Darkest Dreams

Jodie stepped out of her boots and hung up her raincoat, pointedly ignoring the dark speck crawling along the joint board in her peripheral vision. She hadn’t expected much of this room and it seemed like it just about fulfilled those expectations. Still the better option she had figured, the other being sleeping in her car, which had broken down three miles east from the Sunset Motel. Jodie took a deep breath, the stuffy air and a slightly sour smell filling her lungs. She opened the screen door opposite the beds leading to a small balcony, barely broad enough to fit a chair. Below sat a murky pool, in desperate need of a deep cleaning, the water dark with leaves and the surface disturbed by hundreds of rain droplets every second. Two rooms below her story had their lights on, which illuminated the pool area slightly. The trees behind the fence that framed the backyard were but pitch-black silhouettes swaying in the night breeze. The faint sound of television chattering could be heard whenever the wind let down. She stood there for a minute, breathing in the fresh air until goosebumps covered her from nape to toe.

With distinct apprehension, but a stronger desire to get into bed at last, Jodie carefully opened the door to the bathroom. One of the strip lights was broken, which made the grimy bathroom seem even dirtier. Cracks in the tiles and the mirror missing an edge completed the grungy atmosphere. Jodie brushed her teeth, untangled her damp hair and reluctantly used the toilet. As much as she would have liked to wash off the strenuous events of the day with warm water, she was not only too tired, but also refused to step foot into the stained bathtub.

The alarm clock’s display refreshed to 1:47am when she finally laid down to sleep. She had chosen the bed closer to the bathroom, simply because from this one she could observe the moon through the balcony door. Whether it actually calmed her or she just told herself that, she wasn’t sure. With tired hands she massaged her temples, attempting to get rid of some of the tension and actively trying to block out where she was sleeping tonight. Her thoughts instead sprang back to Ronan and the words they had thrown in each other’s faces. Goddamn Ronan who did not even make the slightest effort to understand her side of things. Ronan who did not even look up from the TV when she left. Jodie stirred and tried to think of something else. She remembered her car, sitting broken by the road in the cold rain. Tomorrow, she would have to call a mechanic. She had seen a pay phone just outside the motel, but she needed to scrape up some change first. Just her luck that her cell phone had run out of charge. She had to get her car fixed and then finally drive to her parents’. Some more tension left her body when she thought about being safe and comfortable at her parents’ house soon. She fell asleep only a little bit later.

An hour passed until she awoke again. Jodie blinked twice, staring at the dark gray ceiling and remembering where she was. A strange feeling crept over her, not quite of being watched, but of not being alone in the room. She flexed the fingers of her left hand and concluded that it wasn’t sleep paralysis which had happened to her several times over the last couple months. The first time had been absolutely terrifying. Jodie had woken from an uneasy sleep after arguing with Ronan about his inability to communicate. Her exhausted mind immediately jumped to having possibly been paralyzed. Panic set in as she had desperately tried and failed to move any of her limbs. The strain pushed tears out of her frantically shifting eyes and sent her pulse racing. Ronan snoring in a regular rhythm next to her. Only after forcing herself to relax and holding her breath for a couple seconds her body had finally snapped out of it. Subsequent online research had taught her that this phenomenon of waking up with your muscles still locked from being in deep sleep occurred mostly to people under severe stress. And everything made sense.

As if to prove it to herself again, Jody wiggled her toes carefully and flexed her other hand. Her body felt fine, physically, but the weird feeling persisted. Of course she had always felt odd sleeping anywhere but her own bed, but this was different. Her stomach was in knots and her chest felt heavy. Maybe she had just dreamt something terrible before waking up? She couldn’t remember. Slowly, she turned her head to the left. The alarm clock read 3:04am. Jodie contemplated getting up to use the toilet, but decided against it. She turned over to the right to get comfortable and froze. There, two feet above the other bed hovered a broad, black shadow. The dark form of a human body that was suspended in the air, floating without movement.
The weird feeling in Jodie was replaced by fear. No, not fear exactly, but vulnerability. Could the person floating there see her? Were they going to move when she moved? Slowly, not taking her eyes off of it, she fumbled for the string of the lamp on the night stand. With a tug, the dim light turned on. Jodie had really hoped that it had just been a hallucination or her mind playing tricks in the dark, but the person, she saw now that it was a woman, was still there, unmoving. Suddenly, she felt a new emotion; anger rose up in her. Similar to when she got home after work and would see Ronan sitting on the couch, dishes piling up even higher than in the morning and the laundry long dry still hanging on the rack. She just did not want to have to deal with this -well whatever this was-, had neither the energy nor the mental capacity to deal with it, she just wanted to get her well-deserved rest. Her throat closed up as her tension headache reared its ugly head again. Tired and upset she sat up, and when she saw that the woman did not move, in fact did not even look at her, she stood up and approached her, brows furrowed.

Walking closer, Jodie saw that the woman was staring unblinkingly at the ceiling. She wore a black night dress and her skin was glistening in the light she’d turned on. Jodie raised her hand and touched the woman’s foot. It was wet and ice cold. Jodie tightened her grip. Her brain screamed that this was not real, not happening, couldn’t rationally be happening. But the resistance under her palm told her otherwise. For a reason which she did not consciously register as it passed through her mind, she flexed her arm and pulled on the foot. The woman only moved passively, floating into the direction that Jodie had tugged on her. This gave Jodie confidence and she grabbed the other foot as well, then started dragging the body towards the other side of the room. She opened the screen door and stepped out on the balcony. Her skin broke out in goosebumps at the touch of the chilly night air. She pulled again until the woman was halfway over the banister, then grabbed her by the shoulder and arm which were just as wet as her feet had been. She began pushing her over further away when suddenly, the woman’s eyes twitched. Jodie gasped and drew back her hand, but it was too late; the woman had reached out and wrapped her cold, moist fingers around her wrist. Before Jodie knew what was happening, she had been pulled over the railing and they both were falling down. Her heart skipped a beat and she braced for impact.
It never came.



Jodie woke up with a start, covered in sweat and panting heavily. The room was bright and it took her several seconds to realize it was due to sun light. She looked over to the bed. No figure hovering over there. Then to the balcony; none over there either. She looked at the alarm clock which announced it was 8:19am. Slowly, she started to calm down, took a deep breath and went into the bathroom to wash her face with cold water. A glance at the tub and the thought of taking a shower crossed her mind again. She felt even grimier now than she did last night. A closer look at the tub, this time in daylight, made her change her mind for the second time. She would just shower at her parents’ place. This reminded her once again of her car and she started gathering change from her wallet.

Jodie stepped out of her room into the fresh air of a cold October morning. In terms of filth, the cabin of the payphone could just about beat the tub of Room 17. She kicked an old soda can into the corner where it tangled with cobwebs and fished for tissues in her pockets. It was the only way she would be picking up the receiver and pushing those buttons. The number that the Sunset Motel desk clerk had written down for her the night before connected instantly and a middle-aged man with a hint of an Irish accent picked up. Five hours later, Jodie was back on the highway, car fixed and running, heading towards the state borders. Eight more hours and she finally turned into her parents’ driveway.

“Oh Jodie”, her mother welcomed her with a long hug in the doorway, “it’s so good to see you”.
Her father had not gotten up when she arrived and a sour feeling spread throughout her body when she saw him reclined on his couch with his eyes glued to the baseball game playing on the TV, sipping beer. Goddamn Ronan. She swallowed dryly.

The warm water of the shower relaxed her muscles aching from the long trip and let her know she had finally arrived at a safe place. Toweling herself off, she noticed she had not felt this relaxed in weeks. Or was it months? Her mother had set numerous beauty products on the window sill for Jodie and she treated herself to several of them. She was brushing out her severely knotted hair when her mother let her know she had finished cooking.

During dinner, her father remained silent and leisurely ate his plate clean. Her mother barely touched her portion of the meal. “I told you Ronan was bad news, I told you. Your call didn’t surprise me in the least. Never had a good feeling about that boy, never”, she shook her head to emphasize her point.
“I know, Mom, I do wish I had listened to you, but at the time…” Jodie took another sip of wine and stared at the photograph of her and Ronan on the book shelf.

“I can’t believe how one day we were in love, and the next he just does not give a fuck-”, her mother flinched at the profanity, “-about anything to do with me. My health, my job, our house. Just does his own thing and acts like I’m a nuisance, then expects me to have made dinner and done his laundry. I just want to know where it went wrong, you know? Where is the Ronan who planned surprise dates for us and bought me flowers when I had to work long hours?”

Her father emitted a grunt, eyeing the tv screen from the dinner table. Her mother gripped Jodie’s hand that wasn’t holding the wine glass and gave it a squeeze.“I prepared your old bed, you stay here as long as you like.” At that, Jodie’s father glanced at his wife, and when she returned his gaze unfalteringly, he turned his attention back to the TV.

Jodie and her mother talked for another two hours while her father had fallen asleep on the couch. They had emptied the wine bottle and opened another, which had run out just as quickly. When the clock in the small kitchen struck half past eleven, Jodie gave in to the wine-induced headache and excused herself to retire to her room.

She felt nostalgic being back in her childhood room, even thought most toys had been donated, it was still the same four walls she had grown up in. Her bed embraced her in a shallow dent cultivated by sleeping on the same spot for years, and yet managed to feel several times more comfortable than the bed in Room 17.
Here, two and a half states away from Ronan, things didn’t seem all too bad. Jodie had a place to stay while she figured things out and her mother was there to listen and support her. For the first time since she had left her home behind, she felt like she could look towards the future instead of overthinking the past. She would apply for a transfer at her work and find a home in the area. Maybe close to her parents? Her mother would love that. Maybe in the city where her sister lived? But then she would probably be roped into babysitting every time she had a day off, so that was out of the question. Maybe somewhere entirely new? Not just a figurative but an actual fresh start? She liked the thought of that, it sounded freeing - which was exactly what she needed. Free to make her own choices again, free to go where she wanted and do what she wanted. Things were going to be okay.

Later, Jodie woke from a chaotic dream. She felt weird. There was what had to be cold sweat lingering on her skin. She stared at the gray ceiling above her, feeling light-headed. She tried lifting her right hand to scratch her eye, but it wouldn’t move. She tried again. She tried her left hand and it wouldn’t move either. Neither would her legs. She had been in sleep paralysis before, no need to panic, it would pass. She took a deep breath, and only subconsciously registered that she couldn’t feel her body against the mattress. Her eyes slowly adjusted to the dark. She didn’t remember the ceiling in her old bedroom being so low. What she also didn’t remember was there being so many cracks in the ceiling, and grey stains resembling water damage surrounding them.

A quiet sound, like a blanket being adjusted, cut through the silence. The weird feeling in her grew stronger - the feeling of not being alone in the room. Her stomach turned and dread began to spread throughout her body. She didn’t want to recognize it, but deep inside she knew it wasn’t sweat on her skin, knew she shouldn’t have touched the floating woman, knew she had never made it to her parents’.