Torn Strings

“Carah,” my mom called from downstairs. The adoptive mom that is, after I was born they put me into the foster system.

“Yeah, I’m coming, just putting on my shoes,” I replied shouting through the thick white walls. Walls I am used to in every single foster home I’ve been in. I throw on my blue socks, followed by my gray Walmart brand tennis shoes, never did have any money to buy nice fancy shoes.

I walk around my mirror attached to the light brown wood stain door and I reach for the knob.

My brown hair resting on my shoulders only brushed. Blue skinny jeans reach down to the tennis shoes I am wearing. Wrapping my cold pale hand around the freezing fake gold painted handle I twist it. Purple sleeves in my field of vision as I open the door, gray vest covering the purple long-sleeved shirt.

Heading down the gray carpeted stairs, making coffee by the counter of the kitchen my adoptive mother is making her black coffee. Already out is where I am assuming my adopted father is, he works as a manager at some electronic store. My Mom owns a store and sells pastries and coffee.

This is my junior year of high school here, and I barely know anyone, I stay to myself. There is no fate, no destiny, no future for me, I already know that. Only the people with that future can see the strings of fate, the people with no strings or torn strings. Something I know all too well about.

“Alright Sydney, I’ll be heading out now,” I told the brown-haired woman who adopted me.

“Come home after school, if you are going anywhere text or call me,” Sydney my adopted mother explained to me.

Nodding my head I gather my items and head downstairs. Living on the third floor of the mixed use building, the middle floor is the kitchen and living room. Finally, the bottom floor is the store Sydney owns.

“Remember Carah, you can call me Mom, I adopted you,” Sydney smiled.

“I gotta go,” I switched the topic leaving the building and walking down the stairs. Usually, I would help my mom downstairs but since today is my day off at the store, I leave early before the store is opened and I head to the library at school.

The strings of fate, a confusing topic. It’s not that I was born without them, just mine are torn, mine is broken. I look down at my hand at the broken and torn strings attached to each of my fingers.

I believe the reason I can see the strings is so I could influence others lives, to make them as miserable as myself, something selfish. Although I wouldn’t and couldn’t say I am the happiest person in the world, I would never want this life for others.

Ever since I was born I had these torn strings, the fate strings that others have. Never had they connected to anything, I’ve done research after I was curious as to what these were, I never spoke about them to anyone. Fear overwhelmed me that I was different, I already got teased and picked on for something I had no control over.

There are five different strings on each person’s hand, five different colors. You could have as many strings on your hand as possible, some people have a lot of friends, others lots of families.

Purple, violet, plum, those strings represent family, they tie to your family, that is one of the strings torn for me. In my adopted family both Sydney and Frank, my adopted dad, have a torn purple string, but it makes sense, they lost a child. That is why they got me.

Following the order of fingers, is the pointer finger, the orange strings. Those are the role models each person looks up to and aspire to be like, many don’t know who these people are quiet yet I learned. While in my class we asked each other who their role model was, and some said different names than who I found them linked to. Others don’t even have a role model.

The middle finger is next, that would be your soulmate, not necessarily for love. Just someone who gets you, someone who understands everything and is right with your soul. Someone to call home. Without much surprise, that the green one is torn for me as well.

The ring finger has yellow string wrapping around the finger lightly, some people have these torn, others don’t. Friendship is a fragile thing, and without knowing your fate ahead of time you will break those friendships and go somewhere else, some not meant to be your friend.

The pinkie finger is possibly the most known string, the love partner string. You’d be lucky to have both the green soul mate wire and the red love partner wire attached to the same person.

Many people have two or three strings torn, yet they always have more. It’s something I found out a long time ago, I had wanted to ask someone, but I chickened out. What would they do? Think I’m weird? Think I’m looking for attention? Send me to a mental institution? Maybe I should go… I am pretty crazy.

There was no book that I had learned this all from, it was all merely observations that got me to this point in time. It’s always myself it get me this far, and I am alright with that.

I board the bus and take a seat at the back, trying to avoid eye contact, and trying to avoid the gazes piercing me. I look to my hand, look at all the torn strings. Walking around would be difficult if these strings are real, but they aren’t, so I was through them. Right through an orange string on the bus, I take my seat behind a young girl.

Looking down to my hand, I count to strings that have been torn. Two purple, my mom, and dad I lost no doubt. One green, three yellow, two orange, and one red.

Throughout my life, I have lost two family members, a soulmate, three friends, two role models and one lover. Funny isn’t it. I’m completely empty.

“Is this seat taken?” A boy with red hair asked. Shaking my head I watched as he sat down, without much restraint I looked from the corner of my eye to his hand. Torn. All of his strings are gone.

I shoot the boy a curious and inquiring glance, but he doesn’t notice. Turning away I try and just think about school and reading at the library, my safe spot. Sitting in my spot for the next ten minutes, I arrive at school, the front of the building is just like any other building. The doors, around six, all are glass.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the boy from the bus got up as well, it would make sense, he looks like a teenager. Making my way to the doors I wait for the bus to stop, once it had I headed to the library. I entered through the main doors, the teen following behind.

Pleads going in vain, the boy kept following me until I was about a minute away from the library, that was when I turned around to face him.

“What are you doing?” I asked with a tone even myself was annoyed I made, an annoyed and bossy tone. A voice which I wanted to get rid of.

“Your fingers,” he pointed out motioning for my hand. Confused about the amount of knowledge he has I only withdraw my hand and placed it behind my back.

“What are you talking about?” I asked playing dumb and not trying to out myself with knowing about the strings of fate.

“All your strings are torn, just like mine,” he replied showing his tanned hand in front of his body. I could see it a lot clearer now, two torn red, one torn orange, two torn yellow, one torn green and three torn purple.

“You can see them?” I asked weary, yet a small part of me lit up. I’m not alone in this anymore, maybe…

“Seeing them is something I realized doesn’t happen with everyone, but on the bus, you looked at my hand. I could see how your face had a small tint of sadness,” the boy explained in front of me. Right in front of the library.

“Sorry to disappoint, but my face is sadness,” I retorted looking at the boy with an annoyed expression.

“No, it’s not,” the teen told me, shocking me. I was about to question until he continued, “your face is emotionless. No joy, love, life, nothing,” he replied. “You showed sadness, that proves you are still alive somewhere.”

“You have an interesting way of viewing things,” I told him emotionless, just as how he perceived me.

“What can I say? You’re just like me,” he replied. I’m Carter, nice to meet you,” the brown haired boy, Carter, replied.

“Carah,” I replied, faking a smile. This isn’t a real smile, not at all, if it was then I would be able to laugh and joke. That’s not what this is. Just mutual understanding.

“So what happened with your strings?” Carter asked me.

“It’s a long story,” I sighed turning around. “I want to read, so talk to me later if you want to know more. Chances are I’ll be at the park where you got onto the bus after school. Be prepared to share your story though,” I told him leaving the brown haired, glazed blue eyes alone.

Strutting into the library, I could see two librarians putting books away as I walked inside. As I give a small wave, I continued on my way and head to my spot I always sit in.

The day ended slowly as I traveled through classes. Health, stupid and useless, who needs to know about our wellness? I actually see it now… Then there was world issues honors, another stupid class. Who needs to know about the world and the troubles and issues with one another… Anyways, then there was English, one of my least hated classes.

Study hall, creative writing, German, chemistry, and then geometry. Who needs all of that? I have no strings, and I believe that means that I have no future. Without people in my life, I have no future, no role model to look up to. No friends or family for support. No love.

I’m not expecting much of my life. Just going to live and expect to pass before much happens, one day that will happen, and I wouldn’t have anything to say. I can make others miserable with the days I have, but what point do I have to try that?

I’d rather just do as I do, get this over with and be gone.

“Hey Carah,” Carter caught up to me on the bus as I got on. Sitting next to me as he did this morning, I tried to stay quiet, but soon enough I had too many questions swarming my head I had to let them out.

“Why are you so happy?” I asked tired of his talking. He froze, star struck, the bus stopped. Glancing outside I could see the autumn leaves on the ground, the red, orange, yellow and brown leaves blowing in the wind out the window. “We are here,” I mentioned motioning to outside lazily. “You want to know my story? Follow me.”

He followed me out of the bus, a part of me didn’t want him to come, I wished I could have just scared him off and then he’d be gone and out of my life. Why hasn’t that happened? What did I show that had made him want to be my friend?

“Alright, your story?” He asked sitting down at the park once we got there. Knowing I’d need to tell, I pulled my phone out first, looking at the time first. 4:31. School ends at 2:30, the bus to school only takes ten minutes due to the fact the bus stop by the shop is the second to last one before school. Then the park, then school. After school, I’d need to wait for the entire two hours till the bus gets to the pastry shop. A major waste of time, but I don’t get wet during storms.

Laying on my back looking towards the already setting sun tired. I raise my pale hand to the sky, making a fist I poke out my thumb, revealing the two purple strings tied.

“I was born without a family. A dad which I have no memory of, and a mother who abandoned me after she birthed me. Brought into the foster system, I finally got adopted a year ago. They are not my family though, I have none. What about you?” I asked looking to him interested. Setting down my fist on my stomach and turning my head, looking at the brown haired boy leaning back on his arms.

“So we will be switching for each color string?” He asked which I only mumbled a response. A quiet ‘mhm.’ His voice was smooth and sounded like he was tired. “Well, I was born in a family. Car accident, some DUI was going fast and ran into my car, I was four at the time. Took my sister, mom, and dad away from me. My dad’s sister had taken me in so now I live with my cousin and my aunt,” Carter explained looking at me. “Your turn,” he smirked with a grinning face. I could help but want to smile as well.

The relax features on his face, it made me want to relax too. Tired blue glazed over eyes showed as I looked at him, it made me think of fog over freshly frozen over ice on a lake. The tanned skin on his face and his arms with a black tee shirt peaked out, almost as if he was on a beach the entire summer.

I repeat my motion with looking at my hand, the orange string on my pointer finger.

“I never really had a role model. When I was younger, sure I had hopes and dreams, but growing up, it all just... disappeared,” I whispered the last word. Everything I thought was my purpose disappeared. Everything... “What about you?” I asked changing the spotlight off me.

“About the same story, I was four when I was in a car accident, my dad was a firefighter, the fire didn’t bring him down yet a car and a drunk driver... Anyways, I guess my dad was my role model for the longest time, then, he died. Maybe that was when the orange string got torn, I was never able to see them until three years ago, sixth grade,” Carter explained trying to think.

Floating in the air and moving along with the wind the strings attached to my fingers moved and danced in the air. I watched for a while looking at the middle finger, the single jade green string. Tears began to come out, why right now? I had never cried in front of anyone, in fact, I’ve never cried. When I was born, I didn’t cry. Why was it so difficult to cry? I throw my left arm over my face to try and hide and disappear, both I knew wouldn’t happen.

A soft, warm and gentle hand placed itself over my own chiseled, cold and rough right hand. I looked up to see Carter with a worried gaze.

“Are you okay?” He asked concerned and hesitant. “We can stop if you want to...” Carter trailed off giving my hand a quick squeeze.

“No, I need this I think,” I replied wiping away the tears and looking to the green string once again. “It’s just, neither of us have a soul mate, in fact, more than half the population I’d guess wouldn’t even know if their soul mate was right next to them,” I ranted and rambled. “But,” I look at the end of the torn string, “I know that I’d never had one. Apart of me is just... just kind of sad,” I tried to explain.

Another squeeze around my hand and I looked to Carter. “Not knowing is extremely terrifying, yet knowing could be just as bad,” Carter sighed leaning back against the playground fence on the play equipment.

“Looks like we are both loners as well,” Carter rambled looking to my ring finger, the yellow strings torn, three of them. Three friends that had just disappeared.

“What do you think had happened to everyone?” I questioned to Carter. “There is no way that eight people of my life, and probably something like that of your just disappeared,” I explained sitting up and leaning against the railing as well.

“Who knows,” was Carter’s response. “The love part is pretty self-explanatory, right?” Carter asked cutting through the silent and chilly air of autumn. The wind blew through the leaves as they shock and moved.

Why had I shared all this information with Carter? What reason do I have to know if he actually won’t tell? Looking down to my hand I first looked to my right hand, which Carter held tight not letting go. Then to my left, with the eight strings tied to my fingers.

“What if we are not allowed to be happy?” I thought aloud while looking at the sky above. There was still sun, yet it was decreasing steadily.

“Then, we make our happiness,” Carter told me with a grin half his face.

“What is that even supposed to mean?” I asked annoyed and even more confused and puzzled.

“We both are broken, who cares what fate is for us. Let’s make our own fate,” Carter told me.

“And we do that how?” I asked rolling my eyes. “There is no one else broken like us, sure there have been some people with a broken string now and then, but never to our degree,” I explained. Every time I see someone new, I look at their hands. Recognizing people by their face was never something I do, only by their hands.

“We look for a single broken string, something that people don’t recognize,” Carter explained looking at me in the eyes. Light glass fogged blue meeting dark jade eyes.

“Alright...” I trailed off. “What would we even do?” I asked confused.

“We make our own memories, our own happiness, our own fate,” Carter told me, I could tell he was trying to stay strong. Trying not to cry. Staying strong had been difficult, ever since I was born I hadn’t crumbled, fallen, broken down, cried. The reason, I’m not sure. I just never had, mostly because of the fact I had never had the need to. I knew my place in the world, it was nowhere.

“Let’s do it,” I tell him before I could even think it through. What am I doing? Is this even the right thing to do?

“Um... Hello?” I heard a timid tone ask from behind. Behind me was a girl, probably around our age, I looked with interest as Carter stood up.

“Hey-o,” he cheered while walking down to place himself right in front of her face. As he went ahead, I glanced down at the girl’s hand. One purple, connected, two red, one connected, the other torn, and one green, connected. There are two orange connected strings, and then three connected yellow strings, and two not joined.

In the corner of my eye, I could see Carter sneaking looks, then he looked back at me. Interest and an unspoken question played onto his features.

“What’s your name?” I asked stepping forward, agreeing to the unspoken question, regretting it no doubt in the future.

“I’m Liera,” she smiled trying to become bolder I could tell.

“Nice to meet you Liera,” Carter smiled largely, the smile itself taking up half his face, “I’m Carter, the best person in this world,” his fake smile becoming larger, “and this here is Carah. She is a little socially awkward so she doesn’t talk much,” Carter joked laying his arm around Liera’s shoulder.

“Usually no one is here, I was going to do my homework,” Liera admitted looking the both of us over. My vest barely did anything, so when the wind blew, the cold autumn air went right through my flimsy purple long sleeved shirt.

“Sorry, nice to meet you Liera, I should probably go, however. It’s getting cold, and I need to finish my own homework. I’ll see you tomorrow Carter?” I asked looking at the brown haired teen.

“Definitely Carah,” he beamed while I grabbed my own backpack and left to the direction of my house.

The next day I woke up with my alarm from my phone blaring into my ear. Turning to my left I lazily throw my hand over my body to stop the sound. I shouldn’t have gone out with Carter last night, I hadn’t gotten home until six thanks to him. I had dinner and then wrapped up in my blankets.

The warmth had been too much making me more tired than I already was. I had gone to bed and then woke up at one in the morning when I did, I realized that I still had homework. Needing to think at one in the morning when you are tired, cold, and just woken up isn’t the best idea.

Looking down to my hand when I had been grabbing my comforter that was so warm compared to the air bouncing off the blankets other side pointed out. That’s when I saw it... On my left hand, a yellow string goes off, and it doesn’t stop. Another string is tied onto it.

I pause everything, thinking deeply about this... What is going on?

Running over to my closet on wobbly feet, squeezing on jeans and throwing on a sweatshirt. I quickly find my phone and make use of it, texting the first person I could think of, Carter. Shooting the message out and running out of my plain white room.

“I’m heading out now,” I yell to Sydney, who I know is still there, and possibly Frank, though I doubt it. A whole lot of the time I don’t talk to him, he leaves early and comes home late. Only home on the weekends and Monday and Friday nights.

“Where are you going?” Sydney asked suddenly in front of me confused. “There’s no school today, it’s Saturday,” Sydney mentioned crossing her arms.

“Um... I am meeting up with a friend,” I stuttered out trying to keep a straight face. Finding an expression I hadn’t seen for this entire time I’ve been living here, I give her a questioning look.

“You have a friend?” Sydney asked shocked. “I’m so happy for you! I hadn’t seen you go out with friends for this entire time, and I thought you wouldn’t be able to make any. Then it’s just, I’m so happy for you,” Sydney squealed hugging me happy and overjoyed.

“I gotta go,” I spoke pulling her off of me. “I’ll be home later,” I explained walking out the door. Before I walked away entirely I could hear Sydney yelling something. Looking down to my phone where I felt the vibration, I checked my notification.

‘Where do you want to meet up? -Carter’

‘The park?- Carah’

‘Do you want me to get Liara? -Carter’

‘Sure. -Carah.’

Walking past the bus stop, knowing if I chose that option it will take more time. As I turn down the corner I can see the park in the very far distance, walking closer and closer I finally make it to the blue and beige park.

No one is here at the moment, only me, myself and I. A couple more minutes pass and no one is here, pulling my phone in front of me I go ahead and open up my music app, pushing my earbuds in my ears, I listen, relaxed and trying to not think. Think about the string tied around my finger, the one that hasn’t stopped yet. The one connected to someone, something I hadn’t known till now.

While I was younger, the first time I saw my own torn strings I was in kindergarten, I believe. I was confused, frightened even. Yet, I stayed quiet, I didn’t want anyone to know about this. Already in kindergarten, I was different, already I was traveling home to home, trying to find a forever. Which didn’t happen until last year?

Over my life I always saw the torn strings, I was broken, I was torn. There wasn’t much to change from that, I was just that... broken. When I found Sydney and Frank, I was jealous. They had each other, a red string tied around each finger to each other, they even had the green string. The soul mate. I just can’t help it, I’m jealous of those people who have the strings connected, yet I also feel annoyance and sadness for the people who had one or two tears. Sadness because they lost someone, yet annoyance. They have no clue what it is like to lose everything. They never will.

I was shaken by my shoulder as I look up, suddenly awake. Rubbing my eyes and the tiredness away I look above me. Carter is standing over my, slightly behind him is Liera, the girl from yesterday.

“Are you okay? When we got here you were sleeping,” Carter explained reaching his right hand out to pull me up. My back is sore from the ground of the play place, sudden regret fills my head.

“Yeah, I guess just tired,” I explained as I lifted my left hand up to meet his. As I am about to reach his hand he pulls his away, and I look to see what he sees. My string.

“No way,” he whispered astonished and confused. Something I could have definitely predicted.

“What?” Liera asked from the background having heard Carter probably. Carter, coming to terms there is another person in this universe, he jumps and turns toward the girl.

“Oh! Um, I was just surprised, she is just tired. Usually, she is up at the 6:45 bus every morning,” he lied rubbing the back of his neck. Even though he was trying to get rid of the uneasiness I could tell it wasn’t working.

“Alright, that’s it. Just tell me, if we are all going to be friends, I want to know,” Liera explained forceful and demanding. Something from the opposite side of her personality we saw yesterday.

“Should we?” Carter asked not vocally, just by his eyes. Knowing that this would be a wise idea, I look down to my hand. The yellow string that continues, and I follow it. Confused about where it goes, and as I do. It stops, connected to the girl in front of me. Carter notices too.

“Liera?” I asked around and confused. I meet my eyes with her icy, fogged eyes. Something that should feel lonely, but feels about the opposite.

“What?” She wondered confused with the staring. A noise from her bag, made her turn around and start digging through the brown bag. “Oh shoot,” she sounded looking down at the phone in her hand. “I’m sorry, I got to go. Please explain this to me when you are ready,” she explained back to her timid self.

“Alright...” I reply as she leaves the park. Leaving only Carter and me.

“Your hand. Her hand. You do have friends,” Carter spoke astonished. And then froze. “I...er... didn’t mean it like that,” he started trying to fix the mistake he made.

“It’s fine,” I replied just trying to make sense of everything. “Why did my string just chose to attach? What made now different than before?” I wandered around, looking at the teen in front of me.

“How should I know?” He wondered. “Maybe it had to do with the fact her string was torn?” He asked as he looking at my hand.

“I don’t know.”

“That seems to fill our lives a lot, huh? They don’t know,” Carter stated as he sat down on the floor of the park.

“Will we ever truly know why life chooses the course it does?” I asked with a small laugh of amusement. I already know the answer.

“We have the strings right?” He smirked.

“That doesn’t explain anything though,” I complain looking at the boy in front of me.

“Well, life is what it is. Figuring out how everything will play out is just what it does, there is nothing that happens for no reason,” Carter explained.

“Sometimes I wonder about that,” I replied remorsefully.

“Let’s do something today!” He proposed excited. “We do need friends, who knows, maybe this attached string means something,” Carter beamed grabbing my left hand and lifting it so we could make eye contact with the yellow string. The one connected with Liera, one of hers that was not there yesterday.

“What are we going to do?” I asked sitting down on the play set.

“We are going to go out for brunch,” Carter beamed with a blinding smile. These are the times I am just curious, why are all of his strings torn? There is nothing about him that seems broken, he is happy and out there. Why?

“Alright, are you paying?” I asked sliding down the blue children’s slide. I watch as he slowly follows with another grin.

“I had the idea though, you should pay,” Carter smirked. With a glare he raised his arms in defeat, “I’m joking, I’m joking,” he repeated as he began to walk.

“Let’s go to that breakfast, lunch place that just opened downtown,” I suggested as we started to walk.

“Alright, that is only about ten minutes with walking,” Carter agreed as we began to walk.

It’s been a week since that day, and now there is Carter, Liera and I all sitting down in the boy’s’ basement. Liera on one of the red chairs, Carter laying on the couch, and myself on the ground.

“You know there are enough places where you do not have to sit on the ground, right?” Carter asked confused glancing at me.

“I know, but I like the ground,” I reasoned, terribly.

“Is that why you are always somehow sleeping at the park when we come?”Liera asked looking at me confused.

“No, that’s just because she is lazy and impatient,” Carter answered for me. Somehow offended, not exactly, I shove his shoulder in annoyance.

“Thanks,” Carter spoke sarcastically rubbing his uninjured shoulder.

“Hey, we should join a club,” Carter jumped up from the couch happily, and again making me question how he is one of the ‘broken’ as we now say it.

“What club?” Liera asked excitedly. After the day at the park, Liera hadn’t asked about anything revolving around the reason of Carter and I talking.

“Book club?” Carter asked with a grin holding the ‘o’ out longer than he probably should.

“No,” I rejected looking at the boy. “I am not reading more than I already am for school,” I am stating my thoughts out loud for them.

“Alright, that’s it. Just tell me, if we are all going to be friends, I want to know,” Liera explained forceful and demanding. Something from the opposite side of her personality we saw yesterday.

“Should we?” Carter asked not vocally, just by his eyes. Knowing that this would be a wise idea, I look down to my hand. The yellow string that continues, and I follow it. Confused about where it goes, and as I do. It stops, connected to the girl in front of me. Carter notices too.

“Liera?” I asked around and confused. I meet my eyes with her icy, fogged eyes. Something that should feel lonely, but feels about the opposite.

“What?” She wondered confused with the staring. A noise from her bag, made her turn around and start digging through the brown bag. “Oh shoot,” she sounded looking down at the phone in her hand. “I’m sorry, I got to go. Please explain this to me when you are ready,” she explained back to her timid self.

“Alright...” I reply as she leaves the park. Leaving only Carter and me.

“Your hand. Her hand. You do have friends,” Carter spoke astonished. And then froze. “I...er... didn’t mean it like that,” he started trying to fix the mistake he made.

“It’s fine,” I replied just trying to make sense of everything. “Why did my string just chose to attach? What made now different than before?” I wandered around, looking at the teen in front of me.

“How should I know?” He wondered. “Maybe it had to do with the fact her string was torn?” He asked as he looking at my hand.

“I don’t know.”

“That seems to fill our lives a lot, huh? They don’t know,” Carter stated as he sat down on the floor of the park.

“Will we ever truly know why life chooses the course it does?” I asked with a small laugh of amusement. I already know the answer.

“We have the strings right?” He smirked.

“That doesn’t explain anything though,” I complain looking at the boy in front of me.

“Well, life is what it is. Figuring out how everything will play out is just what it does, there is nothing that happens for no reason,” Carter explained.

“Sometimes I wonder about that,” I replied remorsefully.

“Let’s do something today!” He proposed excited. “We do need friends, who knows, maybe this attached string means something,” Carter beamed grabbing my left hand and lifting it so we could make eye contact with the yellow string. The one connected with Liera, one of hers that was not there yesterday.

“What are we going to do?” I asked sitting down on the play set.

“We are going to go out for brunch,” Carter beamed with a blinding smile. These are the times I am just curious, why are all of his strings torn? There is nothing about him that seems broken, he is happy and out there. Why?

“Alright, are you paying?” I asked sliding down the blue children’s slide. I watch as he slowly follows with another grin.

“I had the idea though, you should pay,” Carter smirked. With a glare he raised his arms in defeat, “I’m joking, I’m joking,” he repeated as he began to walk.

“Let’s go to that breakfast, lunch place that just opened downtown,” I suggested as we started to walk.

“Alright, that is only about ten minutes with walking,” Carter agreed as we began to walk.

It’s been a week since that day, and now there is Carter, Liera and I all sitting down in the boy’s basement. Liera on one of the red chairs, Carter laying on the couch, and myself on the ground.

“You know there are enough places where you do not have to sit on the ground, right?” Carter asked confused glancing at me.

“I know, but I like the ground,” I reasoned, terribly.

“Is that why you are always somehow sleeping at the park when we come?”Liera asked looking at me confused.

“No, that’s just because she is lazy and impatient,” Carter answered for me. Somehow offended, not exactly, I shove his shoulder in annoyance.

“Thanks,” Carter spoke sarcastically rubbing his uninjured shoulder.

“Hey, we should join a club,” Carter jumped up from the couch happily, and again making me question how he is one of the ‘broken’ as we now say it.

“What club?” Liera asked excitedly. After the day at the park, Liera hadn’t asked about anything revolving around the reason of Carter and I talking.

“Book club?” Carter asked with a grin holding the ‘o’ out longer than he probably should.

“No,” I rejected looking at the boy. “I am not reading more than I already am for school,” I am stating my thoughts out loud for them.

“What other clubs are there? That isn’t like, you know, canoe club,” Carter joked looked between Liera and me.

“There is a canoe club?” Liera asked in puzzlement. “This school really does have everything.”

“You just moved here last summer, right?” I asked towards the teenage girl.

“Yeah, after a lockdown in my school with the worst endings. A couple of my friends…” she trailed off, she didn’t need to finish. I knew what she meant, and given Carter’s expression, so did he.

“I’m sorry,” I tried, but I knew she would see them as empty words. Anyone with that kind of story would think of those words like that.

“It was a long time ago,” she tried to shake it off. Seeing that I decided to help a little.

“So the club,” I switched the topic, from the small gesture, I snuck a look at Liera, a grateful look. “There is art, writing, reading, auto, tech, science, math, history, debate,” I listed off while trying to grow my list.

“Didn’t you say no to the reading club,” Carter asked with his usual grin. “What about… ping pong?” He suggested leaning on the couch he was sprawled out across of.

“Definitely not,” Liera disagreed. “What if we make a club though?” She suggested as she stood up at looked at Carter and me.

“Like what?” Carter asked unamused by the offer. He was the one who suggested a club, to begin with though.

“Well… what about a fantasy group?” Liera suggested. “Like dragons and dungeons,” she smiled holding up a video game from Carter’s collection,

“Do girls even know what that is?” He asked with a smirk.

“I do,” I offered to look at him. “What level are you on?” I asked thinking back to my own game.

“Level 45, and let me guess. You’re on level thirteen?” He asked with a grin telling me that he is better. Which, is wrong.

“I passed level 45 in the first week, I’m on 87 now I think,” I replied. I could hear him jumping off the couch, the springs releasing themselves of the weight.

“How are you so good at this?” Carter exclaimed after a half an hour of playing. “Aren’t girls supposed to be all about makeup and hair? Where is this game playing coming from?”

“I got bored while going house to house when I was younger. Something all foster parents had for sure, was a game counsel. My first home I got the game, and since then I played it at each house. I still have it actually,” I explained to him.

“Let’s make that club!” Liera exclaimed. “I’ll get the people and figure out all the other things, all you need to do is show up.”

“Now… who do we want as the teacher supervisor? It has to be someone cool,” Carter stated laying down on his couch again, having given up winning against me.

“What about Mr. Jackel?” I suggested. I’ve seen his hand before, except I’ve always been confused. There is a blue bracelet on his wrist. While I think that it is normal, it is always there, and no one seems to notice it either. Something to do with the strings maybe?

“Mr. Jackel is cool!” Liera exclaimed. In the back of my head, I could practically feel the daggers from Carter. Why?

“Yeah, okay. Let’s do it, Liera, you’ll talk with him, right?” Carter asked. I felt like he could have felt my glance towards him, but what is he hiding? Has he seen the bracelet too? Is this bracelet really something about the fate of strings deal going on?

“I’m going to be going now, I just realized what time it is,” Liera mentioned picking up her bag. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” she cheered as she left the room. The first day we met her she was quiet and nervous, but according to what I’ve seen… she is quite the opposite. It just takes time for you to get to know her.

“Alright, see you tomorrow Liera,” Carter called as she left through the side door in the basement. I’ve figured out that there are three doors leading outside at Carter’s house, the side door, the back door, and the front door.

“Mr. Jackel?” Carter asked glaring at me. Shocked and put off, I flinch backwards as I try and meet her glare.

“What? I was just thinking, I’m in his class, he is really cool actually,” I explain, continually trying to meet his glare, something I’ve now seen as impossible.

“You’ve seen it, haven’t you,” Carter stated, his glare softening only a little. “The blue bracelet.”

“You see it too then,” I gasped in awe. “Do you know what it means?” I exclaimed energetically.

“No, but I do know it has something to do with the strings,” Carter stated as he laid on the couch. His arms rested over his head.

“Maybe we can ask him?” I suggested looking at the teen close to me.

“Never, no one can know we can do this. For all we know it is just a bracelet, just something that he has that we only realize, nothing is strange about it,” Carter denied.

“We should change it from a dragons and dungeon type thing, to just hang out thing? I mean, there will be games, but we can do homework and small games,” I suggested after a while of silence.

“That sounds pretty cool, yeah let’s do that. I’ll text Liera,” Carter stated as he pulled out his phone.

“I’ll be going. We still have school tomorrow, sadly,” I sighed, as I grabbed my things I walked towards the side door.

Looking back at Carter, he smiled at his phone, probably about Liera, those two would be cute together. I wouldn’t be surprised if they go out sometime, a pang of something threw itself at my heart. Moving my hand to where my heart would be, I freeze.

“Bye,” I call practically running out the door. What was that? Why did I feel that way?

As I entered the house, Sydney is still at work, along with Frank. I run upstairs and flop on my bed, tired and exhausted. The pain wouldn’t go away. Within minutes I’ve fallen asleep and I don’t plan to wake up until the morning time.

The beep drove me awake as I looked around groggily trying to register my surroundings. Leaning over to turn off my phone alarm, I see that it is time to get up.

As I push my legs over the bed frame, I get up and head over to my closet. Jeans and a sweatshirt should do just fine. As I enter the living room after the twenty minute shower, ten minutes in the bathroom and five minutes changing, I see Sydney sitting with a newspaper. Who reads newspapers anymore?

“Good morning,” I greet, announcing my presence.

“Morning Carah, I made some breakfast,” she smiled as she looked to me. Nodding my head I walk to the kitchen, Sydney went back to reading no doubt.

“So who is this boy that you keep going out with?” Sydney asked suddenly next to be as I place jam on the toast and grab scrambled eggs.

“Oh, his name is Carter. He is just a friend, and Liera is usually with us,” I tell her keeping up my wall of emotionless. There is nothing going on with me and Carter. Carter and Liera, that could happen. There is nothing to worry about, those two are cute for each other. Liera’s down to earth, calm and energetic personality perfectly matches Carter’s.

“Oh… Well, I’ve had quite a few ’just a friend’s too,” Sydney smirked looking at me. “Oh, the bus is going to be here soon, you should head out,” Sydney noticed pointing to the clock on the wall.

“Right, I’ll see you after school then. I might be staying for a club though, I’ll text you,” I call leaving the house and heading to the bus. My toast in my hand as I ran.

“A club?” I could hear my mom state shocked as I left the driveway and down to the bus stop.

Walking into my study hour, I drop my textbook, the whole 1000 pages or something, on the wooden round table. I pull out the computer the school provides each person with and start to type. As I pull up a blank word document, I immediately felt a hand on my shoulder.

Frightened at the contact, I whipped my head around and glare at the offender. Carter.

“I didn’t know you were in this hour,” he cheered looking at me with a happy glance.

“Yeah,” I only replied, turning slowly back to my document. I could hear the screeching of a chair and it gets closer and closer. Carter is sitting next to me know. I could see a couple girls look envious at me, as if they wish to be annoyed every few seconds.

“Whatcha doing?” He asked positioning himself so the computer could be seen by the both of us.

“I’m doing homework that’s due later,” is all I reply turning to the computer to start to type.

“Too bad,” he objected grabbing the computer from my reach. “Since Liera is dealing with the club, we need to get the people. Lucky for you, I already have a couple in my mind,” Carter explained as he began writing in the word document I had.

Club Fun Time (changing name later, don’t worry)

Members-

President- Carter

Vice-president- Carah

Treasurer- Liera

Teacher advisory- Mr. Jackel

“By the way, Mr. Jackel said he’d do it,” Carter told me as he wrote the name on the document, I had originally created for my project.

“That’s good. Why exactly did you abduct my laptop however?” I questioned gesturing to my laptop, the one he had the same model of in his bag. Which I see.

“You already have a document up. Anyways, another guy that I am thinking about asking is my friend Peter, I noticed he also had a couple broken strings too. He seems cool, I say friend loosely by the way,” Carter explained writing the new teens name down.

“There is another girl I saw in my class, her name is Lez, she doesn’t talk with a whole lot of people, she doesn’t have any friend strings connected though,” I stated.

“Great! You’re getting into this now,” Carter cheered happily. “So you, Liera, Lez, Peter and myself…. Who else? We need ten people I think,” Carter stated adding the numbers to each name.

“Wait, why I am I the vice president? And you the president?” I questioned pointing to the roles I am only just recognizing now.

“Well, you won’t talk for the life of you, so you are the vice-president. I am the president because Liera is the secretary or treasurer, she is dealing with everything with the club activity. I don’t exactly know, too confusing for me,” Carter replied looking at the ceiling recalling everything that Liera probably listed to him.

“Makes sense,” I tell him, knowing there isn’t exactly much of an option. “Who else is going to be in the club? We have five right now,” I tell him as I see the five next to Lez.

“Lato? He is a new kid in my class, a couple broken strings too,” Carter explained.

“Alright, here, share the document with yourself. Write down people with broken strings down on paper when you see some. We can create a club based on that,” I suggest looking at the brown haired teen.

“Sounds good to me,” he smiled going to the share button in the top right corner. “Looks like someone is finally contributing to the club. Here I am thinking you are against this entire thing. You always prove me wrong,” he smirked, getting up and leaving me behind.

Looking around the classroom where the study hall is being held, I could see a couple people with broken strings on their fingers. Who should I write down? I barely know these people, and I can barely talk to people as it is.

“I wish I was more extroverted,” I whined quietly, only having one or two people looking at me strangely.

“You and me both girly,” a low voice smiled, turning around, I could see the teen that had spoken.

“Um hello?” I replied questioning the guy who started the conversation. Clearly he is not an introverted as he must believe.

“Hi! I couldn’t help but over here something about a club?” He smirked looking at me. I couldn’t place it, he seemed happy, he talked about it and looked the part. His eyes… they don’t show the happiness and joy I’ve seen elsewhere.

I threaten my own chances and sneak a glance at his hand, his hand is much different than anyone I’ve seen. He has every color besides purple, and the other four and connected to each other, moving somewhere that leads to a person. Who? All I am guessing, is that this person is their love, role model-weird- best friends and soulmate. So who is this?

“Yeah…” I trail off trying to keep eye contact for the second time. “My name is Carah, would you like to be apart of the club?” I asked smiling, practicing what I have been thinking to do.

“What is this club?” He questioned looking my way intrigued.

“This club is a hangout thing basically. You can play games, work on homework with help, you can talk, it is something like that,” I explained thinking about how he will react. This is why I like writing or reading, I think as I look at his direction. My eye gazing at his nose and not going further. Eye contact is not my strong suit.

“Sign me up,” he beamed looking my way.

“Great, I’ll write your name… which is,” I trail off hoping he’d fill in the blanks. I should have asked him earlier…

“Alexander Philip!” He exclaimed, jumping out of his seat, only to get shushed by the teacher in charge of this study hall.

“Are your parents like some musical theater fans? I questioned writing down his name. I could see in the corner, an icon popping up, without much of a guess I already know it is Carter.

“Well… I’ve never met my family, I was left alone. Since then I’ve just been living with my best friend, he has been there a lot for me,” he explained looking a little more sad than before.

Did you recruit someone over there? I read as Carter typed on the document.

Looking towards his seat, I could already feel his eyes bearing holes into my back. Nodding my head discreetly, I turn back towards Alexander.

“I’m sorry,” I replied earnest. “This club is kind of like a distraction from other things going on. Not like you need a distraction, I think, but maybe this will be a good club for you. I mean, I want to think it will, but I don’t know. I don’t want to speak for you, and I feel like I am saying the word ‘I’ a lot. This is about you though,” I began rambling trying to think.

“It’s alright, so Carah,” he interrupted looking at me. From behind me I could basically feel the struggle of holding in laughter from where Carter is sitting. Typing in a quiet Shut it I quickly look back to him. “You can call me Alex by the way, easier than Alexander.”

“Okay,” I paused looking at him. “Well, I think we are meeting…” my eyes trailing to my computer screen I could see a time and date being put in. “Tomorrow after school, about ten minutes later, in room B200J,” I read looking at the computer.

Confident about getting one person in the club, after study hall I met up with Carter who had a smirk.

“I hate you,” I hissed again to him.

“I didn’t do anything this time,” he whined following my as I walked. “Anyways, who is the theater dude about?” Carter questioned following me down the halls lined with lockers.

“Doesn’t have a family, he has only one person he is attached to, and that person has the soulmate, role model, lover and best friend thing attach to each other. Same person,” I explained thinking about what it was that I saw.

“I’ve… never seen that before,” he replied shocked.

“Me either, I did invite him. Told him to bring his friend too, maybe that is the person everything is attached to,” I explained walking in front of my next class.

“Hey, can you meet me after school?” He asked quietly looking at me hopeful. My heart began to throb, why would he want to see me?

“Sure, where do you want to go?” I asked, trying to get my chest to stop beating, at least so Carter couldn’t hear.

“How about the park, I need to ask you something,” and with that final comment from Carter. He ran off. I wanted to follow, wanted to ask what was so important. I shook it off, and I went to class.

Breath, I reminded myself as I sat down at my lab table.

After classes were done, I walked out of the building, heading to the park already. I am not bothering to wait for Carter, there were two options where this will end up, either a, he finds me and we wait for the bus together in awkward silence. Or b, he will chicken out and leave before he has a chance to tell me.

It was about five or so minutes later when I walk to the bus stop that will lead me to the park. As I waited for the 2:30 bus, I could see Carter walked up to me. A smile on his face.

“Hey Carah,” he smiled as he followed in behind me, it was about five minutes later possibly.

“I still hate you, but hey. Why are you here?” I asked trying to get straight to the point. Carter sat down next to me on the diamond holed bench of the bus stop.

“No wonder you don’t have a boyfriend,” he told me as he got his backpack off his shoulders and onto the ground on the side of him.

“Ha-ha, roses are red, violets are blue, I am single, but you are too,” I joked as I rolled my eyes.

“Please say you knew that beforehand? There is no way you could have done that on the spot,” Carter’s face fell.

“Shut up, now what did you want to ask me?” I demanded shoving his arm lightly.

“Right, that. Well, I want to ask someone out, how do I do that?” He questioned as he fiddled with his fingers together.

“Well, you just ask them. Don’t try and figure out if they like you first, just ask. If it goes okay, then hurray, but if not, there are other fish in the sea as the metaphor goes,” I tried to give advice. I was just as clueless, the only thing I know are teen fiction romances. None of that happens though.

“Right, I gotta go do something then,” he exclaimed running into the forest. “I told her I’d meet her at the park. Sorry, I’ll talk to you tonight about how it goes,” he tells me as he ignores the bus and runs to the park.

Interested about who this person is, I decide to follow, not as weird as others may think. He is my friend after all.

Throbbing, my heart pulls my attention away from what I was going to do. Why is this happening? I have never thought about this before…

I am at the entrance of the abandoned old park. The dark purple paint fading. Almost all of the times I don’t recognize this as just the old park, but instead the park I used to go to. The torn down kindergarten I once belong to once upon a time.

I could see Carter sitting on the ground, across from Liera. She was blushing, he was smiling. Something that I never wanted to see either, he leaned in. Too difficult to watch any more, I run, ignore what better judgement told me. I was just friends with him, but then why was I feeling this way?

I looked to my hand, the red string, it was receding, and close to disappearing. What happened?

I get to my house and as I walk inside, I could hear cluttering in the kitchen, Sydney is doing something.

“I’m home Sydney,” I call as I run up into my room. My eyes hurt and my nose is stuffed, I walk into my bathroom, preparing for the worst, and that is what I got.

The next day, I didn’t go to school. I had gotten a call from Carter that night, he told me that him and Liera were together. Too tired and mentally exhausted, I told him that I was sick. He only replies with feel better, and then hung up. I understood that too. He has a girlfriend now.

The morning I woke up, my forehead was burning up, and as I got out of bed, I couldn’t stand. I fell to the ground, hard, hard enough for Frank to come into my room. Finding me on the ground made him worried. So now I am staying home.

At least I have Carter as an excuse I am sick.

Knowing I’d better get up, sooner or later, I walk into the bathroom where a huge mirror stands. I wince at my reflection staring right back at me.

Externally is exactly how I feel internally. Red glassy eyes, a red nose and. As I look further into my eyes, I could see the new tears that are already to form. My voice I hadn’t tried out since last night on the phone. Knowing a lot more than they think, I already know my parents don’t think I’m actually sick, but this is the first time I’ve missed school, so they are willing to agree to it. As long as I’m better tomorrow.

Not wanting to give them a reason to tell me to go, I stay quiet. Around five minutes later is when I can hear the door to my bedroom open. Crawling out of the bathroom, like the living dead, I make my way to the bed where I’ve been in a cocoon since I got up.

“Are you okay?” Sydney asked trying to get me to spill, not happening. I will never tell anyone about this, it is a stupid crush, a stupid high school crush. I’ll get over it, things will go back into place, Carter and Liera will be dating, and I’ll be fine.

“Yeah,” I had thought about replying. What came out was a weak impression of the word and the attitude I was trying to give off. “Ye-” was all I was able to get out before my hoarse voice could give away my feelings. By the look Sydney was giving me, I could tell it was already too late.

“What happened?” Sydney asked sitting on my bed in a motherly manner. Pulling me closer to her and holding me close.

Without a filter at the place I am in my mindset, I let everything go. “I didn’t know it would hurt this much, why does it hurt this much? I am happy for them, I really am! It’s just difficult, I knew this would happen, but it’s almost like I couldn’t know what I had until it was gone. I couldn’t think, I thought they’d just stay friends!” I rambled, more tears flying down my face.

Crystal warm droplets, falling from my cheeks, chins, and eyelashes, all falling onto Sydney’s shirt and my hands, clenched in my lap.

“I’m sorry,” Sydney replied hugging me tighter. “I know it’s difficult for you right now, but it is unavoidable. Heartbreak is one of the necessary things in life, you can’t have love or life without it,” Sydney had told me.

“I kind of just want to be alone,” I mumbled after composing myself a little.

I could see the worry and hurt hidden in her face. She nodded anyways, and she left the room. It was after five hours, I hadn’t eaten at all today. My stomach rumbled as I thought about the food, every hour Sydney would come back into my room with water.

I knew she left when she didn’t come back into my room. It had been an hour, the garage opened, and it closed just now. I guess Frank is home now.

“Hey Carah,” he whispered opening the door. I had been too zoned out to recognize or hear the knocking. “I hear you have some heartbreak you are dealing with?” He questioned heading over to my bed.

Having already figured out that faking sleep would be pointless as he saw my eyes open from where I am laying and where my bed faces.

“Your mother, er, Sydney, she told me not to bother with you about talking about it. Just so you know, between you and I, I will totally beat him up for you if that is what you need,” he told me raising his fist to his chest.

I couldn’t help but chuckle a little with his attempts to cheer me up. He smiled in return.

“Alrighty, since Sydney is a terrible cook, she told me you’ve only been drinking water. Do you want to go out and get something to eat? Anything you want, it will only be the two of us,” he smiled reaching out to me.

I couldn’t help but want to go. So against my better judgement, the one saying to run, hide, I reach out to his hand.

“Go get cleaned up, get dressed for anywhere you want to go. Nice or lazy, go ahead,” he cheered internally, even though I could tell from out here.

Nodding my head, I got to my feet and walked into the bathroom where I will be taking a shower and getting ready.

We were finished eating and we were in Target, just walking around. I could tell Frank wanted something from me, the problem is I don’t know what.

“So, I heard you played guitar…” he trailed off as we looked through the aisles aimlessly. Suddenly everything made sense with what he wanted to talk about.

“Yeah, a long time ago, I couldn’t even play now if I wanted to,” I told him as we walked.

“Get one, I’ll pay. I want to see you play it, and if you suck as much as you want me to believe, we can use it for bonfire fuel,” Frank told me with a smile.

“What if I don’t?” I questioned with a smirk. Even with the smirk, I don’t want to get one. I left it behind.

It was in middle school when it started, my old foster home had another girl, their own. She played guitar, she noticed me watching her every time she played. So she taught me, it was amazing.

Something I left behind, I will never look at one again, it left me then and there, after I was told I was leaving she told me to take it, but I didn’t want to. Well, I wanted to, but I didn’t. So in the end, she destroyed it, told me that if I don’t do anything with music I will never do something with it again.

“I will buy one, destroy it, and it will all be your fault,” he joked looking at me. Knowing those words meant no harm, I tried to shake it off, easier said than done.

“Fine,” I finally tell him, the words shaking my world. Maybe I should do this? I still have her number, she told me once I get one and start playing again to text her, call her, send her a video.

I froze, touching the strings hesitantly, my dad had to go back into work again after a phone call. He dropped me off, and so here I am, staring at the guitar in my hands, trying to figure out if I should or should not play.

Sucking in a deep breath, I play. Nothing in particular, just playing.

Monday came around, I hadn’t gone to school for a while, Carter told me he got my homework for me, and unsure of what I should tell him. He only drops it off in the mailbox, he talked about the club and how it will be meeting after school. Reluctantly agreeing, I end up here.

I hadn’t seen Carter at all today, I’ve gone on the document that has the club members on them, quite a lot.

On the bus, Carter wasn’t there, my classes I didn’t pay attention to the red head as he probably tried to look at me. It was only five minutes until the end of class, and Carter walked over to me. We were working on a worksheet in geometry, and because of that we could talk.

“Why are you ignoring me?” Carter asked me, my face froze at his accusation. It wasn’t wrong.

“I’m not,” I lied through my teeth, he could tell.

“Well, the club. You are coming right?” He asked me, practically begging.

“Yeah, I am,” I replied. Holding my breath he walked away.

“Okay good. Mrs. Vanderboom is giving me that look. I’ll talk to you after school then. Remember room E120.”

It was now that I am in English. I look blankly ahead at the written prompt for the journal the teacher will tell us to write everyday. Usually I never write in these, it’s stupid and useless in my own opinion. Yet today, I look ahead blankly at the prompt. Thinking.

If you were able to get rid of a emption, what would it be?

This time, the first day I could have thought about it, O wrote down what I felt.

When I look up, my teacher and other classmates are looking at me intrigued.

“Would you like to share with the class Carah?” my teacher inquired gently. Why is she acting like that?

“I don’t see any reason not to,” I tell her. Holding my notebook tightly in my hands, I could hear some paper crumbling under my fierce grip.

“If I were able to get rid of a human emotion, I’d get rid of love. It’s something that only hurts. It can be an amazing emotion if used right, if now then it will only hurt. It will only break you. I’ve felt this heartbreak, and I have cried, love only causes heartbreak. It’s not worth the pain,” I share with the class.

Everyone froze, they stared . I sat down and leaned back in my seat, the type of way that screams ‘I don’t care.’

“Thank you for sharing,” the teacher broke out of the trance like a person hit by a bus. “Anyone else like to share?” The teacher then asked. In which a couple people’s hands rose. Mine stayed across my chest in defiance. I shared, and now people will look at me weird, if I didn’t stare people would still look at me weird.

That’s how people are, hypocrites. They want something, and once you please them, they want more. They will change you until you can’t even recognize yourself in the mirror when you wake up.

“Too fat, too skinny. Too tall, too short. Not smart enough, not dumb enough. Not social, to social.”

Makes me wonder if they ever will be a time where people just stop, just stop judging, looking at the materials instead of the person. When will this world actually learn there is more to life than what you know?

I plug in my earbuds, ignoring the glare from the teacher in my way. Without a warning, my phone buzzed, making me look down to the screen. Carter texted me.

Carter: Hey! What’s up?

Carah: Getting dirty looks from the teacher. I don’t think she appreciates more ‘don’t care’ attitude right now.

Carter: Is something wrong? You never had that attitude before.

Carah: I’m good. I do have to go and finish this project though.

Putting away my phone I write empty words in the page. Words that will never be read, never be known to man. Only to my teacher and possibly another student. No one will ever know what I have to say, so why hold back? I’ll just write what I need to.

The prompt? What you would change if you had the choice. I already know my answer.

“Alright, so this is the vice-president. She wasn’t here for the past few times, but she is here now. This is Carah,” Carter explained happily. The supervisor Mr. Jackel stood a couple feet away looking me over interested.

“Hi,” I wave quietly, taking a seat by one of the tables nearby.

I looked around the room quietly, on people’s fingers had one or two broken strings. Some had even more. I wanted to question everyone here about who they lost. Yet that just seems a little too cruel.

It was about five minutes later, my fingers were zooming around the keyboard as if I would never type again. Ideas flowing out of my head, being written on the screen in front of me.

That was when Mr. Jackel had come up beside me.

“Hey, I need some help moving these boxes,” he pointed to the hallway. “Can you come help me?” He questioned. There was an alternative motive I could already tell.

“Sure,” I replied, a flaw was that I could never deny a teacher. So I followed him out to the hallway.

“You can see them,” he commented, looking at me with a look that I could keep eye contact with.

“See what?” I replied, lost about what he is saying. There is no way that he would know about the strings, right? I’ve gone all my life and only now I meet two other people with this ability. Impossible.

“The strings, now don’t play dumb. You looked at everyone’s hand, either you are interested in who is not married, or you know about them. So tell me, can you see them?” The teacher asked me, confidence radiating off his voice.

“Yes, I can,” I tell the teacher. “Can you?”

“I can as well. Something I had since I was a child.”

Deciding this is the best time to ask, I decide to. “Is that bracelet connected to the Strings of Fate?”

“I think so. I’ve only seen two other people with this bracelet however, I do know what it means. That is for you to figure out, it’s an adventure, not something you should just get the answer to,” Mr. Jackel had told me.

“What? No, tell me,” I whined. There is no way he just can’t tell me, I need to know.

“Nope, also. Carter, can he see the strings as well?”

“Yeah, he can too,” that was all I replied. After that, he nodded, and I went back to my paper. No idea’s came, nothing could settle my thoughts.

What does it mean?

Who are the other two?

Laying in my bed, my guitar off to the side. Both Sydney and Frank are gone currently. My thoughts keep coming back to the guitar. Maybe I should… Just try it… My thoughts clearly not in the right place I pull out one of my poems I’ve made. It was in the spur of the moment today.

A deep breath in, and a deep breath out. I go with the chords G, then E minor. Changing and testing, I found a pattern that worked. Up, down, down, up down. The rhythm was okay, the chords went in alright, and I lost myself in the music.

“What is love I wonder

Love is to me

Not like lightning and thunder

But something you can’t see

Love is like heat to fire

Like the shine to the diamond

Like the truth in the lyer

Like the light to the mirror

Love is like a new notebook

Like an empty canvas

Like a clear sky

Like a growing field

Love can be so much

Necessary, fragile, and an opportunity

Love can be different

Than anything we’ve seen

Love can be as fragile as a mirror

As transparent as clear plastic

As torn as a paper

As jammed as printers.”

I stopped, and a deep breath out. I could hear clapping and looking around, Frank and Sydney stood in the doorway with smiles on their faces.

“You are amazing!” Sydney exclaimed heading towards me with her arms open.

“Thanks…” Pause. “Thanks Mom.”

As if the dam holding back the water exploded, so did you tears. She hugged me tightly, not letting go.

“Also, thanks Dad, for getting this for me,” I smiled as he also began to have his eyes water.

In an instant we were all in a mess of hugging and crying. Leaning on each other for comfort. This is what family is.

My hand agreed as I looked at it the next morning. The two missing and broken purple strings were now attached, each going to another person. The thoughts wouldn’t go away as I looked at my hand. A friend, two family members. I finally am going somewhere in my life. This time, without even calling Carter, I get up and get ready.

Leaving the house after a quick goodbye. Instead of taking the bus, I walk, it’s nice enough outside.

At the end of the day when the club is suppose to be, I send a text to Carter. I wasn’t sure if he’d notice me at all today, but I had realized something since him and Liera have started dating. I don’t need him to make friends. So I texted him.

Carah: I’m not coming to club today.

After that, I turned off my phone. I turned it off and left school. It’s my time to do what I chose to.

Since the beginning of the year a lot has happened. I decided after the first two weeks that it is time for me to go out and be my own person. Leaving Carter and Liera, along with some others behind along the way.

So here I am, a couple months after. I am different.

Ever since I decided that I will be changing my life, I had lost that friendship with Liera. Something I didn’t know could happen. The first time that happened, I panicked. I rushed around school trying to see if I could find her. There she was, perfectly fine.

Still confused, yet tired and still on my mission. I shrugged it off.

I’d been hanging out with Alex and Jesus a lot. From meeting me in study hall, we had started to talk a lot. Originally I had thought that he wouldn’t since I did quit the club.

He surprised me, invited me to come hang out with him, Jesus, the person all of his strings are attached to, and another girl I had recently met. Her name is Heidi, she sounds familiar, looks familiar too. I just shook it off and ignored it.

All of us had gone out multiple times, to the movies, out to IHop. Which is the best place ever! Heidi and I have even been trying to play matchmaker. I’m sure out interviene is unnecessary, but it is still fun.

My friends and family were there for me, I had one. I could smile and I knew it would be a true and genuine smile. It felt amazing, like feeling I couldn’t explain.

My pointer finger always held the role models I had seeked out and looked up to and aspire to be. At first I was confused, but then in English we had been needing to read some books. That’s when I found the author, songwriter and awesome dude, Sam Johnson.

After seeing him, I decided to do a little research, he had been writing songs for his brother, a singer. He plays the guitar like a God, and his photography is unbelievable. These brothers had many talents

They had become my role models not long after. I always believed that I would never aspire to be anything, but they gave my hope. Just like one of their new songs, “Hope is greater than, all the doubts and all the strikeouts. Love will win, over all the ache, over the shake,” it was something that had ended up being my screensaver on my phone and laptop. I may have grown an obsession.

I smile in my bed as I listen to that song, over and over again. Entranced by the words, it pauses, and ringing begins. It’s Carter.

I freeze, scared about this. I haven’t talked to him since the text, I never had seen what he replied with.

The times you want to move on, but you know if you listen somehow you will get pulled back in? That’s what happened, and I despised it, I didn’t want it. So I just hid, I ran and hid. Created my own life while I was at it. Without much reason, I hit answer.

“Carah,” he began over the phone. “Come to the park, I need to talk with you.”

Beeping of the end call rang in my ear. It was winter, tomorrow is New Year’s Eve. He sounds panic, I had begun to think as I sat up in my bed. The music began to play again. I don’t want this pain again, I had tried to reason, yet my feet were hitting the floor.

I need to know what he wants to talk about.

So here I stand, the entrance of the old abandoned, purple chipped paint, children’s park. I wearily made my way inside. Carter stood on the playground. He was breathing into his hand trying to create warmth it seemed like.

I noticed his hand first, there was all of his yellow strings attached. The string colored orange extended and connected. Then his purple strings were all connected. Something that wasn’t what I saw last time I noticed him.

The strings not attached were a red, and green string. Lover and soulmate. He has two red strings, one was no doubt connected to Liera. But who was the second? I never did bother to ask that question.

“Carah!” Carter yelled, now I knew for sure. There was no turning back. There was no way out of this. I was going to talk to him, but I’m not sure the outcome.

“Carter,” I spoke the words. Red hair moving in the cold breeze as he made his way closer to me.

“I need to talk to you.”

“So you have said. What is this about?” I gave up with you. Getting hurt by seeing you and Liera together was always too much for me. That is why I left. I finally figured it out, why I hurt so much only because of that. Why my red string is almost gone. It’s because I have slowly been losing that love. Because I lost you.

“Listen, I messed up. I’m sorry, the whole thing with Liera ruined everything between us. I should have realized that being with her would distance us. I want to be your friend again,” Carter told me earnestly.

Friends. That’s all we were, and all we ever will be. Stinging caused me to look at my pinkie finger. The rest knot that still told me that I had some love left was shrinking again.

“What happened?” Carter exclaimed holding my hand up to his face.

“Nothing, it just has been doing this. It’s fine,” I told him, pulling my hand away from him.

“What if you lose it? Then you won’t love,” Carter told me sadly.

“Maybe I don’t need to string to love?” I yelled, finally snapping. Carter flinched back, but I knew I had to say things. “I had been living my whole life without any love. I finally have it though, and it wasn’t because of the strings. It’s because I went out to do it. Because I made a change in myself. I didn’t wait for someone to come. I went and made my own friends. The lines didn’t influence anything!”

I was panting, I was barely breathing. I couldn’t tell what was going on.

“What does that have to do with anything?” Carter exclaimed confused.

“The only reason you were with Liera was because of the strings! Just like I became friends with her, life changes and we can’t choose to insert ourselves into anyone else’s life! We can go out and talk, we can make friends just because we don’t need these strings.”

“That still doesn’t explain how you are losing this string, they were always broken, but never actually broke off,” Carter defended his worries. Trying to make me understand, but I already did.

“I lost it because the one person I let in and loved left, and now he doesn’t even ask how I am before yelling at me,” and I froze. I let it out. “I have to go,” I stuttered out.

“Wait! Carah!”

And I ran. I ran and ran. All the way home, all the way to my safe haven.

“What happened?” Heidi was sitting on my bed. I only had enough strength to type in a S.O. S.

“He called me and asked me to meet up with him, I was stupid enough to agree. It’s just too much.”

“Who is it?“Heidi ask me already knowing I am not going to share. “You always mention a ‘him’ or ‘he’ but who is it?” Heidi asked me tiredly.

“It’s not important, trust me,” I told her, leaning on my chair on the edge of my room. “You wouldn’t even know him.”

“I will know him, and I will beat him up. You said he called you, hand me your phone,” Heidi demanded to hold her hand out.

“No, it’s fine. It’ll just take some time,” I told Heidi as she only sighed.

“You are not fine, you can’t tell me that you are either. You just basically told him all of your thoughts, and then you ran.”

“So you’re saying I should have stayed?”

“I’m saying you are not fine.”

“So what am I?”

“Hiding.”

“What?” I asked shocked and baffled.

“You are hiding from your feelings, from his. You are not talking to him, and you know this won’t end up good. You will only end up breaking in the end. You need to talk to him,” Heidi told me. Her eyes lit with determination and fierceness I usually only see with the people who pick on her friends.

“I am not talking to him.”

“You either talk to him, or I’ll talk to him. You’re choice, and I will figure out who he is if you don’t talk to him. Just try,” Heidi sighed. A ding brought her attention to her phone, where she sighed again. “I have to go to be a counselor for my cousin. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Heidi told me picking up her backpack and leaving.

I heard my door close, then the front door.

I need to talk to him…

“It’s been a week,” I mention looking into the mirror. My hand is plenty visible. It’s different than the beginning of the year, I have made bonds, I have become a different person. Maybe I should do this, to prove to myself that I am a different person?

My middle finger and pink are still unconnected, both unknown to me. Maybe I should go ahead and find who they are, make a difference in myself. Alex was talking about a party him and Jesus was going to attend, for New Year’s day, why must he always use formal language sometimes?

“Should I go?”

“Carah! You’re going to be late,” my mom called from downstairs.

“Right! Alright, I’m going,” I yelled grabbing my bag and running down the two flights of stairs, exiting the small shop of my mom. Not before grabbing a donut that is.

***

It was after school when I took out my phone. Composing a quick couple messages.

To my mom: I’ll be home later. I’m hanging out with my friend.

To Heidi: I may SOS in the next hour. Be prepared.

To Alex: I’ll go to the party. What time?

Finally, to Carter: Park in ten. Go there if you want to talk.

Exiting the app and heading to the sidewalk, I just walk. It took ten minutes to get to the park. The cold air was even worse by now, and I really regret choosing this place. This is where it started, may need to be where it ends too.

It only took another five minutes until Carter walked around the corner, he stood at the entrance, the two black chained fences on either side of him. I wearily took a couple deep breaths.

“I want to just get it over with,” I told him as he made his way towards me, this is the right thing to do. “I don’t want to keep getting hurt, things are finally working out for me, and I know with this string,” I motion for the red one tied loosely on my pinkie. “I know you don’t want me to get hurt, but this isn’t doing that. I’m fine alone, I have friends and I can keep them, you don’t need to look after me.”

“I know that, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gone out with Liera, I realized it when she started hanging out with another guy. He was the person she really did love, I just inserted myself because I was afraid-”

“Weren’t both of us?” I interrupted.

“We were, and when your string attached to Liera, I thought we still had a chance. Some chance at friends, family, aspirations, love,” Carter explained stilling down on the ground. I still stood.

“We do, but we are not the ones choosing fate. The only thing we can choose is who we are. I’m not going to be your best friend again like we might have been. But I’ll be here,” I told him.

Why am I letting him in again? He hurt me before, what tells me he won’t again? I don’t want to get hurt, but Mom was right, ‘you can’t have love without a little hurt.’

Maybe I can’t deal with the heartbreak though.

I left within the next hour, I don’t want to stay too close. I don’t want to get connected.

The party will start in an hour anyway and Alex and Jesus are going to pick me up soon. Heidi will be at my house by now as well, so I said goodbye and left Carter. Heidi had been texting me about hurrying home so she can get me ready for the party.

It was a last-minute thing, and based on my other wardrobe outfits, she chose to pick these clothes for me. Some dress she owns and makeup is what she will be dressing me with tonight. I’m regretting the choice a little, but I need a distraction. I need something to get my mind off of Carter and all of this going on.

A party is a great idea. I’m not planning to leave Heidi’s side either. I walk out of my bathroom, Heidi in my room. She smiled upon seeing me enter. Probably proud of her work.

Knocking on the door, and I turned around looking at the door.

“You look amazing!” my mom smiled as she entered the room. My dad in toe.

“You better be safe and not get into trouble,” my dad stated, arms crossed. A scoffing look was shown from my mom as she looked back to him. Shaking her head wiþ annoyance, she smile once again.

Given us our farewells, Heidi and I left in her car. It was only five minutes away when Heidi and I pull into the street the party is on.

Already music is blasting down the street, even a deaf person could head it at this point. I turn to the left to see Heidi with a smile, burning away the bad feeling I am getting.

“My cousin is going to be coming here. He needed some cheering up apparently, of course once he got home he was all smiles. Almost acting as if he got laid. As if that would actually happen,” Hailey scoffed as she parked car on the left of the street.

“You live with your cousin?” I questioned curiously.

“Stuff happened with her parents and that stuff. Long story short, but yeah,” her head fell a little.

“Sorry, let’s go,” I try and change the topic. Hopeful for the depressing atmosphere to leave, due to the distraction of the party. Alex and Jesus both were waiting for us out front after Heidi texted them we were here.

“I’m going to get something to drink, you wanna come with?” Jesus questioned Heidi and me.

“I’ll go, Carah, stay here. I’m getting you a drink,” Heidi smirked, I could already tell she is planning something, and what is to come.

“She’s going to spike it,” Alex plainly spoke as he leaned against the railing of the patio.

“Jesus is going to spike yours, too,” I laughed at the thought.

“No doubt. Alright, let’s go inside. It’s freezing,” Alex explained pulling out his phone. “I’m telling Jesus what we are doing,” he explained, thin fingers moving around the small keyboard.

“And that will be?” I questioned, adjusting my red skirt, and black and white striped tank top Heidi picked out.

“The dance floor,” Alex smirked, pulling me along. I text message from my phone distracted me from following Alex all the way.

“Hold up,” I tell him while I dig my heels into the ground. Looking at my phone I read the message from Heidi.

Heidi: my cuz here. Go find him 4 me. he should be getting out of jeep.

Looking at the street, I turn back to Alex.

“I’ll be back, need to find Heidi’s cousin apparently,” I tell him while walking to the street.

“I’ll come with,” Alex started following after me.

“Why are you coming with?” I sighed reaching the sidewalk outside the house.

“Buddy system,” Alex replied childishly.

“Here I thought you were the mature one.”

“More so than Jesus,” Alex laughed.

It only took a moment until the green jeep was in view for me. Heidi is clearly planning something with me and her cousin. Maybe a blind date or something? Trying to get me more social? Both would be expected.

“Someone’s in there,” Alex observed walking forward. “Are you Heidi’s cousin?” Alex questioned loudly looking to the teen in the car. The lighting not letting me see the face yet.

“Yeah, I’m looking for my phone,” the voice called back. Muffled by something in the way. I could barely see, but it looked like he was in the driver’s seat his head looking down to the floor of the car. Walking ahead and turning on my phone light I help the person see the ground.

His hand found the phone and he sat back up and looked at me. Right then, I could see who it was, I knew who it was.

“Carter,” I whispered shocked.

“Oh, hey bro,” Alex smiled as he walked up behind me. “You are related to Heidi?”

“Yeah, she is my cousin,” Carter replied with a smile, but it was forced. The corners of his mouth didn’t turn upwards, his lips were pushed against each other. Almost as if he didn’t trust what he would say.

Ringing on my phone made a good excuse to turn around and answer.

“Come back once you have him,” Heidi’s voice shouted over the music playing in the background.

“Alright,” I only replied before hanging up. I’d bet that she is going to yell at me for hanging up on her like that. I only shrug and walk back. “Heidi is waiting for us, come on,” I yell already deciding to walk back. Maybe I will need that drink Alex was talking about.

***

It was eleven at night when I got in a car, not Heidi’s. It was Carter’s. Heidi was busy having fun and dancing, but I was apparently losing my mind as Heidi had told me. Alex and Jesus both had left around ten saying that if they stayed longer, they wouldn’t be able to drive back safely. Good decision, not. My mind wasn’t registering decisions.

“Why did you drink so much?” Carter scowled as I got into the passenger seat of his jeep.

“Why do you talk so much?” I slurred looking at him.

“Carah, seriously?” Carter questioned. Annoyance and what seemed like a faint trace of anger rose in his naturally warm and soft voice, the voice I had been yearning to hear. The voice which I hate to hear.

“Can you take me somewhere that isn’t home right now?” I asked, of course, it wasn’t what it sounded like when I tried to speak. More like, ‘can to tas meh somewhere at izz’t hom righs nows?’

“Sure,” Carter only sighed as he pulls out of his parking spot on the side of the street and began to drive away.

I wasn’t paying attention to the twist and turns, only lights moved as I looked out to my right. The stoplights blurred and the world moved. I looked to my right where Carter is driving. His jaw was tight as he drove, almost as if he was withdrawing something he wants to tell me.

It only took around five minutes when he pulls up to the side of the street again. The park. I got out of the car, Carter rushing out himself to come and support me. Taking the aid, knowing I wouldn’t get far in these heels Heidi had made me wear for tonight.

“Do you want to take off your shoes?” Carter's voice questioned with concern as I almost tripped and fell. The only reason I wasn’t was for his firm grasp on me.

“Sure,” I slurred taking the shoes off my feet. Dropping them inside the car and walking over to Carter again I watch as he climbed onto the playground. Holding out his hand, he offers support and a way up that won’t break my neck.

Feeling the pull, bringing me into Carter’s chest, I only smile. The scent of the winter wind, the dark skies, and the cold air. Shivering unintentional, Carter pulled off me, missing the warmth and comfort he emitted, I felt something drape around my shoulders.

“Here,” he told me, figuring out that the object was a coat, I curled up into it further. Leading me to the ground, Carter put his arm around me and we sat there. My mind was foggy, everything didn’t come to me completely. Longer we sat there, the more I understood.

“I missed you,” I whispered shocking myself.

“I missed you too Carah,” Carter replied as he pulled me closer.

“I’m sorry, for everything. It was my fault,” I cried, my face finding his chest as I bawled. Not able to hold it back, the alcohol not helping.

“What are you talking about. Nothing was-”

“Stop,” I cut him off. The coat still draped around my shoulders I stand. Lightheaded and still wobbly, I grasp the railing as I straighten myself. “It was my fault I ran away the first time. It was not a decision I should have done. I lead you on with talking, and then I left. I’m sorry, I’ll be fine if we go back to friends,” I told him as I watched his reaction.

“Okay, I would have always been your friend, even if you weren’t mine,” Carter replied.

“Could you get any more cheesy?” I questioned with a laugh.

“Probably,” Carter laughed. It was silent as I walked back to the teen, sitting back by him. The warmth radiating off him and sending something similar to comfort.

Sitting up more instead of slouching Carter was doing, he sat in front of me. Without understanding what was going to happen until he grabbed my hand his eyes burned into mine. Sending confusion and expectations in my mind.

“Carah Kelly, will you do the honor of being my girlfriend?” Carter asked, his hand squeezing mine. Mind racing thoughts fill my head as I stare at him.

“Yes,” I smile as I launch myself to him to hug.

Pulling out of the hug I lock eyes with Carter’s as he smiles and leans over to kiss me. In the kiss, he smiles and I could only smile as he pulled apart.

Ringing brought the two of us back to reality as I looked at my buzzing phone. It was Heidi calling me.

“Hey,” I slur into the phone. Less noticeable than earlier the night.

“You get home alright?” Skepticism was in her voice as she questioned me.

“I’m out, I’m safe though,” I told her.

“Do you know if Carter left? I can’t find him and he isn’t answering his phone,” Heidi asked while I turned to Carter, motioning for him to get his phone.

“I think he did leave, I saw him when I left,” I lied, a little.

“How did you leave? You don’t have a car,” Heidi accused me.

“I wanted some fresh air, the walk was nice,” I lied once again, if she knew that her cousin and I were together, that wouldn’t be good.

“Where are you? I’ll pick you up,” Heidi told me as I could hear her car starting.

“Please don’t say you are driving,” I spoke through the phone.

“I had less to drink than you!” Heidi told me through the phone. Laughing a little I only could hear Heidi grumbling.

“I’m at the abandoned playground,” I told her before I could really get what I was doing.

“Alright, I’ll come and pick you up,” Heidi told me before she hung up.

Looking at Carter I only smile as I go over to him.

“Looks like she will either figure it out between us, or you can drive back to your house and stay there,” I explain the options.

“I’ll just stay, she will figure it out sooner or later,” Carter reasons and I only laugh. “Let’s head to my car, it’s getting cold.”

“Agreed.”

After Heidi had gotten to the park and saw Carter’s car, she was suspicious. Figuring it out wasn’t that bad either.

Now, life has been better, sometimes you just have to live and do things you wouldn’t normally do.

People say you create the future you live, and that is true. If you don’t do anything to benefit yourself, then you won’t have the future you want and expect. You can only have what you want to put out there.

Living in this world is a difficult and challenging place. I believe that me, myself, I have chosen to have the life I had, the one of isolation and without the connections I could have had.

After that night from the party, I texted my old foster sister, she was happy to hear I begun the guitar again. She had been ecstatic actually.

The point I’m getting at here, it’s that you need to live the life you live. You can’t let people get you down, and you need to have some sort of connection in your life, and sometimes being vulnerable will give you the things you need.

You have a role model that you strive to be like, that fuels who you are. You have your friendships that shape who you are and how you live. Your family who takes care of you and protects you like a family should. Then you have love, which is the essential human emotion for love.

You don’t need a love partner, you don’t need a husband or wife, you need love though. A pet, a family member, friend. You experience and give love, you just need to learn how.

This is how you turn torn strings into something concrete and real. In a world of fate, love and life, there is only one unavoidable and uncrossable wall in a person’s way. Death. Fate strings are the course of which your life will follow and how your life will play out. Only a few could see the strings, Carah Kelly included.

Death is unavoidable, and it can hurt, but you can have something before. You can make your life you have and you can choose to make the choices you do.

A broken string is not a dead end, sometimes it’s just recalculating.