The Hatred Within

Ariella Martin leaned her head against the library table, trying to busy her mind with thoughts of her upcoming finals, fall break, or even the conversation going on between the two nerds across from her speaking about an episode of a tv show that had aired the night previously. However, the only thing she could really seem to focus on was the growls being emitted by her stomach. She had skipped breakfast, and was now skipping lunch as well, telling herself she would just eat at home and needed to study anyways. She leaned up and dug around in her book bag until she found her history book and dropped it on the table with a thump, earning a glare from the librarian.

Sighing, she opened up the giant text book to the last page she could remember reading last night before she finally fell asleep, book still in her hands, around three that morning. Ariella didn’t mind studying, matter of fact she enjoyed learning as long as it was on her own terms and she wasn’t being quizzed on how much information she could retain. She ran her hands through her curly blonde hair, mindlessly picking out the knots in her hair as she tried to focus on what she was reading. Instead, her mind drifted to other things such as the smell drifting out of the nearby cafeteria. Her stomach growled again, loudly. She quickly placed her hand over her stomach in an attempt to silence its pleas.

She could feel the anxiety beginning to build in her stomach, working its way up through her throat and into her head. She felt as though even the nerds sitting two tables away could hear her protesting stomach begging to bed fed for the first time in what felt like months, but had really only been less than a day. She pulled her water from her bookbag and took a large drink, hoping the cool liquid would satisfy her long enough to hold her over until she could get home and finally eat something with some flavor, not the flavorless rubber “chicken” the cafeteria had decided to serve. The cooks tried their best, but with so many mouths to feed and so many dietary restrictions from the school board there was only so much they could do to make their food taste even remotely close to what it looked like.

She turned her attention back to her textbook and tried to keep the words from blurring together as she zoned out while trying to also stay focused on the topic at hand. The revolutionary war was one that she didn’t seem to be able to get into for some reason. Maybe it was the way Mr. Abner droned on and on about the arguments of each side or how she got more caught up in the way his lisp wouldn’t allow him to pronounce his S’s, but either way it proved troublesome when it came down to a test that would could towards a larger portion of her first semester.

Ariella glanced up as she heard the door to the library open and watched as the very strikingly handsome Mr. Levi walked in, briefcase hooked on his shoulder and his white button up sleeves rolled up above his elbows. He was easy on the eyes and had a nice voice she enjoyed eaves dropping on. He walked casually up to the librarians desk, easily making her swoon when he smiled and asked her where he could find books on poetry for his upcoming lesson. She giggled like any school girl would and pointed off to the far end of the library in front of Ariella.

As he began to walk away he thanked the librarian and walked past a now staring Ariella.

“hello, Ariella. Hard at work I see.” He stated as he glanced down at the history book in her hands. Ariella gulped as she glanced at the book as well, almost in a way to remind herself of the topic of the book she was holding.

“more like hardly working, Mr. Abner’s test is in a couple days and I don’t think I remember half of what ive read.” She giggled out nervously once she finally found her voice.

He smiled and tapped the table, “Oh you’re one of the few students I have faith in, don’t let me down. You got this.” He stated and walked away towards the poetry section, leaving Ariella with a warm feeling her stomach that was soon interjected by another growl.

Minutes later As the bell rang signaling the end of her lunch, she sighed and placed her belongings back in the book bag and stood up to leave.

“watch it fat ass” someone said as they pushed past her. She looked around only to see it was the schools playboy, Dylan. However, she also seen the look of sympathy directed towards her by Mr. Levi himself. Her breath caught in her throat and she quickly dropped her head and walked as quick as she could out the library doors without running.

She glanced down at herself as she opened her locker to get the books for her next class. She had been dieting and trying to lose weight for the health benefits of it, and by no means found herself as obese or a “fat ass”, but she did see some pudginess to her thighs and in her lower stomach. She felt the embarrassment creep onto her face as she thought of the look Mr. Levi gave her when her heard the dumb jocks insult, and she felt even more embarrassed as she thought of the possible truth behind his insult. Is that really how people seen her? A fat kid? She was only five feet four inches tall and most of her weight was held in her behind and her chest.

She slammed the locker closed and walked to her next class feeling embarrassed. She knew she had never had the best eating habits, and she knew she could’ve exercised more, but she hadn’t ever really had a problem with her weight. She had never truly had a love interest, only on guys who she knew were way out of her league. It was just hard to hear the truth out loud, and especially in front of other people.

As she made her way into the classroom and plopped down in her seat she laid her head back down on the desk, suddenly feeling exhausted. It was only a comment, and one said by a dumb jock at that. She continued to remind herself of the progress she had made throughout the beginning of the school year. The work she had put in, the calories she had counted, and what was probably countless hours spent walking or running before school or before she would allow herself to sleep at night. One of these days she would show all these skinny cheerleaders and steroid pumped jocks that she was just as worthy of respect as they were.