Coming Home

Walking through arrivals, shoulder to shoulder with strangers, I was shamelessly bawling my eyes out, at the life I had just left. My job, my house and a man I once believed would be my husband. Now, with just one huge suitcase, I had to start again, and I had no clue how. Firstly, I had to stop crying and secondly, I had to find Zoe, in the sea of faces. Luckily for me, she was the opposite of conspicuous, her arms waving over her head like a mad woman and for the first time in weeks, I smiled.

“Oh babes!” Zoe grabbed my face, her blonde bob messy, exactly how I remembered her.

“Thank you for picking me up,” I sniffed, letting go of my suitcase, my hand red raw.

“No big,” she shrugged, her smile huge, her bright pink hoody almost swallowing her. “Welcome fucking home,” she said firmly and I didn’t feel like this deserved a welcome, it wasn’t a good thing and I looked down, trying not to cry. “Or not, okay,” she laughed awkwardly and with her hands still on my face, I moved my head up.

“I’m sorry, I will get better, I don’t want you to have driven all-”

“Emilia, chill for me,” her voice went back to firm, but chilling wasn’t my forte. “You are my cousin, you ask and I come,” she said simply but I felt awful, dragging her out across London, but I wasn’t even sure I could face my own parents. Even though that was stupid because I had to, when Zoe dropped me there.

“Thank you,” I attempted to push my dark blonde hair out of my face, the curls coming straight back around.

“We will get McDonald’s on the way and then tomorrow,” she said coly, us going out into the real world. It was raining, which seemed obvious, but I hadn’t come back from the sun. Sweden was more depressing than the UK, weather wise. “Me and my housemate are having a party-”

“Zoe,” I cut her off, feeling so overwhelmed already, from just walking off a plane.

“A house party, you need it, believe me,” she tapped my hand, taking my luggage and throwing it into the back of the sleek black BMW.

“Your car is nice,” I got into the passenger, looking at the fancy dash.

“It’s not mine, it’s my housemates,” she laughed, speeding out of the car park and I grabbed the side of the door. “So, tell me about fuck head,” she sighed, taking the roundabout without much thought. When I called Zoe, my cousin only a year older than my twenty six, I panicked. We hadn’t spoken in a while, but I needed help, I needed to get out of Sweden and back home, I needed a plan before I even told my parents. Then, when she answered, I remembered what I loved about her, I remembered why we were so close, before I left, five years ago. I didn’t tell her the full story but now, she clearly wanted to hear it and it’s the least she deserved.

“He cheated on me,” I looked down at my lap, my hands twisted together. “Shocker,” Zoe scoffed and I tried to get comfortable.

“The worst bit is I saw it, a colleague, she’s just a colleague Emilia,” I rolled my eyes, Zoe slowing down, just a touch. “You’re crazy Emilia, see, you are always too much, too emotional,” I repeated Aaron’s words, looking up as we came into McDonald’s.

“Babe,” Zoe grabbed my hand and I looked up at her, her light brown eyes staring into my soul.

“You’re not too much-”

“I am, that’s why he left, she probably isn’t,” my voice cracked and Zoe groaned, very loudly and very dramatically.

“Only you would think you’re in the wrong,” she suddenly grabbed my face, my tears now hitting her hand. “He cheated on you, you did no wrong Em,” her voice was strong and I just nodded, even though I didn’t believe it for a second. There were so many clues and hints that I refused to believe, refused to see until it was too late, until a random Swedish woman found me at work and told me she was in love with my boyfriend. A man I moved countries for, a man I dropped everything in the UK for and got on a plane, unemployed for. The past five years I had managed to achieve something. I had a job at an English speaking school and then I came home to our tiny apartment, while my boyfriend had sex with someone else.

“Looking back now he was so obvious, getting home late, conversations on the phone in a language I didn’t understand,” I was rambling slightly, my chest starting to burn.

“Because he is a horrible fucking person and I’m glad you’re away from that,” Zoe spat out. “Emilia,” she growled when I had nothing to say, my hands trembling in my lap.

“I have no job, no money, having to live back with my parents,” I threw my head back, chewing my bottom lip off, the never ending to-do list in the back of my head.

“Look, if you need to get away from them, crash at mine whenever you want, it’s no big deal,” Zoe shrugged and I moved my head to the right, her lips in a pout and it made me chuckle, despite my life being a pathetic mess.

“Your housemate won’t mind?” I sighed, wiping my eyes with the edge of my sleeve.

“Nah, Blair won’t care, just don’t expect her to talk to you,” Zoe chuckled, driving towards the drive through. “What do you want and it’s on me,” she slapped my thigh and I finally let out the breath I was holding, looking at the side of her face.

“A chicken burger,” I whispered, the overwhelming feeling going nowhere. What do I do now? I had lived in Sweden for so long, I had no connections for work in the UK, no friends other than Zoe and I didn’t want to push myself onto her, when she had been living her life without me hanging on her arm for five years. As Zoe drove to the next window, dancing to invisible music as she got her purse out, I blurted out what was on the tip of my tongue, which was a common Emilia thing to do.

“I don’t want to get on your nerves or get in the-”

“You won’t,” she cut over me, handing the McDonalds working her bank card. “One thing at a time Em,” her voice went firmer and I nodded, not wanting to argue with her, she had helped me so much, physically and mentally when I didn’t deserve it. Zoe handed me a whole chicken burger meal, parking in the bay directly opposite and I looked out the car window as she ate loudly next to me. “We can get you a job, you’ve done loads of stuff,” she said, her mouth full.

“I can’t believe I was so stupid to let this happen,” I shook my head, finally taking a bite of my burger, having to swallow hard to get it down my throat.

“Give me strength,” Zoe sighed, turning her body to me. “He is stupid Em, not you, are you listening to me,” she said forcefully, almost shouting in the tiny space.

“I’m listening-”

“Say it,” she barked and I actually laughed, mostly at her scowl.

“He is stupid,” I breathed out.

“Thank you,” she turned back straight, shoving chips into her mouth. “Come to my place tomorrow, get smashed and meet awesome people,” she said, or demanded, I wasn’t sure.

“Is she going to be there?” I asked, trying to make my voice cheeky and Zoe shook her head, but my stomach settled as she smiled, it wide and looked like it would solve all the problems in the world, just like I remembered.

“No, we’re not a thing anymore,” she shrugged.

“I’m sorry,” I said and meant it. Zoe had told me briefly, while we were trying to sort out my life, that she had met something and it seemed to be going well, until it now clearly wasn’t, but I knew that situation better than anyone.

“Don’t be, she was stupid.”