Hiding Inside

"Sometimes, I don't know who I am, it comes and goes. I lose moments in time, and I forget what I was about to do, where I'm supposed to be. Then as quickly as it left me, my memories come back again." I scratched at a small tear in the couch I was told to sit on while revealing to yet another therapist what is wrong with me.

It's a nervous habit I seemed to have developed, scratching at things, pulling on loose threads, all in an attempt to ignore that I will forever be talking about my problems with specialist after specialist to no avail. They just put me on another drug and send me on my way.

"And how long have you been experiencing this?" The shrink asked writing on his little notepad.

"Since I was eleven," I mumbled, I knew exactly when this began, it was the day that I died.

It's funny how when people have determined that you are either sick or crazy, it doesn't matter if you are speaking the truth or not. The day I went skating with my brother Jake and fell through a crack in the ice, was the last time I ever said anything real in the world's eyes. Just sympathetic worried looks that say

I know that you believe that it's true, but that's just because you are not well.

I suppose I don't blame them. I would probably think I was crazy too with what I have seen. I don't even think I belong to myself anymore. I'm still in there, I'm just not alone.

"Kierstyn, did you hear me?" Dr. Phillips waved his hand in front of my face.

"Oh sorry, what?" I asked him shaking my head.

"I asked about the voices, how often do you hear them?" Another question I've been asked a million times.

"Well, for one it's only one voice," I said pointing up one finger. "And second, same as the memory loss, since I was eleven."

"After...falling through the ice?" He asked looking through the giant file that follows me around.

"Yes," I was starting to get bored of this. "Look is this almost over, I've made some plans with some friends." I couldn't help the smile that crept on my lips.

"Kierstyn it doesn't do you any good to joke around about this, you may have some serious medical conditions that should be treated before it leads to something more serious." He tried to explain while I ignored him.

"Yes I've heard, except you are about the fourth shrink I have seen, and not one has any idea what could be wrong with me, so forgive me if I think this is all just a waste of my time," I answered him getting a bit angry now.

"I know." He looked down at his lap. "I know you have struggled." He relaxed a bit in his chair. "How about we end this for today and we just carry on next time. We can try to get to know each other, I promise I'm not such a bad guy."

I narrowed my eyes at him not sure if this was all an act to get the crazies to give him what he wants. After a long moment of me sizing him up, I responded with "We'll see."

With that, I grabbed my bag and walked out the door. After getting lost in the hallways for about five minutes I finally found my way out of the front of the building.

The sun was shining bright when I walked out and I immediately shielded my eyes. The sun has always bothered me, but even more so since my 'traumatic experience', mom likes to politely call it, I just call it the day I died (mom doesn't like that very much).

I caught the city bus to head home and get ready for a long exciting night of binge-watching old horror movies then off to bed. I lied about the plans with friends, I don't make plans with friends, too much explaining of why I act so weird. I would much rather stay held up in my house relaxing with Netflix, my true best friend.

I never really liked being alone once upon a time. My father died when I was five from a training accident in the military. It was my mom, brother and I who remained, no other family to speak of. Then my brother went off to college and mom had to start working nights at the hospital, I now had to get used to a lot of alone time.

The bus stopped at the stop near my house and I hopped off. I often look down when I walk, a bad habit I developed trying not to see images that aren't there. I turned onto my street and my attention was drawn to a cat rummaging through a garbage can. "Are you a disappointment to the world too cat?"

I smirked at my comment and turned back just in time before I collided with the massive body that stood before me "Holy shit!" I cried out.

"You aren't a disappointment to me." The huge pile of muscles that blocked my way responded. He had light brown hair, striking brown eyes, and a beautiful smile, but I was too aggravated to even care.

"You scared the shit out of me. Do I know you?" I asked trying to catch my breath.

"Ah, no. I just moved in. Do you live in the neighbourhood?" He said with a little chuckle.

"So let me get this straight, I measure up to be about half the size of you, and you think it would be a good idea to tell you where I live?" I cocked an eyebrow and thought,

is this guy for real?

"I guess that wouldn't be very smart of you." He smiled

"No, I guess not." Glad I got my point across but wondering why he was still standing there.

"But...what if I told you I already know where you live." He said with a grin.

"I would call you a fucking stocker and knee you in the jewels." I responded quite serious taking a step back.

He started to laugh. "Please don't do that, your mom earlier offered me some lemonade in the middle of our move and I saw your picture in the front foyer of your house when she asked me to step inside." He gave me a grin. "I'm your new neighbour."

I scowled a little and sidestepped him to continue walking past. "Why didn't you just tell me that?" I asked not liking to play games.

"I don't know, maybe I thought it might freak you out." He replied trying to find an excuse while he walked up beside me. "I'm Oliver."

I looked down at the hand that he offered and smirked not taking it. "Kierstyn." I simply replied.

He took his hand back and continued to walk with me up to my walkway. "Are you still here?" I asked him, man, how rude do I have to be to get rid of this guy.

"Sure am, thought I'd walk you up to your door, mom always taught me to be a gentleman." He smiled.

"Ya. Thanks."

I unlocked the door and was about to go into the house when he said behind me. "Are you going to be around tomorrow? Thought I'd call on you."

"I don't know maybe," I said with a confused look on my face.

"Goodnight Kierstyn."

"Night" I replied not knowing what just happened.