Understanding Him

Heartache.

That’s what I feel when I open my eyes every morning to a household that does nothing but put me down and make me feel worthless.

Sometimes I feel like I can’t take it. I dream of a better life, better parents, a better everything.

I wonder how it would feel to hear ‘I Love You’ from your mother.

That’s something I’ll never know....

My thoughts are interrupted as I hear the constant bickering of my stepdad and my mother. It’s a routine almost. You wake up, their arguing; over what? Only God knows.

I roll over in my small single size bed, and snuggle under the sports themed covers, laying on my captain America themed pillow. (I sorta have a thing for the guy. Go figure huh?)

In the hallway I hear the door slam shut and her cursing words become louder as she heads to my room. I quickly close my eyes and pretend to be sleep so I don’t have to face her or she doesn’t ask me to do something for her.

She opens the door and walks over the bed opposite mine where my little twin brothers sleep; those two rascals are going to be the death of me. Aiden and Aaron snore as their miniature bellies go up and down with every breathe they inhale and exhale. Aiden is a bit taller than Aaron, he’s the oldest and has proven to be so with his maturing character; or as mature as any five year old could be. Aaron is bigger though, he eats so much that sometimes I think he’s going to burst!

She stands over them admiring her little creations, before she shakes them awake.

“Aiden, Aaron get up! We’re gonna be late.”

Aiden sleepily sits up, rubbing his eyes with his brown hands. As he yawns, I can only chuckle and imagine how bad his breathe is this morning. I hope he doesn’t let me find out, as he does every morning when he kisses me awake. He jumps down out of the bed, walks over their stray toys decorating the floor, and curls up next to me.

“Mornin’ Laria”, his adorable voice and stank breathe greets me.

“Good Morning baby. Did you sleep good?“, he shakes his head in confirmation.

“Did you dream of me?“, he shakes his head once more. I laugh a little and kiss his little button nose. It’s a routine I have with them. I always ask them that every morning. I always want to make sure they’re open to talk to me about their dreams or maybe even any nightmares they might have had.

We continue to lay there in silence, our mother watching us the whole time.

“You need to get up and let him get ready or you’ll carry him to school yourself.“, she spits.

She’s jealous most of the time because of the relationship I’ve fostered with Aiden and Aaron. They used to call me ‘mummy’ when they were younger because I had practically raised them while she went out partying almost every night and coming home drunk some nights.

In reply I pulled Aiden closer to me for awhile longer. She stalks out of the room all the while remarking how I would be taking them to school. I rolled my eyes inwardly.

I looked down to the sleeping bundle in my arms. His high brown kinky hair needing to be combed from how badly he slept on it. His eyes were the color of his hair, and held an innocent glare to them that’ll make you give him anything he wants when he asks. I should know, they worked on me!

I poked his shirtless belly as I gave him a little shake, awakening him once more.

“Babe, you gotta get ready for school now.” He doesn’t say anything as he lazily slides out of my bed, and walks out of the room, headed for his parents’ room. Aaron was still in bed sound asleep. He was the one you had to keep an eye on or you’ll be trying to wake him up all day. I pulled back the covers and willed myself to get up. This definitely was not my favorite part of the day.

“Ronnyyyy”, I sung in Aaron’s ear in attempt to wake him. He didn’t even budge. As always.

It was time to use the secret weapon.

I leaned over him, raising up his pajama shirt, and smashed my face into his belly blowing it as I did. The farting noises it made always woke him and made him laugh as he tried to push my head away.

Finally, satisfied that he was up I surrendered and lifted him off the bed.

“Good Morning my baby”, I said while placing a kiss on his cheek.

“Maw-in Ara”, he responded. Aaron had a speech impediment, he didn’t speak as well as his brother. Besides the speech impediment he had, the only other difference between the twins was that Aiden was dark-skinned whereas Aaron was light-skinned. Apart from those differences, they were identical.

I placed Aaron down and gave him a pat on the butt, ushering him out of the room and making sure he doesn’t pull a fast one on me and slip back into bed.

Finally having the room to myself, I went to my dresser to start preparing for school. I walked in front of the mirror, a monster stared back at me. Ugh I look so horrible in the mornings. I got started on my light brown kinks and coils, putting moisturizer, eco-styler and gorilla snot gel onto my hair which I had in twists.

That combo was so effective on my hair that I never tried anything else.

When I was done, I placed my shower cap over my hair and proceeded to strip, ready to wash off the morning scum. I walked into the bathroom, turning both the faucets on to get it warm enough. I sat on the toilet for a minute scraping the leftover nail polish off my fingernails, and waited for the water to get to the right temperature.

I felt it afterwards and decided that it was okay; dropping my bath towel I stepped into the tub and let the water run over my chocolate colored body. It felt so good in the mornings, as if the droplets were giving me a tiny massage.

My mind wandered to the rest of the day. How classes would go. I only looked forward to music class. I was a straight A student there. I had joined the school band two years ago and had worked my way up to first flute and flute section leader; was a pretty big accomplishment to me. Nothing made me more happy or took my mind of off things like music. I love it.

I also enjoyed AP English. That was also a subject I was scraping an A in. I was Student Government President and Debate Team Leader, and because I was so affluent in those areas, English came easy for me.

My mind drifted to the cafeteria, where the nice, grand-ma looking ladies would cook delicious meals and also served us well. Then she popped into my head. I let out an irritated groan because I knew I was going to run into her today. She had made my life a living hell since I stepped foot into Crestview High on the first day! I had no idea why she hated me so much.

Maybe because I always topped her in everything and she got mad at the fact that she wasn’t the smartest and prettiest anymore. I willed myself to not think about her. I had to deal with her enough at school, she wasn’t gonna take up my home life too.

Remembering how long I had spent in the shower, I quickly turned the water off and hopped out the tub, almost slipping on my green rubber shower shoes but catching my balance by griping the edge of the old bathroom counter just in time. I grabbed the towel off the floor, wrapped it around my body and rushed out of the bathroom, the wooden door banging against the wall as I flung it open.

“Laria girl you don’t pay no bills in here to be banging doors!” I rolled my eyes as I heard my mother’s voice from down the hall.

I made it to my room, closed and locked the door. Quickly drying off with my green towel, I made my way over to my closet and pulled back the doors, deciding on what to wear for today.

Seeing as it was the first day of the Fall Semester, the weather should be cool so I opted for a Green crop top that had black flowers all over it, and a short black pair of jeans. I decided to wear my green converse to match my shirt and went in front of the mirror to do my hair. I yanked off the shower cap and untwisted my twists, hoping for the most bomb twist out of my life.

I was relieved when they came out the way I wanted. My light brown kinky twists were down the sides of my head, almost touching my back. After applying eco-styler to my edges, I picked up my music note printed backpack and made my way to the door. I turned back as my eyes swept over my disorganized room. I made a mental note to fix it up when I got back.

Just then, my phone made the standardized Apple ping it made when I got a text message.

😘Tulip😘:

Im outside. Get your butt down here already!

I laughed at my best friend’s impatience. She was the only person in my life who truly understood me and listens to me. We met three years ago at ninth grade in English class. She was struggling seriously and needed help with “the foreign language” as she would put it. She started coming over for me to tutor her and sometimes we would go to her house. Ever since, we were inseparable.

I headed down the stairs taking them two at a time, already noticing how late it was getting. I really didn’t want to be tardy.

I walked Into the kitchen and opened one of the porcelain cupboard doors to grab a pop tart. I closed it gently considering the scolding I got the last time for “slamming it” when it was the wind’s fault, not mine.

Aiden and Aaron were at the table eating their bowls of fruit loops; I kissed both their heads as I walked pass and wished them a good day.

“I Love You babes!“, I shouted by the door.

“Ove youuu” Aaron mumbled.

“Love you Laria” Aiden said.

I opened the door to see Tulip leaning against the hood of her burgundy jeep.

“Took you long enough”, she said rolling her eyes and heading for the driver’s seat.

“Sorry! I got caught up in the shower and lost track of time.“, I apologized.

“Tell me something new”, she teased as I rolled my eyes this time.

We backed out of the small driveway and headed in the direction of prison- oh I mean school.

Tulip was wearing a simple pink sundress with a blue jeans jacket over it and light blue flats. She wore her hair in box braids that hung down to her back. As we listened to an Alessia Cara song, we bumped our heads to the rhythm and sang out loud and off key.

It was super fun riding to school with Tulip. I rather her than when Jack (my stepdad) or Mom drives me. They constantly bicker and the ride is bumpy with no music. Yeah No Thanks.

I’m old enough to drive but Mom and Jack haven’t gotten my car as yet. “Papers need to be taken care of” Jack always reminded us.

I was patient though.

Ten minutes later we turned the corner and drove down the street that led to our school. I exhaled a dramatically deep sigh as Tulip parked and turned off the jeep.

She laughed, “You do this every time we get here. When will you be use to coming here everyday!”

“When the cows come home!“, I screamed, earning another laugh from her.

We got out the jeep and linked arms, making our way towards the front door of the school along with the other hundreds of students that went here.

The air was crisp, fresh, while the birds chirped away and the sun shined down on us. The students seemed excited as one could be on their first day back. Smiles were all around as people greeted their friends they didn’t get to hang with over the break. Maybe this day wouldn’t be so bad, I thought too soon as she came into view almost instantly.

She was leaned up against a red convertible with the rest of the cheer and soccer teams, chatting and fake laughing a way. I angled Tulip so that we would not see her or vice versa as we walked by.

“Hey Withers, welcome back, worm head.” Her little group erupted in laughter as if what she said was the funniest thing they ever heard.

You could say they were the basic barbies of the school.

Pale fair skin, strawberry blonde back length hair, tall lean figures, and expensive clothes. They usually dressed alike most days, like today. They were matching with red Polo shirts and jeans skirts that were too short for the school’s policy. They even matched their red little flats with the furry pompom on top. It was disgustingly sickening.

“Bite her!” My helpful best friend supplied. She knew when it came to her I would freeze up with comebacks. Tulip never let me down yet. We snickered as we reached the doors to the school and took a deep breathe before we walked in.

So much for the start of a great first day.