Great start

"This chapter warmed up my heart right away. It made me reminiscent of the great Transformers cartoon from many years ago and while reading it, I felt that this would be an amazing plot line for a sci-fi-game, with lots of action and robot sci-fi goodness, just what I love!"

"null"

Amazing!!

"Yo, love the story! I spotted a few mistakes here and there, and have a few suggestions, so please check the chat!!!!"

Great Read!

"I really like your story. You explain things descriptively and clearly. Something that you can improve on is to not use colons that much. In the first or second paragraph, there were colons in places there shouldn't have been. Also, try to add dialogue and describe the fight scenes with more detail. Also, add interesting sentences or fragments that lead the reader wanting more at the end of a chapter. In addition, use figurative language like imagery, similes, metaphors, personification, and hyperboles. Personification is definitely a great writing tool, used in many books. Hyperbole is too, but mostly used in children's books. You can still find a way to make it apply to your story. Examples of personification: The table groaned under my father's grip. The sun greeted me with a wide smile. The wind brushed (over) my hair. The trees danced in the gentle breeze. You don't have to work on imagery though because it isn't needed in your novel unless your main protagonist encounters an unknown setting. Similes and metaphors are minorities, but you can add them into the story every once and awhile. Keep it up! Leah (CookieDoughWrite)"

"null"

Amazing!

"I really liked the story and i am waiting for the next chapter. Can't wait!"

Exciting

"The story starts off in a dynamic, aggressive, energetic way. And it continues to be that way throughout. It moves very fast and keeps the reader attentive and interested. If you want to read something forceful and thrilling, with a touch of danger to it, this is the right story for you. You would not regret it. I love how the story moves fast; everything is exciting, happening all of a sudden: finding the wristband and fighting something Jack did not even know existed until then. I have really enjoyed reading this; it came to me as a relaxation reading material. I would love to read more soon. You could work a bit on your writing style, edit and proofread the story. But, your idea is great!"

Awesome!

"Although it clearly needs a bit of work, I found this as an amazing piece of work. It's unique, and clearly shows the author's creativity. That being said, however, it does need a bit of revamping in sections. But other than that, I love this story. I hope that this is helpful."

Electron04

"Does pretty good to start. Keeps you interested,though it lacks a little in the middle. The ending should went a little farther in my opinion. What happened to Jack?"

well written

"I like your mind set you are very good. good job keep writing"

Amazing!!

"Hi! This is Elana from Glen Ellis Campground! I simply loved your story! Sci-fi is usually not my style of writng, but this one really dragged me in!!! I really liked all the detail you put in this masterpeice! Hope to see you soon!"

Keep it up!

"Keep up the great work! Sincerely, J.Darden"