Roots
SHIRLEY
“Honey.”
Shirley looked away from her computer and looked at her mother, who stood in the doorway with a laundry basket.
“Angelika’s here looking for you. She didn’t want to come in, and she looks upset.”
The look on her mother’s face prompted Shirley to shut down the computer and hurry out to meet her friend.
It was barely noon on Saturday, and she knew that Angelika’s cheerleading practice didn’t end for another hour. Besides, it was Angelika.
She always stayed back for personal practice after everyone else had left.
“Shirley, we need to get to Dee’s house. I think her mother is getting bailed out of jail after all, and they’re moving away!”
Shirley could barely focus or hold the gaze of her tall, brunette Puerto Rican friend. Angelika wasn’t looking as badass as she usually appeared. She wore a telltale frown, and shadows darkened her eyes. “Shirley!” Okay, let me get my cell phone and come with you. Shirley ran to her room, grabbed her cell phone, and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She spotted two strawberry blonde ponytail puffs, braces, and dimples. “Angel,” as Shirley affectionately called her, “are you sure about this?” Shirley tried to ask, but Angelika’s expression was closed off.
Shirley kept her mouth shut as they trekked down the road to Dee’s house, her thoughts rioting unpleasantly in her head. It is a rare incidence, as Shirley was normally the problem fixer of the bunch.
A white moving van stood in front of the small bungalow where a great portion of her childhood had been spent.
Dee came out right then, with Candice and Jessica, who held a box in their hands. Dee’s smile disappeared from her face when she spotted Shirley.
“What is she doing here?” she asked, glaring at Angelika.
Shirley looked down at her feet. She shouldn’t have come. She had just wanted to see Dee before she left Hunting Park forever.
“Come on, Dee. We’ve spoken about this. Calm down, okay?” Candice reassured, dumping the box in the back of the van.
Candice was the second oldest of the girls. She and Angelika were like second mothers to Dee. Candice, a fair-skinned beauty with chestnut-colored, stood in front of Dee with her hands on her hips with an intense stare.
On the other hand, Jessica wrapped her arms around Dee and shunned Shirley away with her big chocolate brown eyes. Jessica was closer in age to Dee, and they shared a closer bond than the rest of the girls.
Shirley didn’t look up, but she could feel Dee’s burning stare.
Tears prickled at the back of her lids, and before they could stream down her face, she turned and headed toward the house.
“Shirley!”
She ignored Candice and Angelika’s calls and hurried towards her house.
“Shirley, you know she’s still raw about everything that happened. Come on, stop, okay?”
She stopped and turned to Angelika, who had her hands on her knees, panting from running after Shirley.
“Leave me alone, Angel. I understand everything as I should.”
“Shirley, don’t let Dee get to you. It’s been four months now, and we all still don’t feel right,” Angelika shouted, her tone tinged with a little irritation.
Shirley crossed the short steps to the front porch of her house and plopped on a long patio chair. A few seconds later, she burst into tears.
Dee would never forgive her.
It didn’t matter that they’d been friends since third grade. It wouldn’t matter that they had celebrated birthdays together and frolicked around the neighborhood with their group of friends, terrorizing the boys.
“Alright, stop that now, Shirley. You need to stop crying and focus on the fact that it might be a while before we see Dee again. You are going to miss her as much as the rest of us, so we need to make use of the short time we have together,” Angelika said in a softer tone, sitting down next to her.
Shirley didn’t know how to feel.
“She doesn’t want to be around me. I’ve tried apologizing so many times, but she doesn’t want to hear it,” Shirley whispered after some time.
Angelika smiled in her usual assuring manner. “Then you hang around her until she wants to talk. You know how Dee is; she’ll come around eventually.”
But Dee never did, not that day or in the days after.
Dee was always the stubborn one, probably because she was the youngest. The youngest and the wildest of the group always full of trouble. People would always underestimate her because of her thin frame and short stature.
It wasn’t till five years later that they were able to have a normal conversation.
If you called speaking once or twice a month normal.
Shirley Pilcher tossed the last picture frame into a cardboard box full of memorabilia from her childhood and placed it with the rest of the boxes.
She couldn’t afford to take a train ride deeper into the past at this moment.
It was too expensive and draining, and there was still a lot for her to do.
She still hadn’t assembled a good number of her things for the big move in two days.
It was crazy, she knew.
Hell, everyone wasted no time in letting her know just how crazy she was to be moving in with a man she’d barely known in a year.
It was highly illogical and insensitively close to the death of her husband.
William had been the only love of her life and the one who’d loosened the tight, painful straps of the past from around her body. Something her college sweetheart and husband of two years, Sam, hadn’t been able to do.
Unlike Sam, who had been the same age as she was, William had been far older at forty. They’d met at a party on a yacht hosted by a mutual friend. Shirley hadn’t been able to take her eyes off him or get over how he stared at her like an anchor, waiting to help steady her just a bit.
It hadn’t been too hard after that.
Four conversations later, she fell crazily and irrevocably in love with him.
William saw past the shiny cover and smiling facade. He saw past her love for socializing and partying to the hidden potentials she possessed deep down. William saw, admired, and encouraged her writing. He was the one who’d given her the courage to keep submitting her work even after the multitude of rejection letters piling up on their coffee table.
When the golden letter had finally arrived, he’d gathered her into his arms and brushed away her tears. William had always believed in her. It wasn’t much of a surprise to him that her book had finally been approved.
Shirley had finally gotten all her manuscripts published in the next years and still couldn’t believe that she was the bestselling author, Shirley Smith-Pilcher. Those were the best years of her life. The years spent with William, loving and taking care of him as a wife, paid off. He had always reciprocated her efforts, doubly and with great tenderness.
But that was until he changed abruptly. After trying to make love one evening and William couldn’t get it up, they both shrouded it off as he was tired. But as time went on, it keeps happening, leaving them both devastated. William had a few health issues but was otherwise healthy, and Shirley always made sure he took herbs to combat the negatives effects of the medication he was taking. Williams was very embarrassed and didn’t want to seek any medical help. He didn’t want to sleep with her anymore. He wanted her to go out and find someone younger. Someone who could satisfy her.
Shirley hadn’t taken that very well. They’d quarreled ceaselessly about it until he’d finally asked her for a divorce.
It had been so crazy and unexpected.
She hadn’t been anywhere ready to honor his request and was ready to spend her time letting him know she loved him and no one else would do.
But then, tragedy had struck.
It wasn’t like everyone had been expecting; it was a shock that left her on the floor in tears with her heart broken into many pieces.
William’s heart and kidneys had been bad for a while, and in the entirety of the twelve years they’d been together, they had only gotten worse. They hadn’t been able to function and keep him alive when he crashed his car into a tree and died two days later in the Intensive Care Unit.
Nine months ago, she’d buried her husband and best friend in the entire world. It had been a rollercoaster of pain and restoration of all the bitter memories that had been put to rest. The only good thing it had done was bring her back in contact with the girls, for the first time since they’d all moved away from Pennsylvania.
William’s death had been like a balm that’d soothed the drift that had settled on the clique; her childhood friends from Philadelphia.
They’d all come down for her. To help support and ease her pain. Every one of them, including Dee.
Shirley had never thought she’d find happiness like that ever again.
She had never believed she’d find someone who would love and take care of her the way William had done. She couldn’t understand his reasons for wanting her to be happy and live a full life without him. She’d been so happy and content with him and didn’t know why he hadn’t seen it.
What she didn’t know was that the love could never be replicated. The love they’d shared was something on a whole other level.
That was what Shirley had thought until Keith came into her life.
ANGELIKA
Angelika loosened her hold on the faux Armani suitcase and let it drop to the porch tiles.
She needed to calm down before ringing the doorbell and facing them all again.
Hell, how she hated to be back in this bullshit town.
To face it all over again.
Four years away in a New York college had been the perfect escape, and she’d truly believed it would be easier to deal with it after her family moved away from Hunting Park, Pennsylvania.
But that had been a dream she’d been the only one forcing.
Her parents wanted to wait till both their kids get back from college before they moved, mistakenly believed that they loved Hunting Park.
Well, here she finally was!
Her fist was barely against the knocker when the door was suddenly thrown open.
“Oh, my baby girl. Don’t you eat anything?” Angelika was enfolded in her mother’s ample bosom in the blink of an eye. “Child, you are as thin as a rail, and your face is all thin now. What is it?”
Angelika grabbed the suitcase with a long, suffering sigh.
“Mamma, I am in great shape, and there is nothing wrong with looking a little rough around the edges.” Her mother’s eyes looked doubtful, with hints of annoyance.
“You just have to be so strong and hard-hearted and hold yourself from everyone and everything.”
Angelika gritted her teeth and calmed herself mentally. She is used to her mother’s constant silent criticisms.
“I am not trying to be strong, and joining the Navy isn’t to show everyone how tough I am,” she spat.
“Child, don’t take that...”
“It’s been four years, Carla; give the child a break.”
Angelika sighed with relief as she turned to her father, who came forward with open arms and a welcoming smile. She had always been closer to him than her mother, who thought her every disagreement was a reflection of her bad parenting.
“Hello, daddy. It’s been a while.”
“I know it was hard to defeat whatever was holding you down from coming back to this town. Welcome home, my soon-to-be lieutenant.” Angelika smiled, this time without inhibitions. All through dinner, she marveled at how much she’d missed her family. She’d missed fishing with her dad, helping her brother Jeremy in his workshop.
It was hard to believe four years had passed since she left.
None of the cliques were in town anymore; they all had moved away in the past years.
She knew Candice, Jessica, and Shirley were in New York, but not Dee. She prided herself on keeping notes and knowing about everyone, but Dee had been quite the elusive one.
She knew nothing about Dee or her current location.
Her redhead friend had been the sweetest of the clique.
She had also been the most broken of them all.
Everything had been perfect till that night.
They’d all just been regular high school students with gigantic dreams, places to go, and a huge bucket list of things to do.
Shirley, the clique’s nerd with a shock of strawberry blonde curls, wanted to write best-selling contemporary novels. Her love for mingling beautiful things and proving the stereotypes about nerds wrong was second to none.
Angelika spoke to her whenever she could. She was doing well and working on a debut novel. She was also in love.
Jessica was currently working as a receptionist and pole dancer as a part-time job for extra cash. Though she’d been in a few mishaps with the law not too long ago, but she is doing okay.
The last time they spoke, Jessica had assured her she was going to get her shit together and work her way to her dream job. Jessica was a honor student in school so there was no contending the fact that Jessica grasped new things very quickly. It was her strong suit.
Serious but funny, Candice is almost done with med school. She is currently going through a list of options for her residency and had looked well the last time they talked on FaceTime.
Dee had been the youngest amongst them. She hadn’t been clear or decisive about her dreams back then, but last Angelika heard about her, she’d quit college to become a hostess in a restaurant in Brooklyn.
It was hard whenever Angelika spoke to Dee.
The memories of the despicable thing she’d done always come up whenever she heard her friend’s voice. She lived it over and over again as they chatted. She knew it was what drew her closer to Dee.
“Hey, baby.”
Angelika roused from the deepest crevice of her old memories to see her boyfriend, Tyron, armed with a breakfast tray and smile
“Lover, you shouldn’t have; I was just getting up.”
Tyron waved her off. “I wanted to do something nice for you. Besides, we’re celebrating your new promotion to NYPD Detective tonight. That’s hardly an obscure position.”
He balanced the tray across her thighs and bent to kiss her deeply.
Angelika’s heart melted right then, and she stared at him with disbelief and admiration, long after they broke the kiss.
My man, she thought to herself. Tyron was tall, dark, with big muscles that held her together with warmth at night. He was perfect and sweet and the best thing about her short stint in the Navy.
Misfiled paperwork and a meeting had brought them together.
One look at the breathtaking man standing at the doorway of the office of intelligence, and she’d fallen head over heels.
Tyron was everything she’d been searching for. He treated her like the sun and moon rose and fell on her face. Tyron loved her like she’d never been loved in her life. He made it all better, the years of not being loved enough.
He was a prince. Her prince charming who’d come to rescue her from an almost monotonous life filled with all sort of personal suffering like anxiety, bouts of depression, and bad decisions.
When Angelika had gotten into the navy, she had thrown herself into her job and done her best to live a life of not worrying about the despicable nightmares that came when she least expected them to.
The last relationship she’d been in was a total disaster from the start.
Jake like everything in tight skirts and hadn’t thought her sexy and supple enough. He cheated soon after they met and kept on doing it till he couldn’t anymore, breaking up with her with nothing but the cold black truth; he’d met someone and was in love with her. The lady’s curves and large boobs hadn’t been all that bad either.
Tyron had been different since he’d asked her to be his girlfriend four months ago. He was committed, caring, and constantly doing thoughtful things like the wonderful breakfast he held in his arms.
“I love you lots, baby,” Angelika said; unable to help herself; she stretched up to kiss his soft, succulent lips.
His hand closed around her arm, eyes shining with an unidentifiable emotion.
“Did you just call me baby?”
Angelika felt a thrill snake through her body at the quiet steel in his tone. It snuck out occasionally, the brittle, hard, intense undertones, scaring and seducing her altogether.
“Yes, I did. You are mine, and I’m yours, right? Forever?”
Tryon’s face relaxed into a smile slowly, but the hardness in his voice still lingered; this time, more intimidating.
“You should call me Daddy, okay? I am in charge; I’m in control. Now let me hear you say it.”
“Daddy….” Angelika wasted no time; she loved this dominance. Hell, he was her man.
Tyron moved the tray to a table nearby and yanked her up and into his arms in the next second.
Angelika didn’t mind the sharp stinging pain where his nails had dug into her arms or the punishing feel of his lips on hers. She loved it just as much as she loved him. Love happened anytime, and it was always less than perfect too.
Tyron had his little flaws; he always wanted to have his way.
He was a devoted Christian and been married twice and had four children, but they lived with their mothers. She didn’t mind all that because she felt the women were weak and hadn’t known how to handle a real man.
She did, and she planned on doing everything in her power to prove it.
She and Tyron were made for each other. It wasn’t a big deal that they had to go through some trials from time to time. She felt that the hard times were their way to find themselves.
CANDICE
Candice stood rooted to the ground at the entryway to the E.R.
Stretchers were being wheeled inside, with severely burnt patients and their loved ones crying as they followed the medics closely.
The sight had brought a storm of bad memories into her head, and she was powerless against the tears running in her eyes. She should have damned the pact they’d all made and told the police everything about the fire.
That raging inferno was still there in her head, burning through her subconscious, leaving an acrid smell of singed flesh and death. It seemed like a long time ago; still, it haunted her.
Candice didn’t like to think about that fire incident at all. She ought to have told the truth about what had happened that night.
*****
Candice felt tears trailing down her cheeks as she huddled together with her friends on a bench a few steps away from the squad cars and fire trucks parked in front of the single story cream-colored house.
Pockets of fire still smoked all over the building’s balcony, with thick smoke drifting into the cold evening air.
The firemen were almost done putting out the fire, and the EMTs were loading the last stretcher into an ambulance.
It seemed like she was stuck in an unending horror flick and right in the thick of the climax.
“Candice! Candice!!”
Candice jerked from the depth of her horrible thoughts and faced the rest of the clique.
Angelika’s expression was calm and steady. “You can’t tell the cops anything again, okay? It’s important we have the same stories.”
Candice hesitated for long, slow seconds, her gaze drifting from Dee’s bruised face as she rested her head on Jessica’s shoulders to the tears trailing down her cheeks in succession.
Shirley was as quiet as a graveyard. She twirled a friendship ring around her finger ceaselessly, her lips trembling as the occasional sniffle escaped. Angelika looked pale, too, despite the focus and calm she exuded. It showed in the slight tremble of her fingers.
Candice felt a little calm. She could do this. She could be calm too.
“Fine. I won’t say anything wrong - but I think it would be the right thing to do. Oh, hell! I’m just so scared….”
*****
“Candice, the head nurse, wants all medical students in the main hall. They are understaffed, and we’re needed,” a blonde lady called Leah as she quickly walked past.
Candice gathered herself together and followed.
It was hard to let go of the past, and reminiscing was a luxury she couldn’t afford right now.
She shoved the box of bad memories back to its place and tried instead to focus on the job at hand.
It was a couple of hours before she could manage to slip out of the hospital and head for home. She was physically exhausted, but for a good reason. It had felt wonderful and fulfilling assisting the doctors and helping the patients feel a little better. It was the reason she’d chosen to study Medicine and couldn’t wait to finish Medical School and begin her residency.
She loved to help people and bring a certain measure of relief. It gave her a purpose and a little measure of peace from the chaos inside her head.
The chaos that had been ignited from that horrible night in Hunting Park.
The night she could never forget.
It took Candice twenty minutes to get back to her apartment in downtown Madison.
After a quick soak, she curled up in bed and tried to put everything that had gone down in the E.R out of her mind
It was hard to relax, but she had to find a way - she had a date tonight.
He was a new pediatrician at the hospital and six feet tall, muscular chocolate goodness.
Anthony Velasquez was fresh out of medical school, Cuban, and very impressionable. He had also developed a crazy crush on her right from the first moment they’d met.
Candice wasn’t overly surprised about that, though; she was beautiful and curvy with clear ebony skin and eyes her mother had always said belonged to a gypsy. She knew just how attractive she was and always dressed to accentuate that - in a tasteful manner.
It wasn’t much of a secret that she almost had it all.
A great body and an awesome part-time job at a nursing home just a short drive from school.
Candice was fully aware of all her qualities and her higher-than-average I.Q but marveled at how she still sucked at many other things too.
Anthony wasn’t the first doctor to make a move on her at the hospital, but he was the boldest and most persistent. She intended to make the most of it and was open to considering more options than the occasional no-strings flings she was used to.
It was scary but seemed like something she wanted to try out.
Candice’s smile was warm and giddy when her phone rang suddenly, distracting her from the shy fantasies.
She got out of bed in a rush with the picture of the good doctor in her head, but it was her friend, Dee.
“Hey, girl. How are you doing?”
Candice poured herself a glass of wine and leaned into the couch.
“How’s it going? I wanted to thank you for getting me out of that crap last night. I am a terrible person, but you never give up on me.”
Candice laughed. “Shut up, Dee. Just be careful next time he tells you he’s got a heart condition, girl. “
Dee dissolved into a peal of laughter.
“Oh, stop being a stuffy McCants. He was hung; what was I supposed to do?”
“I can’t agree with you, girl. Just be careful, okay? I’ll call you later; I’ve got a date tonight.”
“A date?!” Dee squealed into her ears.
Candice winced, holding the phone away. “Stop it, Dee. It’s not a big deal.”
“It is, Candy-cane. You’ve been so consumed with med school’s brouhaha that you never let yourself date anything but assholes and inattentive medics.”
Candice shook her head. Dee was wrong. She dated people who weren’t doctors too. She did.
“But then they were assholes, weren’t they?” A voice taunted in her head.
“Okay, Dee. I’ve got no time right now to discuss my sex life. I’ll talk to you later.”
“But, Candice, I should….”
“By the way, he’s also a doctor. A pediatrician, so that you know.” Candice added right before she hung up with a smile on her face.
Dee could be exasperating, but she was right.
She dated emotionally weak and busy doctors, and when she didn’t, it was an express ride to asshole lane.
Candice moved to her closet to find a suitable outfit to wear.
Even if nothing did come out of the date, she was going to make sure she had the time of her life.
She would relax and make the best of it.
It had been a stressful week, and a good relief wouldn’t be bad at all.
She just hoped Anthony Valesquez was worth the fuss as she dragged a sequined green dress from the back of her closet and spritzed on some perfume.
JESSICA
Jessica was sitting at her work desk when she received a text from her aunt Susie. The text read
“Hi Jess, I hope all is well with you. I just wanted to let you know your mom has a new attorney and may have a chance of getting out of jail. They have moved her to a new drug and alcohol treatment facility. She wants you to visit. The address is 4356 Peach Street Philadelphia, pa. 19141. Visiting hours are M-F 12 PM-6 PM. I think she will stay clean this time, Jess. Let me know if you want me to go with you. Love you”
Just then, tears started to roll in her eyes as she thought about the last time she saw her mother. It was just before everything had gone wrong.
Somewhere dark in her head, a place where all the awful memories she tried not to remember went, a voice screamed…
*****
“Mom!!” Jessica yelled till her voice cracked as she struggled out of the social worker’s hand. “Leave me alone; you’re all lying about her!”
Everything else was a blur for her, from the comforting words of the women who held her gently yet firm in their grip to the police car waiting to take her mother away.
The look on her mother’s face was what she hadn’t been able to let go of. She looked sadly regretful and silently apologized to Jessica.
Her mom’s look broke her heart right there.
She couldn’t get over it and wondered why she hadn’t been enough.
*****
That moment had been with Jessica her entire life, and if it hadn’t been for the girls, it probably would still be in shit and a total disaster by now.
Jessica was jarred from the depths of her depressing thoughts by the ringing of the telephone on her desk.
“Hello, Russell and Brandt here; how may I help you?”
Her countenance grew business-like and professional almost immediately from years of practice as she let go of the unpleasant memories. She listened patiently and took down the message from the caller before hanging up promptly and letting out a tired yawn.
It was almost closing time, and Jessica couldn’t wait to get home and get a drink and pop a Xanax.
She had a pole dancing class to attend, but she will probably miss it. She was tired, and the week had been especially stressful.
Gabriel, her current squeeze, was annoying yesterday and was beginning to get on her last nerve.
Jessica wasn’t and had never been in the one to take shit from men, and when they begin to piss her off, she ended things and went on her way. She had a million things to do, from her busy receptionist job in the law firm to studying for her Masters in Entertainment Management and of course her pole dancing classes.
She didn’t have time to take shit from any man.
There had been so much work that had been done on her by therapists all her life - it hadn’t all been for nothing.
When Jessica got home, she wasted no time in telling Gabriel off over the phone. She didn’t need some guy stressing her life at the moment, not in any way.
Gabriel didn’t take it so well. He called her a frigid bitch, who was crazy to let go of a catch like him.
Jessica couldn’t help but laugh as she hung up and powered on her system to do some research on her term papers. She had no time to dwell on inconsequential things like men and promptly lost herself in her inquiries online.
The next couple of months were tense and hectic, but Jessica didn’t feel much pressure because she always found a one-nightstand that made her feel better.
She went to work, attended classes, and found time to check on the girls. Although they weren’t all as close as they had once been, the girls were still rocks to Jessica.
Angelika, the oldest, with her bossy attitude and staunchness, constantly had their backs.
Sexy and brainy Candice was so easy to talk to and not as abrupt as Angelika could sometimes be.
Of course, Shirley, with her weakness for beautiful things and amazing selfies, was one of the things they had in common, especially shopping.
Then there was Dee.
Dee was her favorite, and she was the closest to her out of all the girls.
They were closer in age, and it was Dee she felt more connected to. The others thought Dee could be too much, but she didn’t.
She understood just where her crazy friend was coming from and respected all her decisions.
Jessica relied on the girls because she found it hard opening up to new people and didn’t overly like change so much. Since the horrible thing that had happened that night years ago, they’d been connected forever. There was an invisible gauze of protection around them, and it had been quite obvious at Shirley’s husband’s funeral.
Even Dee, who sometimes held herself back, hadn’t done that. It was the moment that mended the awkwardness and slight distance that had settled between them.
Jessica was happy for them.
Months of therapy had made her understand that support groups were important and accepting help wasn’t a bad thing. That was why Jessica broke down and decided to see her mother.
That morning she’d woken up tired and nauseous. The thought of seeing her mother after all these years frightened her. As Jessica always felt like her mother chooses street life over her.
The tiredness and sick feeling refused to go away, and with that, Jessica took it as an omen and chickened out of going to see her mother that day; instead, she laid around the house a bundle of nerves.
Two days after and on the morning of the third day, Jessica was woken with a sick twist in her stomach and soon found herself hurling the entire content of her belly in the toilet.
She rinsed off her mouth, suspicious thoughts circling in her head as she hastily calculated how many days it had been since her period had been due to start.
Refusing to jump to conclusions, she stopped at a drugstore after work to get a pregnancy kit.
Jessica had quickly learned to be efficient and self-sufficient, too; she rarely left anything to the last minute. Living in foster care after her mother had been taken away to jail for driving under the influence of alcohol and killing someone, she had learned to be tactical and face issues head-on instead of skirting around it.
It was better to confront it and put her mind to rest.
Staring at the two PINK lines on the stick minutes later felt like being doused with a bucketful of ice-cold water. She was pregnant.
Jessica’s heart began to race as she let her head run through the last unprotected sex she had and with whom.
She couldn’t remember who it had been and had no idea which of her one-nightstand was responsible.
Lowering herself down to the toilet seat, she squeezed her eyes tightly shut to stop the ringing in her ears. All she could think about was not being ready to be a mom, especially one like hers.
DEE
“Dee, I’m sorry. Just calm down; you’ll be fine.”
Dee couldn’t hear or feel anything.
Her entire body was frozen up as the girls gathered around her. She couldn’t comprehend what had happened to her in the last hour and felt like every cell on her body was on fire. The tears just kept coming, ceaselessly.
They trickled down even when Angelika helped her into the restroom, and Jessica rubbed her hair in bed. .
Dee didn’t feel any better. The pain she felt only burned more.
After the rest of the girls had left for home, Dee lay in bed, struggling to keep her mind blank and the images far away from her head.
It only lasted for a short couple of minutes.
She closed her eyes and let out the scream that had been smothered deep inside her since the moment everything had begun to go horribly wrong.
All she could envision was that guy on top of her as she blacked out. The next thing she knew she was setting on a bench looking at a fire.
Dee screamed awake and suddenly stopped to let out a caustic curse.
Damn the stupid nightmares!
She turned to check the clock on her bedside table. It was just 5 am, and she didn’t have to be in the diner for two more hours.
Dee let out another stream of curses.
How bloody, tiring, and inconveniencing the nightmares could be sometimes. She got out of bed and crawled to her yoga mat to try some relaxation techniques. Yoga had been her source of comfort whenever the nightmares come - and sometimes, a big bottle of vodka as well.
That did the trick faster, but the relief didn’t last long.
The only upside was the fact that it usually left her in a good, cheerful mood.
Dee couldn’t bring herself to concentrate after thirty minutes of trying.
She got up and rolled up her mat, opting for the bottle of Skye vodka in the fridge.
She poured herself a generous potion and downed it in one go, wincing as the familiar warmth began to chase away the thick, dark cobwebs in her heart.
Dee had seen countless psychologists, courtesy of her mother, who never really understood what had caused the darkness that had descended on her daughter years ago. They never worked, and Dee had gotten tired and rebellious and stopped attending eventually.
She had found a way to cope with it, though - a great appetite for sex and alcohol was all it took.
All through the crazy one year she spent in Jersey State University, she slept with every attractive man she came into contact with.
After quitting college and waking up sprawled on a dirty-looking bed in a distasteful house one morning, body entangled with a guy she would never let touch her on a random day, Dee made a conscious decision to be in better control of her life.
The first thing she did at that moment was to reach out to her friends.
She had stopped speaking to the girls, even though she knew fully well that they worried about her, and it all came from a good place. They had been with her that night and had all been changed one way or the other. If anyone had the slightest idea of the kind of hell she went through each day, it was the girls.
Jessica spoke to her from time to time and always found a way to check up on her when she could.
Candice never let a week pass without reaching out to her and was incredibly stubborn about keeping tabs on her. Just like Angelika, who was the bossiest person Dee had ever known.
All the attention had made her feel like the broken child, and the first thing she had done after her mother’s death was sell the house in Albany and move to Brooklyn. She changed her numbers and started a new life filled with all types of misadventures.
Dee found a new crowd of footloose and fancy adults who drank booze like it was and partied every single chance they got. She linked up with friends who were in the escort business and used the money to fund her drug and alcohol use and buy food in between. Dee didn’t care about anything else but numbing the pain she felt at night and blocking the nightmares by getting shitfaced drunk before bed.
When the girls had gotten a call from her, they all had been ready to drop everything they were doing to see her.
Dee had assured them it wasn’t necessary and that she was going to be fine eventually.
The truth was, the entire process of being fine was a slow journey and not a pretty one either.
Every new day came with its own problems, and Dee believed herself to be a work in progress.
She had made a good move by quitting crack and hallucinogenic drugs, limiting herself to only alcohol. She had also gotten the job at the diner, even if she silently hated it and didn’t depend on the money for her upkeep.
The only thing Dee hadn’t been able to stop or get rid of was her love for sex.
She loved sex and didn’t think she could ever deal with the monotony of doing it with just one random person. The good money she made off it was also an added benefit, and it had given her the nice clothes and weaves she always rocked, plus a new car.
In Dee’s defense, she had tried dating one person and being faithful to him.
Will Richardson had been an amazing lover, caregiver, and friend.
Things had been alright and going well for them until she met his friend, Sal, who was equally handsome and extra seductive too.
It started to go downhill from there…
Dee had no illusions about happiness and none whatsoever about finding it.
What she did understand was purpose and taking each day as it came. She dressed as it inched closer to 8 am her resumption time, adding sunglasses to her outfit even though the sun wasn’t out and the day looked cloudy.
It was barely ten minutes after her arrival at the diner that her boss began to give her grief. Dee had never liked the job, but it provided her some money and a certain level of structure. All night long her boss was eyeing her and saying little slick remarks. However Dee ignored her and laughed to herself. It was now twelve am the end of her shift Dee looked around everyone was gone except Howie her boss. Dee approached his office door and went in. She locked the door to his office, leaving them both alone.
“Hey, what are you doing? Why did you do that?”
“Shut up, Howie. Just doing what you don’t have the nerve to do, so you don’t have to give me such a hard time.”
Dee unzipped the front of her blouse, exposing her moderately firm boobs in a transparent bra as she walked around to the other side of the desk.
She smiled with satisfaction as his attention was immediately drawn to her boobs as she bent to unzip his fly.
A few minutes later, thoroughly content and pleasured, Dee collected her things and let him know she was done with the job.
As she walked out as Howie begged her to stay as he followed her out of the establishment to a bar around the corner where she ordered a whiskey on rocks and ogled the bartender.
She watched the way he interacted with customers and exchanged contact information with them subtly, mixing drinks and serving them up promptly.
Dee smiled as her thoughts began to play around with the benefits of finding a new job as a bartender.
