All The Wrong Signs

10 years down the drain.

My divorce had blindsided me. I had thought we were happy, thought everything was fine.

I had been wrong.

Collin hadn’t even broken the news to me gently. I was in the middle of cooking supper when he walked into the kitchen and said he wanted a divorce. He admitted he had been having an affair for over a year and that his girlfriend was pregnant.

I guess she could give him the one thing I couldn’t.

A child.

He had always told me he didn’t care that I couldn’t have children. Our dogs were our kids. And I had believed him.

The more I thought about it, the angrier I become. I had seen doctors about my condition. They had wanted me to go on fertility pills to help with my ovulation, but Collin refused. He said that if God wanted us to get pregnant, we would with no outside interference.

Looking back now, I guess I was happy we didn’t have any kids. Our divorce would have been a lot messier. He had wanted everything. The house, the cars, the dogs. He acted like I was the one who had done him wrong.

I had tried to fight him for a while, but it just wasn’t worth it. Once he agreed to let me keep the dogs and my car, I didn’t care if he took the house or not. It wasn’t my home anymore.

All of my friends were upset with me. They thought I should have taken him through the wringer and took every single thing he had. But that just wasn’t me.

I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I had been Collin’s wife for the last ten years, having to put on a pleasant face for his clients. I wouldn’t miss that at all. Now that my eyes were open, I could see how fake he and his friends really were.

My sister had come down and helped me find an apartment. I made a pretty decent living as a freelance journalist. It gave me the luxury of working from home and keeping my own schedule. I could pick and choose the jobs I wanted.

We ended up finding a duplex a few towns over that allowed me to have a large yard for the dogs to run in. It wasn’t anything fancy, but it would do. It wasn’t like I needed anything more. Before my sister left, she made sure I had the basics and made me promise I would decorate and send her pictures.

I had been in the duplex now for a week, and I had yet to unpack one single box. What was the point? I didn’t know who I was anymore. Did I really want to unpack my past here?

Everyone, including me, thought that I had just given up.

Oh, I had done some petty shit. I went and changed all of my passwords to Hulu and Netflix because I knew the dumbass would still expect to watch signed on under my name. He could easily make his own account or probably sign into hers, but it made me feel better.

Shutting the lid to my laptop, I sat it on the empty bookshelf beside my bed. I seriously needed to at least get my house in order. I had saved all kinds of pins on Pinterest of room ideas. I wanted lots of plants and macrame. I was going for a boho cottage style. Only I hadn’t made it anywhere besides pinning pictures.

My dogs looked up at me hopefully and I knew it was past time for me to let them out. “Come on Luna, come on Shadow, let’s go outside.”

The two dogs both started wiggling as if I had told them I had a huge treat for them. They were spoiled, and I could fully admit that. Opening my sliding glass door, I went and sat in a chair, watching them run around the yard.

Puling out my phone, I called my sister. The minute she picked up, I smiled hearing her son wailing his little lungs out.

“What did you do to my nephew? I swear you beat him or something?”

Hollie snorted, “he is mad that I won’t let him draw on my walls.”

I laughed, “dream killer.”

“You come get him then,” she said, hushing him. I could tell she had picked him up and was now rocking him. Our mother had given her the same rocking chair she had rocked us in as babies.

“I wish I was closer.” I admitted. Hollie’s husband was in the military and they were on the complete opposite side of the states than I was.

“Me too, Riley,” she said. “How’s things with the place going? Tell me you have at least unpacked one room.” When I stayed silent she sighed, “Riley, one room. Any room. Start with your bedroom, or even the living room. I promise you it will make you feel better. You will never be right if your house is a mess.”

I nodded. “I know. It’s just every time I start, I get distracted. I did get some writing done, though. I sent in two pieces today.”

“You can’t bury yourself in work, Riley.”

I looked down, feeling tears in my eyes. “I don’t know who I am anymore, Hollie. Nothing makes me happy. Nothing makes me feel. It’s like I’m hollow.”

“You are Riley Fitts. That’s all you need to know. Wait. You did get your name changed back, right?”

I nodded, “yes mother, I did. Speaking of mother, she thinks I need to go to the doctor and get on some depression or anxiety medicine.”

“No, you don’t,” Hollie said. “Don’t take advice from her. She can’t even keep her own pills straight anymore. You need to find a hobby. Start reading again. Or I don’t know get into those stupid diamond paintings we did when covid was all ramped up.”

I frowned. “My favorite one got messed up in the move.”

“See,” she said. “Buy it again. You know amazon has it and get busy woman.”

“I don’t know,” I started.

“There is that shop around the corner from you. I think it sales all kinds of neat little things. You should go check it out. Get some crystals for you little boho home that you won’t ever get if you don’t start unpacking.”

“Maybe,” I said. Hearing my nephew start to cry again. I knew I needed to let her go. “I’ll go check it out and see what all kinds of trouble I can get into. Call me later, ok.”

“I love you Riley.”

I smiled, “love you too. Sisters for life, right?”

“Always.”

As I hung up, I had to wipe my tears from my face. I missed Hollie. We had always been close. Of course, being twins, we were closer than most sisters. There was no keeping secrets from her. She always knew, she could sense when I was lying.

Luna walked up, sitting at my feet. Leaning down, I petted her head. I knew Hollie was right. I needed to get up and at least get out of the house. One downfall about my career was I never had to leave home if I didn’t want to. I’d gotten way to use to using apps to bring me anything I wanted.

Standing up, I walked to the sliding door, leaving it open long enough for the two dogs to run in. There was still about an hour of sunlight left, so I decided to go ahead and walk down to the shop my sister had told me about.

Grabbing my keys and my wallet, I told the dogs I’d be back. My duplex was in a great location. Honestly, if I would get my butt up, I could walk to anything I needed. There was even a church across the street that my sister thought I should join to make new friends.

I faintly remembered seeing the shop Hollie had told me about. I had always loved rocks and crystals so it couldn’t hurt to go look to see what the shop had to offer. It had to be better than unpacking the boxes at my house.

The shop was in a corner building. It seemed out of place in the neighborhood. I looked up at the sign, seeing the open sign still lit up.

The heavy smell of incense hit my nose. I couldn’t place the smell, but it wasn’t unpleasant. “Welcome to The Dark Side of the Moon,” a woman said, walking out from behind a display. “Is there anything I can help you with?”

I gave her a small smile. “I’m new in town. Just thought I’d come check the place out.”

The woman smiled, sweeping her long brown hair over her shoulders. “Feel free to look around. If you need help with anything, just let me know.”

I nodded at her, gravitating toward the crystals. Coming here might have been a mistake. The shop had almost every type of crystal and stone that I could think of. I felt like a kid in a candy shop.

My mind tried to think of what would look best on my bookshelf, but I kept glancing back over at the same couple of stones. The woman had walked over beside me, restocking one of the containers.

“The stones you need will call to you. You just have to listen.”

“I like them all,” I said, looking back down at them.

“But what calls to you?” she asked. “Hold them, feel them. Let them speak to you.”

I started out feeling kind of dumb as I started picking up stones. I didn’t know if it was all in my head, but I did find one that seemed to call out to me. I picked up a little basket she had to place things in and picked out a few other stones.

It didn’t occur to me until I had read the notes under the stones’ names that they all had their own special meanings and purposes. I turned around, looking for the woman. “Do you have a book about crystals that I could read to learn more about them?”

Nodding, she led me over to where the books were and handed me a book of crystals. “This is a good one. I have this one myself.”

Taking the book, I looked over her shoulder, feeling drawn to a purple book. “What is Wicca? Is it like witchcraft?”

The lady shook her head, smiling. “Well, if you want a textbook answer, Wicca is a contemporary, nature based, pagan religion. People often think that witchcraft and Wicca mean the same thing, but that’s not always the case. All Wiccans are witches, but not all witches are Wiccan.”

I looked at her, frowning. “So Wicca is kind of more geared toward nature?” Picking up the book, I sighed. “I just went through a really rough patch in my life and I’m kinda trying to find me again.”

The woman nodded. “That book is a good start on explaining Wicca. It goes over some of the most common crystals and stones. Some of the most common symbols and sigils. It will teach you about meditation and how to interpret dreams. It’s more of a beginner’s guide, but by the time you read it, you will know if it is something you want to further your learning on.”

I nodded, “ok. I think I’m ready to check out now.”

With book in hand, I walked with her to the register. “So you said you are new to the area?”

I nodded. “Yes. Freshly divorced. I had to get away…far way from him.”

The lady shook her head. “New beginnings can be scary, but it also allows us to be true to who we really are.”

Handing her my debit card, I nodded. “I was just telling my sister I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I’ve spent the last ten years being what someone else wanted me to be.”

“Well, if you ever get bored, feel free to come see me. This town isn’t exactly the friendliest to witches.” She laughed, winking at me. “I’m Lakyn, by the way. I work here, and I live her.” She pointed at the ceiling.

“Riley,” I said, taking my card from her.

Turning around, Lakyn grabbed two pouches. “I’ve added some extras for you as a welcome to town present and thank you for coming to see me as gift.”

I smiled, “thank you so much Lakyn. You are like the only person I know.”

She laughed. “Girl, I feel sorry for you. We should do brunch soon. I’m here from lunch to 8 every day. Well,” she started. “I’m always here, but you know.”

I nodded. “Oh absolutely. Let me give you my number.”

Trading numbers, I said my goodbyes and headed home. I wondered what extras she added. It was turning dark so tucked my bag under my arm and started waking faster.

Once home I went and let the dogs back outside for a few while I stood at the counter taking all of my things out of the bag. Stacking my books up, I pulled my crystals out, determined to read more about them. But first I wanted to see what was inside of the two pouches she had given me.

I’m sure everyone who spent money in the shop got a pouch, but I couldn’t help but feel a little special. One pouch had two bracelets in it, and the other had 4 random stones.

Forgoing dinner, I put on a cup of coffee, before letting the dogs back inside. Once my cup was done, I started to grab the book about crystals, but changed my mind. Grabbing the Wicca book I want and sat in my recliner, turning to page one.

Maybe this would be the start of something good for me.