The 1
“But it would have been fun, if you would have been The 1.”
-The 1, Taylor Swift
You know, a major break up between a love that had lasted three years really changes a person, it makes you grow as a person, start to see more in the people in your life. But, you also always have this thought in the back of your head. “What if they were the one? What if I just lost my true love?” You think to yourself. In reality, it is just your mind playing tricks on you. You have to learn to come those thoughts and move on. You can’t change what happened, you just have to live in the moment and go on with your life.
This is my mindset five months after the inciting incident. Five months ago, I discovered that my longtime boyfriend James Reynolds, was cheating on me with my ex best friend and resident gossip girl Inez Swift. Three years of work and sacrifice down the drain. It amazes me how someone can just throw everything away to cheat on a person. This kind of thing haunts you, makes you wonder what it would have been like if things had been different. But you cant do anything to change that, all you can do is dream about what could have but didn’t happen.
But, I’m doing good, I have been practicing saying yes instead of no more. I’m in my final year of high school so I may as well make the most of it. Lately though, I can’t stop thinking of things with him. James and I had our lives mapped out from day one of our relationship. After high school we were going to move to L.A. and attend a preforming arts school so we could both be actors, we were going to live in a nice apartment, adopt a cat and a dog, and just try to live a good life.
Now, I’m left with these dreams I planned for us. It also doesn’t help that I’ve been having dreams about him. These aren’t even good dreams, in every dream I see him on his own doing cool shit all on his own. But, I am trying to move past it as I cannot stay in the past, I must keep pushing. Besides, I have bigger problems to deal with than a stupid boy.
About a month after I found out about what James had done, my mom started getting really sick. We took her to the doctor and they kept her overnight to do some tests. About a week after we brought her home, the doctor called and told us she had breast cancer. The doctor also told us, she didn’t have long to live because the cancer had progressed past the point of stopping it. Eventually, we found out she wasn’t going to make it past our birthday. My mom is only 34, she was a young mom. I have an older sister and a younger sister. She had my older sister Olivia when she was sixteen, she had me a year later on her seventeenth birthday, and she had my younger sister Charlotte a year later.
My family is a crazy bunch, but we all love each other dearly. My mom went through college and nursing school while raising us and became a nurse, she also graduated with straight A’s. My dad became a garbage man to pay the bills and his college tuition as he quit talking with his parents after they found out he had gotten my mom pregnant, he ended up moving in with my mom and her parents and eventually, they got their own apartment after they graduated high school. He studied Law and became a Lawyer as that his dream career. My older sister Olivia, is a fairly cool person, she is the type of girl you hang around with and her energy radiates to you, making you just as energetic. Before my mom got sick, she was planning on moving to New York and becoming a nurse just like mom, but she put her New York plans on hold after we found out and instead, decided to attend our local university WRU. My younger sister Charlotte, has a very bubbly personality, she is a junior and she was a very happy person.
Shortly after mom was diagnosed, Charlotte started getting very depressed. She would just lay in her bed, wouldn’t eat for weeks, and she started failing school. One night, however, it all came to a holt. That day, she claimed she was sick, so mom and dad let her stay home. When me and Olivia got home from school, we called her, but got no answer. So, we headed upstairs and found her on her bed motionless and not breathing. We found that she had taken a bunch of pills in an attempt of suicide. We had even found a note saying that she didn’t want to live without mom getting to see her grow up. We of course called 911 and they rushed her to the ER and mom and dad rushed home so we could head down there.
The doctors were able to save her, but barely. After that she was sent to a mental hospital for a month where she was diagnosed with depression. But, when she came home, she had worked through her problems and was coming to terms with the fact that mom wasn’t going to be around much longer. So, now we have just been trying to spend as much time with mom as we can.
After I got home from school, I called my best friend Jessica Garcia to come over as she was helping me plan mine and my mom’s birthday party, that and I wanted to get stoned. Jessica is well known for being a pothead and selling pot to our peers. I do it every once in a while, but only in times of extreme stress. Today was one of those days, in a week I will be eighteen and we still haven’t finished planning the party yet. “Hey, Betts, I brought the Mary!” Jessica shouts loudly when she enters. “Shh! My parents are home! I don’t need them hearing you!” I whisper shouted. “Sorry, besides, your parents love me.” Jessica says. “Hey, Jess, I heard you come in.” My dad says. “Yeah, I’m just here to help with the party.” Jessica says. “Well, you might want to keep the pot on the downlow, I may be okay with it, but mom will freak!” Dad says as he walks into the living room. “You idiot!” I say as I smacked Jessica on the arm while we head upstairs.
Before we started planning we sat on our phones and showed each other the recent Tik Toks we had seen since the last time we saw each other. “Okay, I am so sick of hearing about how jealous these horny jocks are after James slept with Inez!” Jessica says. I looked over and glared at her. “To soon?” She asks. “I am just trying to go on with my life which no longer includes either of them.” I say. “I know Betts, that’s why I love you, because of how strong you are, anytime I get screwed over by a guy it takes me like a year to get over it!” Jessica says.
“Okay, so what were you thinking for this party?” Jessica asks. “I was thinking a garden party, a sort of celebration of life.” I say. “Damn, that’s depressing.” Jessica says. “Well, my mom is dying Jess.” I say. “True, but does it have to be so depressing?” Jessica asks. “Do I really have to answer that?” I counter ask. “Okay, garden party it is.” Jessica says.
About an hour later, we were done for the day and Jessica started heading home. “We still on for coffee before school?” Jessica asks. “Always.” I answer. “K, bye B.” Jessica says. “Bye J.” I reply. My mom then comes out. “Hey, you’re supposed to be in bed.” I say. “Can’t I use the bathroom?” My mom asks. “I mean I guess.” I say as we then laugh. “So, got more party planning done?” My mom asks. “Yeah, you are going to love it.” I say. “Honey, I’m gonna love anything you do.” Mom says. “I know.” I say trying to hold back tears. It’s hard having to be the strong one, but you have to do what you can for those you love. It’s all you can do in this situation.
