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The Last Stop

All Rights Reserved ©

Summary

An abandoned train station sends out tickets to unsuspecting victims, What does the station want, and what do they all have in common? Slowly I start to board the train, not taking a second to think about the fact that I don't remember actually walking through the station, or that the conductor had a smile on his face. All i could focus on was the voices, the honest to god voices in the train car. There were people here, people who seemed just as lost as me.

Genre
Mystery,Horror
Author
Hope
Status
7yrs ago
Chapters
2
Rating
5.0 (2 reviews)
Age Rating
18+

Chapter 1

I don’t know what pulled me in here. Instinct maybe, or just

plain curiosity. No matter the reason, here I was; standing in

front of the abandoned train station. This place, once lively and

full of promise, now only holds the discarded trains for the

ghosts of its long forgotten past. I haven’t visited this station

since my childhood. Once this old building would fill me with

hope of a new adventure; but now, this station only fills me

with dread. Unwillingly, I felt myself walk up the old, cracking

cement steps, and into a building that everyone but me it

seems, has long since forgotten. This is, or was, a train station,

one that was once full of life, but now sat abandoned and dark.

The ticket in my pocket, the ticket that shouldn’t exist,feels like

it’s getting heavier with each step I take towards the building.

The ticket was in my mailbox three days ago, as if it was a

completely normal letter. I don’t know why I didn’t throw it

out. Hell, I have no idea why I followed it here, it was almost as

if my body was following it’s instructions against my will. Once

I got to the station entrance I saw something unexpected; a

living, breathing, human. This man looked like he belong in the

1920s, with his button down jacket and pocket watch, yet he

looked only to be in his 30s, not a hundred years old. He

looked at me impatiently, tapping his foot as I warily walked up

to him. The smell of tobacco permeated the air with each step

closer I take to him.


"Mr. Davis! You're late. You're ticket said 4:00 not 4:01, not

4:05, and certainly not 4:10!" the man exclaimed looking at me

with annoyance evident on his face.


"Uh...excuse me who are you" I start looking at the man,

becoming more and more convinced I was either being

pranked or about to be murdered.


"Now now come with me everyone is waiting!" The man

ignored my questions and walked further into the building with

a brisk pace, making me jog to keep up.


"Everyone? You mean there's more people?" I was shocked,this

place is supposed to be abandoned, how could there be people

here? Maybe a stray teenager here and there, but a group? The

mere thought baffled me as I saw no choice but to follow the

man. I realized he was leading me to the abandoned train

tracks, though I had a sneaking suspicion that they weren't

going to be as abandoned as I expect. And I was correct, there

was a train waiting for us as we approached, the man looked at

me and motioned for me to board. Slowly I start to board the

train, not taking a second to think about the fact that I don't

remember actually walking through the station, or the fact that

the conductor had a smirk on his face. All I could focus on are

the voices, the honest to god voices in the train car. There are

people here, people who seemed just as lost as me.


Let Hope know what you thought about this chapter!
Love this

0

Love this

Funny

0

Funny

Spicy

0

Spicy

Suspenseful

0

Suspenseful

Emotional

0

Emotional

Profound

0

Profound

Heartwarming

0

Heartwarming

Shocking

0

Shocking

Good Writing

0

Good Writing

Compelling Plot

0

Compelling Plot

Great Character

0

Great Character

Strong Dialog

0

Strong Dialog

author

At "The smell of tobacco", I believe you want to convey that the smell increases as you advance towards him. Consider revising it? In all other respects, it's a captivating beginning!

7 years
author

Wow, definitely a good hook. I like the vague character development of your narrator and the tension and mystery of the first chapter. I can't wait to see what's going to happen!

7 years

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