My Fake Boyfriend

Chapter 1

A Moment of Madness

My left foot tapped nervously beneath the table as I stared at her, barely holding myself back from shouting in the middle of the restaurant.

— Could you repeat that, please? I said as calmly as possible, even though my blood was boiling.

I was certain she could see my frustration. My jaw was already clenched tight with anger. After all, she knew me better than anyone. We had been together for seven years.

Or... let me correct myself.

We had been together for seven years until she decided to end it abruptly, right here, right now.

— I'm seeing someone else, she said casually.

She looked at me as though I were a complete stranger, and the ironic look in her eyes only irritated me more.

— Are you serious, Clara? You called me here just to break up with me? After seven years together, this is what I deserve?

My voice rose slightly, and I no longer cared who was watching. She immediately put on that frightened doe expression again.

What the hell?

I had never spoken harshly to her. Never raised my voice at her.

What was she trying to do now?

Play the victim?

— Yes, Jack... I'm serious. I need someone who's always there for me. I need attention, she said through what looked like fake tears.

— Who are you trying to fool, Clara?

I leaned slightly over the table, lowering my voice.

— I've known you for almost fifteen years. We've been together for seven. Do you really think I can't tell the difference between your real tears and your fake ones? Just tell me the truth. I think I deserve at least that much.

I grabbed the wine glass from the table and emptied it in one gulp.

I needed alcohol if I was going to survive this evening.

My eyes drifted to the bottle sitting between us.

Almost empty.

I signaled the waiter for another one and turned my attention back to the woman who was trying to erase seven years of our lives.

— I fell in love, she said.

I rolled my eyes.

— He has everything you don't have, she added quickly when she saw no reaction from me.

— Two dicks or something? I shot back.

I heard her huff in irritation.

She opened her mouth to answer, but the waiter arrived with the new bottle.

I practically snatched it from his hand and poured myself another glass.

— Power... money... she said, looking down at me as if she were somehow superior.

I leaned my head back and sighed.

God...

I felt like smashing the bottle over her head, which honestly scared me a little because I wasn't a violent person.

But she was bringing out the absolute worst in me.

— You know what, Clara?

I took another sip of wine.

— I'm happy for you. I sincerely hope you and your rich boyfriend with two dicks both go to hell.

She stood abruptly, looking at me with a sad expression, as though I still believed her cheap little performance.

I knew she was cheating.

I'd found out a few days ago.

The guy had money.

Which was exactly what she'd been chasing ever since we'd moved to this enormous city.

Of course she liked him.

He could give her everything she'd never had.

The small-town girl who came to the big city.

The whole thing was such a cliché it made me sick.

— You're pathetic, she said before turning on her heel and walking away.

I let myself sink deeper into the chair and exhaled heavily.

I was furious.

I'd given up a lot just to see her happy.

That was why we'd moved here two years ago.

I wanted to give her the things I never could while we were living on that little farm in our forgotten hometown.

I lifted my glass and drank.

I wasn't much of a drinker, but today felt like an exception.

I'd already started drinking the night I found out about her affair.

Ironically, that had become another excuse for her to leave me.

I barely recognized her anymore.

There was a time when she was the kindest girl I'd ever known.

When she looked at me, it felt like I could see every good thing in the world reflected in her eyes.

Now...

That girl was completely gone.

And it hurt.

Because I still loved her.

I had imagined a future with her.

A house.

Children.

A life together.

Now it had all collapsed.

My gaze shifted toward the bar.

I stood and made my way over.

I climbed onto one of the high stools and ordered a tequila.

Then another.

And another.

The bartender was beginning to split into two versions of himself, but I was determined to drink until I forgot she existed.

The empty stool beside me was soon occupied by a man who looked like he wasn't having the best day either.

At least that was what my alcohol-soaked brain decided.

— A whiskey. Neat, he told the bartender.

I snorted.

The sound made him glance at me with obvious irritation.

— Rich people, I muttered.

Then I grabbed my glass and turned toward him.

— Hey!

I leaned in his direction, but the movement threw me completely off balance.

I practically fell into his lap.

I jerked upright immediately and slapped his hands away as though he had somehow pulled me there.

His eyes widened.

He gently pushed me back into my seat.

— Are you tired of living? he asked irritably.

He started to get up, but I grabbed his arm and forced him back onto the stool.

— Do all you rich guys have two dicks? I asked.

The whiskey he had just taken a sip of sprayed directly into my face.

— What the hell?!

I started shouting like a maniac.

I jumped off the stool, completely forgetting how high it was, and landed flat on the restaurant floor.

Two strong arms immediately hauled me back up.

The stranger stood in front of me, looking thoroughly disgusted.

I rolled my eyes when I saw the superior look on his face.

— I know that look.

I pointed at him.

— My ex-girlfriend looked at me exactly like that a few minutes ago. She left me for someone like you.

Something in his expression shifted.

His eyes slowly traveled from my head to my feet.

— Can you stand?

His voice made my eyes widen.

— Wow...

I stared at him.

— Where did you come from?

I started laughing like a complete idiot when I saw the confusion on his face.

— Are you some kind of angel?

That only made me laugh harder.

Maybe I'd finally lost my mind.

Judging by the way he was looking at me, he seemed to think so too.

My laughter died the moment nausea hit.

I lowered my head.

Everything around me became blurry.

I felt myself falling again, but those same hands caught me.

And despite that...

I lost consciousness.

***

The shrill sound of my alarm dragged me out of unconsciousness.

I shot upright in bed, only to regret it immediately when a wave of dizziness and a splitting headache crashed into me.

I fell back onto the soft pillow and squeezed my eyes shut.

Then I opened them again at lightning speed and stared at the ceiling.

This wasn't my room.

My gaze swept across the unfamiliar bedroom before I slowly pushed myself into a sitting position.

I looked down at myself.

And froze.

I was naked.

What the hell?

I turned toward the other side of the bed.

Nobody was there.

But judging by the shape of the pillow, someone had definitely slept beside me.

I threw the blanket aside and jumped out of bed.

The bedroom door opened.

A woman walked in.

My eyes widened.

Her eyes widened.

Please, God.

Please don't let me have slept with her.

Only then did I realize I was standing completely naked in front of her.

I grabbed the nearest pillow and shoved it in front of my crotch.

— Good morning, she said softly as she stepped into the room.

I was still too shocked to understand what was happening.

Everything was foggy.

The woman looked much more relaxed now.

She seemed to be secretly amused.

She had to be around fifty years old, maybe even older.

Then I noticed her smile widening.

— I brought your clothes. They're washed and dry now. They were covered in vomit.

She carefully placed them on the armchair beside the bed.

— Did you sleep well?

She raised an eyebrow.

— Huh?... What?... I mean... what?

It was official.

I was never touching alcohol again.

I'd completely drowned my brain last night, and now I sounded like an idiot.

— Are you alright? Would you like me to make you some coffee?

— I... I...

I closed my eyes and exhaled slowly.

Walking over to the armchair, I grabbed my clothes and started glancing around the room.

I wasn't even sure what I was looking for.

— The bathroom is over there, she said, pointing toward a white door.

I gave her an awkward smile and shuffled toward it while clutching the pillow with one hand and my clothes with the other.

I pushed the handle down with my elbow and quickly stepped inside.

— You were phenomenal last night, I heard her say.

Everything slipped from my hands.

I stood there completely naked, my back facing her.

The woman burst out laughing before leaving the room.

I bent down to pick up my clothes and quickly shut the door.

Then I slid down against it and sat on the floor.

— Congratulations, Jack...

I started lightly banging my forehead against the door.

— What the hell did you do last night?

How had I ended up here?

I stood up, splashed water on my face, and hurriedly got dressed.

A few minutes later, I left the bathroom and stepped out of the bedroom.

Damn it.

How was I supposed to face her now?

That was when I realized how enormous the house actually was.

I walked toward the staircase leading downstairs.

Near a large couch in the massive living room, I spotted my blazer and shoes.

I quickly grabbed them.

Then froze.

A figure was sitting on the couch.

A man.

He was watching me with obvious amusement.

One leg crossed over the other.

A coffee cup resting in his hand.

— Doing the walk of shame? he asked.

Something about his voice felt strangely familiar.

— Excuse me?

The word came out embarrassingly high-pitched.

I cleared my throat.

— Excuse me? I repeated, this time sounding slightly more human.

— I liked you last night.

A grin tugged at his lips.

— You were... wild.

My eyes nearly popped out of my head.

My hand immediately flew toward my backside.

I stared at him in horror.

The blazer and shoes slipped from my fingers and landed on the floor.

His expression shifted into confusion as he watched my reaction.

Then he stood.

— Who are you?

The words came through clenched teeth.

I could already feel my temper rising.

— What the hell did you do to me?

He started walking toward me.

I instinctively took a step backward.

At that exact moment, the older woman entered carrying a tray.

She placed another cup of coffee on the small table.

Then she glanced at me through her lashes and winked.

Actually winked.

I flinched.

My hands flew to my chest as though I were praying.

I was officially panicking.

Nothing made sense anymore.

— Stop! I shouted.

Both of them turned toward me.

Smiling.

— I want someone to explain exactly what happened to me. You... I mean... damn it...

I dragged a hand through my hair.

— Who did I sleep with?

I lowered my head.

The vein in my forehead felt ready to explode.

— Helen, if you don't want a death on your conscience, stop messing with him, the man said.

— Sorry, sir, she replied quickly.

Still smiling.

Then she left the room.

— Last night, you passed out in my arms, he began.

— And you threw up in my car.

— Why did you bring me here? I interrupted.

— Because you refused to tell me your address.

He took a sip of coffee.

— You said I looked like a criminal.

— Oh.

That sounded exactly like something drunk me would say.

— Then I considered leaving you on the street, but you started crying.

He shrugged.

— And I'm a compassionate person. I mean, if I saw a dog like that—

I shot him a glare.

Did this guy just compare me to a dog?

— Skip that part, I said quickly.

He laughed quietly.

The sound somehow made him even more annoying.

— Why did I wake up naked?

— Well, Helen only removed your blazer and shirt.

He paused.

A grin slowly appeared on his face.

A very dangerous grin.

— Then you decided to put on the performance of a lifetime.

I stared at him.

— What?

— You started giving me a striptease.

My soul left my body.

— You were determined to compare your equipment to my two dicks.

My jaw nearly hit the floor.

At that moment, all I wanted was for the earth to open up and swallow me whole.

He stepped closer.

Then he placed two fingers beneath my chin.

I automatically closed my mouth.

— I... I...

I couldn't even look at him.

— I'm sorry.

My head dropped in humiliation.

— Eh.

His voice carried a hint of amusement.

— It was entertaining.

And in that moment...

I genuinely wanted to die.