¿Qué opinas?
Nice
"Nice book. Looking forward to reading more of it."
Great job!
"Its been a long time since I read this type of book, loved every single chapter of it...looking forward to read another part..."
Well put together
"I am a binged reader and i read a lot on inkitt. I really like the way the writer made characters feels so real. So relevant. No immaturity. Well planned well written story"
Well done!
"Well written, great plot. Loved this book, can't wait to read the next and see what happens. "
Heart of their city
"Amazing luv it can't wait for book 2"
A must read
"You can tell the effort and attention to detail. Every spicy scene has so much emotion behind it and meaning that makes it so intensely captivating. My favourite bit is the humour of the boys, i was absolutely cackling when reading it. The editing is exceptional and little to no spelling or grammar mistakes to take away from the writing itself. This is the type of book you can read 10 times over and never get bored!!!xx"
Le cœur de.leur empire
"Vraiment magnifique, superbe histoire je ne.me.suis pas ennuyée du début jusqu'à la.fin. j'avais hâte à chaque chapitre de découvrir le suivant. Il y a avait de l'émotion, du tragique, de la hoie, de la tristesse et de l'intrigue. Merci encore c'est avec impatience que j'attends la suite... Please vite vite vite la suite "
perfect
"this is what I've been missing for years, a good mafia RH romance. the plot is exciting and the characters are all intriguing in their own way"
Love it!!!
"Damn this is so good. I get so mad every time the chapter ends and I again find myself WAITING AND CRAVING the next one! Amazing story!!!"
CHAPTER 1 REVIEW
"CHAPTER 1 Plot Clarity & Pacing The Hook: The pacing in the first half is excellent. Starting with the high-tension kitchen scene immediately signals to the reader that something is wrong. The "uncanny" feeling of a mother ignoring her daughter creates a strong sense of unease. Clarity on the Conflict: By the end of the chapter, I have a clear sense of the immediate conflict: a high-stakes dinner with dangerous men. However, there is a slight "logic jump" regarding the wine. Charlotte mentions the wine is already on the table, yet she heads toward the entrance hall at the end without actually going to the cellar or addressing her mother's potentially senile/distracted command further. The Setup: The transition from the kitchen to the window-watching feels natural, though the internal monologue about the car's distance and the motion sensors slows the momentum slightly just as the guests are arriving. Character Development & Relatability Charlotte: She feels relatable as an anxious protagonist. Her habit of "patting her heart" and her hyper-vigilance toward her mother’s behavior makes her feel grounded. Her age (21) is established early, which helps frame her reactions as those of a young adult trapped in a stifling environment rather than a child. Holly (The Mother): She is the most intriguing character so far. The shift from "competitive hostess" to a woman cursing and burning herself is a great way to show, rather than tell, her level of fear. The Guests: We get a very "romance/thriller" archetype introduction for Maxim and Kiernan. While their descriptions (Nautilus watch, tattoos, tactical gear) feel a bit like a "loadout" list, it effectively communicates that they are dangerous and wealthy. Emotional Engagement Vulnerability: I felt a genuine pang of sympathy for Charlotte when she realized her mother was "really ignoring" her. That specific brand of isolation, being invisible in your own home, is very effective. The Dread: The "dread" Charlotte feels is described well, but because the reader doesn't yet know why these men are scary (other than they might be "criminals"), the fear feels a bit abstract. I’m leaning on Charlotte’s reaction to tell me how to feel, rather than feeling the specific threat of the men myself yet. Structural Integrity Inconsistencies: * The Wine: Charlotte notes the bottles are already on the table warming to room temperature. Her mother tells her to "Grab the wine" again. Charlotte then goes to the "dim room" to wait. It’s unclear if she actually went to the cellar or just ignored the request. If she ignored it, it’s a missed opportunity for more tension with her mother. The "Shadows": Charlotte is watching from a window and mentions it’s too dark to see them clearly (just "two shadows"), yet she is able to identify a specific "Nautilus watch" and "rings on tattooed fingers." Unless she is remembering these from a previous visit, it feels inconsistent that she can see such fine details in the dark from a distance. Internal Logic: The "scars on my skin" are mentioned briefly. As a reader, I’m wondering if these are from the "spiralling" mentioned earlier or something else. It’s a good hook, but ensure it doesn't get lost. Strengths & Weak Areas Strengths: Atmosphere: You’ve built a great "Gothic-lite" atmosphere. A manor in the woods, rain, and a mother acting "wrong" is a classic, compelling setup. The Kitchen Scene: The dialogue and the "lamb hissing angrily" create a sensory-rich environment that feels very tense. Weak Areas: The "Info-Dump" at the Window: When Charlotte looks out the window, the narrative pauses for a fairly long description of the guests' fashion and roles (the "enforcer," the "gangster"). It feels a bit like the author is telling me who they are rather than Charlotte observing them. Dialogue Clarity: When Charlotte says, "Is someone else coming? Besides Maxim and...", the mother's reaction is a bit flat. It’s a major moment of suspicion that could be pushed further to heighten the mystery of why there are only two guests instead of three. Great work so far! If you ever want deeper, detailed feedback on your manuscript, you can find my contact info through the email icon on my profile."
Ohhhhh the tension!!!!!
"The tension between Maxim and Charlotte, the awkwardness! 🔥🔥🔥 Cam is so freaking cute and I can't wait to read more about Kiernan. He seems like a sweet guy under that dangerous brooding vibe. "
