Prologue
September 12, 2012
"Push Miriam; you're doing great honey," my mother -the midwife- encouraged in that voice that always put me at peace. Only right now, I wasn't at peace.
NO, what I was was sweaty and going out of my mind. How did all the generations before me do this? HOW DID WOMEN DO THIS? The head wasn't even out yet, and I was already feeling like I'd gone through a meat grinder, processed into those squiggly looking meat ribbons that make really great meatballs; the only difference was, these meatballs wanted to grab Collin's meatballs and squeeze. Hard.
I think I blacked out a bit, because the next coherent thought I had was "Damn, this woman is loud" to the voice of my mother saying I was almost there.
"You're almost there honey!" my mother said. "One big push and you are home free"
Free? I would never be free again. Why was I doing this again? It was that moment that made me wish I had listened to that counsellor lady from eight months ago.
After I had found out I was three weeks pregnant, in a not-very-graceful way I might add, I had run home to the apartment I shared with my boyfriend Collin, to give him the good (?) news. Only he hadn't taken it the way I had expected. He had said and I quote "this wasn't the time for such a big commitment" even though "we were so in love". And guess what; exactly two weeks later, Collin introduced me to his fiancee Donna. He was getting married in seven months.
So here I was, pushing his child out, while he was at the altar, promising a whole different woman he would love her with his whole heart; till death did them part.
I was a winner, wasn't I?
"Meet your baby boy honey, " my mother said in a soft voice, as she handed me a slimy bundle of red-faced anger and two very healthy lungs. He sure had his father's temper.
I raised my tired arms for my baby, holding on for life. I felt like if I let go even for a little bit, he'd either slip out of my hold, or the rest of my sanity would.
As soon as he got into my arms, the cries subsided and he let out a little sigh as I laid him on my chest "I am happy to meet you too sweetheart". After he'd settled a little, he opened his baby eyes, and I saw a peek of the most vibrant green I had ever seen in my life. And in that moment, I fell in love. I had this whole new person, that had come out of me, and was going to depend on me.
I finally let go of the tears I had been holding on to, and cried myself to sleep. We were going to be okay, my baby and I. The exhaustion finally caught up to me and I fell asleep with my miracle held tightly against my chest. My Zayn an me were going to be just fine.
When I woke up again he was gone.
