Foreign Feelings

WORDS. THEY JUMBLED around as I held my hair in a rugged grip, surprising myself in how I hadn’t yet pulled out a single one of the untamed strands. My eyes were fixated on the bark of a tree that I was currently huddled against, trying with all of me to remember the events that had happened only moments ago.

My ears had gone almost numb from the loud sirens that blared in them, the sound of the reporter being drowned by their loud calling. Breathing suddenly became slow for me as my eyes swept over to stare at the bodies just yards from where I was crouched.

Claw marks. Blood. Lifeless eyes. That’s all I could see in my mind as I blinked. The worst part? I couldn’t feel any regret for what I had done. No emotion ran through my mind as I stared at their motionless bodies, almost as if they were trying to mock me.

Abruptly, I transferred my gaze to my hands, only to see the blood that covered every inch of them dripping onto the dirt. The frustrating part? I couldn’t remember how. All I remember was standing over them as they had their last moment of life, the sirens as they made their way towards me, and the words of the reporter as she talked to the camera without any emotion evident on her face.

Everything seemed so surreal, it was as if I was watching a movie in slow motion. The bodies, were carried away in an ambulance, words became a blur, and before I knew it night had crept in and a silence spread throughout the forest. The only thing that was an indication of the previous events was currently dripping from the damaged trees and onto the dirt. Blood.

I glanced at my surroundings warily, anticipating movement to break from either side of the woods...that was until a voice interrupted, nearly making me stumble, “Serenity!” It had shouted, the voice echoing in my ears with a sense of familiarity. I turned quickly, my eyes scanning every inch that they would allow.

“Serenity!” My grandmother’s voice said once again, successfully interrupting the flashback, bringing me out of my thoughts and causing me to look away from my untouched dinner to glance at her gold brown eyes with my charcoal ones. Her accustomed smile all but disappeared, only to be replaced by distinctive wrinkles of worry. “I’ve been trying to get your attention for five minutes now. Is everything all right?” There was a tinge of frustration in her words, but it was near hidden by her overly absurd tone of worry.

I sighed, using my fork to move the eggs around as I did so, “Just deep in thought,” I mutter indifferently, my attention sweeping around the kitchen instead of settling on her intense glare.

The kitchen floor was littered in exceedingly few boxes - which were full of mandatory things and nothing more. We had yet to unpack from our last move, which wouldn’t take much time for we never took much stuff. Having too much meant more time to pack when he finds us again.

“Serenity,” my grandmother groaned, obviously irritated by my inattentiveness once again. Her graying blond hair fell into her face as she sighed. After setting her fork down, she gives her full attention to me and changed the topic quickly, “Have you unpacked in your room yet?”

I leaned back in my chair, the food on my plate ever so forgotten.“You know we are just going to move in a few weeks, right?” I argued dispassionately as I shift on our inexpensive chair while I rolled my eyes.

"He won’t find us this time, Ren,” my grandmother shoots right back with an everlasting determination. Unlike me, reality just hasn’t shown itself to her yet, she’s still in a world of ‘hope’. She believes that we will be able to find a ‘safe place’. Where he can’t find us. But, I know that there is no such thing. There is only so much time we can run. Only so much time before my predator catches me, his prey.

“You say that every time,” I stated quickly, gripping my plate and walking towards the garbage. I waste no time before dumping the contents down it and walking away to my supposed ‘room’. I make it to the door in no time, my eyes burning holes into the white paint of it. My hands stayed glues to my side for moments on end before I opened the door in a rush.

The first thing that caught my attention was the window extending from one corner to the other, showcasing the sun as it settled over the trees. The last light of today streaming into the room and onto the white paint of three walls, the grey carpet expanding throughout the whole room, and finally onto the queen sized bed. Boxes were settled on top due to my overly helpful grandma.

A door on my direct right caught my full attention, and before I was aware of my actions, my hand instantaneously reaches to pull the door open. An expansive bathroom is what laid beyond the wooden slab, this itself could fit two bathroom’s from the apartments we were in not only three day’s ago. And were five times better then the whole building itself. Grey stained tiles were neatly installed on the floor, the wooden surface as smooth as it could possibly be.

A large tube was situated at the far wall, going from one corner to the other with a glass sliding door. The sink was closer to the door with the toilet just left of it, the white counter tops look like marble as they reflected the light. Everything about it screamed ‘expensive’.

It was then my eyes traveled up to be greeted by a figure facing me. Her red hair was a riot, curls untamed as they framed her pale face that seemed as if it hadn’t ever been kissed by the sun. Her lips were full and set in a straight line, they were a plump pink contrasting almost perfectly with her pale complexion. Two silvery irises stared back into mine, void completely of emotion. Two orbs of destruction that have seen everything and nothing all at once.

A disappointment. That is what I saw.

The breeze blew against my face in soft wisps, the night air seeping through the skin of my bare face. My small frame leaned against the foreign bricks of our temporary cabin, my attention being aimed solely on the night sky while stars filled the empty space abundantly - the moon being nothing but a small crescent, but still shone brightly as it settled overhead. The only thought on my mind as I stared at the lit area was how peaceful it felt under the moon’s gaze. It died out abruptly when I caught the sight of goosebumps trailing down the pale skin of my arms, only to notice that I couldn’t feel the cold that seemingly was causing it.

Instead of dwelling much on that fact, I transfer my attention to the near silent forest just directly across from me. The only noise emitting from it was the soft sound of leaves brushing against each other in result to the overly windy night. My eyesight only went so far before the darkness engulfed everything, the secrets it held tempting me to explore further.

I sigh, shifting my position against the brick wall and look up at the window above my head. Light still streamed out of it, completely disregarding that it was nearly midnight. I didn’t know how long I waited for that light to finally turn off, but when it finally did I wasted no time rushing into the forest. My eyes glancing everywhere as I did so. They took in everything, from how the leaves were just starting to change their color, to the soft grass brushing against my ankles. I inhaled a deep breath, smelling the fresh air, which mainly consisted of tainted rain and fresh pine.

The leaves crunched under my feet, the noise being the only thing heard for miles to come. Things like this, you never got on the busy streets of New York. That place mainly consisted of the horns of cars - which were used absurdly - and yelling over the most unintelligent of things. It was the farthest you could possibly get from here.

While this place consisted of green, green, and wait...more green! New York had gleaming windows of cars, apartments, stores, and hotels. Busy streets that took hours to find your way through. There wasn’t much to look at, scenery wise at least. But, I knew it was just a matter of time before everything here all disappeared and was replaced by something new.

I shook my head out of the thoughts when I noticed I had come to a complete stop in a clearing. My hands hung to my sides as I observed everything.

Green grass had grown so tall it came up to my thighs, trees surrounded the area in every direction - limiting the area to about an acre, the stars and moon gleamed in amazement from above. Their light gleaming at me, and contrasting the pitch black significantly.

I was halted when I heard a snap coming from behind me. The sound immediately causes me to freeze slightly before I turned around briskly. What I did not expect to happen, was to be met with a chest full of silver fur. Cranking my head up head up hesitantly, I am instantly met with a overly pleasant aroma. Campfire smoke and roses.

I keep looking up and up until my eyes meet the head of a wolf, the sheer size of the animal almost knocked me to the ground in surprise, it had to be seven feet or maybe even more.

Though, the moment my eyes meet the animal’s mossy green one’s I am in a state of shock. There was so much emotion swirling through their depths, sadness and eagerness. Admiration and regret. It almost made me feel it as well.

A whine escaped it’s lips as the animal gently laid down, it’s head reaching my shoulders once it did so. It leaned it’s head down, beckoning me to pet it. For minutes on end I stood still, my eyes taking everything about the wolf. After a pregnant pause, I hesitantly reach my hand out to touch the animal’s fur. I certainly did not come close to imagining what would happen next.

The moment my skin came in contact the the animal there was a tug on my heart, it started to race. Things I never had felt before engulfed my every senses. Pain, remorse, sorrow, and love. It all rushed out of oblivion.

Black started to invade my vision, I was going in and out of consciousness. Flashbacks came and went, like a movie in fast forward.

I fought with everything to blink it sway, I was stumbling around, the world began to spin around and I felt as if I could throw up at any given moment.

I finally give in, my eyes shutting tightly as a flash back took reality.

A little girl, no older than two years old sat on the floor of a living room. Her thin hair curling just slightly as it hanged down to her chin. Toys sat in front of the girl, she was staring intently but made no move to touch any one of them. Her mother stood in the entry way, staring down at her just waiting for her to move.

Was she alive? She found herself thinking, her motherly instincts kicking in severely. Concern is all she felt as she stared at the toddler, the girl hadn’t shown emotion once in her two years.

Her mother knew what this meant, but no, she didn’t want to believe it. Shaking her head lightly she retreated to the kitchen back to her own mother. Who stared at her in suspense, in which she shook her head.

“Same as always,” she muttered lowly.

“Danielle, you know what this means. He’ll come for her,” Danielle’s mother said what she wanted to deny.

She hung her head low, here eyes staring at the table as if it were the only thing for miles, “That is what I’m afraid of..”

It faded to black once again, and for seconds, minutes, or maybe even hours it was as if time stood still in that moment. Then suddenly color replaced it, and another flashback took over

“Hey, Ren? Look at me, sweetie,” Danielle told her seven year old daughter. Which reluctantly looked up into her mother’s vibrant blue eyes, but she didn’t know that it would be her last time doing so. She didn’t know that she would struggle to remember her face in the years to come. “Mama’s going to go get you some food, yeah? Be good for grandma, alright. I’ll be right back.”

But, she didn’t come back. The girl had to listen to her grandmother telling her about a crash, she had to listen to her grandmother’s sobs as she tried to sooth her. But, this little girl didn’t feel what she did. Her grandmother waited, hoped, for tears to leak down her grandchild’s cheeks...but none of the sorts came. She just stood there, her gray eyes stared at her blankly, a bleak mask covering them.

This only made her sobs stronger.

Tears leaked from my eyes as I finally came back to reality, my heart felt like it had been stabbed with thousands of little knifes. Holes being ripped in it, over and over. The tears wouldn’t stop, sob after sob I continued to cry.

That was until a whine came from below me and my eyes once again met with the beautiful green irises that belonged to none other than the wolf. It’s ears were flat against it’s head as it stared at me, mimicking my pain. I keeled down and wrapped my arms around the wolf’s head and cried into it’s neck.

This only seemed to make the emotions deeper and worse. I cried until I couldn’t anymore, at that point I was breathing heavily and hiccuping into the wolf’s soft, silky fur as it wrapped it’s head around my back almost in a protective way.

I hear a sniffle emit from the wolf’s throat and my heart lurches at the sound. I couldn’t decipher what made me feel this attachment towards this animal, but I couldn’t help but want - need - to protect it.

I try to pull away to see if my guess was correct, but when I go to do so a gentle nudge pushes me back into my previous position. I feel my heart warm at the action and hug the animal tighter as I close my eyes.

A howl rips through the silence we created, it was ear piercing and full of complete sorrow. I feel the wolf perk it’s head at the sound, and when I look into it’s eyes I see complete devastation filling his green orbs to the brim. It backs away from me slowly and whines, ears flat against it’s head as it looks at me in what seems to be hesitation. And once our contact is loss, I feel myself revert back to the bleak shell I was hours ago.

I reach out, wanting to feel everything once again, but then another howl filled our ears and the animal made it’s decision. It whines at me once again before dashing in the opposite direction. Away from the wolf that was calling to it.

I stood there for minutes on end, missing the feeling of emotions traveling through my veins. Missing the feel of silky fur of a wolf that I had grown attached to, despite only seeing it once.

2620 words

Published on 8/15/18

Edited on 8/15/18

Don’t be a silent reader like your author here! Tell me your thoughts, anything in need of fixing? Typos? Parts that are just...WHAT THE FUCK????

What, in your opinion, is your worst personality trait? Mine is being too shy....I KNOW...SHOCKER. Not really lmao.

Stay amazing my Little Foreigners❤❤

~Dawn P. Rey