Session
“Miss Cort, you can go on in now.”
Looking up from the article on culture that she’d been reading, Ashlie gave the receptionist a quick smile. She closed the fashion and lifestyle magazine, placed it on the waiting room table and headed toward the hallway beside the receptionist’s desk.
“Thank you, Melony,” she said as she walked past and down the passage.
Coming to the partially open door at the end of the hall with the words Dr. Sarah Hayz MD/PhD on a small name plaque on it, she paused. Using both hands, she pushed her hair behind her ears, giving her head a shake, and letting it fall naturally behind her.
“You don’t have to wait to be told to come in,” a voice from inside the door called out.
Ashlie pushed the door a little further open and stepped inside before pushing it again to its original position. Taking a deep breath, she paused. Far from her first time in the office, her heartbeat still quickened every time she visited.
“Good morning, Ashlie.”
“Good morning, doctor.”
“Please have a seat.”
Ashlie smiled with a nod. She waited another moment and then walked toward the beige sofa to her right. The room she’d entered had crème coloured walls and a light, tight-weave carpet. At the far end of the room was a desk. In the space between, a woman sat in a green velvet wingback armchair on one side of the room, facing a light coloured sofa on the other.
Sitting down on the sofa, Ashlie tucked her left foot over her right; pulling her legs back against the piece of furniture she sat on, and folded her hands on her lap. She gave a half-smile to the woman sitting in the chair.
“Hello, Dr. Hayz.”
The woman sitting across from her smiled at her the way one does when greeting a long-time friend. She’d known Ashlie for almost eighteen of the young lady’s twenty-four years.
“You’re looking well this morning,” she said. “Can I get you anything? Coffee?”
“Yes, please,” Ashlie replied softly. She watched the woman reach to her left and press the call button of the intercom on the table beside her.
“Melony, would you please have two cappuccinos sent in?” The doctor looked at Ashlie, who gave a small nod.
“I’ll send Candice in,” was the soft reply from the intercom’s speaker.
“Thank you, Mel.”
Dr. Hayz picked up a small notepad from beside the intercom and placed it on her lap. She then put on a pair of thin wire-framed glasses.
“You look well, Ashlie,” she said again, “how are you this morning?”
“I can’t complain.”
Watching the woman write something on the notepad, Ashlie instantly felt like she’d given the wrong answer. She didn’t want to give the impression that there was something wrong, because truthfully, things had actually been going rather smoothly for her.
“I’m good,” she said, hoping not to sound too uncertain.
“And work? How are things there?”
“Ok, I guess.” Ashlie looked down at her hands for a moment, then back at the therapist with a slight shrug. “It’s a job.”
“Are you not enjoying the new job?” The therapist’s eyes rose from the notepad and over the top of her spectacles, brows slightly raised. She then raised her head to look at her patient directly.
“Truthfully, I kind of miss the old one,” Ashlie replied with a slight frown as the image of row after row of the bookshelves in the library she worked at came to mind.
“Is it not the change of pace you wanted?”
“It is, I guess. I certainly don’t sit in one place all day anymore. And the pay is better. I get a salary instead of being paid per document I read.”
“But…?”
“Doctor?”
The therapist turned her head toward the office door.
“You can come in, Candi,” she said.
The door swung open as a woman in a long denim skirt entered with her back to them, followed by a small coffee cart in tow. Once inside the office, she turned and lifted a small wooden table from beside the sofa, and placed it to Ashlie’s left side. She wiped it with a damp cloth before turning back to the cart to pick up a saucer with a cup of steaming coffee in it and placing it on the table. She then picked up a second cup and saucer, and turned to Dr. Hayz, who accepted it with a smile and placed it on the table beside her.
“Will that be all, doctor?” Candice asked, glancing from Ashlie to the therapist with a smile.
“This is perfect, thank you,” Dr. Hayz replied with a smile.
She waited until the coffee cart had been pushed out the door and she was again alone with her patient. Looking at Ashlie, she continued their conversation:
“You were saying? Your new job?”
There was a short pause.
“It’s tedious.” Ashlie bit the right side of her bottom lip as she looked down and away. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like it. I do. It’s definitely more interactive than proofreading, and I am thankful to no longer be working from home…”
Dr. Hayz lifted her cup from the table beside her and leaned back in her chair. She sipped her coffee, waiting for her patient to continue.
“And I am happy for the change,” Ashlie said. “Going to the library every day is so much better than the soul-crushing job of being home alone all the time with nothing to do but open emails and check their contents for errors.”
“And how is your anxiety?”
Ashlie shrugged.
“I’m dealing.”
“And the new meds we put you on? Are they helping?”
“I think so. They don’t make me as tired and I can concentrate a bit better. And I am finding it easier to deal with people.”
“I see.” The therapist tilted her head slightly. “And the other issue?”
The other issue… her actual reason for seeing a head doctor. Not the inability to cope or anxiety in dealing with people; the real reason.
Brows furrowed, Ashlie cast her gaze to the floor as though searching for something. She had always felt apprehensive when speaking about her issues, even with the doctor who had helping her to overcome them for most of her life.
“It’s better, I guess,” she said slowly. “The paranoia isn’t so strong anymore. The feelings still come and go, but not as often. Most of the time, it’s not there. I’m not looking over my shoulder so much, and I am a bit calmer. The past year has been easier.”
“This is good news, I think.” Dr. Hayz placed her cup again on its saucer before scribbling something in the notepad on her lap. “It does sound promising.”
“It’s different…” Ashlie watched the therapist, feeling again that she may have said the wrong thing.
“It’s supposed to be. That is what the meds are for. Their purpose is hopefully to help give you your life back.”
“I know.” Ashlie uncrossed her feet and slowly moved them back and forth on the floor in front of her nervously. She was quiet for a moment before looking at the doctor. “But sometimes, I- I don’t know… it feels... I feel… hollow. Like something is missing without them.”
“I see. And that is understandable. They have been there for a long time. It’s not uncommon to feel something. Your body is still adjusting to the new meds. But from what you’re telling me, they seem to be helping you to quiet your mind.”
Dr. Hayz paused her writing as she stopped speaking. She looked at the girl sitting across from her and leaned slightly forward, meeting her gaze with a sympathetic and understanding nod. Very familiar with troubles that had haunted her patient for years, she was relieved that they’d they had found a combination of treatment and medicine that seemed to be working.
Ashlie shook her head like she was trying to dismiss the words she’d just spoken.
“I don’t know what I’m saying,” she told her therapist. “I don’t miss them at all. For once, I feel like I’m alone in my head. I mean, I almost feel normal; like I have a normal life.”
“Ashlie, you have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that. It’s been a long road, and I’ve had to watch you struggle for a long time. To know that you’re doing better after all you’ve been through is one of the best things of my career as well as my life. This is a milestone for the both of us.”
“Thank you.” Ashlie said, with an uncertain smile, though at the same time, she almost felt guilty.
Dr. Hayz studied her patient’s face, sensing her tension.
“What is it, Ashlie?”
“I have been kind of feeling like maybe celebrating.”
“As well you should.”
“I- I think I want to do something different, something new.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know, but I might do something.” Ashlie nodded at the thought, fidgeting with her fingers. Her eye’s met the doctor’s. “Do you think it would be all right?”
“Do it,” Dr. Hayz told her, relieved to see the eager look behind Ashlie’s gaze, “You should. You deserve to treat yourself. You’ve come a long way. Just promise me you’ll be careful. Don’t get overstimulated. Nothing too hectic.”
Ashlie nodded, her brows creasing.
“Well, I’m not going to go to a club or anything.” For a moment, a look of worry crossed her face. “And I’m not that good with crowds...”
