Inside My Mind

Title: What I See

Date written: 26/12/15

I see me this way because of you

Yes, because of you

It's all because of you

Because of you I find it hard to trust.....

I find it hard to trust me,

And everyone around me.

Yes, this is because of you

BECAUSE of you

I don’t love me

But I have these expectations

For everyone else

To love themselves.

BECAUSE of you

I give great advice

When it comes to other people’s lives

But when it comes to me

This is what I see.

I see a girl with scares.

I see a girl with a hideous past.

I see a girl who is fat.

I see the girl who isn’t perfect.

This is because of you.

However, to an extent I accept me.

I accept my flaws.

I accept my scars.

I accept my unrealistic expectations.

I accept the fact that I could never love me.

With this I come to realise, all this?

The way I feel

Its not just because i am U.G.L.Y

Its not just because of the fear you have for your own child.

Its not just because I am P.H.A.T

And my family is ashamed of me

Its not just because I would rather be

Anybody else but me

No.

Its because I know.

I know that if I can’t love myself

I can’t have these unrealistic expectations of everybody else.

This is how I see me

And its because of you

You made me the way I am

You made me who I am today

You made me U.G.L.Y

You are the reason why i cry.

You made me what you wanted me to be

A scarred child

Because of you

No one can love me

.

.

.

Not even me

It’s okay though

Not everybody was meant to be loved

Not everybody looks like an angel from up above.

I may not be able to change what you did to me,

How you made me into a scarred fragile shell of the person I was meant to be

But its A okay.

Yes because of you

I will never love me

And you will NEVER love you

I guess we are one in the same

I guess that was the point of your little “game ”

But we are different

For I am me

The girl with the smile on her face while her heart is frowning

And you

You are the one who causes the pain in her heart

You broke her heart

So much so that she doesn’t know where to start

Where to start to mend the broken pieces

In the end all of who she is

Is because of you

But one day you’ll be sorry

Yes you’ll be sorry for making her...

The scarred girl

The girl with a cold heart

The girl who no one can love

Yes, one day

It maybe tomorrow

Or years from now

But someday

She will be whole again

And you would want a chance a love her

But she’ll be so busy loving herself

That she won’t have time for you or anybody else.

THIS IS ME

THIS IS WHAT I SEE WHEN I LOOK INTO THE MIRROR INTO MY EYES

A broken girl who is just trying to mend her soul

WHAT DO YOU SEE WHEN YOU LOOK INTO YOURS?

Take the plunge

There is nothing to fear

All you are doing is finding out what lays beneath the surface of your mind

Yes its that near!