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Falling Star

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Summary

Princess Nicolette is a revolutionary in every sense of the word: She is a genius in both science and arcane arts, a progressive political visionary, and a selfless humanitarian, endlessly battling against her cruel mother, Empress Gennifer von Kalistae, to aide her Kingdom's yearly winter famine. By her side is her royal charge, her equally passionate and duty sworn knight, Sir Samuel, ever clad in their heavy armors and acting under the empress' royal decree to protect the Princess of Astoria. But on a dreary winter night, Nicolette is hysterically distraught, learning that her scheming mother has secretly betrothed her only daughter to The King In Black, his imperial majesty, the ruler of the southern kingdom, and worse, a literal monster. Can Sir Samuel save the beautiful princess Nicolette from becoming a sacrificial bride? Or will they have to eventually face their cruel fate, and hand over her beloved to the dreaded King In Black? *** THIS IS A LITERARY WORK WRITTEN BY HUMAN HANDS AND WAS NOT CREATED WITH OR ASSISTED BY GENERATIVE AI ***

Genre
Romance
Author
Firefly
Status
Ongoing
Chapters
9
Rating
4.0 1 review
Age Rating
18+

Chapter 1: Falling Star

The scent of priceless vanilla and the sound of sobs swept by the armored knight in a blur of purple pastels and long, tangled hair, disappearing around the corner before being silenced with a loud Bang!

Oh, lord, what could it possibly be now? They knew that the princess— their royal charge— and her mother, the empress, were always at odds when it came to the politics of the kingdom. But to see the ever proud, ever elegant princess, flee in a fit of tears, was quite, well… rare.

The knight checked the corridor’s hall in both directions, making sure no one would see them leave their post, before heading after the princess. Her chambers were at the end of the hall just after the door, the heavy doors still unable to fully muffle the sounds of her loud sobbing. Gods above, what could have possibly happened this time? The empress was a vile woman, yes, with a poisonous tongue. But the princess, Nicolette, was of strong mind; nary a tear she ever wept under her imperial majesty’s wicked lectures. For she herself was just as loud mouthed, twice as hard headed, and thrice as intelligent. Perhaps it was why the empress seemed to hate her daughter so.

The knight knocked on the foreboding door, letting themself in when there was no reply.

The sight before them was truly pitiful; Nicolette had thrown herself at her bedside, clinging to the thick, winter sheets as she sobbed hysterically. Her long, beautiful brown hair was a tangled mess, having come undone in her state of woe, leaving tangled tresses down the length of her back, all the way down to the floor. She sobbed so hard that she was short of breath, hiccupping between broken wails of utter despair.

For a second, the knight considered if something truly terrible had happened, such as a spontaneous death, or even worse, an attack-

Another long, drawn wail made the knight refocus their attention. Regardless, the princess needed them. And she needed them right now.

They came to her side, resting their hands on her shoulders and squeezing her gently, to try and get her attention.

“Your highness, I’m here,” The knight spoke softly, their voice slightly muffled through the helm that covered their face. “Whatever ails ye, I’m here to save ye from it. So please, tell me, what happened, my princess? What causes such anguish?”

The Princess finally lifted her face from her bedsheets, her imported makeup smeared into a ghastly mess. Her puffy lips glistened and her tear filled eyes glimmered as if they were filled with stars, and the knight felt a pang of guilt at finding her to be so beautiful, even in such a state as this.

“Oh!” She wailed, throwing herself into her knight’s arms, the armor clattering against her embrace. “Oh, Sir Samuel, i-it’s awful! Awful! No good! T-Terrible!”

“What’s awful? What’s terrible? Speak, my little star-”

“M-My Mother!” Nicolette clamored, barely able to contain herself through her hysterics. “The Empress! Sh-She’s gone mad! Mad, I tell you! C-Completely and utterly stark-raving!”

“Her majesty’s feeble mind has always paled in comparison to your brilliance,” Samuel reassured, trying not to get the princess’ hair caught in their gauntlets. “How much more mad can she possibly get?”

“She’s using me as a pawn to end the war with the drakes.” She spat, her jaw clenching visibly. “Instead of heeding my advice to open the southern borders for trade, which would help feed this winter’s famine, sh-she, she’s…”

Nicolette’s hand covers her mouth, her face contorting into a pained grimace.

Samuel’s hand cups the princess’ face tenderly, seeing a type of pain they’ve never quite seen before. The princess had a frail constitution, and experienced ailments such as aches and fatigue, but this was… this was the look of someone who was experiencing nothing but sheer agony. To see such pain twisting the princess’ delicate features made Samuel’s heart ache.

“Slowly, my little star, my princess,” The knight crooned, petting her cheek with cool, plated fingers. “Slowly, now. Do not lose thyself to despair.”

She choked out a little sob, leaning into the knight’s gentle touch, lips trembling.

“...She’s offered my hand in mar… i-in marriage…” Nicolette whispered, the words hardly audible as they spilled past her lips. “For his imperial m-majesty of the south, The King in Black, is perpetually young… m-my age… and has no consort, nor betrothed, to speak of…”

Something akin to ice seemed to seep into the depths of Samuel’s soul, seizing their heart and freezing their mind, forcing them into a stunned stillness.

Marriage?

The princess sniffled, wiping her eyes with the heel of her palm and down her wrist, leaving a wet trail across her skin.

“Th-The King in Black,” Samuel finally muttered, the shock of this knowledge leaving their mouth dry. “B-But he’s, h-he’s… He’s not even a man, he’s a monster!”

“A monster! Y-Yes!” Nicolette cried out, her eyes leaking more tears. “So you see why I’m all but lost to despair already!”

Realization made the ice surrounding Samuel’s heart shatter, the broken pieces turning to steel blades, striking fear and rage deep into their heart.

“She’s making you into a sacrificial bride!” Samuel declared, helping the princess up from the floor and guiding her to sit on the bed. “She knew she could not convince you to join the sister’s convent, nor convince you to become the maid to some plebeian, so she’s doing away with you outright!”

Nicolette nodded in confirmation, her long hair falling over her shoulder and veiling part of her face.

“Precisely. And because the arrangements were done in secret, it is already too late for me to decline. It is, i-it is now royal decree…”

She sighed heavily, the long breath she took turning into choppy, stuttering sobs. She held her hands to her chest, as if she was trying to stop her heart from breaking and falling apart.

The knight’s vision blurred, tears hidden behind their helm threatening to spill over. They were her highness’ charge, her sworn protector. Her blade. Her shield. They were supposed to protect her from harm, and yet… And yet…

…No.

No. This could not be allowed. Samuel could not, would let this happen.

Princess Nicolette was a visionary, a guiding star for the people of the kingdom of Astoria. Her political prowess and innovation of the scientific and arcane arts made her a revolutionary in every sense of the word. She had dedicated every living moment to aiding her subjects suffering under her mother’s rule as best she could. They would not let the cruelty of the empress snuff out her light.

“Your highness, tell me, when do you depart?” The knight demanded, standing tall before her.

“Tomorrow, at dawn…” She responded, sniffling. “It is a long way to the kingdom to the south, so it will take a sennight upon horseback-”

“Horseback?! Your own mother cares naught to even provide you the comfort of a carriage?! It’s winter! You are feeble!”

“I will die anyways,” Nicolette interjected, her voice coated with despondence. “Whether I die in sacrifice, or die in my travels, matters naught to her majesty, my mother.”

“Bullshit!” Samuel spat, snatching Nicolette’s hands into their own, holding them tightly. “That’s it! I’m going with you, Nikki! I promised as your charge, that I will always protect you! It was your mother’s royal decree, and so long as that evil bitch lives, I will fulfill it!”

Nicolette’s eyes widened, her brows knitting tightly together in concern.

“Sir Samuel, I-I… You…”

“Tomorrow, at dawn, I will ride out with you.” The knight declared, placing Nicolette’s hands on their breastplate. “My fealty will always be to you, my princess. You have my word as a knight. Your knight…”

Tears anew sprang forth from Nicolette’s bleary gaze, a smile feigning upon her lips.

“Th-Thank you, Sir Samuel. Thank you…”

“Of course, for you are my little star. I won’t ever let you fall.” The knight brushed their thumb across Nicolette’s cheek, swiping away a stray tear. “Since we leave at dawn, you should rest now. I will go ahead and begin preparations for the journey tomorrow. I’ll try to make it as accommodating as I can for you…”

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author

This is a promising start! I found your story through Reddit while searching specifically about works that do not use AI, and I'm so glad to have found this one.

14 days
author

More detailed thoughts below:
- Grammar—solid foundations; good variation in sentence structure. Some present-past tense mismatches (e.g. using past tense "she spat" in one paragraph and then the present tense "Nicolette's hand covers her mouth" right after)
- Word usage—Your descriptions are very vibrant and enjoyable to read! One thing I would suggest is to substitute proper names or pronouns for epithets, e.g. calling Samuel by his name or saying "he" instead of "the knight." The best place for an epithet is when the name is unknown, or when you want to call particular attention to/emphasize that attribute. Otherwise, using the character's name or pronoun as a default helps glide the reader's attention along, reducing disruption to the flow of dialogue.
- Dialogue—Your dialogue is very good! For period/genre-appropriate dialogue, you've done a great job of keeping it clean and readable while also effectively conveying the elevated manner of speech. No complaints, keep it up!
- Characterization—This is where I'm NOT quite sold. I'm incredibly curious about the overall plot, which is what keeps me reading, but besides taking at face-value what Nicolette has told Samuel about her mother, I'm not actually convinced to take her side. From a neutral, third-party perspective, Nicolette has an equal chance of a) telling the truth and genuinely being a misunderstood heroine, or b) be exaggerating to gain Samuel's favor and just kinda dramatic. One way to strengthen Nicolette's motive and her characterization overall might be to lean harder into the 3rd-person limited POV. A peek into her "stream of consciousness," or her thought process, early on could help the reader sympathize with her from the get-go.
- Overall—I love, love, love seeing writers take a hard stance against AI. It takes so much more work to write the "analog" way, but it pays off a thousandfold. With all the slop out there, little gems like yours stand out and shine as unique. You have a super solid foundation of a story, and I very much look forward to seeing how it develops!

14 days

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