Desert Wolf

Sil stared at the young male across from her as the afternoon sun spilled over his sad little lovesick face. Maybe other females would have melted under that look.

All she felt was disappointment.

This is what fate thought she needed? This awkward soft weak-looking younger male?

The emotions twisting through her chest were a mess. Irritation. Shock. Resentment.

And beneath all of it, to her horror...

Joy.

She had sensed him the moment they entered Lykaia. She’d felt him before she ever saw him. But she’d imagined someone else entirely. Someone older. Bigger. Dangerous. A male who looked like he could survive and rip out throats with his teeth if he had to.

She expected a provider. Someone she wouldn’t feel worried for her safety if he pupped her and left her vulnerable.

Not this lanky pup. She doubted he could even protect himself, let alone her.

“Hi...” the male spoke awkwardly. Sil frowned harder. Even his voice disappointed her. Too soft. Not nearly deep enough.

Well... at least he wasn’t fully grown yet. Maybe she just had to be patient. She thought of her mother’s words. Of course fate had to teach her something...

Fucking fate.

She had spent years imagining finally meeting her mate. Some older male she could drag into bed the moment they met and let have her until she couldn’t walk straight. She remembered those few miserable heats where she didn’t have Brielle’s remedy, and she survived them solely fueled entirely by her fantasy male to end up with this.

So much for that dream.

Sil sighed quietly as the reality settled in. Dammit... she had really hoped to find out what dick felt like tonight. Apparently not...

For a brief moment, she mourned the faceless fantasy male who had occupied her thoughts for years. Now every future fantasy was probably going to come with this male’s soft expression attached to it.

...Though, to be fair, that wasn’t the worst thing.

He was attractive. Annoyingly so.

Tall too, though awkwardly built, like his body had stretched faster than the rest of him could keep up. She let her gaze drift over him again, assessing.

Too thin.

Still, there were signs. Large hands. Broad feet. Shoulders that hadn’t fully filled out yet. Males kept growing into their twenties sometimes. He might eventually become something respectable.

Maybe.

But even with every complaint rattling around in her head, the longer she looked at him, the stronger she felt the pull become, curling hot and possessive beneath her skin.

It helped a little that she could almost picture an older version of him, larger, rougher, stronger, doing all the things she’d imagined during lonely nights. The images she used to fuel fantasies while taking care of needs.

Dammit, now she was horny and disappointed.

“Hello.” Sil finally said back. Her tone came out flatter than she intended, but she couldn’t help it. She was trying so hard to assess him without the lens of the disappointment.

She just kept staring at him. Maybe if she stared long enough, he’d somehow transform into the male she’d hoped for.

No such luck.

Still... he wasn’t terrible.

The initial horror she’d felt upon realizing this pup was her mate had already started to dull around the edges. At least he had Beta blood. And his features were handsome beneath the lingering boyishness. A beard would help. At the very least, the male desperately needed stubble.

And those eyes...

Damn him for having good eyes.

Sil forced herself not to grimace. She knew she was being unfair. Fate didn’t make mistakes, or at least, that was what she was always led to believe.

But he would need to bulk up. Was he really living such a soft life? From what she’d seen of the wolves here, clearly they were...

Stupid pack wolves...

Sil focused on his face again. She was trying her best to soften to him. She kept telling herself he truly wasn’t bad. Even with that dumb love sick smile on his face.

But one more head to toe assessment of him and the disappointment raged anew. Desert wolf blood ran through her veins. She wanted strength. Dominance. A male capable of earning her respect before he ever touched her.

If he couldn’t earn it, he couldn’t have her. She couldn’t help it.

It was simple. At least she thought so.

The male finally started toward her slowly, cautious now, as though he’d begun sensing her mood. Sil just watched him wearily. The eager smile faded from his face.

“How old are you?” Sil asked. The male paused.

“Seventeen, almost eighteen.” He said it almost defensively. Sil groaned. Still a damn pup...

“And you?” He asked.

“Eighteen, almost nineteen.” Sil said. Of course they shared a birthday. That thought wasn’t lost on her.

“And your name?” He asked.

“Sil.” She replied.

“William... or Will.” Will offered.

....Sil and Will? Really?

Ugh... she immediately thought of her sisters. All her teasing about their mates was going to catch up to her in a bad way.

And this male was pathetic even compared to Rin’s little fated. And that male was only eleven. He was always bringing game offerings and pelts like a proper wolf trying to earn her affection. Mia’s too was a good solid male. Strong and capable.

And hers... he looked like he apologized to rabbits before killing them.

... if he’d ever killed anything at all. She was starting to wonder.

Fuck.

Sil sighed, deeply, and ran a hand over her face. She had a lot of work to do with him, clearly. Even her inner giddy wolf agreed on that. The fur side of her wanted him to be strong too.

“Well... I guess we should get this over with.” Sil said. Will blinked in confusion at her.

“... here?” Will asked. His face immediately turned a shade of red. Bright red. Sil stared at him. Did he really think she was asking him for sex?

Was he truly that dumb?

“No, I meant... if you want to mate me, you have to earn it.” Sil explained, like he was a pup. He was a pup, technically. But... did he know nothing of the desert wolves?

“... sorry?” Will said. The confusion on his face was so genuine Sil briefly wondered if woodland wolves had rocks for brains. Sil resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of her nose.

Was she really turning into her mother?

“If you can pin me down,” she said evenly, “and make me submit to you, then I’ll mate you. Right here. Right now. I’ll let you mark me and everything.”

Will instantly looked horrified.

“Why would I do that?” he asked. “I wouldn’t disrespect you like that.”

Sil tilted her head, studying him carefully.

“Because I don’t think you’re strong enough to do it,” she said bluntly. “And I can’t have a weak male.” She finished firmly. His expression blanked a bit, and the air between them grew tense.

An uncomfortable silence settled.

Sil watched his expression change as her words finally seemed to sink in. The hard look that came over his face was definitely an improvement.

“No,” Will said firmly. “I won’t hurt you.”

Well... at least he could stand firm on something. But his admittance was disappointing. Sil gave him an annoyed smirk.

“You really think you can?” She taunted.

A flicker of offense crossed his face.

Interesting. Maybe goading him would work best.

“I said I won’t try,” he corrected, firmer this time.

Sil canted her head wolfishly and they just stared at each other for a moment.

“Then you can’t have me,” Sil said simply, turning away.

“Wait!” Will said desperately as he took a few steps forward. Sil paused and looked over her shoulder at him.

“You’re serious?” Will asked. He seemed flustered.

"Yes.” Sil said firmly, and she kept her expression stern. He studied her face with his green eyes.

... dammit, he had great eyes.

He seemed to hesitate.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” Will protested again. Sil grinned at that. It was cute.

“I’d be more worried about yourself.” Sil said, the silver dagger in her pocket certainly said otherwise. Of course she wouldn’t kill him... or even truly hurt him. But he did seem to need a reality check.

“... so you... just... just want me to take you down?” Will asked, his tone awkward. She could clearly see how uncomfortable even the thought was making him.

“Mmm.” Sil responded as she turned back to him. He stared at her awkwardly. Neither of them moved.

“... can’t we just talk?” Will asked pathetically. Sil huffed a large sigh.

“No. Are you going to try or not?” Sil asked firmly. Will’s expression became deeply uncomfortable again.

“I really don’t want to hurt you.” Will said with a genuinely worried tone. Sil stared at him. She was getting annoyed now. Her patience was thinning.

“You won’t. I assure you.” Sil said tauntingly and just stood there and stared at him as he continued to go through his internal dilemma. She could clearly see it on his face. It was just when she thought he had no intention to even try, that finally, reluctantly, he moved.

And honestly?

It was sad.

Even then, she could tell he was holding back. He truly believed he might hurt her. The startled look on his face when he hit the ground instead was almost adorable.

Sil grinned down at him.

“Told you to worry about yourself.” Sil said.

He got up slower the second time, warier now.

More determined too.

That was better.

She watched the way he shifted his footing, analyzed his balance, his instincts, his weight distribution.

Sloppy.

Untrained.

Big body, no idea how to use it.

By the third time she dropped him, she almost started feeling guilty.

Almost.

Sil drew her dagger before he could rise again and pressed the silver blade lightly to his throat with a knee on his chest.

His eyes widened.

“I could kill you right now,” she growled. “Do you understand why I need you stronger?”

He just stared at her with such a strange expression.

Something unexpected twisted in her chest. Somewhere deep down, guilt began to bloom.

So distracted by his sad little face, the snarl from her left nearly caught her off guard. Sil shoved off him and barely missed the lunge from the brown wolf. He recovered quickly and nearly came at her again but Will had thrown himself between them.

So he could move fast when it mattered.

“JAKE! STOP!” Will shouted in a panic, but the wolf wasn’t hearing it. He shoved him aside and came at her hard, teeth flashing.

Males and their anger...

Sil flipped back and kicked upward hard into his underbelly, flipping the much larger, heavier wolf onto his back with a grunt.

Sil quickly rolled into a crouch, her gaze heavily on the angry wolf as she flexed her fingers over the dagger. From the corner of her eye, she noticed others fast appearing on the edge of the road, drawn by the commotion. Or maybe they all came with that male. She didn’t know...

And then her attention snagged on the female standing among them.

Pregnant.

Sharp-eyed.

She’d never met her, but somehow, she just knew. Sil’s gaze focused fully on the wolf as he began to come at her again. Jake’s scent hit her a second later.

Her mate’s brother.

And all over that female.

Ah.

So this was the bitch, and she’s sunk her claws into another one. The misfortune that it had to be another stupid familial male that she’d be forced to be around wasn’t lost on her.

Will shifted to fur and intercepted Jake before he reached her again, and even with Jake outweighing him badly, he wouldn’t budge in blocking him. It took only moments before both males shifted back to skin.

Jake’s murderous glare landed fully on her.

“Move,” he snarled at Will.

“Wait-” Will said.

“She was trying to kill you, you idiot!” Jake snarled. Sil straightened into a stand, staring at the male that would someday be family. Tainted as he was. She glanced over at the pregnant whore, who was now staring at them with interest in her sharp piggy little eyes.

That female screamed untrustworthy.

“No! No she wasn’t. She was just...” he trailed off as he looked at her with those pathetically sad green eyes.

Awe.

But he couldn’t seem to find the words.

“I was testing him.” Sil said simply. Jake was staring at her with rage in his eyes as he shoved his brother aside and came right infront of her.

“With a silver fucking dagger to his throat?!” Jake snarled.

“I was making a point.” Sil said as she canted her head. They stared at eachother for a moment and she could clearly see the fury in him.

The fury of an older brother who was worried about the younger.

Finally... something she could respect.

“You’re going to lock up,” Jake snapped. “You can’t be trusted.” He reached for her. Sil stepped back out of his reach.

“Jake, seriously she wasn’t trying to kill me. Just listen!” Will growled as he tried to get between them again, but Jake lunged anyway.

Sil shifted her footing the instant his shoulder dipped. Predictable. Bigger opponents always tried to use their weight. Especially angry ones. He stumbled in surprise. Did he think she would just let him drag her off? She smirked at him, and she made sure to put some attitude in it.

She wanted him angry. And she got it.

Jake snarled and came at her again, this time with real force behind it.

Sil slipped beneath his reach and slammed the hilt of her dagger into the inside of his arm, right above the elbow. Jake hissed through his teeth, but before he could recover she struck again, hard into the ribs.

He stumbled with a curse.

Sil was already moving. Fast. Light. Precise. Desert females didn’t need strength where skill would do.

“You fight like shit,” Sil snapped as she ducked another grab. That earned her exactly what she wanted.

For Jake to lose the last of his restraint.

He lunged again, throwing a punch instead of trying to restrain her this time. Sil stepped inside his reach before the blow could fully land, just grazing past her cheek and drove the dagger hilt beneath his collarbone.

Jake grunted sharply.

She pivoted beneath his arm and kicked the back of his knee as she shoved away before he could recover. He crashed down onto one knee with a growl.

Will suddenly shoved between them again.

“STOP!” he barked.

Jake surged upward, his wolfish eyes full of fury as he slammed Will backward hard enough to nearly knock him off his feet.

“Get out of the way!” Jake snarled.

Will shoved him back.

“No!” He snarled. Jake went to push him again but Will punched him. Hard.

Sil blinked at him, shocked. Will looked startled at himself.

Jake froze, staring at his brother in disbelief as anger flooded his expression. And just like that, they were suddenly at each other.

Males were exhausting.

Sil straightened slowly, her dagger loose at her side as she watched them struggle. Neither male was truly trying to injure the other, but one thing became painfully obvious to her almost immediately.

Will hadn’t tried even half this hard against her.

For some reason, that irritated her.

Jake finally forced Will down into the dirt, glaring murderously toward Sil as he stood, but something else had taken her full focus as he stood up. That was the moment Sil finally noticed it.

The mate mark.

Her eyes dropped to stare at Jake’s bare chest. Right there on his breast bone. Recognition hit instantly. She’d seen it before.

What the fuck....

Her lip curled instinctively as she looked past him toward the pregnant female. Emma. That bitch. She was about to lose another one. Sil laughed once, coldly.

Serves her right.

“So,” She drawled, “you’re the idiot who knocked up another female while your fated mate is out there waiting for you.”

Jake stiffened, but Emma, her expression sharpened instantly. Clearly this was already a sore subject.

Good.

“I’ve seen that mark before,” Sil continued smoothly. “Want to know where your real mate is?”

“Liar!” Jake exploded forward.

Will grabbed him around the legs before he reached her, still on the ground as he was.

“JAKE!” Will shouted. “She’s my mate!”

The words cracked through the chaos.

Jake froze.

Will looked panicked now, eyes darting between them.

“It’s a misunderstanding!” he said quickly when he finally noticed the others that were witness to this mess. “She wasn’t trying to kill me!”

Jake stared at him like he’d lost his damn mind.

“That’s your mate?” Jake snarled. “Are you serious right now?”

Sil crossed her arms.

“At least I haven’t bred with pack trash.” Sil said.

Jake tore free of Will’s grip with a snarl. Will grabbed him again.

“Stop it! Don’t hurt her.” Will growled.

“Shouldn’t you be telling me not to hurt him?” Sil asked with a quirked brow.

“The fuck is wrong with you?” Jake shouted at his brother. “She held silver to your throat!”

“And you bred a mutt,” Sil shot back instantly.

Jake growled at that and swung toward her again, but Will stupidly dove in front of her. The crack of Jake’s fist connecting with her mate’s face sent a sudden, scorching surge of anger through her unlike anything she’d ever felt before.

She knew that had to have hurt.

Jake staggered back in shock. For half a second, everyone just stared.

Sil clenched her teeth as she looked at her mate’s reddening jaw. He cradled it with one hand, clearly trying not to let the pain show. It was definitely going to bruise.

Before Jake could step toward Will in concern, she moved first, driving her knee straight between his legs. He didn’t expect it. Jake folded instantly with a strangled noise and collapsed into the dirt.

Will froze.

Jake curled on his side, clutching himself in agony. Sil looked at Will coolly.

“You don’t fight fair when your opponent is twice your size,” She explained coldly. Jake made a sound somewhere between a growl and a dying gasp.

Sil crouched slightly beside him, unimpressed. He deserved it. As she glanced at Will’s face again, she still wanted to hurt him.

“Sorry,” she said dryly. “Too hard?”

Jake glared murderously at her from the dirt.

“Maybe I’m doing your actual mate a favor,” Sil continued coldly. “Since you seem incapable of keeping loyal.” She looked over at Emma, who had paled.

Good.

Sil remembered the Tonka female clearly. Sweet. Annoying. Huggy. Constantly trying to mother everyone around her.

And entirely too good for this idiot.

“She’s in Tonka,” Sil said. “East coast.”

Jake stared at her with wary fury now.

“She deserves better than you,” Sil continued. “Her name is...” She paused.

“...Shit.”

What was that female’s name?

For the life of her the only thing that kept popping into her head was muffin, because she made really good muffins. Or was that her name? Did she even know it?

Wait...

...Sarah? Lily talked to her so much. Their temperaments were stupidly similar.

“Uhh... it might be Sarah.” Sil said thoughtfully. That seemed right. Possibly.

“Maybe.” Sil blurted uncertainly. “Or it’s Muffin. I don’t know. You’ll find her.” Sil straightened again and finally looked back toward Will.

And immediately, she regretted it...

She hated the expression on his face.

“I’m not abandoning you,” Sil said sharply before he could speak. “Stop looking at me like I rejected you.”

Will swallowed hard as he shifted his weight uncomfortably. And it was only at that moment she realized he’d shifted. He was no longer clothed.

She couldn’t help herself. She looked.

And her eyes lingered.

... well

At least one part of him exceeded expectations.

Heat stirred in her lower belly immediately.

Damnit.

She forced her eyes to his face and crossed her arms tightly.

“I laid out my terms. So follow them.” Sil said.

Something twisted painfully in her chest at the look in his eyes. He seemed so conflicted.

“I won’t go seeking other males, if that’s what you’re worried about,” she continued harshly. “It’s your dick I want. But I do want to be fucked before I’m too old to enjoy it.”

A few of those male wolves nearby snorted, and some scattered laughter followed. Sil ignored them. They’d kept their distance the whole time. Will glanced over though.

She guessed they must be acquaintances of theirs...

“So maybe,” she finished, “learn to be better.”

Will looked back at her and she really hated the look on his face. His expressions were hitting her unexpectedly hard. There was something else there though, especially as he glanced at those pack mates who were watching them again.

Humiliation.

But also...

Hurt.

Betrayal.

Sil suddenly felt strangely hollow. This was the outcome she’d expected. She knew she could beat him. Knew he wasn’t strong enough yet. None of this surprised her.

So why did this feel so terrible?

Something unpleasant twisted beneath her ribs.

Remorse?

Guilt?

She hated it instantly.

Sil took a slow step backward. Then another. There was something sitting on the edge of her tongue.

Something she should probably say.

...sorry.

Maybe.

But the word refused to come. It wasn’t in her to do it.

Sil turned abruptly and disappeared down the road before anyone could stop her.

She walked fast enough that gravel crunched sharply beneath her boots, her pulse still running hot from the fight. Anger still simmered under her skin.

Frustration.

Embarrassment.

Something worse.

It took her several minutes to realize she was heading the wrong direction entirely.

“Damn it,” she muttered, turning sharply.

Why did she feel like this?

She’d proven her point. He wasn’t strong enough yet. That should have settled it.

Instead, all she could think about were those sad green eyes staring at her like she’d ripped something out of him.

Sil grimaced.

She felt... mean.

The realization sat badly in her chest. For the first time in her life, she wondered if she’d pushed too far.

She hated that thought immediately.

Sil slowed slightly, glancing around at the unfamiliar roads and clustered pack houses. So this was it, then. Home.

The word felt strange. Her wandering days were over.

Relief and disappointment twisted together so tightly inside her she couldn’t separate them anymore.

And her mate...

How long would it take before he became the male she needed him to be?

This was going to be torture. Mostly because some pathetic part of her already wanted to go back. Sil scowled harder at herself.

How could she stick around him if he was going to act like that? Could she even resist not comforting him next time?

She was barely resisting going back there now...

How did pack wolves survive this nonsense? Desert wolves handled mating differently. Simpler. Harder. Not whatever this aching, emotional mess was.

She was so lost in thought that she almost missed the voices drifting from the house ahead. Sil looked up with a furrowed brow. Immediately she realized Lily wasn’t alone... and that whore’s scent hit her hard.

Instantly, fury surged hot beneath her skin. The low growl that escaped her came straight from her wolf. She did not trust that leachy bitch one bit. Especially near her vulnerable, soft and pregnant sister. The protectiveness inside her flared even further when she finally heard their conversation. Sil quickly closed the distance the rest of the way to the house.

“You really think he can always protect you? Or that wild bitch you brought with you? You should-” Emma began, but Sil didn’t let her finish.

She had her pinned up against the wall by her soft little throat that she could easily rip out. She made a point to press her claws just enough into delicate skin to threaten blood.

She was riled from her fight already. This bitch chose the wrong time for this.

Did she really think she wouldn’t touch her? She only had so much control. So for one dangerous moment, she let Emma see exactly what she truly was beneath the skin.

Not civilized.

Not soft.

Not safe.

Sil had done terrible things in her life. She’d survived by being crueler than the others around her. And she let Emma see every ounce of it in the dark look she was giving her.

Emma’s confidence faltered instantly.

"What? Surprised that ‘wild bitch’ has claws?” Sil snarled in her face. Behind her, Lily inhaled sharply, but Sil did not look back. Her furious focus was on this bitch who was stupid enough to threaten her sister.

Her soft sweet sister...

How could anyone dislike her?

This dumb whore clearly had no loyalty to this pack. So would anyone really have a problem with her putting her down for the good of them all? Her dumb fuck of a brother in law would definitely be better off.

She couldn’t believe she had to call that stupid male family.

“Sil-” Lily said firmly. Sil felt her tension rise. Her full focus still on Emma as she dug her claws just a bit more into her delicate neck.

Spilling her blood would be easy. She deserved it, for threatening her sister... and screwing fated mates. She had no business doing either.

“Hush, this whore has it coming.” Sil interrupted her.

“You would truly hurt a pregnant female? On her own territory? I’ve done nothing to her, we were only talking.” Emma sneered, despite the fear clouding her scent. Sil blinked at her. Was this bitch serious? Sil laughed.

“Bitch... you think that matters? I will rip that pup out of your womb and raise it to piss on your grave. Try me.” Sil snarled as she got closer. She felt her wolf rise. She wanted to taste this ridiculous female’s blood.

"Sil.” Lily said. Sil flickered a glance at her. She saw the stress and fear on Lily’s face. And that ridiculous sympathy in her eyes she had for all others, even when they didn’t deserve it.

And the stupid female at her claws certainly deserved it the very least.

“What? Too much?” Sil asked, trying to lighten up her expression. She could still see the fear in her sister’s eyes. She continued to look horrified. Sil sighed and yanked Emma off the wall before shoving her out the door.

“Leave.” Sil snarled as she slammed it behind her. It took no time at all for her hasty footsteps to sound.

Little bitch.... You better run.

It took a few moments to feel Lily’s eyes on her again. She still felt furious. And this time she was mad at her.

After everything they taught her, why was she still so damn soft?!

“Don’t let that whore talk to you that way.” Sil growled. Lily frowned at her as Sil glared, but it only took a second for Lily’s eyes to drop down over Sil’s form. Sil stiffened, realizing just then what she must look like.

Like she’d been in a fight. Because she had. Several in fact...

“Where-” Lily began.

“Another time, I’m starving, dirty, tired and horny, I’m going to take care of it in just that order. Goodnight.” Sil said irritably as she headed for the kitchen. God damn these mating hormones. She hated that she wanted to jump that damn pup.

Her hand would have to do tonight...

Lily said nothing. Thankfully. And Sil left her standing there.

She ate whatever she found in a numb haze without even tasting it, then went back to her room. She took a long hot shower, the sting of her wounds from the small scrapes she got tumbling around on the ground didn’t even register. She barely noticed the little stuff anymore with the life they lived. A lifetime of rough travel and harsher fights had made little injuries meaningless.

She lingered beneath the water longer than necessary, thoughts drifting right back where she didn’t want them.

To Will.

To all that encompassed the fact that he was her mate.

To those eyes.

To the hurt on his face.

To the humiliating realization that despite everything, the mate bond still pulled at her relentlessly.

By the time she finally collapsed into bed later, exhausted and overheated, she already knew taking care of her other needs was going to be difficult.

Because now her body wanted something specific.

Someone specific.

And it was just as she feared, her fingers no longer hit the same. She was craving something else now.

Something with that soft male. Sil gave up almost immediately and laid there staring at the ceiling as she languished in unfulfillment. And the more she tried not to think about him, the worse it became.

Sil groaned softly and buried her face deeper into the pillow. This was going to be miserable.

For both of them.

“Damn it,” she muttered into the darkness.

And somewhere beneath all the frustration, guilt, longing, and irritation twisting together inside her...

A quieter realization settled in. She already cared more than she wanted to.