OPEN

A Wife

“Think about the future we could have together.”

That’s what he said when he asked me to marry him.

“Think about the house we could get.”

He said that after begging me to take out a $375,000 loan to get his dream house.

“What will our friends and family think?”

He said that after convincing me to have his kid, despite the fact that I told him I wasn’t ready.

“Every man needs a son!”

He yelled that after I told him I was too depressed to take care of another child so soon.

“It doesn’t take that much to put some effort into your looks.”

Three weeks after giving birth.

“Did you forget that your husband has needs too?”

“All I ever asked for was a hot meal when I get home. It’s not like you do anything at your job anyway.”

Bend, comply, and repeat.

Apologize, comply, and repeat.

A Mother

“You’re a mother now. You don’t get to take a break.”

“You’re a mother now. Of course you’re going to drop out of college to take care of them.”

“You don’t need help. You’re a mother.”

“No, I’m too tired to babysit the kids. I just got off work.”

“My mother did twice as much as you, and she never complained.”

“What do you mean you’re depressed? Housework isn’t that hard.”

. . .

“Think of the kids.”

Because him getting a college degree will help the family.

“Think about the kids.”

When he said I’d need to pick up another job to pay the bills.

Bend, comply, and repeat.

Apologize, comply, and repeat.

A Doormat

“Think about the example we’ll be setting for the kids if they see us in an unhappy marriage. That’s why we need to open the marriage. To save our marriage.”

Bend, comply, and repeat.

Apologize, comply, and repeat.

Bend—

“Wait, what?”

“Of course this wouldn’t be one-sided. And as long as we hide it from the kids, everything will be fine.”

I blinked.

For a moment, I felt like I was coming out of a trance.

“You want… to fuck someone else?”

I said it plainly, simplifying the bullshit he was trying to sell me.

“You know what? Maybe we should talk about this in the morning.”

“I don’t have anyone in mind,” he said, playing with his ring.

A telltale sign that he was lying.

“Besides, this will benefit you too. With our schedules, we’ve both been so busy.”

My face twitched.

Busy…

I was the only one busy!

Two jobs.

Housework.

The kids.

All of these things kept ME busy.

But him…

All he had was school and a part-time job that he went to sometimes.

He didn’t help with the kids.

He didn’t help with the housework.

And now he was asking permission to cheat.

How pathetically laughable.

“I don’t think I can agree to this. Let alone talk about it right now. I just want to sleep, please.”

“Damn it, Elani. I don’t get why you’re making this such a big deal. We’ve been together since high school. We never got the chance to explore.”

He was yelling now.

The vein in his head pulsed.

James had never hit me.

But he had used intimidation.

And it had only started getting worse after we moved to a city where I knew no one.

“I will think about it.”

It was best to let him calm down.

I needed to sleep before I could even begin to think about—

“Okay, sweetie. I just want to know if you think our marriage is strong?”

“Yes, but—”

“Exactly! We love and trust each other. That’s why I know I can ask this of you. Because I know you trust me too. I would never do anything to jeopardize our marriage. And besides, if one of us wants it to end, then we stop.”

“James, please. I just need some rest right now.”

“I understand that, but I’m just trying to share my feelings with you. To be open and honest, like you’re always nagging about. And you’re making me feel like I’m not important. How are we going to have a healthy relationship if we can’t even talk? If we can’t even explore who we are?”

“I want that too, but I don’t think sleeping with other people will solve that.”

I was finding it harder to keep my eyes open.

And as much as I wanted to walk away, I knew he would use that to say I didn’t care.

“Statistics say people with an open and honest relationship tend to have the longest and happiest marriages. And I want that, Elani. Not just for us, but for our kids.”

Why…

Why was he asking me this now?

I was so tired.

I had just come home from a double shift. My body hurt, and I felt like I couldn’t think.

“Come on, sweetie. We promised each other that we wouldn’t make a broken home.”

He started wiping at his eyes, as if this was hurting him.

As if he was the one being hurt by this.

But I didn’t want to fight.

I wanted to sleep.

“Fine. Just do what you want, James.”

I finally turned and headed up the stairs to our bedroom.