Functionally Dysfunctional
I could barely get the truck in park before the tears came. Leaving a location is always hard, but this, assignment was different. We have spent eight months in Guatemala, and every day has been as hard as the first. From the search and rescue days to the last screw placed on the rebuilt playground, I have had to keep my heart in check. It wasn’t the first time I have seen such tragedy, but this trip was different; the unity this community has was so much more than I have ever seen. The mudslides destroyed the entire village and the surrounding areas, and even with the deaths and destruction, those that were left worked hard every day; they helped in any and every way they could. This trip was proof that with more time, we can really make a difference, yet I know I can’t do another location like this, my heart has been in pieces since the first week.
The knock on the window pulled me from my depressing thoughts, the young man waiting to valet the truck looked concerned, “Ma’am? Do you need me to get someone?”
I wiped the tears from my cheeks as I shook my head then opened the door. The man stood back a little further than necessary as I hopped out of the truck, the sun was setting behind the building as the young man handed me a ticket I thanked him as a small chuckle slipped past my throat. Valet parking, what a concept I thought to myself. It is always so surreal coming off an assignment. After any length of time of living in a camper trailer amongst the muck and harsh conditions that usually bring us to a location being anywhere that has all the luxuries of a functioning civilization feels odd and requires some time to adjust.
Sam was waiting for me in the lobby. “Hey, kiddo. You okay?” he asked as he got up from the stiff couch he was sitting on. He put his arm around me in that fatherly hug he gives me when he knows I am in pain. Sam is well aware of my tendency to get overly attached. I am not ready to leave this place, but the funds have run dry, and we are out of time. Besides, I need to spend some time in a happier setting before this life choice gets to be too much. Tomorrow we will put the Mobile Help Center and travel trailer in a shipping container to be freighted to Utah, whereas we will be flying home to McCall, Idaho.
I looked up at Sam, “I’m okay, Dad. I just wish we could have helped more.” I said, forcing my sadness to the back of my mind.
“Let’s go upstairs so you can get a shower. Some food might help you feel better too.” Sam led the way to our room.
The hot water was a rejuvenating release I washed my hair a little more thoroughly than needed and scrubbed every inch of my skin twice. The lack of indoor plumbing has a way of putting so many things into perspective but I can’t help but take advantage of the luxury when I have it. Sam had tried to help me set settled into the room but given the fact that he had no idea how to even turn on my computer or do any of the things that are involved with making sure we are ready to go in the morning, all he really did was find out the hotel restaurant was reasonably priced and highly rated. He had been right, though. I did feel much better after a shower. Having clean hair and clothes is always refreshing. I even brushed my teeth despite knowing we were going to eat. It seems obsessive, but given the fact that we have been living in a camper trailer for the last eight months and spent most of that time working in the mud, I was quite compelled to take advantage of the cleanliness offered to me. It was Sam’s turn to take a shower while I set up my computer. I completed our early check-in for the fifteen-hour day we would have tomorrow. I booked the rental car and sent the itinerary for the shipping container to the main office in Salt Lake City. I was just finishing checking in with my online classes when Sam was ready to go to dinner. I had eleven assignments to complete before the end of next week. That was not too bad considering I haven’t been all that focused on my schoolwork lately.
At dinner, we sat at a table close to the restaurant bar and enjoyed our first hot meal in months. Wordless meals were a common thing for me and Sam so I was a little surprised hen he asked, “Are you excited for your visit back home?” It felt like small talk, words to feel the emptiness I was feeling but with Sam, it’s never small talk. Every word spoke has a purpose.
“More anxious than anything. Mom and Torri have been hounding me a lot more lately about finishing school in Idaho. You know how they feel about all this.” I gestured to him and our surroundings.
Grace is a force of nature all of her own, particularly when she is determined for someone to concede to her point of view. She and Sam divorced when I was seven but they are still friends and she is the only mom I have ever know. She felt it would be too hard for us both if she stopped being a mother to me so she stuck with it. I love her more for it. Grace lives in McCall, Idaho, where it is cold but green most of the year. It is mine and Sam’s home too, technically. We barely spend a month there every year given what we do but it will always be home. Grace has always wanted me to be closer to her for years but I love the opportunities I get to experience traveling with Sam so every visit we have the same conversation about me staying with Grace to have a more normal life.
“You know how I feel about it, Nessie. If it is what you want to do by all means—go. Spend the school year with Grace. Try it out. We can have our little adventures when you get vacation time like everyone else does.” Sam has always been supportive of my wants and needs. He took a deep breath then sighed, “That lifestyle is healthy you should experience it too. Honestly, it’s your choice.”
“I thought you liked having me around? Does this have anything to do with my mother’s will?” Since I am her last living relative the estate will be settled when I turn seventeen.
Sam was holding his chin with his fists as he took a deep breath. “Well kiddo, there are a few details you and I need to go over before you make any decisions. But, you know, you are so mature for your age I just think it could be time for a change—you seem like you might need something different.” He said the last part more quietly and with a hint of shame on his face. I rolled my eyes at him; Sam always behaves oddly when my parents come up in conversation as if he is embarrassed or doesn’t want anyone to know I am not his child.
He is tall and stout with thin blond hair. My hair is light brown and thick he has blue eyes mine are hazel. I am short and have little muscular definition and he is toned everywhere from all the hard work he does. He and I have very few things in common, genetically or otherwise. It has always been kind of obvious to me that we are not related. I am sure it is for other people too. Technically I am an orphan; my mother died shortly after I was born, my mom’s friend Sam, was left to raise me. He is the only father I have ever known. Sam is a skilled contractor who works with several foundations like FEMA and World Help to help rebuild after a natural disaster has wreaked havoc somewhere. It is from his compassion for others that I have learned many of the values of life, yet he and I can go days without sharing an in-depth conversation. We mostly live a minimal life, going from one location to the next, only intending on doing our best to help where we can. On the other side is my stepmom, Grace. Her perky personality and ability to hold a conversation with anyone from toddlers to elders has shown me the joy there is to be had in every encounter a person can have with another. Having the two of them in my life has been a blessing not many people get. I also have the twins Tommy and Torri, who are not family but are my two best and practically only friends. They are a few months younger than I am and share most of my best memories. With the two of them in my life, I know I will never truly lose myself no matter what I see in the world beyond. They are the best friends a girl could have.
This conversation was going nowhere, so I offered my only solution, “Well, it is late, and we have a long day ahead of us, let’s get some rest.”
He had relaxed now but did not move, “Now. Nessie, this visit you need to spend some time thinking about what you want to do from now on. You will have a house and enough money to have a great start in life, but where and with who you spend your time is a big decision. Please, take some time to make sure you make the right choices.”
Awkward conversation not averted, I rolled my eyes again. “I haven’t made any decisions yet. I have no need to right now. I still have a year of high school, and you know education is a priority for me. The only choice I have to make is whether to finish in a classroom or online.”
“Yes, but a lot is going to change for you soon. I just want you to understand that you can do whatever you want. I hope I have raised you to know what the right thing is for you and only you. You don’t have to always think about everyone else. I have always feared when this time came, you would resent me or maybe rebel a bit because of the deception involved.” There was a hint of avoidance in his words.
I did not understand why he felt the need to discuss thin now, but I gave in and responded, “Dad, I am okay with the no mother or father thing. The truth is you suck at deceiving me in the first place. As far as the money goes, I have always known about it. It’s not going to change who I am just because I don’t have to ask for it anymore. You may not be my biological dad, but you have been a great father to me, and so what if I am an orphan? I know you and Grace love me. That is all that really matters, isn’t it?”
He rolled his eye knowing I was missing his point but giving in to my need to move away from the conversation.“I guess you are right. Just know, Nessie, it has been my pleasure and my honor to be your dad. I will always be here if you need me.” Sam has never been an emotional man. His declaration was touching. I got up and walked around the table to give him a hug.
“I love you, Dad.”
When the moment we were sharing had passed, we both got up and went to the room. It had been a long emotional day. I had said goodbye to some very special people, and Sam had acted rather odd at dinner. I was ready to get a solid night’s rest and put this day behind me. Tomorrow I could do some school work on the plane, and in the evening we would be at Grace’s house. I needed that reprieve, more than even I knew. Grace always has all sorts of things planned when I am home, and it is usually exhausting. This visit she also, wants me to meet her new boyfriend. I wonder what he will be like. What will he think of our little functionally dysfunctional family? I have never missed home as much as I have this trip. It has been the longest we have ever been on an assignment. Even though I wanted to be here, I have been homesick since we arrived. Perhaps I have finally started craving the activities that a simple day-to-day life home could provide.
