Soul Locked

“Home is where the heart is”.

I’ve never really understood this quote, I mean I know I’ve never stayed in the same place long enough to feel at “home” but I’m sure my hearts been in one of them, right? So, why wasn’t any of them ‘home’? Anyway, moving from Canada has been most possibly the best decision I’ve ever made, I didn’t fit in there or in London before that but now moving to New York after months of saving up, well this has got to work and it’s all I’ve got. I’m still unsure if this is the place for me because of how much things have changed but it’s New York so why not? I am a city girl at heart. This has to change things, I feel it, and I know I’m going to maybe find myself here. I need to, I’m 24 and I will find my calling or at least something I’m good at.

Everyone has realistic dreams and then there are unrealistic dreams, or unrealistic desires. Obviously, I have them too, even though I’ve never really pictured myself in a stable career; I still felt like I could do something. My realistic dream was to teach children and make a difference to their lives but I tried this and I, being Anora Karoshan or Nora for short, didn’t feel like this was for me. Moving around from place to place didn’t help and it’s also harder than it looks. One would need confidence, aspirations or even goals to lead and I couldn’t find that, or when I did, it was too late. However, after much consideration I’ve decided to reach higher and focus on my more unrealistic dream, which is to be an actor. I mean I know I don’t have the full confidence yet but imagine working on shows like ‘The Walking Dead’ or on hit superhero movies like ‘Spiderman’, being the girl who gets to fly even without the inhumane super powers.

I think that New York might actually be the place for me and I know this because I have family here. Not blood family, I don’t have any of them... well I do, Mother and Father but I haven’t talked to them in a long time and they’re living in London right now. I mean family that actually want to be family. Like the type of family who’s based on loyalty.

Two of my closest friends live here in New York, like Trish; who recently found an amazing job over there and then decided to stay and marry the man of her dreams. And then there is Tori, who has family in New York and is currently studying to become a doctor, I’m so proud of her. The final member of the family is my long time childhood bestie Drexel or ‘Rexxo’, he’s definitely the brother I never had and is studying abroad so isn’t currently in New York. We are a pretty insane but normal family.

I actually grew up in New York for the best parts of my life, since I was 8 and then my family decided to move to London which kind of, well did ruin my life. New York had always been a place I called home but when we left, I couldn’t remember what home felt like.

I met all my best friends in New York, Rexxo was my next door neighbour and our families were really close so we used to spend practically every day together. I remember once, I had a huge fight with my mother so I ‘ran away from home’ by walking down a few streets and sitting outside a random kerb. I had this tiny bag in which contained: two fruit rollups, toothbrush, pencil and a picture of sponge-bob square pants. I took my bag and I sat on this huge, rusty kerb surrounded by grass, trees and this magnificent mansion.

Well I thought it was a mansion, it was really just a house. I remember staring at this mansion house and imagining what it would be like to have 10 siblings, 4 dogs and a mother and father who actually cared. I’d always watch movies like ‘cheaper of the dozen’ just so I could feel part of a big family, in a weird way it never actually worked. Anyway, I remember seeing Rexxo for the first time, he came out of the mansion house with his older brother and after about 10 minutes, Rexxo and his older brother asked me if I wanted to play tag with them and I did. After this, we had vanilla ice cream and Rexxo asked me why I had a bag with me and I explained what happened. I don’t remember much what was said, but I know after spending the day with Rexxo, I felt much better and decided to return home and that’s when I knew, Rexxo was my best friend. I miss him.

Trish and Tori lived a couple of streets down but I met them through school, even though we were very young, we were inseparable. It was kind of ‘friendship at first sight’, we met and just started playing pretend house. When you’re younger we don’t really notice how different we are from others but as we grew older, we realised we’re completely different and that’s what made us closer. Trish is the girly girl, heart as the big as the ocean and is actually quite funny whereas Tori is into rock bands with the same huge heart and has a habit of putting others before herself. I’m just blessed to have friends like these and they are the main reason I’m moving back to New York.

Anyway, I’m currently in the process of getting ready because myself, Trish and Tori are attending the huge ‘garden opening’ tonight at Central Park. It’s supposed to be really good with fireworks, singing performances and good food. I’m mostly going for the food. I’m excited though as it’s my official first tour of New York. I hope I meet new people, I’m not really a social person but maybe it’s time I changed that. I plan to stay so I need to fit in here.

I’ve decided to go for the simple jeans and top look, it’s quite chilly here and I don’t want to make a statement just yet.