tower getting lectured on etiquette by her tutor. But as I was saying, these are distant lands! We really don’t need to—”

“FIND THEM AND NEUTRALIZE THE COMPETITION!” Emma shouted, completely cutting off the Mirror’s sensible adult advice.

The Mirror sighed, his heavy jowls jiggling with profound disappointment. “This is not going to end the way she thinks it will,” he muttered under his breath. Without another word, his face dissolved into silver mist as he ducked into the network of mirrors to hide.

“Consider it done, Boss!” Puck gave a crisp two-finger salute, winked at the infuriated princess, and vanished in a dramatic BAMF of shimmering red glitter.

Emma sneezed twice as the red dust settled over her pristine white carpet. She smoothed down her starry dress, checked her reflection, and smirked.

“It’s good to be the Evil Princess,” she preened, admiring her blue eyes once more. “Phase One is officially a go.”