Glorified

There’s this girl I’m friends with. She’s pretty, popular, and has a great personality to say the least. When I thought of friendship, I never thought of it like this. Where my heart skips a beat whenever I hear her voice. Or the wave of excitement I get when she’s around. It’s strange, but it feels good in a weird way.

“Elle!” She calls, “You’re doing that thing again when you stare into nothingness. Are you sure you're okay?”

I blink out of my trance, finally realizing that we’re currently standing in the middle of the school library. “Sorry, Raya,” I say with rapid blinking, “yeah, I’m fine. Just daydreaming.” I swallowed back the urge to say ‘about you’.

Just then the school bell rang, signalling the start of fourth period. “C’mon, pick a book already. I don’t want to be late for class,” Raya said, holding up two books. One was named “Human Mysteries” and the other “Longing in a Nutshell”. The second book title oddly resonated with my current situation.

“Elle!”

“Yeah, okay, this one,” I frantically pointed a finger to the second book, and Raya immediately put the first book back on its designated shelf. She then pulled me by the wrist towards the librarian’s desk. The warmth of her touch sent an electric current through me that felt foreign and nice at the same time.

I don’t understand why Raya decided to purchase me a book from the librarian. Sure it was my birthday, but this was on another level. Here at this school, people who didn’t have the library membership had to pay money to check out a book. Unlike Raya, I had a membership card. I could’ve gotten it myself. But she has a habit of having to always spend money on her friends for special occasions.

Call me crazy, but part of me wished she’d only do that for me. Is it too late to say I’m doing too much by feeling this way?

“You two girls are almost late for class,” The librarian said, eyeing us from her drooping glasses. I always thought of her as the grandma of the school with how she looked. Especially with that thick bush of gray hair and her wrinkled features as well as that light-fabriced floral designed dress she wore.

Raya placed the book on the desk in front her with a nod and a grin, “I know, Mrs. Marvin, but today is my best friend’s birthday and I wanted to get her something. I’ll pay full cash, just please let me get this one checked out?”

Mrs. Marvin looked between me and Raya, ready to question why Raya would buy a book for me when I could clearly check it out myself, but she didn’t push. She took the book and scanned it, typed a few things into her computer and handed the book back to me with her signature on the inner cover and a printed sticker with my name on it. “Remember to return it no later than March third, you hear me?” She said, eyeing me, “March third,” she repeated slower this time as if I had the brain of a vintage Hewlett Packard.

We both rushed off to class, barely beating the late bell when we finally made it inside science class.

“Hello, girls,” our teacher, Mr. Hankens, yes, Hankens said when we scrambled into our seats, “half a second from being marked late. That’s gotta be a record.”

I tried to hold back a small smile at his dry humor while Raya rolled her eyes. As class began, I clutched the book Raya bought me close to my stomach, hiding it from the eyes of everyone else. This isn’t the first time she paid for a gift for a friend, but this one felt special to me in a way I couldn’t quite name.

After class, it was time for lunch. I had already started reading the first chapter of the book when Raya went off to get her own food.

So far, the book seemed to be about a boy who struggled with closeted feelings towards another. Much of what I thought my situation looked like. The only difference was the genders.

Still, even with the predictable plot, I read it as if not doing so would literally kill me. But then I slammed it shut when I saw Raya running back to the table. I didn’t want her witnessing how much I worshiped something so simple just because it was from her.

Thankfully, she didn’t notice the frantic movement and just plopped her food tray down next to mine. “Look at this. Slop!” Raya exclaimed, throwing her bookbag down as she slid into the seat by me, “I can’t believe the district hasn’t labeled these things as bio hazards.”

She was referring to the pile of green rice on the main section of the tray. It was supposed to be a healthier version of regular rice, just made of greens.

“They’re trying to poison us,” I said, adding on to her joke to mask the jittery feeling I was getting in my bones with how close she sat, “it’s like we’re all lab rats being experimented on to see how strong the human immune system really is.”

“Ugh,” Raya chuckled, “just thinking about it grosses me out.”

We both laughed platonically, though it felt like the things around me had evaporated upon hearing her angelic voice cackle in that cadence.

*** ***

I was sitting on the top bunk of my shared bedroom with my twin brother when I had read through the book for the seventh time. It was a total of thirty-one chapters. I was always told I was a quick reader. Even got awards for it, though no praise felt better than the praise I got from Raya. I know I’ve said too much about my admiration towards her, but I can’t help it.

“You still got your face in that book?” Asked my annoying twin brother, Dylan, “You know, it’s not healthy to stare at words all the time. Then you’d be seeing them on the walls, the roof, and maybe even the floor.”

“I’m not losing it,” I said plainly, already finishing the last chapter before finally setting the book down next to my pillow.

As I dreamed, I was suddenly at what seemed like a party. Everything was a blur as I found myself spinning around. I looked down, and the weight in my arms made stunning sense. It was Raya, leaning far back with my arms around her waist. Her head was all the way back, her neck exposed entirely as she let herself be lazily spun in a circle.

Everything was slowed, her smile, the dress she wore, the way she looked as if she were in absolute bliss. But what really stood out was how I was holding her.

It felt so real, so vivid. When she looked up at me and our eyes locked, I couldn't not lean down and try to kiss her. It was then that I woke up to the sound of Dylan who had peeked his head over the railing of my bed, “Ew, are you making out with your pillow?”

I sat up fast, a wave of vertigo hitting me as I realized in the process of me projecting my feelings for Raya, I had created a noticeable wet spot in the center of my pillow where I had tried to tongue kiss.

Dylan cackled, falling back on to his own bed of the bottom bunk, “Wow, never took the family book worm for a hornball. Makes you think about what's actually in those books you’re reading.”

“Shut up, Dyl,” I said, sharper than I meant. I don’t know why this bothered me so much. Maybe it was because of how much I trip over my own feet at the thought of Raya.

“Breakfast is ready, muskrats," Our older brother, Kenney called from the bottom of the steps.

Dylan was the first out the room, while I took my goodie ol’ time coming down the bunk bed ladder.

I had taken the book from beside my pillow and put it inside my bookbag where I know Dylan won’t ever dig through because he’s afraid of 'being poisoned with girl syndrome from touching female stuff'. I say whoever told him that is the one poisoned with stupidity and arrogance.

We headed downstairs, me with a lazy gait. I pushed back my hair from the bang-line to the crown on my scalp. Every time I did, Dylan would say I look like those beach guys whose main course of dialogue was “Su’dude.”

I honestly didn’t see it that way, just thought it was a neat way to keep my hair out of my face. Though a part of me liked how tomboyish it looked.

Upon making it into the kitchen, Kenney was already teasing Dyan, holding his plate of scrambled eggs and bacon high as he feigned eating one of the bacon strips.

“Enough, Ken,” our dad said in a tired voice, having woken up with more back pains. I didn’t see mom anywhere. She must’ve already left for work.

Kenney huffed, placing the plate back on the table and watching in mild horror at how fast Dylan rushed to the table to consume it all up in the vacuum he calls a mouth.

I just took my seat at the far end near where mom usually sits and started eating quietly like I normally do.

Saturday morning sibling chaos is what I usually call this kind of sight. Me being quiet and normal, Kenny being the typical big brother bully, and Dylan being a hound dog for food.

After breakfast, Dad went back upstairs to sleep. He’s usually more energetic when mom is around. Kenney went out to play basketball with his friends and Dylan was finally quiet playing video games in the designated game room.

Before I knew it, I was the only one left in the living room. Perfect.

Immediately, I snagged the remote and turned on the TV. I don’t feel guilty when I say I love GL dramas.

When people hear GL, they assume it’s all about the inappropriate, adult stuff. I don’t blame them. It’s always depicted in that way. But, true love isn't just about sex. The perfect representation of that is my favorite GL "Annual Kiss”.

It was a show about a girl who loves to party and was friends with so many other girls. Though, her attraction towards each of them is split. She loves all of them at heart, but she knows she has to pick one.

I personally hope she picks the one with long red hair. Not only is she pretty, but she is by far the most charming out of all the girls. I mean, in the latest episode, she took her on a date to a flower filled hot tub party. Now that is romantic.

As I watched the newest season, I couldn’t help but not stay entirely focused on the plot. Raya appeared in my train of thought again when I just thought I'd finally composed myself.

To think she didn’t even have to physically be here to get me flustered was embarrassing enough. Then the doorbell rang.

I jumped up and turned the TV off when I heard dad coming down the stairs to answer it.

I watched him go past the living room entrance and into the foyer room. I heard muffled chatter and a door closing.

I didn’t think much of it. Could be some advertisement person or a package. But just as I turned to retreat upstairs, I heard her.

“Elle, hey!”

I spun around quick, too quick. So quick, I almost fell over and brought the couch lamp with me. Raya moved fast, catching me just in time and holding me with her arm around my side.

Heat crawled up my neck before I could even realize the position I was in. Dad came in and froze, seeing Raya hold me up like some disney prince charming. Then she said, “Sorry, Mr. Cogan. I think Elle got a little dizzy. I’ll walk her to her room if that’s okay.”

Dad nodded, still rubbing his eyes. Thank God he wasn’t wearing his contacts, if not, questions would’ve been circulating his wild imagination for months.

As she guided me to my room, even though I was already fine, I couldn’t help but wonder why she'd come to my place. She has so many friends to hang out with, friends who are much cooler than me.

When we made it into my room, and I sat down on the plush chair at me and Dylan’s shared desk, I finally blurted the question out loud, “So, why are you here so suddenly?”

Raya wandered around the room, peering outside the window before turning to me with that cute and beautiful grin, “I’m bored. Let’s do something together!”