Subtle changes

EPISODE 1: Chapter 1:

POV: Charlotte

My heels echo through the hallway as I walk to the cafeteria to get some coffee for my boss, Lester. I take my phone out of my pants pocket and check if I have an email back from Harrison. No new messages. I frown but try to shake it off; it’s not uncommon for him to not respond this quickly. We were together for two years but decided four weeks ago that we didn’t want to continue together. We were friends before our relationship and want to try to remain that way after. We email regularly, but it’s been radio silence for a few days now. Harrison works in the army and is away from home for long periods of time, which is also one of the reasons why things aren’t working out between us anymore. I loved him... Sure. But his work was very important to him, and he didn’t see himself stopping anytime soon. It’s not that I expected that from him; I would never ask someone to give up something they love. But I had more trouble with his absence than I had anticipated. In the beginning, I missed him... But after a couple of weeks, it just became... normal, and I started to just, not miss him.

I never really expressed this to him; I just accepted it. And when he would come home, I was really happy, but that spark was just... not there. Not like how it was in the beginning.

The coffee machine grinds the beans, and the aroma of coffee fills my nostrils. I’m a bit put off by the smell of coffee today, so I turn around and see if there are any cookies I can take for Lester. A little later, I walk into Lester’s office and place his order in front of him. “Ah, you’re amazing, Charlotte. Which blend did you choose?” he asks as he continues typing on his computer, and I shake my head laughing. “Try it, you should be able to taste the flavors you sell,” I say, and he looks at me with a twinkle in his eye. Lester is the CEO of Blackwell Coffee & Tea, a good-natured man, and the best boss I’ve ever had. He takes a sip and closes his eyes, letting the coffee linger in his mouth for a moment, a smile spreading across his face. “Ah, my favorite. Rubusta beans from South America, that’s for sure. And I think... The dark roast? Nice and bitter, just the way I like it.” He opens his eyes and grins broadly. I clap my hands slowly and laugh. “You’re a wonder of the world, Lester,” I say with a wink as I walk out of his office and into mine. It’s the end of the day, and I tidy my desk so I can go home.

Not much later, I’m walking home. It’s a half-hour walk, and it always helps me clear my head. Only this time, it feels harder than usual. My body feels empty, as if all the energy has been sucked out of me. And every time I pass a restaurant, a tidal wave of nausea washes over me. I’ve been feeling strange for a few days, and I was actually waiting to wake up with a stomach bug. Several people around me have had it, but so far, I’ve been spared. When I pass a drugstore, I suddenly stop. What if... No... Surely not? But on the other hand, it is quite possible. When I take a closer look at myself, how I feel, my cycle. The last time Harrison and I were together was a few weeks before we broke up and he left. Oh shit...Oh God no no no! I keep walking, past the drugstore, and shake my head. It’s not possible, but I immediately feel stupid for burying my head in the sand. So I decide to play it safe and make a U-turn towards the drugstore. Half an hour later, I’m sitting on the couch with the test in my hand. Why does 5 minutes seem so long? I put down the test and start pacing the living room. We were always so careful, Harrison and I. I keep telling myself it’s not true, but somewhere in the back of my mind, a little voice tells me that I haven’t noticed or ignored the symptoms for a while. Is that why I was so anxiously awaiting an email back from Harrison? Because somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew our lives might still intertwine in the future? I shake my head and dismiss it; I shouldn’t get ahead of myself. First, I’ll just wait for the test... I look at the clock and see that I actually have one minute left, but patience has never been my greatest strength. I walk to the coffee table and pick up the test, slowly turning it up so I can see the small screen. Positive.

I throw the test in the trash and walk to my bedroom, where I collapse on my bed, throw my arms over my head, and scream. Normally, I am someone who can keep her emotions in check; I am definitely not a short-tempered person. But at the moment, I can’t suppress the screams of frustration and just let it all out. Oh shit, what should I do? What should I do? I don’t know. This pregnancy couldn’t have come at a worse timing. This isn’t what I’d hoped for. I’ve always wanted to be a mother; I knew that was what I wanted in the future. But I wanted it in a stable relationship, with the love of my life. And not with my ex, who’s practically never home. Luckily, I’m still in good contact with Harrison, so I’m convinced we’ll figure it out together. I wipe my cheeks and decide to email Harrison again, but this time with a message he probably won’t see coming. I pick up my phone and decide to call him first, but I immediately get a voicemail and decide not to leave a message. Shortly after, I’ve written a short but powerful email:

Dear Harrison, I hope you’re doing well. I know you haven’t replied to my previous email, and I hope you know I wouldn’t bother you if it wasn’t urgent. Because I just found out I’m pregnant. And when I think back, I think I’m definitely six weeks along. I’m not sure, and it hasn’t been confirmed by the gynecologist yet. But the test was positive... So here I am. I wanted to let you know right away, and I’ll update you this way. And hopefully we can talk about this soon. Take care of each other out there, be safe, and give me a sign of life soon. Love, Charlotte.

After I’ve sent it, I step into a hot shower and let the tears flow. So many thoughts are racing through my head, and I can’t filter them properly anymore. I know I should really eat something before bed, so I make a sandwich with what’s still in the fridge and eat it reluctantly. It’s finally 8:30 when I get into bed—a bit early, but I’m exhausted. And it doesn’t take long before I fall into a deep sleep.

The next morning I snooze for way too long, and after the third time I look at the time and see that it’s 8 o’clock. “Shit,” I mumble as I pull myself out of bed and get ready for work. Fifteen minutes later, a personal record. I close my front door behind me and walk to the car, and twenty minutes later I walk through the doors of the office of Blackwell Coffee and Tea.

I take the elevator to the ninth floor and then make my way down the hallway towards my office. Along the way, I am greeted by a number of colleagues. I smile at them but it feels forced, I really don’t feel like smiling right now. Before I walk to my boss’s office, I first go to my own office to grab today’s schedule and start up my computer. With a tablet in my hand, I walk to my boss Lester’s office. I scroll through the schedule and see to my relief that he is having a relatively quiet day today. I am secretly very grateful for that because I don’t know how well I can focus today.

“Good morning, Mr. Blackwell,” I greet my boss as I walk in, and he looks up from behind his laptop.

“Good morning, Charlotte, tell me the damage for today,” he says with a small smile, and I sit opposite his desk to bring him up to date.

“A relatively quiet day today,” I say with a wink, and he sighs with relief. We laugh, and he gives me his full attention.

“You have a meeting at ten o’clock with Henry Lockett, the British millionaire who would like to invest in the company in the hope of expanding the company to Great Britain,” I start, and Lester groans and rolls his eyes dramatically.

“Terrible man, thinks he can buy anything... Anyway, keep going,” he says, and I giggle at his dramatic answer.

“At twelve o’clock you have lunch with Joshua, it says here that he will provide the lunch. Then at two o’clock you have a meeting about the new packaging of the coffee beans, and at four o’clock there is a board meeting.” I look to see if I missed something but see that this is it, a relatively quiet day without too many meetings. This means that we can work on overdue work. Lester rubs his face with his hands, and I can tell he looks tired, which he has been doing a lot lately. “Are you okay?” I ask cautiously, and he looks at me a little bleary-eyed. “Uh, yeah! Yeah, I think I need to wake up a bit,” he says, and I laugh. “That makes two of us. Let me know if I ever need to block out your schedule for a day. Maybe a day off wouldn’t be a bad idea,” I say with a wink, and he nods with a small smile. “That’ll be fine, Charlotte. Maybe I could use a good, strong cup of coffee first?” he asks, and I stand up and point a finger at him. “I know exactly which one you mean,” I say, leaving his office and heading to the coffee corner to make a strong black coffee. At exactly 10 a.m., I get a call that Henry Lockwood is in the elevator going up. I iron my clothes neatly and walk to the elevator to greet him. “Good morning, Mr. Lockett, I’m Charlotte, Mr. Blackwell’s assistant,” I say kindly as he steps out of the elevator, and we shake hands. “Henry Lockett, nice to meet you,” he says in a deep British accent, and I walk with him towards Lester’s office. “Mr. Blackwell, Henry Lockett is here for the ten o’clock meeting,” I say professionally, and Lester waves him in.

I let the men do their thing and continue with my work myself. An hour later, Henry leaves Lester’s office, waves goodbye, and thanks me for the delicious coffee and cookies. I continue working on processing the notes from meetings from yesterday until Joshua walks past my office and says hello. Joshua always has a certain swagger in his step and a standard easy-going smile on his face. He always reminds me a bit of a young Labrador.

“Hi Joshua, what brings you here?” I ask with a smile, and he rolls his eyes and comes to sit on my desk. I give him a stern look, and his eyes dart to the papers he’s sat up on.

“Apologies, my lady. Is my father in?” he asks, glancing towards his father’s office, and I nod with a smile. ’’Oh, would you like some lunch too?” he hoists up a large, food filled, and the aroma of said food wafts into my nostrils. I feel my face turn pale, and I have to swallow several times to keep from throwing up.

“No, thanks,” I struggle to say with a forced smile, after which he shrugs and walks out of my office. “If you change your mind, you know where we are. Oh yeah! James is also coming, but don’t tell dad,” he says, taking the awful-smelling bag of food with him. I manage to compose myself and walk to the coffee area to get a glass of water to hopefully settle my stomach. I stare into space, thinking about the positive test and what steps I have to take the next couple of days. Someone clears their throat, and I’m startled from my deep thoughts.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” a deep voice mutters, and when my eyes fall on the man in the doorway, my heart rate shoots up.