Crazy Cat Lady

"This is so embarrassing," Taylor mumbled to herself, hiding her face in her hands as the massive leather-bound penis danced two inches from her face.

Her friends were not far away, hooting and hollering their approval, as the giant, fairly decent-looking stripper picked her up from the chair, making her stand so he could make his way around her. He grabbed her hips, making her sway to the music while he continued his erotic performance from behind.

Taylor looked down at her best friend, Lena, giving her a face that said I'm going to kill you. By that time, he had made his way back in front of her, giving Taylor a wink. She yet again averted her eyes from this half-naked man, as he continued his performance in front of the whole world, using her as his prop.

Finally, to Taylor's relief, he moved on to some other, more willing victim, and she high-tailed it off the stage. Lena was hysterically laughing while Taylor swatted at her. "Are you serious right now? How could you sic that guy on me? I'm not even the one getting married. Why are you always putting me in these situations?"

Lena tried to catch her breath, holding her side and wiping away tears. "Honey, it's just too entertaining not to."

"You are seriously a horrible friend," Taylor responded, folding her arms over herself, now feeling exposed, despite wearing a thick cotton brown sweater and jeans.

"Come on, Tay, you need to live a little. Look at yourself." She gestured towards all of her.

Taylor looked down at herself, confused. "What's wrong with this?"

Lena's eyes opened wide. "You're not serious, right?" Taylor kept the same look on her face as if to say, I don't know what the hell you're talking about. Lena put her hands on each side of her mouth, pretending she had a megaphone. "You're at a party!" She yelled in her face, making Taylor wince.

"So," Taylor pouted.

"So, Tay, you knew this was a dress-up event. You knew that we were going to a bar, not someone's house, and you have also been single for a year since Douchebag Rob cheated on you, so what are you doing? You're wearing the ugliest sweater imaginable, completely unflattering jeans, and your hair looks like you just threw it up at your desk. And why are you wearing your glasses? I know you have contacts." Taylor pushed her glasses up her nose as if on cue. "You look like you are about to curl up at home with a good book, not find a man!" She threw her arms up in the air, looking frustrated.

"I'm not looking for a date, Lena," Taylor responded, rolling her eyes. "I'm here for Patricia; this is her big day." She finished with a proud look on her face.

"Listen, Tay, when you have been single for as long as you have..."

"A year is not that long..." Taylor tried to interrupt, but Lena put her hand up to silence her.

"When you have been single for as long as you have, and are in your thirties, it doesn't matter what the occasion is, you have to dress for the hunt and find yourself some fine man meat. And, if he's not decent enough to take home to Mom, then hopefully he will be decent enough to service you downtown." She added with a wink.

Taylor shook her head. "Lena, I'm not just going to be looking for a good lay, I'm not that kind of girl, besides, I never really liked...having that done."

"That's just because you've never had it done right," Lena mumbled while taking a drink. Taylor narrowed her eyes at that comment but didn't say anything.

"Lena's right, Taylor..." Stephanie came out of nowhere, hanging off Lena's arm, completely trashed. "You can't just wait around for a man to fall into your lap... You have to...to work hard for a decent guy these days." She finally finished her sentence, looking like she was about to puke.

"What is this pick on Taylor day? Why are we not celebrating Patricia's future nuptials? I'm going to find her right now. I have yet to even say hi, and now that the entertainment is taking a break, I will use this time to talk about anything else besides my dating life." She finished her drink and went through the crowd looking for her friend.

"Or lack thereof..." Taylor heard one of them mumble loudly behind her, and they both burst out into drunken laughter.

Taylor turned around and stuck out her tongue at them, making them laugh even more, then she turned back and immediately noticed Patricia looking every bit as beautiful as a blushing bride should. Smiling from ear to ear, a twinkle in the eye, hopeful for the future.

Taylor used to feel this way, too, once, but that didn't turn out the way that she had hoped. She met Rob when she was just finishing high school, at the drive-in theatre where they both worked.

Taylor had never dated before; it's not like she wasn't attracted to guys, she would just get asked out by them, or they would flirt with her, and she would run for the hills. They were usually quick to give up on her awkward behaviour, but Rob never did. Maybe he liked the shy, frumpy girl in the corner, who didn't know what to do in any situation when it came to boys.

Needless to say, Rob was her everything. He was her first real date, her first love, her first time having sex, her first marriage, and unfortunately, will be her first divorce. She felt like a complete joke.

She sighed and put all that aside for her blissfully happy friend. She wasn't about to ruin the night for her. Taylor walked closer, trying to get her attention amongst the crowd of ladies, all swooning over Patricia's ring.

"Pat," Taylor called out, obviously not loud enough. "Pat!" She tried again louder.

Patricia's eyes met hers, and she let out a squeal, making Taylor wince. Pat has had her fill with alcohol this evening, Taylor thought to herself. "Tay Tay, oh my god!" She came over, giving her a giant hug. "Why are you so late? I thought you weren't even coming. When did you get here?"

Taylor moved back to try to catch her breath, "Shhshhshh.. Pat," she laughed at her enthusiasm. "I told you I was going to be late because of work, for one. I got here about twenty minutes ago, at which point Lena grabbed me and practically threw me on stage with your stripper. He rubbed his body all over me, waving his thing in my face..."

Pat snorted, nearly spitting out her drink, at her story. "Tay, I love you."

"Come on, does nobody feel any sympathy for me? You all just get your kicks out of watching me suffer. I don't think you guys love me at all." Taylor wined.

"We do too, which is why tonight is the night I set you up with my brother's friend Marcus." She beamed as she said this, "You will love him, and he will love...wait, what are you wearing?"

Taylor's shoulders slumped, getting tired of people talking about what she wore. "I came right from work for crying out loud, what does it matter, I'm here for you, not to be set up, so just don't please." She pouted, "You look great though, let me see the ring that stud put on your finger." She added while batting her eyelashes.

Patricia rolled her eyes and smiled. "Fine, I won't set you up. Here, have a glass of wine and toast to my impending doom."

Taylor smiled and took the glass Patricia was handing her. "To your impending doom." They clinked glasses, and both took a sip.

Patricia suddenly had a sly smile on her face and added, "And to your future. Marcus, meet Taylor." She said, looking over Taylor's shoulder.

Taylor's eyes went wide. "Wait, what?" She quickly turned around, and directly behind her was a beautiful, tall, tanned-skinned man with gorgeous brown eyes. His hair was a dark, silky brown and practically begged for her fingers to run through it.

Taylor's eyes fell on his kissable lips and his wonderful smile. The smile quickly fell when she accidentally spilled her wine all over him...