Parodypasta: Ghost Monopoly

I will now tell you about a game I learned about at summer camp a few years ago called Ghost Monopoly. I warn you; don’t play this game if you have a small attention span as you will probably fall asleep. Also, make sure you have all of the pieces. If you summon the ghosts and they find out some of the game money is missing, they will use items from your fridge as currency instead. This seems harmless enough, but sometimes they use the rotten or moldy food. This will make the game board smell like old tuna after playing a while. Also, try not to send the ghosts to jail. This is a bit difficult, I know, as pretty much everything in the game is chance. But if the ghosts do happen to land themselves in jail, they will feel sad because it reminds them of their sorry existence in the afterlife. They will immediately leave the game as they need to seek therapy and the game will end there.

If you think you can follow these rules and it isn’t too much of a hassle then I will tell you how to summon the ghosts. To get the ghosts to show up, hold a séance. Contrary to popular belief you really can hold a séance by yourself. All you need is a candle, a magic eight ball, and some emo music playing in the background for effect. I find that playing music by Lincoln Park works best but you can choose any emo band you like. Once the music is playing, light the candle and shake the magic eight ball. Ask the magic eight ball to send ghost players to you so you can play Monopoly. This might take a few tries as the magic eight ball will sometimes tell you to TRY AGAIN LATER.

Once the magic eight ball lands on YES the ghosts will appear and the game of monopoly will begin. Start by introducing yourself to the ghosts. Don’t worry if they don’t answer back as most ghosts are rude and need etiquette lessons. Once you have introduced yourself, let the ghosts choose what game tokens they want to play with. Don’t let them use the car as everyone knows that is the best piece. They will probably be a bit annoyed at this but don’t pay attention to their whining. Remind them that they are dead and they should leave the cool stuff to the living. This will help them to accept your choice and pick out other figures. Once all of the game pieces are chosen the game can begin. Be careful as ghosts tend to cheat at this game. You can usually tell though as they are transparent and aren’t very good at hiding things behind their backs.

You might notice as you play the game that it seems to take forever. There isn’t anything paranormal about this; it is Monopoly. When was the last time you played this game? In some cases, the Monopoly game can go on for weeks. If this happens, just keep playing the ghosts in your spare time, between classes if you are in school, or work hours if you have a full time job. The ghosts are usually polite and wait for you to come home as they are dead and have nothing better to do. If you play the game all of the way through to the end and win, the ghosts will shrug it off and play you again next Tuesday. If you lose, they will all laugh at you and go back to their homes in the netherworld. This isn’t really problem though as you can always just summon them again with another séance and play another round of Ghost Monopoly.

If you do summon the ghosts again you might also try to play ghost poker. It has all of the same rules as regular poker but if you lose you might owe the ghosts money. If this is the case remind the ghosts that they are dead and they don’t need cash where they come from. The ghosts will agree with you and immediately go back to their homes in the afterlife to seek therapy as they don’t like being reminded that they are dead.