New Year
3...2..1 HAPPY NEW YEAR! The room exploited in applause and the sounds of the poppers with confetti being shot into the ceiling made me jump a bit. I pulled my shoulders together and brought my red cup closer to my lips. Everyone around me was giving hugs and kisses, the news reporters on the tv talking with random people downtown asking questions and smiling big, with the surrounding noise, the music and talking, the tv was being drowned out. Muffled, as much as I wanted to be excited, I, like every new year, felt the same.
Arms came over my shoulders, pulling me into a chest. “Happy new year” he whispered into my ear. It was my boyfriend. Simon.
We have been together for three years now we met when I just turned 20 he had just turned 21. It was at the first college party that I ever went to. My friend from high school convinced me to go to one, to get out the apartment that me and her shared. She told me how it was such a shame that I’ve spent my three years in college, in her words “doing actual collage”
“You need to go out into the world and meet new people! Get laid! or get drunk! Smoke some weed!” she would yell at me over and over. Waking me up in the middle of the night telling me how fun life can be.
I mean it’s not like I didn’t go out; I smoked and drank. I did everything a young college kid should do, I just didn’t do it all the time like she did.
That was a long time ago though, that was three years ago. Her name was Jacklin. We grew up together; met in grade school, but we didn’t become real friends until high school. We were the best of friends, always with one another, me and her experienced life together.
But I haven’t talked to her in three years, though.
Simon turned me around so now I was facing him. He had dark brown curly hair which contracted with his very light skin tone, and a sharp jawline. He was extremely handsome.
He smiled at me, with that smile that made me fall for him. “Happy new year baby” I said, giving him a quick kiss.
“Can you believe it, 2025!” he said
I smiled at him and put my red plastic cup down on the side table I was standing by. “it’s crazy isn’t it, I feel like it’s still 2012, like things haven’t changed all too much,”
“What?” he yelled over the music of the party.
“I said-”
“Oh! hold up Josh!” he yelled as he put his red plastic cup down on the same table then ran off to meet up with his best friend, josh.
I’ve never gotten along with his friend or more like he’s never tried to like me. Whenever we went out as a group and he would come, Josh would ignore me or act like what I had to say was just not right.
One time we all went out, me Simon, Josh and their other friend Lexa and her husband Landon. We went to an amusement park. One of my favorite things to do going on roller coasters, it brings the kid out in me. And after weeks of convincing Simon, he finally agreed if his friend could come. I didn’t care, it’s always more fun if more people go together.
Unfortunately, we were an odd number of a group because Josh couldn’t find anyone to come with, so Simon decided it would have been best if he rode with Josh and I sat, alone.
*Being alone seemed to be something I did a lot, whether I was alone in a room or more like I felt mentally alone, being surrounded by dozens of people but still feeling like no one was there. I still had fun when we all went out, or at least I think I had fun.
His friends though they were nice to me the entire time did not like me and I knew. I needed to go to the bathroom, Simon also needed to use the bathroom and walked with me.
I got out of the bathroom first and decided to just go back to sit with his friends Josh, Lexa, and Landon. The three of them had gotten some popcorn and drinks, it seemed like they were talking about something. Now they didn’t see me coming or I bet they would have stopped talking, but that’s not what happened.
“He’s too good for her,” Lexa said as she went for a drink in her bright pink cup.
“He’s told me all about the fights that they have, and how he basically has to do everything for her, I’ve always wondered why he choose her and not someone else someone that’s going to graduate at least because let’s face it she’s never going to catch up in school-”
“Lexa, we all know this but this is who he was with” Landon said putting his arm around her shoulder.
She made a brief comment, but I couldn’t hear her because Simon had just found me and pulled me to the churro stand. I never told Simon about what I heard, and I never asked them what they meant about it either. I just shrugged it off like I have done for the last three years about anything that has happened in my life.
The loud bass of the music pulled my mind back to the party that I was currently at, Simon had run over to Josh and they were now talking over the music. Probably talking about sports or cars or video games.
I sighed and walked over to the table that had an assortment of snacks to hot cheetos, mini hot dogs and dips, candy drinks and so on. I however walked right to the vodka lemonade and got myself another cup. My 5th or my 6th, who knows I stopped counting the minute his mother handed me a cup when I first got here.
“Cami!” The scream of my name made the hairs on the back of my neck stand a bit and I knew exactly who that was; the sound of her voice woke up sleeping babies. His mother had found me again.
When I first came in, she had said hello dully and handed me a drink. When she was sober, she wasn’t a friendly person and like his friends I gathered she also did not like me much. Before I had any real chance to react to her calling my name out, she fell right into my arms.
“Ooo-hh” she burped “Beautiful oh beautiful cami!” she straightened herself out and then took her wet, very wet and sticky hands on my face. Making me look at her.
“Have-” Burp “I ever-” burp “told you have much I Love You” she smiled. Her very pink gums contrasted with her very yellow teeth. I winced and said nothing because she kept talking and talking, with half the things she was saying not making any sense. I looked around the room, trying to escape her sticky grip.
“Uh Ann, why don’t I help you sit down?” I asked “I’m sitting” she angrily said moving her light brown almost orange hair out of her face. “This is whyyyy I do not like you missssssss” she pushed her finger into my face then losing her balance and then falling on the floor.
The surrounding people were too drunk to notice, and it looked as she went right to sleep on the floor, the nasty carpet floor that usually is a nice blue color with all the drinks spilt tonight it gave a gray color now. Uh, I’m not picking her up, I thought to myself as I grabbed a fresh cup of vodka lemonade because when she first fell into me I had dropped mine and I walked out the room and stepped outside to get some fresh cold air.
I’m not sure how long I was outside, but it must have been long enough to have Simon come looking for me. I figured it was him when I heard the door slam open and the heat from the party hit me I didn’t turn around to look but when I felt him sit next to me I knew.
“You missed it my mom was on the floor so drunk my dad just carried her back to bed,” he said I can feel him looking at me
*observing my face, waiting to see if I was going to react to what he just said.
I turned and smiled brightly at him and gave a little laugh “yeah I know she wobbled to me before she fell in my arms then the floor”
“Oh god, I’m sorry I didn’t see that mom gets drunk so fast it’s hard to keep track of her you know,” he didn’t sound like he was at all sorry he had such a big smile that he wasn’t trying to hide at all.
“She didn’t hurt you, did she?” I shook my head “no, she didn’t hurt me but-”
“That’s great hey josh is here, and I was wondering if you were going to sleep over or go home” I looked at him in his eyes trying to find a hint of something like him actually wanting me to say no I’ll stay to save him from having to seem like the bad guy with his friend, but I saw nothing like that. “We want to go out for a drive and smoke and i know you don’t like to smoke and I figured why should you stay right”
My smile that I had put up had fallen, and I looked down at my cup, “right, I would just uh yea I’ll just go home tonight then what time-” he stood up quickly sticking out his hand so I can grab it so I can stand up too. I didn’t take it instead I just stood on my own.
“Josh wants to leave now so I’ll just go get him and while I’m doing that you can say bye to everyone and we will leave together.” he did a little hop and then was back in the house. When I walked back in, everyone was still getting drunk.
His dad was in the corner playing domino's yelling whenever it was his turn to put down the domino. While his little cousins were running around playing a game they had invented and a few drunk family members laying on the couch sleeping.
I don’t know where he went probably off with Josh so I walked into his room which was as dark as night pulled out my phone so I can use it as a flashlight, found my coat and purse and went to go outside to wait for him.
When I got outside I waited for about five minutes, then I saw Josh’s car driving by with Simon sitting in the passenger seat. I sighed and dug my hand into my purse, trying to fish out my car keys so I could leave.
I couldn’t believe that he just left like that, I stopped for a second when I got to my car my bright red Toyota actually I can believe that he did that he’s done it before so it’s not anything new, I just wish he hadn’t, I wish he would have said goodbye at least given me a kiss goodnight or… or you’re just asking for too much a voice in my head said.
I got into my car and took off for my house. A year ago I had bought a big duplex house. I moved my parents in and when I asked Simon if he wanted to move in; he Sorta shrugged and said he rather liked the living arrangements. With him living with his parents and me helping mine.
I didn’t argue with him. I never argue with him and it’s not like he has a bad temper or anything really quite the opposite. I’ve never seen Simon get mad also, maybe he’s never gotten mad because I never say no to him. I’ve never said no to him and I don’t know how he would act if I did.
I drove my car 15 minutes when I got to my house. The lights shining in my living room were on; it wasn’t strange or anything whenever my mom and dad would fight she would stay on my side of the duplex and would sleep in the guest room.
I trudged to my door and walked through the pitter patter of my small chihuahua running from my bedroom to the front of the door was loud in the quiet hallway. He came up to me with a bright green toy Dino in his mouth, wagging his tail. A smile crept onto my face as I looked at him. His big ears pointing up at the ceiling and his enormous eyes almost watering at the sight of me. He was so happy.
I bent down and picked him up. He quickly dropped his toy as he licked my face and made joyous cries.
“Hey mama” my mother said as I walked past the living room. “I hope you don’t mind” I shook my head no. and sat next to her.
“I don’t understand why you let the dog lick you like that.” she said, looking between me and my dog. She strained her face in a frown. It was a look of disgust and if anyone looking in from the outside saw they would have thought I was eating from the trash with how she was looking.
“It makes him happy,” I said, smiling as I put him down.
“How was the party? Did you have fun?”
I thought back about how Simon’s mom had put her sticky fingers on my face and fell on the floor and how Simon had left with his friend Josh without saying goodbye to me.
“Yea it was fun” I said getting up to go to my bathroom. “You don’t seem like you had fun” I heard her say. I didn’t answer because she knows me too well for me to lie to her. So I just replied. “I’m going to shower” I heard an “okay” as I closed the door.
I turned the lights on and the contrast of the bright light to my eyes that was used to a barley dim light in here made them burn and squint. When my eyes finally adjusted, I looked at my reflection, for the first time in three years and I actually looked at myself.
My eyes had dark brown bags and my once bright brown eyes were sad and sunken in, my long hair that went down to my butt was dry and dead with my natural hair color coming out in the top to about a quarter of the way down now mixed with my very dull now light pink hair.
I’m sure whenever hairdressers saw me they surely wanted to do something about it. Now only was it dry dead and had faded color, but my once extremely curly hair was now wavy. I haven’t taken care of myself in a very long time. Not since three years ago. Not since it happened.
I didn’t look back at myself. I turned the water on and got in quickly. I got out quickly and went right to bed. Right to the dreams that I know will haunt me. Like they always do.
I turned my body to the side and just closed my eyes when I felt my phone that was tucked under my pillow vibrate.
’Sorry I didn’t say bye. Josh wanted to leave I’ll make it up to you I promise okay..hope you got home save love you”
I read the text maybe two or three times before I wrote a reply. ‘Its fine, love you too’ I hit send and tried to sleep. This time I really tried but before I could I saw a red mark that said 1 under my messages I clicked to see what it was when I saw a text.
‘Hey’ it said. That’s all it said, I knew who it was from my heart beat faster than it should and my face heated. I can’t, Cami don’t. I thought to myself. But I didn’t listen because who actually listens to that little voice in their head? Don’t do this to yourself. I thought again. I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until I saw I had hit send.
“Hi”
