Weave

I have threads the colour of the dauntless sun, bracketed backs, inky darkness, bleeding skins, graying hair, and translucent tears. I have fabrics the colour of the sky.

When I was very little, the sky meant 'hope' and 'i see you'.

I'm to weave those threads into the plain fabric, willing it to breathe...with me.

Instead I sew a picture of ice tinged petals, frozen lakes and silver skates. i don't know why I'm so obsessed with the colour of smooth coals and baked sands.

I release my loom and I'm weaving once again.

I start with the ocean, I bleed life into it, until the breeze flutters the waves of my weave to Sandy dunes of the desert, an unearthy sun, bent heads, gaunt cheeks, and a dark pale skin that screams of misuse and murder.

Eyes that battle flames. Lips that mutter silent prayers with an intensity that scatters my floating rhythms into the air like floral pollens.

I weave the eyes of the girl whose shaky fingers and hungry stomach search the poor market. I weave with the colour of dark cocoa.

I weave greedy serpentine fingers around her bony neck, fangs sucking life from her to make the buttons of his stomach pop open.

Then i soak it into a pool of dye, hoping in vain these pictures will fade in gray.

I soak my visions, screams, and dreams in lye.

My 'masterpiece' is an eagle skating the wind and grasping his scrambling prey from the raging waves, under the glaring eyes of the sky.

But all I really feel is defeat and gray.

Meaning

I always wanted to write about my country, Nigeria. An African country so beautiful words can't really cut it. Then there were other pressures to just write 'beautifully' with conventional beauty tips on making a masterpiece. Each time I tried to write exclusively beautifully, I saw something that made me so angry that made me start writing about Africa again. And then the pressure came again to stick to my 'conventional beauty scripts'.

When I decided to do this, I realised I failed because well, I wasn't happy, and without happiness, is it really worth it?

I'm sure you may be able to relate to this some how too....