Dream location

Water. Fluid and soft as if made from silk. Cleanzing, healing almost magic. Water is life and life is water the boundaries between mixing, swerlling, intertwined. I feel the warmth washing over me. Dripping down my body, tears aswell, washing away. Pain, anger and memories. Long surpressed. Deep pain of fear and loneliness. I surrender to the feelings. Allowing the pain to escape. A low deep moan deep from my throat almost a growl. I feel it bubble upwards and don't hold it in as I have always done. A release. I try to breathe normally but the sobs stager my breath. I feel the water again, like warm gentle rain. Trying to hold onto the moment. I stand again, trying to feel my feet, strong, on the hard ground beneath me. I rinse my hair, long and silky and turn off the shower. Dripping for another moment before grabbing my towel and wrapping myself. Softness and comfort hide me from this world for just another moment. After readying her self for another day of work Claire checked her reflection in the full length mirror. Painting on a smile that hides her internal sadness she steps out the door. Claire has always been a hard worker, working as an assistant at a art/interior design retail store at a young age her eye for detail and passion for design becoming an interior designer became her dream job. After finishing college she went to uni completing 2 years of study in art,draft drawing, interior design and getting an internship at Home and house. A large interior design company who's clients were mostly high end wealthy and let's say a little on the demanding side. Sandy Beach her boss was one of the best designers in the industry and Claire was thrilled to be working under such an icon. Sandy was a tough boss, Claire realising this on first day, getting scolded for not putting the days files of new clients on the incorrect place on Sandys desk and serving her coffee "too hot". Claire threw herself into the work often working on draft designs at home in the evenings ready to adjust and submit to Sandy whenever a crazy deadline was thrown her way. But Claire didn't mind doing extra work in her own time. Design was her passion. After working 6 months at Home and house Claire was finding her groove, noticing how many employees didn't last long in the job. Most complaining about working under Sandy and her impossible requests and standards. Claire had a thick skin and bushed it off as high standards and high pressure from clients that made Sandy that way. Claire believed that if you worked hard enough towards your dream it would become a reality. Arriving home on Friday evening Claire looked around her small one bedroom apartment, mentally planning in the weekend ahead and what jobs she needed to finsh and finally complete her renovation. She was only renting but had permission from her landlord to paint and make a few small changes.. She had painted the walls a warm off white, maddison point.. Number 455 on the colour chart. She had made new cushions for the window seat that overlooked the park across the road. This was Claires favourite spot to sit looking over the large green lawn that was framed by large trees and bush, and the large body of water that was in the middle of the park. She couldn't see the lake from her window seat but knew it was there and could sometimes hear the ducks laughing between the traffic noise. Claire always dreamed of living on a large property, in her mind it had a large lake you could see from every room, a greenhouse and flower gardens. Her dream house sitting perfectly in the centre of paradise. She had a file in her laptop tiled dreams. Designs for every detail of her dream home that she would work on whenever she was feeling down. Claire battled with depression and anxiety her childhood memories full of trauma and loneliness. Her mum was never home, working as a Dr at the local hospital and left when Claire was 10. Her Dad was a narcissist, he could talk himself up to anyone he'd meet but behind closed doors he was violent and angry. Beating Claire and her younger brother at any opportunity when her mum wasn't home. Claire got good at hiding bruises and pain from her mother as he dad had told her if you ever tell your mother this family will be destroyed and you and your brother will be in foster care. Claire had also gotten good at hiding her brother from Dad if he was one of his bad moods. Protecting her brother and taking the blame if something got broken or he left a mess that upset Dad. Maybe that's why having things in their place and a nice living environment was so important to Claire. She moved out at 16 taking her brother with her to live with their mums sister in the next town over. Auntie B was a loving hippy type not letting anyone leave the house without a hug and a proper goodbye. Claire had never fully opened up to Aunt B about the abuse but her nightmares gave it away. She would scream and yell in her sleep and Aunt B had taken Claire and her brother to a councilor after only 2 weeks of living with her. Claire had found courage in the councilor office and meet with her mum and auntie over coffee to tell her the truth of the abuse. Her mum was oblivious and broke down. She never knew that Dad was like that. She told Claire with tears rolling down her cheeks that she had left because of the emotional abuse but because he'd never hit mum she believed we were safe. Dad had always put on a loving dad act when mum was around and she believed it was genuine. After getting everything out in the open Claire had buried her feelings, if you didn't think about it, it wasn't there and didn't happen. Her nightmares became less frequent and her pills had numbed all feelings. She was cured and moved on with her life. Or so she thought. As Claire hung her final art piece and hanging plant she stepped back to look at the masterpiece that was her completed apartment. Soft, warm and homely. Clean and classic. Her vibe completely. Sunday morning she woke feeling panicked, another nightmare. At least living alone she didn't have to explain if she cried out in her sleep and woke in a panic attack. After taking deep breaths and grounding herself Claire climbed out of bed and changed into her running gear ready to run off her feelings. Putting on music in her earbuds and shoes she stepped out on her front step. Stretching a little she took off heading to her usual track around the park. Running through the shadows of the large trees letting the dabbled light flicker over her, filling her with a lighter feeling and pushing down the darkness. Reaching the lake quickly she stopped and stretched again. Letting her eyes embrace the calming water. Ducks paddled and dived, calling out in a corus of quacking laughs. Claire took a long deep breath and easied herself onto the bench seat. Earpods still in listening to her upbeat playlist Claire closed her eyes letting the peaceful feeling sink in. Heading back to her apartment she thought about what she would do with the rest of her day.. Renovation complete she pulled out her laptop and opened her dream file. Having found inspiration at the lake this morning she reconfigured her house layout so many of the living spaces now had larger windows and doors that would face the lake.. Her dream... She had almost every detail in her design now. From a large entertaining kitchen with white subway tiles and open plan kitchen/dining/living space with high ceilings and exposed wooden beams. She just had the master bedroom and ensuit to complete. The bedroom was always a space for sleep in Claire's mind. Never having much of a love life Claire's innocence was evident designing simple and functional layout for the master bedroom. A walk in wardrobe off the main room with a sliding door and bathroom opposite wall. Claire wondered if this dream home would ever become a reality and what kind of life she would live in it.. Waking up hot on Monday morning. Claire felt a warmth between her legs as she remembered her dream. Her hand on a chizled chest hugging into a strong man.. Feeling the spark on her skin as his hand brushed her back pulling her closer and then ontop of him.. She couldn't remember his face but could see his smile, his beautiful genuine smile.. As Claire got out of bed she knew the image of that smile would get her through to the end of the week with hope of happiness.