Late night visitors
Start writing here…It started at a young age when I knew something was wrong with me. It was hard in the beginning the way he looked at me the way he touched me. Everything seemed to fade into black as I tasted the salty tears that fell from my eyes. I was scared at first, that first time changed my life. It’s like living in a dark whole in your mind you don’t want to be you anymore you want to hide in the tears that fall from your eyes. You want to run but there’s never a place to hide. So you sit there and fade into the eyes of the monster as he takes your awkward looks as a invite to invaide your soul. My cries go unheard my words go unspoken as I sit and watch every hope and dream go out the room. I look in the mirror at this broken kid and ask who are you. Why can’t they see what’s happening, why can’t they save me, but no one is there no one cares. What happened to the sweet happy kid everyone once knew. That kid is dead he understands now who he is what he is. Days are dark the face of the monster is burned into his dreams. What is he a monster a ghost that haunts every memory what they see is not what is. That monster took who he was, his dreams he is nothing more then a shell of who he use to be. The time faded the days grew darker the nights grew longer. he awoke to find he was gone the days started to get brighter the monster was gone no more pain. It was hard for awhile every night he feared he would return. The nightmares started the fear of what he did. All the nights he layed awake crying remembering the evil snake that broke his faith in God. That made him bleed from the heart. The sound of his zipper peireced his ears every night. What was in his eyes was it regret was it fear nothing but pure evil. He wanted the nightmares to stop but they seemed to get worse every night. In bed he laid in unspoken, broken who was he a fag for letting this go on. It was a never ending nightmare he tried to escape from but it pulled him back down into the darkness everytime.
One person can steal it all over night your life can go from sunshine to rain in a few minutes. the look will haunt everything you do you can look in the mirror without seeing who you use to be. Who am I he whispers into the mirror that holds everything from the tears he cried to the blood dripping to the floor from the cuts. He doesn’t understand anything anymore his soul is darkened by the blood stained towle he hid away that holds her weak soul, he is barley hanging on. Slowly walking towards the end of the bed that he once slept now only nightmares and broken dreams lay waiting for him. He lays his weak body onto the bed hoping one day to be free from this. As soon as he closes his eyes he sees what could only be described as a soulless evil monster every night, night after night. He saw him getting near him. Everything seemed to slow down as he touched his scared cold body he begs but it never helps. What came the next night put him at ease knowing that night it would all be over. Walking to the dresser grabbing the only friend he’s known. He stairs at the shiny blade that knew his pain thinking tonight I will sleep forever never to return.
He fills his lungs for the last time and splits his wrist over and over until the blade falls from his hand. Day dreaming of his soul leaving his cold lifeless body closing his eyes he sees the light. Almost dead as he hears the screams of his brother asking why begging for him to live. They don’t realize it’s to late death has took him by the hand leading him to the smell of burning bodies. As he enters the fire he awakes to bright lights and doctors telling him he will be alright . The end he hoped for was stolen from his broken body. Weak cuts and by the sent of death. Death seemed so good at the time he said his goodbyes to the world that has broken and shattered his mind. Not only on the inside but on the outside too.
Her story only became worse as the doctors tried to figure out why she was so broken but no one understood. Should she lie and say it was the last time knowing it was only going to make it worse or should she tell the truth and get help. Could they handle the truth or would it break them too? she remembered the wind between her fingers as she went down the road no thinking just family who loved her who needed her. was she part of the last shattered army can she escape? Even when she’s around her family she feels as if she doesn’t belong! why is she so pushed away by everyone as if she’s just trash in a sea of dark souls pulling her down farther into what they call happiness but how is it happiness when all she feels is lost. Is lost all she ever knows the feeling of never belonging never being loved never feeling like she’s home. What does it mean to be loved is it just a story like the ones being told to kids the happy ever after never seeing the lies that they are told. They don’t know about the flashbacks that only got worse as the day of flames approached. The day was ending when she closed her eyes the sour memory came into her sleepy eyes. It was cold outside but she could still feel the heat from the flames that glow in the night the smoke burned her nose as she cried. Her family stand beside her as she watched everything burn before her eyes. The smell the cold air the windows bursting as they run out the house. Everything was gone so fast as they fight the fire why must this happen what did we do wrong. The night grew to day as they sit in a hotel still crying still fighting. They was strong but there was one person stronger then the rest my hero my big sister the one who carried me to safety. She awoke to smoke and flames she picked the sleeping princess up fighting for air as the smoke covered the rooms. The flames spread so fast as we ran i still remember looking up and seeing the roof covered with orange and red flames spreading faster then the tears running down my cheeks.
That night I knew we would never be the same the fire took everything from us. The sound of windows busting still echos in my head as I close my eyes to fall asleep do they even understand who she was before this. She remembered the girl who gave her a praying bear after the fire saying it will be ok God has a plan. What fucking plan was this showing how fire can destroy a loving family turn them against each other what once was love is now a shadow in the mind of a broken child a child who will never see light in her mother’s eyes again a child who will never hear her father say I love you again or a brother and sister as there protesters all of it gone. All they see in her now is the girl who tried to kill herself.....
they didn’t know who she was they didn’t care. The time was there she knew it wouldn’t help but what could she do fight saying she was alright no this was not true she was broken shattered into that girl she needed help to save her from what they saw her as. As she walked in she saw the broken souls of what once was happy people destroyed by the world. would she be ok after all do they truly see who she is and want to fix how she feels. The story of her life was finally being told as hard as it is she would be ok or so she believed. the time she spent there was harder then what she thought it would be everyday remembered of what she tried to hide they promised it would help but it did nothing but bring the hate and anger back. She was done she wanted to go home why wont they let her leave why is it so hard to forget the things she was hiding how could they tell see her as strong when she wasn’t. The anger started to rise like the sun I felt the heat
from the rage that boiled from within as
I screamed not stopping even as the tears ran down i couldn’t stop I just
needed all my anger to be heard.
They all came running to see this girl they all thought was strong break so fast. What they saw was someone not only haunted by her past but a girl that had nothing else in this world she was nothing but a lost soul looking for something that isn’t there. The anger was the last voice she had and she wanted everyone to hear it.
What came next shocked everyone as she raised from the floor she screamed to the top of her lungs and drove her nails into her wrist going as deep as she could. Tears still running down her cheeks she felt the blood and a evil smile came to her face as she felt the warmth of the anger and pain leaving her body. The nurses come so fast she can’t even think before they grab her and take her to the padded room.
Her mind was full of voices telling her she was nothing,she was a whore,she was a broken piece of shit as she lays there tears fall as she ask God why he would do this to her? why would he be so cruel? does she deserve this what did she do so wrong? Is this what life is being told your nothing being hurt having her life mean nothing. How can she live knowing she’s nothing to the world!
All she knows is hate and pain what is life truly about to be hated to be used to be a worthless whore? will the pain ever stop will her heart stay broken will the evil one take the rest of her? Things will never change this is all she will ever know!
