Chapter 1. Show, Don't Tell
#1 — Show, Don’t Tell
Dr. Raka: Nurse, why is an ICD-11 Grade-I patient still ending up on my desk?
Nurse Iren: That’s terminal, Doc.
Dr. Raka: 😒😒 The symptoms are still Grade-I.
Nurse Iren: 😒😒 She’s got almost more than ten of our ICDs, Doc. Tell Everywhere is just one of them. The characters keep getting amnesia, there’s an exposition dump in almost every location, and there’s mild POV hopping—but she practically does it in every chapter.
Dr. Raka: 😒😒 (glances at the computer screen on Nurse Iren’s desk from across the room) How many sequels does this patient have, actually?
Nurse Iren: 😄😄 How did you know there were more?
Dr. Raka: 😒😒 Because my diagnosis wasn’t the same as yours. So I’m guessing the one you’re reading is...?
Nurse Iren: 😶😶 There are six sequels. What treatment should we give her, Doc?
Dr. Raka: 😒😒 Put her in the ICU. I need to deal with the others first.
Nurse Iren: Yes, Doc.
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#2 — Not My Patient
Dr. Sally: 😶😶 (reading the manuscript while drinking coffee) 😐😐 (Her eyes slowly catch on something absurd.) 😳😳 (The farther she gets, the harder it becomes to contain her disbelief. Halfway through, she spots something that absolutely should not have landed on her desk.) 😒😒 (She slowly turns her chair 45 degrees, directly toward her computer screen, opens the email, and starts typing to return the patient’s file to Dr. Raka.)
Not my patient. This is a thriller disguised as a romance, so I’m putting it on your desk.
☄️☄️☄️☄️☄️☄️☄️
Meanwhile, Dr. Raka is examining another patient at his desk when an incoming email pops up. He automatically opens the email from Dr. Sally.
Dr. Raka: 😒😒😒 (He immediately looks over at Nurse Iren’s desk. She’s still laughing on the phone with a friend, one hand still holding the mouse.) (He slowly starts typing his reply to Dr. Sally.)
Okay.
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Chapter 3 - Prescription
Dr. Raka: 😶😶 (carefully examining a patient) 😶😶 (Still administering small treatments one by one.)
Nurse Iren: 😶😶 (Still staring at the computer screen displaying customer emails.) 😶😶 Doc, Patient No. 15 from yesterday is asking whether his manuscript is finished yet. He requested priority treatment.
Dr. Raka: (Pauses his work and looks at Nurse Iren, one hand still resting on the keyboard.) 😒😒 It’ll be done shortly. I’ll write him a prescription as well, so he can take it every day.
Nurse Iren: 🙂🙂 Oh, okay, Doc.
One hour later.
Nurse Iren: 😐😐😐 (Reading an email from Dr. Raka.)
Patient No. 15: Symptoms: Broken dialogue, narrative obesity. Diagnosis: Characters speak like robots; the narration resembles a collection of encyclopedia entries. Prescription: Reduce exposition, add reactions, Show what needs to be shown, not tell every single moment. Follow-up: Fourth visit.
😐😐 (She nods in understanding and begins replying to the customer with the surgical results.)
Dear Mr. Yaya, The manuscript you submitted to us has completed its treatment. Please find attached our diagnosis of your manuscript:
1. Several instances of broken dialogue. 2. Narrative bloating. 3. Many dialogues are based on one-way communication. 4. We recommend avoiding excessive use of showing, as it may slow down the pace of the story.
For future revisions, we recommend reducing the issues mentioned above. Moving forward, we will strive to do an even better job of identifying the issues present in your manuscript. Thank you for choosing Klinik Literopedi.
The Literopedi Team
