Hidden (Nicole Asher)

Finally going to university was supposed to be a joyous occasion, a great way to start off my independent life. What I wasn’t expecting was to still have to get up at what felt like the crack of dawn just to get there. My fault for excepting a university place four hours from home I guess, but I need my freedom, and the best way seemed to go to university as far from home as possible. It’s just about close enough that I can come home during the big holidays, but not so close that I feel the need to come home on the weekends.

It was also supposed to be this great fun road trip for me and Riley, my best friend, but given we haven’t passed our tests yet that would be difficult indeed. I have been learning to drive but I have a very nervous disposition so learning that kind of skill has been taking a lot out of me. I need to take my time with it and when I feel ready, I will take my test. Being in control of a car is a terrifying thing and not something to be taken lightly. The idea of being responsible for other human beings is not something I feel ready for just yet. I barely feel able to be responsible for myself in a car.

Lucky for us, we are going to the same university that Jacob currently attends so he is able to take us up there with him. Where we are starting our first year, he is starting his fourth. At least we know who to ask for directions and seeing as he is going back earlier than needed (thanks to us), he can give us the tour during our freshers’ week. If he doesn’t mind of course.

The only problem with us both going in the car with him, is that we both had to pick our luggage carefully. While most of Jacob’s stuff is in his dorm and this will save some space, there is still only so much room in the boot of his car. I’ve tried to limit myself to only two bags. My main suitcase for clothes and essentials, while my hold-all is for any sentimental items and more importantly my favourite books. I couldn’t possibly go to university without some good reads with me. And then of course, there’s my backpack with everything I need to keep me entertained on a six-hour car journey given I’ll be in the back. I don’t know what it is but being in the back always feels like you are in a different world to the people in the front – it is much preferable to me than in the front.

Honk! I jump at the noise from downstairs indicating that Jacob and Riley are waiting for me.

My phone buzzes continuously on my dressing table making a horrible scratching sound. I snatch it up and smile as I hit answer. “Yes?”

“If you don’t get your arse down here in the next thirty seconds, I’m telling Jacob to go without you. I am not delaying my entrance into full freedom.” Riley, ever the timekeeper, speaks.

“I’m almost ready. But of course, I could have been done by now if it wasn’t

for this unnecessary phone call about my whereabouts.” I smile when she curses before signing off telling me once more to hurry up and I grab my already packed bag heading down the stairs.

I am glad that I will have Riley there with me. There was a time when I was worried that we’d end up at different schools and I’d have to fend for myself, which for anyone who knows me well, knows that is a skill I haven’t quite managed yet.

The world is a scary place for introverts like me, and we need our extroverted friends to help us get out and about sometimes. Sometimes I wish I had more friends. I can’t rely on Riley twenty-four-seven and when she is busy with other people, I then have no one to talk to.

Usually it doesn’t bother me – I have my books – unless it’s at a time when I need friend, but I’m too polite to ask her to cancel her plans just for me when it’s likely something I’ll get over within a few hours anyway. Maybe living away from home will help break me out of that shell. Riley is bound to make other friends, so I’ll need to make the effort too. Even if it’s just with my dorm roommate (if I have one).

I slowly the stairs with my backpack on, my holdall in one hand and my suitcase in the other. My mum is waiting for me at the bottom, tears in her eyes already. If they had other children, I wouldn’t have need to worry about them, but once I’m gone, they are just the two of them again.

I know they wanted to take me down there, but it’s such a long drive and deep down they both know I would rather go with friends. If I didn’t have Riley to go with, then I would have let them drive me there.

“Well, this is it.” Mum tries to smile and leans in for a hug.

“I’ll be back before you know it, Mum.” As she holds me tight, the sadness finally hits.

She leans back but keeps her hands on my arms as if to keep me here. “I know.” She sniffles a little. “Got everything?”

“I think so.” I adjust the straps of my backpack. “If not, I can come back for a weekend to get some things.”

She nods. “Yes, I guess so. But how will you get here - you can’t rely on Jacob every time?”

“Don’t worry mum.” I laugh lightly. “I’ll figure it out – I’m a grown up now,” I say with more confidence than I feel.

“Yes, I suppose you will.” She pulls me in for another hug and I can’t help but laugh as the horn blares out again.

“Mum, I really have to go.”

She finally lets go of me and I open the door. “Bye.” I give a wave and look away quickly, trying to keep myself calm so I don’t make it obvious I am on the verge of tears when I reach the car.

As I hit the surprisingly warm air outside for the time of year, I try to distract myself from the fact I am leaving home for the first time, by thinking about what this year will have in store for me, namely for my studies. I know it going to be different than high school, but I’m not sure I am prepared for just how different it is going to be. And then there’s my professors. I know at this age, some professors are happy for you to call them by their first name, but I need that level of formality. It secures the whole professional relationship between the both of us.

“Finally!” Riley tips her head back as if this has been a huge loss of time for her as she opens the boot for me. “Can we get going now?”

“Sorry – my mum.” I roll my eyes as I place my bags inside and then head for the back door on the front passenger’s side. “Anyway, you know that today will mostly be finding our way around campus and finding out our schedules anyway. We won’t be doing anything in the way of learning as classes don’t start yet?”

“You need to set your priorities straight, Nic,” She says as she climbs in the front. “This is not the attitude to be taking into your future life, right bro?” She looks to Jacob who seems bored with us already and offers no response as he starts the car. “Anyway, we have a tour guide right here, so it’s all good.”

“I do actually have a life at uni, sis.” Jacob counters as pulls out onto the road. “Once we get to campus you are both on your own.”

“Charming.” Riley rolls her eyes.

I lean back in my seat, glad to have a little bit of privacy at the back of the car, which is quickly shattered when Riley turn to look at me.

“So, first order of business: finding out where all the good parties take place, and where all the good bars are.”

I groan out loud, not afraid to tell her how I feel. Although she already knows where I stand on parties, nights out and bars or clubs. “I dunno, Riley.” I stare out the window as we cruise along. “You know I don’t have a party bone in my body. I want a quiet, sensible start to university life. I don’t want to jump straight into the so-called party life.”

“Oh, come on, Nic. We are finally going out into the world. University is all about life experiences and we’d be crazy if we didn’t experience the world of bars, clubs, parties and most importantly boys.” She gives me a smirk and raises an eyebrow.

“Can you talk about this later?” Jacob interrupts. “I don’t need to hear how my little sister and her best friend are going to paint the town red.”

“Sorry, Jakey, but I am now a woman. I’m not a little girl anymore.”

A little smile appears on his face at her nickname for him which she hasn’t used since we were kids. “And you will always be my little sister.” He glances at her briefly. “Even when you’re eighty, Ry-Ry.”

She shakes her head, matching his amused smile at his old nickname for her.

Sometimes I wish I had siblings. Don’t get me wrong, getting all of my parents’ attention was great and being able to just have my own stuff and it never be touched is the best, but I don’t have someone like Jacob looking out for me. I’ve always had to do that for myself. Maybe that’s why I’m so reluctant to do anything remotely out there, and paint the town red, as Jacob put it.

I’ve had to put up with looking out for myself and ensuring I don’t put myself in a position where I possibly couldn’t for so long, I don’t know if I could ever let anyone in for long enough to let them take the reins for that side of a relationship.

“Anyway…” Riley looks back at me again. “I wonder how many cute guys there will be. You never know, Nic, maybe you’ll meet the one in a whirlwind romance.”

I can’t help but laugh. “Sorry to disappoint, but love is not for me. I can one hundred percent guarantee that I will not be falling in love with anyone this year.”

“Famous last words.” Jacob speaks up as we pull onto the motorway shocking us both. “What?” He shrugs. “It’s true. It’s always when you least expect to find love that it comes crashing through your door.” He glances at me in the rear-view mirror, a small smile forming. “So, better have your wits about you.”

I remain silent no idea how to respond and sink into my seat, the silence surrounding us all.

I definitely need some me time now to gather my thoughts and forget what he said. I grab my iPod and headphones from my bag. As I select the first playlist, I wonder if Jacob is right. Is it really when you least expect it that love finds it’s way to you without warning? And even if it does, surely, it’s not going to happen to me of all people.

Let’s hope not anyway.

I am not going to uni for a hook up.

Or a boyfriend.

That’s the plan anyway.