Unborn

I stumbled around the party with almost no control of my body, I panted heavily but giggled loudly as I felt the Vodka shots take effect.My body felt warm and relaxed, it was as if under my skin I could feel my blood circulating slowly. My limbs were weak but my legs could still wander around but only in circles as if they had a mind of their own.I wanted to walk home but I couldn’t, I would be arrested if anyone knew I was drunk

To be drinking at all was illegal, just imagine how much trouble I would be in if the cops saw me this drunk.I tried to find the man who told me where this underground pub was but he was nowhere to be seen.So I just allowed this random man to hold me as he dragged my body into a different room, soon the whole room was filled with the muffled sound of loud party music and all I saw was the blood red ceiling tiles floating above me. I saw this mysterious man take a handful of pills and the next thing I knew, suddenly something or SOMEONE was tugging at my dress.

I could hear him panting heavily and I could tell he was becoming more and more excited as his face grew closer to mine.I squirmed as much as I could, trying desperately to escape, but his untightening grip made this close to impossible. This man was much stronger than I was, this was obvious just by looking at his muscle mass.I tried to see his face, commit it to memory but I couldn’t see through the tears and the mixture of blurry vision from being so drunk.It was at that point, that I realized there was no escape, I laid there paralyzed in fear.I gasped heavily and threw my head back screaming, because that’s all I could physically do, “STOP! STOP LEAVE ME ALONE! HELP!”I jolted awake and let out a heavy sigh, I whimpered as I smacked at my arms with a violent force and when I realized that pig was no longer there, I calmed down and wiped the sweat off my brow.

I wish I could tell you that falling asleep brought me some peace in the three months after my brutal attack but I would be lying, the nightmares always started the same way, I relived every single moment of that night with perfect recollection each time I cried myself to sleep but those dreams would soon come to an end.

I gulped; feeling dehydrated, but my body was shaking so much that I couldn’t get up, I began to breath so raggedly that I sounded like an asthmatic.I closed my eyes and listened to the rain outside hit the roof and I touched my chest gently as I felt my once palpitating heartbeat decrease in speed.I felt the sweat that had formed on my skin dry up and when I opened my eyes I felt calmer than I ever had been in a long time, I gulped again and went to my window.Below me I saw, after shifting the lace curtains back, New York City just as busy at night as it would be during the day.I saw all different types of cars drive by. There were drunk people jaywalking across the street, and although it was funny to watch the Model T Ford stop quickly and to have it’s commander scream out, ‘Hey I’m driving here,’ I was thoroughly unamused. I could hear the giggling and all it did was bring back bad memories, STOP! HELP ME! I heard it loudly in my head and I whimpered uncontrollably as I quickly shut the curtains closed.I began panting as the rain outside went from a small drizzle to full blown heavy rain, my room was completely dark, which made me feel safe, the door was locked, which made me feel even safer.I groaned while feeling my stomach, I didn’t tell anyone when the doctor confirmed the child, so no one would have to know.That’s when I began to undress slowly and carefully. I took off my pants, and threw them onto my bed, and I began rolling up my shirt and tucked the bottom edge into the chest opening of the shirt near the neck, that way it would stay up.I walked to the closet and when I opened it I saw the glass rod that I had soaking in the alcohol.I could hear thunder clapping aggressively behind me as I sat down on the floor, I opened my legs wide open and made sure it was the sterile part of the rod going inside of me.I began to sweat as I felt the cool glass scrape across the walls of my area, with that happening my whole area opened up and expanded as it accepted the rod. I wanted to scream but I knew if I did I would wake up the household. So I groaned heavily, stopped the rod from moving any further and I put a piece of thick wood in my mouth, I bit down hard onto the piece of wood and I sobbed as I kept sliding the rod into me.I screamed gently from my nose instead of my mouth and my whole body was drenched in sweat as my body shivered from shock, in the palm of my hands I could feel the blood slip out of me and the once see through glass rod was now stained with red. I moved the rod in a circular motion, the tip of the rod, which was gently sharpened, would hit the walls and I pulled the rod away from each spot when it hit the walls inside of me.I was trying my best to find the small opening of the cervix so I moved the rod up more with an angle. I didn’t know I hit the cervix opening until I finally felt a pressure going deeper into me, I felt like I was being torn into two and I began panting, when I closed my eyes I felt my whole body become slippery from the excessive amount of sweat.I began to scream in a muffled tone as I threw my head back and kept digging in deeper inside of me, I felt a soft poke at my uterine wall and I immediately stiffened as I controlled my muscles to not move one bit.I was breathing heavily but very controlled as I slowly and somewhat skilfully pulled the rod outwards, about 1 centimeter.The thunder boomed loudly outside and the rain drove down from the sky with a mighty force and I could hear in the background the wind whistling as it moved roughly through the air.I could feel the blood seep out of me and my hands very quickly became wet and sticky.The blood began to stain the blue carpet in a foot of unevenness, then I moved the rod in a circular motion and that’s when I felt it, the sharp part of the rod had stabbed the uterine wall.I felt my body go cold and in a swift motion I pulled out the rod, and that’s when half of it snapped inside of me.

I screamed loudly and threw the free half of glass down onto the floor, I used the wall to climb up and stand.As I stood I could feel a rush of blood quickly fall out of me, and inside of me I could hear the other part of the glass rod crush up and break into tiny shards.

My whole inner leg was soon drenched in blood and when I looked down I saw that a whole puddle of blood had been created.

I could feel the glass shards move in my body and I began wheezing in a hysterical way as my body entered a shock state.I wanted to walk but I couldn’t, I was still and paralyzed from the pain.I could feel the cold sweat that had been created drip down my body, my mouth opened up and the piece of wood that was in my mouth dropped to the floor and began absorbing the blood.I breathed very shakily as I tried to say, “Help….” But the words were strained and covered by the boom of thunder.My breathing became rapid as I held my stomach, I could feel the shards rip and tear my most precious insides and soon I was weak in the legs.

That’s when I dropped down onto the floor and fluttered my eyelashes as my eyelids became heavy.Soon I saw the lights come on and I heard a scream ringing in my ears that I could only identify as my mother’s voice.“Catherine...Catherine!” I heard as my mother lifted me up and made me face her.I whimpered as I looked at her and I coughed gently, I could only see my mother’s mouth, my eyes were closing very slowly and I whispered very weakly, in a total of five separate times, “The baby should be gone now.”I felt a sudden relief from being able to admit that finally to my mother, I laid my head back and my body slowly began to relax.“Catherine!” My mother screamed out.That’s when I shut my eyes and felt my heart stop beating, by then my body was completely numb and limp and the pain; and the product of my rape that some would call the baby, were finally gone.

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