Chapter 1
Some days I sit back and think of how it all started.
Yeah, that fateful day. The one I can never forget how matter how hard I tried.
Just an average guy going in for a few beers with my pops on my twenty-first birthday.
We were all laughing and joking and not having a care in a world.
In wanders a drunk into the fray, starting up a conversation with me.
“Hey fella, happy birthday. Have a few drinks on me! Christian..Lo?”
The guy was staring at my birthday cake that was mostly uneaten. I gave a laugh, everything I heard seemed amusing right now.
“Christian Love. I dunno what made mum name me that. What was it dad?”
I nudged my father who was already too intoxicated to really give a good answer. He just stared at me grunted and took another piece of cake trying to loosen his buzz enough so we could get home in one piece.
“Oye. It makes me wonder what she wanted you to do when you grew up. Become one of those cheesy priests you see on TV or something?”
We all got a good chuckle at that. But when I got home it started to make a bit of sense. Growing up I was just the average boy. But I didn’t have any plans of what job to do when I grew up. It seemed like everyone had some sort of dream. But when the teacher asked me I just shrugged.
But after the buzz of my drink wore off so did the idea that random drunk suggested to me faded too. I wasn’t really the most religious of guys. Heck I wanted those people to go and screw themselves. It seemed like everything fun wasn’t allowed.
I flipped through the TV channels wondering what to do with my life. I was lucky enough to have my parent’s support for now but here I was the age when living with your parents just...isn’t cool anymore. I needed some sort of job. I paused as I saw one of those programs with the faith healing coming on. I snorted a bit. Couldn’t these people see that this dude was a fake? It didn’t even seem like his hair was real. How did these guys get started? I turned off the TV, trudging to bed in disgust. It seemed that my fate was just to flip burgers for the rest of my life.
The next day I sat on the porch popping open a soda and taking a sip. It felt like this was my last moment that I could do what I wanted in life. I knew my dad was planning on kicking me out at eighteen, but my mother gave him one of those looks that no man can resist. That bought me some more time to sponge off my parents.
An old buddy came running towards me and yelling.
“Yo Chris! Did you hear the news?!”
I looked up and grunted. Well whatever it was, it was certainly making him happy.
“Wooow it is pretty obvious you have not. Your going to be finally free of this hellhole. Your Aunt Rita kicked the bucket and now a bunch of cash is heading your way!”
Raising an eyebrow I set down the can. Rita didn’t have enough money to set me up for life. I sort of felt bad hearing about her dying since she was a rather nice old woman.
“I can’t move. Maybe whatever she left me could get me a really small apartment but not much else. You know as good as anyone when it comes to jobs I am a flake. There is only one thing that got me halfway interested Roddy.”
Roddy, Rodwick Patterman my best friend stared at me like I was supposed to to be happy about my favorite aunt dying. He also had that look like he thought that this chunk of dough meant I was set for life. He grabbed my soda can and tried to take a chug but found it empty. He sat down beside me.
“Damn, Chris! Your such a bummer sometimes. So what is this job you are sort of interested in. No chicks are going to date you if you keep living with the ’rents for the rest of your life.”
I glared at him, I was aware of this fact. Roddy was really getting on my nerves. Couldn’t he see I was in a bad mood?
“Um you wouldn’t believe me if I told you. Look I am in a rotten mood just leave me alone OK?”
He slugged me in the arm. Good old Rodster wouldn’t ever give up on a pal in need. That is just how he was.
“What, you embarrassed? You thinking of being a stripper or something?”
I just started to crack up. It never fails. He could make me laugh even if I was in the worst mood. But he was a professional at making people laugh. It was hard for me to believe that Roddy had become a clown. He was just so rough, tumble and had a look to him that made you think he was in a gang or something. But in his makeup, well I didn’t want to think about that even.
“No. Um actually I was thinking of...becoming a faith healer.”
Roddy gaped and smashed the can on the porch.
“You? Man. That seems so perfect...perfectly terrible. What are you thinking? You can’t start living the life of a priest. They never get any decent women. Jus’ ones with bad makeup”
I shrugged a bit. I knew he wouldn’t take me seriously. It may not be much of a dream but really nothing else was capturing my interest as much as that was. As I kept silent Roddy watched me closely. Then he rubs his chin a bit.
“You really serious, cause I might know a way to get you on the road to success. I mean, ya don’t have to do this for the rest of your life. Just till you can get on your feet. There’s plenty of time to explore other paths.”
I nodded.
“More serious about this than anything else in my life. So your really going to help me out? Thanks man!”
Roddy grinned and got up from the porch pacing, having a look of an inspired man on his face.
“First we are going to need a tent, and..a signboard, and...a bus.”
I jumped up getting in Roddy’s face, mine was red with anger. Sometimes I wondered of the sanity of the boy.
“What, do you think this is a circus or something!”
Roddy pushed me backwards, giving me a serious look. When Roddy has that look on his face you know something profound was about to spurt forth.
“Yes. Being a faith healer is all about the show. I mean,watching church isn’t too exciting but even people who aren’t too cool with religion can get swept away by those flashy guys on TV.”
I couldn’t help but think he was right. As we planned out my future a thought seemed to be yelling in my mind.
God, what am I getting into here?
“So we drop you down on a rope, like your descending down from heaven. A gift from god to the peoples.”
Roddy said as he brushed up a hefty amount of white paint on the tent.
“I think you been smelling too much paint fumes Roddy. Why don’t you also add in a big spotlight so it looks like a sun ray is helping me down or something too. Come on, the people will go nuts and think I am knocking religion if I do something like that! Get real!”
He stepped backwards, to look at the effect.
“I am serious Christian. I may not be an expert on faith healing, but know how people’s minds work. They are going to be walking in the door expecting a show not thinking about being insulted about what you do. That spotlight is a good idea. I think you should have a rock band too. No sissy choirs for this new century man!”
That comment just made me wonder about the paint fume theory. A rock band? What in the hell was he thinking?
“What? How are we going to afford all that? I know we got this used tent cheap, and the chairs. And your buddies are going to build the platform. But no way can you get a rock band unless they really suck or something!”
Roddy stared at me sighing deeply.
“Christian, Christian, Christian...have I ever let you down before? Just trust me. Oh! I just thought of something your little faith healing place here needs a name!”
Just then I felt like I was staring into the eyes of a snake.
“What?!”
Roddy tapped his foot.
“Well all churches have something they are called by. But yours is going to have to be a little more flashy. Um. Christian Loves Faith Heal-o Rama or something”
Nuts...Roddy totally lost it. That was an awful name. I had to think of something decent before he started to put it up in dazzling rainbow colors on the signboard they had got.
“How about: Christian Love’s Pocketfull of Miracles Extraordinare?”
Roddy closed his eyes, whispering it under his breath.
“Perfect my friend. Now I have to make a few calls and we are almost home free!”
With every minute I felt this was becoming something more than just a job until I found something better.
This was it baby.
“Roddy wait! I can’t do this! They will think I can really heal them! They will be really pissed if nothing happens.”
He stopped in his tracks, and walked over putting his hands on my shoulders.
“Look, no real healing is involved here. It’s a show. A few people will be planted in the audience. I will pay a few people some cash and heck I bet some of the people I know are crazy enough to do this crap for free. The rest, will be so into what is going on they won’t have a choice to play along!”
Even with his words worry clouded my mind. I started to chant to myself.
“They pay me in order to feel good, not to actually be healed...”
Roddy nodded a bit giving me an odd look. I knew he could tell I was having doubts. But what difference was this and...being a lawyer or some other job like that.
I was going to make enough just to get a decent place to live and enough for a couple of months rent that is all.
Believing that made me feel like I was on cloud nine.
