What is your opinion?
Hooked
"This is quite a unique spin on a chosen one type of story. Truly original, and it hooks the reader in. The only thing is a few editing errors. Other than that it is fantastic."
5 star all around!
"This is a extremely original idea! It is written and evacuated in a way that makes me desperate for more. Your main character is written beautiful. I love your descriptions and style of sharing some but not all of what is going on. It definitely makes you want to keep reading. I have never seen a concept like this before and I want to commend you for your creativity. There were no errors that I noticed. I was so focused on ths story, even if there were errors I doubt I would have noticed. This is phenomenal! Excellent read through and through."
Nidhoggr
"Wow! This is great fun and terrifically written. Everyone has their own taste, but I like how the chapter introduces some mysterious goings on without explaining them too much. I presume the world will unfold as the author continues. But what makes this is the main character. He (?) is not sure what's going on either, but he seems a typical teenager (in any galaxy): a bit of a know it all, a bit insouciant (not to cast aspersions on teenagers, I used to be one), but I can see this appealing to a YA audience. So I hope the author keeps going."
A lot of potential
"I really like this chapter and looking forward to read more. The only this I miss are a little more background, more info about the ceremony and character (to get a better picture of his "looks). But you are only one chapter so don´t take it as a critic, it´s a really good beginning and I hope you find the time to update soon. =) I will recommend this story. Keep up the good work, it´s going to be awesome."
Unique
"I definitely loved the plot of the story, it's unique and different from most fantasy novels. I especially loved how creative the writer's writing is. It takes alot of creative thinking to come up with something this good. There were grammar errors, but very very few, which is understandable , I know my book was full of those. I would definitely recommend this book to someone who likes fantasy and fiction. A really good plot, an intriguing story. Keep it up! I'd love to see more! "
Hmm...Good stuff, it is.
"Wow, man. Firstly, I like your Marking concept that governs the world inside your story. However, your story proceeds quite fast without a breather or two and almost skimmed through some important details. Correct me if I am wrong, is the timeline of your story set in a pseudo-modern (kinda like our current era) magical civilisation where the Marking and the magic circles run things? Nevertheless, very good stuff you're brewing here. I need to read more before giving it the final verdict. Do watch out the pace, OK?"
Brilliant storyline, of discovery that one is uniquely different from the everyday
"Actually really good detail and developed characters. Definitely a good start , leaves one quite curious as to what happens next. "
Nidhoggr
"Your story has very good potential. As for your writing style, it matches the narration very well so need for adjustments. But as I said before, it has a lot of potential so your style needs to make progress along with your plot. All that aside, I liked your story and really looking forward to read the next chapter. - Ashwi"
An Unexplained, but Interesting World
"Hey, enjoyed reading the first chapter of your new work! There are other points that I would like to make, but for the sake of brevity I am only addressing the central concept in the story. I understand that the Marking Ceremony is a significant event which determines a person's life. All high officials attend it, and there was a young man who seemed devastated not to be marked. The practical implications of marking are not explained, however. There are six marks, Devil, Angel, Fairy, Norse and Greek, which I understand are the categories for marking. Later in the chapter, there is the mention of "Devil districts" where people go to unwind and the "Angel's tower". Marking establishes a person's innate power, but what does that mean for their life? Beyond requiring a year of academy training, does it determine their jobs? Although this selection for occupation, reminiscent of the Divergent series, is implied in the text, I feel like the first chapter would benefit from a clearer exposition of the mark's implications. In addition to occupation, Carnel mentions that the Unknown are "strong beings", implying that the marks are at least based on physical entities. When a person gets marked as an Unknown, do they become an Unknown too? Judging from Carnel's reactions, he does not identify himself as becoming an Unknown and a strange entity of smoke which attached itself to him seems more likely to be one of the Unknown. Going off this, this would mean that people marked as Devils or Angels would not actually turn into Devils or Angels themselves. Since there are other races/species such as elves and merfolk and presumably undergo the same marking as humans, I am getting that they receive some sort of blessing or power affiliated with the mark races. Furthermore, I noticed that although it is a privilege to be marked with Devil or Angel, who are presumably active races that live in the city, there is no Merfolk mark and no beastmen mark. This would imply that the races of the marking are higher beings of some sort, and I feel this needs to be clearly established in the text. It is also notable that Norse and Greek, two human civilisations (or cultural groups), are marks alongside the fantasy races like faries. If you are referring to the divine pantheons, which would make sense if the marks are the 'higher' races that give power to other 'lesser' races, I feel that specifying that would benefit the first chapter. When I first read the passage, I thought first of grubby Vikings and Greek baklava, not the mighty heroes of myth and legend. Summary: Although competently written, the first chapter would serve the story better by establishing the world and its key concepts more clearly. The practical implications of getting marked and having innate power should be made clear to the reader. The disparity between the Mark's races and the 'common' races needs to be explained. Tram rides and teddy bears are important but they can take a back seat to what is easily the most interesting part of your work. I am genuinely interested to learn more about your world, but currently, it stems from desperately searching for more exposition to ground my feet and not finding it - which is what the first chapter of any written work can sometimes live and die on. If you would like to provide feedback on my review, please feel free to tell me if it was unclear, unconstructive, or whether I need a quart of iodine in my thyroid gland."
